Monday, December 31, 2007

FUCK 2007!

What a fucked up year! I came like so close to blowing my fucking brains out by this date, but I'm here. A year ago from this date I was in New York City with my friends and then girlfriend BM without a care in the world. And now, I'm just with my friends. I went through a lot and it was a learning experience, one hell of a learning experience. I set a few resolutions next year. Lay off the drugs, quit drinking (effective Jan 2) and most of all, Be Happy. My mentor told me that. Told me that everytime I feel down, just think about the Bobby Mcferrin song. Now that it's stuck in my head I have a whole new reason to kill myself. But all jokes aside, I hope everybody that reads this blog has a Happy New Year. I sense good things coming my way in the new year. I'm already a little happier. I don't know if I could deal with another meltdown.

But for tonight I will get crunked and fucked up beyond repair. I'm making sure this year I will fucking forget every fucked up emotional thing that happened to me. I am the sick one, so I will make sure it's sick. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT ALL! You know, we all know that I won't be able to stop drinking so I can just mark that right off the list.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Therapy

Hello, my name is Sick Fucking Bastard and I have a problem. I can't stop trying to die.

I found a help group. I've been appointed a suicide counselor. Each newbie gets to have an experienced member to help them out. My suicide counselor has tried to commit suicide only 4 times so I'm in good hands. He was telling me how he tried killing himself by jumping in front of cars to slitting his wrists. He told me that the repeated failed attempts made him realize that he needs to stay alive for something. Everytime I feel like death, I'd give him a call at any time of day to talk or come over. He told me he has his bad days but just thinking about what he always wanted to do keeps him pushing. He was telling me about his life and it's really messed up. His father killed his mother and none of his family wanted him so he was sent to foster homes and did drugs. The last time he felt the urge of death was when his father wrote a letter to him from prison apologizing for not being there for him. He said that it just brought back bad memories. His father sent the letter years ago and he hasn't seen or talked to his father since he was a kid. He has is own personal demons to get over. If I was in his shoes I don't know if I can ever forgive him.

Other than that news, my life on the other hand isn't as bad as his seems to be. I'm in better spirits now, BECAUSE I'M IN THERAPY! I'll come out this stronger, or die trying, sorry suicide humor. My first day was yesterday. With everybody telling their story of what was hurting them so much made me feel pain. It felt really uncomfortable, but emotion came over me and I was able to tell them the things that was hurting me. It felt really good to talk to strangers that are going through the same thing I'm going through. We have the meeting everyday at the same time so I'll try to go to as many as I can.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Wake Up Call

I woke up Saturday morning with BM breaking into my apartment. It seems that I might've given the wrong impression over the past week. Well I guess the impression was justified. I wanted no contact for a reason. Sometimes the main reason for just leaving is to be totally alone, no matter how upset you are. I know it was fucked up but I had to do it. I was going through some things that I didn't think I would come out of. But I'm here, still here. Then BM and my friends decided to have an intervention this morning. They should know by now that interventions don't work with me. I have to go on my own. Leaving is my own self intervention, plus I was going to see some help groups to try and help me out which is something I've never done before so it sounds like it may work. No need to worry about me, I'm fine.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Delayed

I had a week to think about my life and what I want to do with it next. First few days I envisioned how I would kill myself from overdosing on drugs or slitting my wrist and drowning in a tub of cold water. I wrote suicide notes everyday trying to think of something worth living for. Then I came to the point of self evaluation and realization that if I try to commit suicide that I would back out of it at the last moment when it was too late. Regretting all the things I did to bring myself to that point would be too late for me to stop it. So I'm still alive, still suicidal but still alive. Depression is still here it's just that I haven't reached that point of death again. But in life, if death approaches me, I would take it. I'm taking the weekend off from work to get focused again. I clearly see now that I need some serious help because I can't live like this anymore. It's really hard to be depressed every single day and then wake up and feeling even worst than you were before. You just feel like you can't take it anymore, that's why I had to leave. I'm going to find a suicide support group to join next week. I think that talking to other people that feel the same way I do will help me. I have to say that I'm no better now than I was before I left. I guess the only difference is that I came back.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

fed up

With the recent event in the news of a kid committing suicide after he says that he feels like his death would be a burden no more for his family and friends kind of reminded me of somebody, myself. You sometimes just feel like not being here will rid you of all your problems. Of course you would say that committing suicide would be a selfish thing to do to your family and friends but you wouldn't know how much hurt a person has inside to feel like taking their own life. Can you imagine it, a person wanting to just kill themselves? That's a big and final conclusion to a life. It's not something somebody acts on a whim. They think long and hard about the decision and the after effects to the people that care about them. The problem with me is that I'm not sad at one thing, I'm sad at everything. I'm unhappy at everything I do. I can't even fake a smile anymore. At sometime you get to the point of your life and wonder what am I doing this for? I'm running out of words to say. I fucking hate my life and everything thats in it. I feel like I can't stand everything. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and unmeet the people that would contribute to my fuck up of a life and never see them again. What's the point of even trying anymore when you know your past was full of fuck ups so why won't the future would be more fuck ups. I'm just one giant fuck up.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Eating the Heart of a Newborn Polar Bear

Wow, you know I remember posting something but I didn't remember what it was. It was the meds talking. Not to sound depressing but if I decided to commit suicide, I wouldn't blog it, at least not right before. By the way things are going, I think my last post would be a big tip off. Something like, "I'm going to fix a big bowl of rice krispies and submerge myself inside it until I numb the pain away or die".

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Dazed

In recent days I've been feeling a little out of it. Right now I'm coming down with a bad cold and I'm stuck indoors and depressed. In the past couple of weeks I've had my parents visit me, I had my brother arrested for drugs, I broke up with my girlfriend because I found out that she slept around, I quit my job (but started a new one), and I feel like getting a gun and shooting my fucking brains out. I haven't slept for days, I can't sleep. My mind is running a million miles a second but I'm standing still. So many thoughts are going through my head on how to deal with this situation. Thoughts of not being appreciated, but I'm not going to bitch and moan, don't feel sorry for me. I got myself into it and I'll get myself out of it someday. Do you know what it feels like to be really sleepy but can't fall asleep. Its like my mind is giving me a big FUCK YOU! I feel like I lost my mind. This cold is making me weak. My hands have been shaking since Friday. I've taken so many pills right now but none of them are working. I kind of have to laugh at myself. I was feeling good a few weeks ago. If I don't blog again then know I took a turn for the worst -- the cold -- or actually got some sleep. Keep me in your prayers. Peace.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Times Are Changing

Question

Sometimes I wonder if women had breast on their backs and if I would still get caught staring at their tits?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hellsgiving Week

The relationship with the stripper is over. We broke up Friday. She turned out to be more than just a stripper and I'll end it at that.

Well Thanksgiving was just as bad as I expected to be with my dad giving me his hatred of Rudolph Guliani and Target. Oh yeah and my brother got arrested Saturday night and my parents had to leave and bail him out of jail. Yeah, my Thanksgiving weekend rocked.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Bloody Turkey Thanksgiving!

Another year of Thanksgiving. My parents decided to spend Thanksgiving with me. My stripper girlfriend will be here later so that should be interesting.


Of course I have to put in my two cents on what I think of this government made holiday. I'll keep this year's suffering brief. Thanksgiving happened in 1619. A few years later, the Powhatan Native Americans would kill over 300 people. So let's celebrate every year and run the Native Americans into reservations and casinos. Ok, that's all I got.


My dad joked around and wanted to surprise BM's parents at Thanksgiving. I'm all for it except for the fact that they probably have the whole family there, Jo Bob, Bo Bob, Billy Bob, Bob Bob, So Bob, Ho Bob, Bobo Bob and Bobo Bob Jr. My dad of course I know is going to bring politics to the table and talk about what he has planned for me. And to top of it off, I'm going to ask my girlfriend to dance on the table after dinner to make it a dinner they'll never forget.


Why couldn't they spend the day with my brothers or sister? Why is it always me? They are leaving Sunday so I have to leave town for 3 days.


Happy Stuffed Bird Day!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

It Could Be A Dead Animal

I have a smell in my car that is getting pretty bad. I don't know what it is. I'm thinking that I bought a pet and forgot I had it in the car. I really hope that isn't the case. I can only imagine what it looks like now. I'm going to have somebody clean my car for me so that I don't have to do it.

Wouldn't it be funny if it was really a dead animal. Something like a rabid squirrel or raccoon that snuck in my car and just waited to attack me like a sniper but I just decided to ride the bus for the next few days. I just got in and I'm thinking about animal snipers. Being senile when I'm older seems to be coming a lot sooner.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

She's Got Skillz!

I just found out some great news about my girlfriend. She's a stripper! She asked me to pick her up from work and she told me where. I know, completely classy. I'm sooooo happy. Does she come with batteries? Makes me wanna stick a pole in my pants and the middle my living room.

Her stage name is Jinx. I plan on seeing her performance this weekend, without my friends because it would be just too weird with them there with me. You know, the whole situation is weird. I don't know if I could stay and watch and not feel the urge to kick some ass for other guys touching her, not so much the females but the guys, no. I'm thinking too far ahead. Let me just enjoy the strip show when I'm there.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Vicodin Induced State Of Mind

I can draw my hand on a piece of paper, give me a degree.

Going Private

I've been thinking about this blog and wondering if I should bother keeping it open. I just don't feel like talking but yet at times I feel like speaking a little more personal. I'm at the point that if I do continue to use this blog as my communication to the millions? billions? trillions of people out there, then I might go private like my myspace account.

So give me your input. I'm really easy in more ways then one. My decision will be on Friday.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Slasher Fridays - White Noise

I'm looking for a movie about dead people to watch tonight...........especially when they are stuck in your TV, so we're watching White Noise.

dead people kick ass.

I guess I have to think of some good news to write since this week has been so fucking stellar. I'm seeing a new girl now that seems normal. But you know how normal and I get along. I'll find one thing that will drive me crazy. I'm tired of relationships now. I think I'm ready to settle down. I'm tired of these half-a-night stands. It's like my dating life is the DMV, you take a number and wait until you're called. I'm sure theirs a group of my ex's together planning on fucking up my life somehow. I'll be waiting, I need the excitement. Well I'm out, gotta find something to do with my life.

Monday, November 05, 2007

What's Up

I felt like I had to update since nothing is going on with my life. Life does still suck. I still wish old people would get off the road or spontaneously combust.

Lately I've been holding back on my blog. Their are some things I want to say but feel that I need to tone it down, but toned down isn't me. So for now on I'm gonna speak it as I see it. Somedays I might be all happy and cool and somedays I might be a total prick because I just don't care anymore, starting with this sentence.....

I picked up smoking purely for the cancer because I just didn't give a fuck about living anymore.

Stuff like that. Somedays I would do things really bad for me just to speed up my death. Don't get freaked out, I'm not like that anymore, most of the time. I quit smoking mainly for financial reasons. I decided to spend my cig money on pot instead, I guess it's a lose/lose situation.

Have you always wondered if you were a mistake. One time in the past, I talked to my parents and my mom said she was going to become a teacher after she had my brother but I came up and she had to stop. So in so many words, I was an accident. So I consider myself a mistake bastard child, how fitting. I didn't want to be born in the first place. My life would've been so much better if I never lived to see it. Then their was my oldest brother that was put up for adoption. Now if I was him I would've killed myself years ago because I would've considered myself not good enough in my parent's eyes. It's shit like that that gets to me. I keep thinking about the worst possible situation and find all the bad angles out of all of it. Then later on I would laugh at how I was thinking about it and then I would think negative about it like maybe I was right thinking about it. I really think I'm going mental.

Normally I would delete depressing shit like that. The millions of fucked up shit that I deleted just to keep this blog happy would shock you. The stuff that I write is the "PG" version of my life.

I know my parents didn't plan on having me, I gave them hell when I was a kid to make that decision even more certain. But I know they wouldn't regret it and are glad that I am here.

You know the funny thing about this post is that it was supposed to be funny. Guess I fucked up somewhere on line 2. Hate just came out of me. But the weird thing is that I'm happy yet really depressed. My friends now know when I'm depressed. I just start drifting out and look at something weird for a long time. I guess I'm just thinking about doing stuff. Well, goodnight.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Damn My Morals!

I couldn't do it! I fucking turned down sex! I kept thinking the only reason I did this ban was because I was having too much random sex and that would be what I would be doing last night.

I was fucking making out with her and everything! And I said no! My hand was on her breast! Do I even have a penis anymore!

I think I'm getting a conscience now. Too bad the millions of animals had to die during my childhood to realize this. I give myself a day to get over it, then I'm sure the whole conscience thing would be gone.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Blue Balls No More!

Today is the end of the 40 Days and 40 Nights! I can't believe I fucking did it! No masturbation and no sex for 40 days! My morning was quite eventful and "releasing".... No Slasher Fridays tonight, I'm getting pussaaaaaaayyyyyy!


But I must first strike conversation and act interested in their conversations hehehe. It's a shame I don't have a girlfriend or else this would be easier. If only I waited to break up with her after the booty call then I would be all set. I would've ended up pushing her out the window and fleeing to Canada and that would just delay sex. If I invited her over she would cut my dick off for sure.

Well, going clubbin 2nite!

Guidelines To Avoid Getting An STD:

Condom
Don't take the sluttiest girl home

Well I'm all set.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tis The Season of Evil

Idolizing serial killers is this years theme. My friends and I are dressing up as real and fake serial killers. I'm going to be Jack the Ripper. Others will be Serial Mom, Hannibal, Jeffery Dahmer and some others.

I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled.
Jack the Ripper

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Visualize

I'm on the penthouse level of an empty 80 story building. Theirs no glass and no doors surrounding me. All I have is a table with a phone on it. The phone is connected to nothing and I can't dial out. I can't tell if it's sunrise or sunset because the sun never moves. The temperature is warm and the weather is calm. I cannot see below me because I'm too high. Their is no exit. No stairs and no sign of how I got up their. I always seem to wake up in that weird place and never leave. And it keeps happening and it just won't stop.

I'm losing it.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

cocaine donuts

another ilegal rant between friends

we were thanking about the things we can do to smuggle cocaine through the airport or border not saying we would actually do it or actually do cocaine some of us......ok ill just stop right their. its a what kind if of thing.

the options

1 donuts are sometimes powdered right what if we got some glazed donuts and sprinkled the cocaine powder on it

2 mixing cocaine powder with flour and baking a cake

3 having a contgious disese on our heads that gives us dandruf

4 have letters from our mjoms but inside it would be filled with cocaine!

5 where a rastafaran hat

6 puting it in sugar packs

we were a little drunk and im still drink and i just got in im like tryun so fuckin hard to proofread this im going ot read this in the moring about 56pm wondering what the fuck now im about 10 seconds from passing out so i have gottago

Friday, October 26, 2007

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Life

Do you feel like your life is a total waste? You do something for years, and years down the line, you look back on your life and just wonder why I chose this path and like if you knew what you know now, you would've never taken that path. I'm the guy that sees a fork in the road. The left one is bright and sunny with a paved road that you can see for miles. While the other is made of pebbles and is foggy and you can't see in front of you. Guess which road I took?

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Breakup

got a headache. the break up came and wasn't as bad as i expected. she knew it was coming so it wasn't any surprise to her.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Hellraiser

A movie based on me growing up.

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend tonight. I was hoping she would read my blog and get the hint but I guest I have to tell her, with a group of people, away from my apartment, away from my car. I guess it's a good thing. I'm glad I was on my 40 days and 40 nights thing. I couldn't imagine the diseases I would've gotten from her.

This whole break up thing might actually be a bad idea. She got pretty violent last time I broke up with her. Their's no telling what she'll do when it happens again.

I might have to get a restraining order out against her. Satan, please give me the strength to fight this demon. I don't know what I was thinking getting back with her. I'm actually a little worried. I need to find a big lesbian to fight my girlfriend problems for me. Any takers? I'll watch.....

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Bored

It's not that I'm tired of my friends, I just want more. So I'm going to get a prison pen pal. I'm going to send a letter out to Juan Reyes. He's in jail for armed robbery in California, I have a new role model. He's scheduled for release in 2014 so if he decides to kill me I can be long gone by then.

Peace MUTHAFUCKA!
(I have to start acting hardcore now)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Saturday, October 13, 2007

In My Mind - I'm Tired

Thom Yorke
Black Swan


Friday, October 12, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Rosemary's Baby

I had a dream last night about death. In my dream I kept killing my girlfriend. Each time I would kill her I would close my eyes for a few seconds and she would reappear, alive, and I'd somehow kill her over again. No matter what I did or she did, I'd kill her. Like she would turn her back on me and I'd throw a rock at her. I did just watch Premonition last night, so that probably had a lot to do with it, and the fact that I hated her guts, but somehow I'm with her. I told her this morning that I kept killing her in my dreams and I couldn't get rid of her. I laughed but she said nothing and decided to come over with some breakfast. She's like the fucking plague of my life that I can't fucking stand! But it was dream, right? I do like her I guess. It's like I'm freakin out man! Freakin the fuck out!

But on with slasher fridays. We were gonna watch Dahmer, but I'm trying to get away from serial killer movies for awhile. I think that's best for everyone. So we're watching Rosemary's Baby.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Happy Belated Death Day

Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;--vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow--sorrow for the lost Lenore--
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore--
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me--filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door--
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;--
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"--here I opened wide the door;--
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"--
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore--
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;--
'Tis the wind and nothing more."


Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door--
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door--
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore--
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning--little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door--
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered--not a feather then he fluttered--
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before--
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore--
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never--nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust, and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore--
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee,--by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite,--respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!--
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore--
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore--
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!--quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted--nevermore!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Good News and Bad News

The bad news really isn't bad news for me but it's bad news to a few people. I'm starting to date my ex now. Trust me, I never saw this day ever happening again but somehow it happened. And she's well aware of my 40 days and 40 nights pledge.

I know one person in particular is going to kick my ass so fucking hard when they find out.

Well that was actually all bad news. I'll have to think of some good news now.

I stopped using the person (as much). No, that's bad news too. I'll get back to ya on the good news.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

The User

Is it wrong to purposely use someone for your benefit? Yeah, ok, just making sure.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Stir of Echoes

We're watching Stir of Echoes tonight. And my gun toting ex is coming to. We seem to be getting along again.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Free Ballin

I feel so free. I feel like doing flips. Doing the whole 40 days and 40 nights thing, I guess this is the closest to masturbation I'm gonna get.

Oh yeah, I kicked my friend out for pissing me off with his collection of porn.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Bobby Brown

I was talking to my friend on the phone about pot for a half hour. Then we started talking about the nicknames of pot like Doobie, MJ, Tree, Nug and more. But then he called it the Bobby Brown. I never heard of the Bobby Brown. I asked him to put it in a sentence for me.
I was having sex with my ho and she wanted to relax. She asked me what I had and I told her I had some Bobby Brown. She said, what's a Bobby Brown? Yo ho, a Bobby Brown is joint that would fuck you all up! Highly recommended to be fucked.

So I put him on a 3 way call with Chris asking if he knew what a Bobby Brown was. He told me it's when you have a crack stroke. At this point I was just crying. What the fuck is a crack stroke I asked. Apparently a crack stroke is when you do so much crack, you jaw starts dropping made famous by Bobby Brown.

I spent about 2 hours talking about pot and crack and Bobby Brown. And that was my Sunday.

Goodnight!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

O_o

You won't believe who I met at a party last night. My ex. Not just any ex, the ex that wanted to kill me if I showed up at her now divorced wedding that I was contemplating fucking it up just to show I still care for the longest. She just happened to show up at this party. We were both told not to fuck the party up with our fighting, but we actually got along. I was past the death threats, as was she. I'm still kinda shocked that it went as well as it did. Wow.

If you don't remember, here's the LINK

Funny thing about that last line........

Trust me, this is the last time I'll ever talk about her. Promise.

And here we are today.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Two Fucked Up Stories

One is hilarious and one is disturbing. With Bush it's always disturbing.

"Childrens do learn," Bush tells school kids

Ain't that the truth, ain't it? Aaaah, my spell checker is going fucking bonkers! Thank Lucifer for spell checker or else I'd look dumber than I'd already is.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Offering a grammar lesson guaranteed to make any English teacher cringe, President George W. Bush told a group of New York school kids on Wednesday: "Childrens do learn."

Bush made his latest grammatical slip-up at a made-for-TV event where he urged Congress to reauthorize the No Child Left Behind Act, the centrepiece of his education policy, as he touted a new national report card on improved test scores.

The event drew New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Education Secretary Margaret Spellings plus teachers and about 20 fourth and fifth graders from P.S. 76.

During his first presidential campaign, Bush -- who promised to be the "education president" -- once asked: "Is our children learning?"

On Wednesday, Bush seemed to answer his own question with the same kind of grammatical twist.

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured," he said.

The White House opted to clean up Bush's diction in the official transcript.

Bush is no stranger to verbal gaffes. He often acknowledges he was no more than an average student in school and jokes about his habit of mangling the English language.

Just a day earlier, the White House inadvertently showed how it tries to prevent Bush from making even more slips of the tongue than he already does.

As Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly on Tuesday, a marked-up draft of his speech briefly popped up on the U.N. Web site, complete with a phonetic pronunciation guide to get him past troublesome names of countries and world leaders.

6 die from brain-eating amoeba in lakes

I'm never jumping in the water again, especially the ones with dead bodies.

PHOENIX - It sounds like science fiction but it's true: A killer amoeba living in lakes enters the body through the nose and attacks the brain where it feeds until you die.

Even though encounters with the microscopic bug are extraordinarily rare, it's killed six boys and young men this year. The spike in cases has health officials concerned, and they are predicting more cases in the future.

"This is definitely something we need to track," said Michael Beach, a specialist in recreational waterborne illnesses for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"This is a heat-loving amoeba. As water temperatures go up, it does better," Beach said. "In future decades, as temperatures rise, we'd expect to see more cases."

According to the CDC, the amoeba called Naegleria fowleri (nuh-GLEER-ee-uh FOWL'-erh-eye) killed 23 people in the United States, from 1995 to 2004. This year health officials noticed a spike with six cases — three in Florida, two in Texas and one in Arizona. The CDC knows of only several hundred cases worldwide since its discovery in Australia in the 1960s.

In Arizona, David Evans said nobody knew his son, Aaron, was infected with the amoeba until after the 14-year-old died on Sept. 17. At first, the teen seemed to be suffering from nothing more than a headache.

"We didn't know," Evans said. "And here I am: I come home and I'm burying him."

After doing more tests, doctors said Aaron probably picked up the amoeba a week before while swimming in the balmy shallows of Lake Havasu, a popular man-made lake on the Colorado River between Arizona and California.

Though infections tend to be found in southern states, Naegleria lives almost everywhere in lakes, hot springs, even dirty swimming pools, grazing off algae and bacteria in the sediment.

Beach said people become infected when they wade through shallow water and stir up the bottom. If someone allows water to shoot up the nose — say, by doing a somersault in chest-deep water — the amoeba can latch onto the olfactory nerve.

The amoeba destroys tissue as it makes its way up into the brain, where it continues the damage, "basically feeding on the brain cells," Beach said.

People who are infected tend to complain of a stiff neck, headaches and fevers. In the later stages, they'll show signs of brain damage such as hallucinations and behavioral changes, he said.

Once infected, most people have little chance of survival. Some drugs have stopped the amoeba in lab experiments, but people who have been attacked rarely survive, Beach said.

"Usually, from initial exposure it's fatal within two weeks," he said.

Researchers still have much to learn about Naegleria. They don't know why, for example, children are more likely to be infected, and boys are more often victims than girls.

"Boys tend to have more boisterous activities (in water), but we're not clear," Beach said.

In central Florida, authorities started an amoeba phone hot line advising people to avoid warm, standing water and areas with algae blooms. Texas health officials also have issued warnings.

People "seem to think that everything can be made safe, including any river, any creek, but that's just not the case," said Doug McBride, a spokesman for the Texas Department of State Health Services.

Officials in the town of Lake Havasu City are discussing whether to take action. "Some folks think we should be putting up signs. Some people think we should close the lake," city spokesman Charlie Cassens said.

Beach cautioned that people shouldn't panic about the dangers of the brain-eating bug. Cases are still extremely rare considering the number of people swimming in lakes. The easiest way to prevent infection, Beach said, is to use nose clips when swimming or diving in fresh water.

"You'd have to have water going way up in your nose to begin with" to be infected, he said.

David Evans has tried to learn as much as possible about the amoeba over the past month. But it still doesn't make much sense to him. His family had gone to Lake Havasu countless times. Have people always been in danger? Did city officials know about the amoeba? Can they do anything to kill them off?

Evans lives within eyesight of the lake. Temperatures hover in the triple digits all summer, and like almost everyone else in this desert region, the Evanses look to the lake to cool off.

It was on David Evans' birthday Sept. 8 that he brought Aaron, his other two children, and his parents to Lake Havasu. They ate sandwiches and spent a few hours splashing around.

"For a week, everything was fine," Evans said.

Then Aaron got the headache that wouldn't go away. At the hospital, doctors first suspected meningitis. Aaron was rushed to another hospital in Las Vegas.

"He asked me at one time, 'Can I die from this?'" David Evans said. "We said, 'No, no.'"

On Sept. 17, Aaron stopped breathing as his father held him in his arms.

"He was brain dead," Evans said. Only later did doctors and the CDC determine that the boy had been infected with Naegleria.

"My kids won't ever swim on Lake Havasu again," he said.

Slasher Fridays - Bug

36 Days & 36 Nights Left

I hear this sucks but they tell me I'll see nudity. So that'll be the closest I'll get to it for now. Plus Ashely Judd is a bit hot.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

37 Days & 37 Nights












My childhood home is officially up for sale. I'm a little upset my parents sold the house to live further up the street, but I'm sure they had their reasons.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

38 Days & 38 Nights

Is getting a lap dance considered breaking the rules for the 40 days and 40 nights? I guess as long as she doesn't get nude or touches me. I feel like I'm a plague!


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

39 Days & 39 Nights Left


















To remove the temptations, my friend brought his collection of porn mags to break me. I'll probably end up kicking him out within the week.

Monday, September 24, 2007

40 Days & 40 Nights Left

It turns out I never slept with her. I called her this morining and she told me that I was drunk and we were going to have sex but I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed. She said she didn't take advantage of me, what a shame. I don't know, I think she was lying. She got in bed with me half naked too. I don't know about her but I don't get half naked in a strangers bed. This doesn't count for me because I was intoxicated. Another reason to stay off the alcohol. I'm still on my 40 Days & 40 Nights sex free days until November 2nd.

SEX WUZ HERE

40 Days & 40 Nights

I had sex with a girl I didn't want to have sex with. I must've been too drunk to remember and I must've slept with her unknowingly. I really need to have control over my sex life. After talks with my friends, I've decided to restrain from all forms of sex for 40 days and 40 nights, kind of like the movie. I do admit that my sex drive has gone up and I need to restrain it, and this would show my dedication to the cause. I did this before and failed miserably within a few days, but now I can and will do it. My friend is even moving in with me for 40 days and 40 nights to make sure I won't get tempted. November 2 is the last day. So this is the list I must go by:

1. No sex
2. No masturbation
3. No crotch grabbing
4. No sex magazines
5. No pornos

It's like 1 in the morning and I can't sleep. If I can't see anymore porn, then I'll come as close to it as I can!

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Return of Slasher Fridays! - Resident Evil

Before we watch the the 3rd one, we are gonna watch the first two. Seen them before but they are cool to watch.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

October 2, 2007 - Metalocalypse

I was watching TV and I just happened to see this scene. I was fucking hooked right away! A little warning, the video is a bit disturbing.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Game

I just watched the movie The Game tonight. All I have to say is a simple card would've sufficed! The fucked up things family do to each other. Kind of reminds me of the time my cousin gave me a black eye and nearly set me on fire when we were kids. Last I heard he was in jail, but I'm sure he's out by now. Good times.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Feeling the Buzz

My friends have alerted me about my parents upcoming intervention with me. My parents think that I have a drinking problem and they've been calling people wondering how often I drink. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, which is probably something an alcoholic would say. I know my limits, until I can't remember how many I've already dranked. I haven't gotten drunk in the past couple of days. My friends are always with me and they know when I've had enough, I think. I'm more of a casual drinker. Drinking alone makes you drink more. I'm not even a fan of beer. I like the harder stuff.

They call me one time and I was drunk and they think that I'm an alcoholic. It was months ago, I thought they forgot. My parents know I don't like confrontations like these so that's why they want to do it. I admit that I did start drinking underage. When I was still living at home, my parents kind of had a feeling that I was drinking so one time I remember coming into my room a little drunk and when I turned on my lights, my parents were on the bed waiting for me. Scared the shit out of me. My mom smelled my breath and they both left the room. I knew I was busted. Woke up the next morning I was grounded for the entire summer.

But I'm just like everybody else. So here's my question, I think my parents read my blog so I was wondering do you guys think I drink too much?

On a side note, that picture looks mighty tasty. Hope it doesn't interfere with your decision.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Prince Albert

Reading kimmyk's post about a tattoo, I responded by always wanting a Prince Albert. I've done some research that's kind of funny. In some cases, you might actually piss out a second hole, but I read further and it told me how to fix it:

It can often be mitigated by either twisting the penis so that the hole is above the flow from gravity, or by holding the finger or captive bead against the hole, effectively sealing it off.
Only on this blog. My parents would be so proud. I would show a picture of Prince Albert but I'm kind of against putting a giant dick on my blog, unless it's my own, hehehe. Well I gotta go gouge my eyes out now.

Fond Childhood Memories of Horror

THIS WEEK!

The Gas Man

I remember my parents were telling me a story about a trip to my grandparents house. My grandparents are really old fashion. They still have things from the 40's. So I was between 5 and 10 years old when my parents took us to see our grandparents for the weekend. When we knocked on the door, nobody came to the door but the car was still in the driveway. My dad looked through the window and saw them both just laying on the floor. My dad broke down the door and yelled at my mother to call 911. So within minutes, I see my dad cursing and my mother crying and my grandparents on the floor, what a childhood.

It was a gas leak. Who knows how long they were under but they were still moving slightly. They survived to tell the tale. My parents ended up removing all the gas appliances from the house and replacing it with electrical ones. I'm going to visit them over the weekend. Did I mention that my grandpa grows marijuana? Medicinal purposes of course. I feel a little sick too so I might need a prescription.

Friday, September 07, 2007

ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The Morning After Yesterday

So this is what happened last night. So I pick her up and take her to the restaurant. You learn to break up with strange girls in public places. Gives them less of a chance for them to stab you. We're sitting down and she tells me all the things she's gonna do to me. I was biting my tongue so hard and I just spit it out before I back out. I told her it was over and she slapped me, and told me her boyfriend was going to kick my ass. I had to laugh because she was the one cheating on him, but what do I know? So she stormed out pushing some lady out of her way. She never gave me the chance to explain why I was breaking up with her, but I'm sure she'd hate the reason more.

I wish I could tell you more about what happened but it ended pretty quickly so their isn't much to say. The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes. I wish I didn't shave before the date because the slap stings. Ok, now I'm done with the skank, I leave the restaurant before I'm even able to order. It would be a little awkward to stay. But I'm still hungry, so I call a couple of my friends and we all go out to this bar and got totally fucked up. And that was my date. Pretty fun. I should break up with girls more often.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Morning Before Tomorrow

After many discussions with friends and BM telling me that I should stock up STD medicine, I decided to call it quits with the new girl. Well I plan on actually telling her over dinner tonight, but no sex is going to be involved, I swear. My friends wouldn't like her anyways. The mole on her arm creeps me out. I just can't stop looking at it. I feel like it's going to come to life and devour US ALL! AAAAHHHH!!!!! So I hope she wears a long sleave shirt tonight.

Speaking of my ex, BM decided to surprise us all by coming down during labor day weekend. Good thing I called her before I left to see her. We all had a good time. Unlike me, she's keeping her dating options open. But she wouldn't tell me if she has somebody else now. Plus I really really wouldn't wanna know. So we parted Monday night, just the way I left her......with stuff on her face....

So that's it. Still horny as usual. I need to find a good christian girl to convert me or vice versa. I need to invest in some ice packs is what I really need right now.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Scarlet

I went out on a date with the girl Friday. All my fears of her being married were just fears. She's not married, a big sigh of relief. But she is engaged which is I guess is half as guilty? I'm not really looking for a girlfriend right now, just a social girlfriend if that makes sense. She tells me that her boyfriend is cheating on her and she doesn't care. I don't know about her boyfriend, but from a guys point of view, if I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, even I was cheating too, I would kick the guy's ass. That's a very big drawback for me. This girl is really really really really really hot. I don't want to be the "other" guy. But she's funny and cute and hot. But she's engaged, I gotta remember that. But she's unhappy and could be using me to get back at him. So many questions. Why couldn't she be 900 pounds with a peg leg so my decision could be easier? Damn you Bastard, why'd you have to be so damn good looking?

So I need help on making a decision. I know the "right" decision, but she's so freakin' hot! I really need to stop using my dick for a brain. So he's going out of town next week for what she told me is business, so she said she's staying with a friend here until he comes back but wants to spend more time with me. Now I know exactly whats going to happen next week with both of us together alone. And once it's done, theirs no going back. And she doesn't look slutty at all. She sounds and looks very sophisticated; kind of like a good girl gone bad. This has "NO" written all over it. I should just go to my ex girlfriend for the weekend just to get my mind off it. She'll steer me the right way.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

What Up

I went to the beach this weekend. Met the girl of my dreams, again. We hit it off perfectly, I gave her my number and she's been calling me since Monday and I'm waiting to see her again. I'm seeing her again tomorrow. She lives about a half hour from where I live. BUT, she is a little standoffish. She doesn't want me to call her or see her where she lives. She told me that she would call me and she would meet me. It's like she's in the FBI and I'm her FBI secret agent. I feel important. Other than the weird things, the conversations are good. On a side note, during the weekend, I saw a person on the beach with a patriotic fanny pack and a thong I was truly horrified.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Completely Random

Fanny Packs


The way they look. The way they just sit there. I don't know. If I see a person wearing a fanny pack I assume they are a red neck. Spitting the tabacco in their hands and wiping it on their shirts just confirms it.

I also can't cheap gum and people with the last name "Bush".

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Smallest Button to Button

My girlfriend and I broke up, again. This time it looks like it's going to be for awhile. We still "love"(what does that mean?) each other, but the long distance isn't working out. My schedule is hectic now and I barely have time to eat and then traveling to see my girlfriend is just killing both of us.

Other than that, life's been ok. Previous ex is just an acquaintance. I have nobody now! BOO HOO! Not like I have time for anybody for more than a second outing now. So I have no girlfriend and my parents are selling my childhood home and I don't even have time to sit down and process it all. Life doesn't get any better than this. But with all these disappointments, I'm not depressed, I'm upset though. Oh and I got a call from my now ex girlfriend's parents just making sure that I know that they still don't like me. Who calls just to say "I hate you"? They do. I always wondered if she came up pregnant, I would be in their lives forever! Came close but not gonna talk about it. I don't even remember why they hate me. It's not liked I streaked on their Thanksgiving table last year sheesh, but it does give me an idea for this year though. That hate call kind of made me happy though.

But I'm still upbeat. Ever since I made that post about avoiding the cops I've been a little paranoid every time I see one. I'm thinking that if a cop pulls me over I'm going to blurt out something about a few pounds of hash in my pockets and two hand fulls of cocaine in the glove department, and when he ask if I have anything else I'd say theirs also a few dead bodies in the trunk. But in reality I'd just get busted for 2 of those things, if it's a weekend maybe all 3. Speaking of drugs and dead people, I think I'm going to have a blast this weekend. We are going to the beach and sample illegal stuff probably. So my life really isn't as bad as it could be I guess or gonna be.

So that's me update. I'm still alive and kicking harder. You know, I don't think I even cursed once on this entire post. I think I'm turning a new leaf. This has gotta be the first time ever! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Bad Boys Bad Boys, What Ya Gonna Do

Today somebody was flashing me their lights while I was driving. It took me a minute to realize the old rules of the road but then I remembered that flashing lights means cops ahead. I slowed down and less than a minute later, a cop was on the side waiting. Every time I pass by a cop, unknowingly (the bastards), my heart races and pumps hard.

I can remember one time a cop was behind me, I kept going. I assumed he was getting somebody else so I moved over to the other lane, as did he. So I kept going, then he puts on his sirens, so I guess I was the one GOING THE SPEED LIMIT that he wanted to pull over. He asked why I didn't stop, I told him that I thought he was getting the other guy going like 50 mph faster than I was. So he gave me the "talk" of how fast do I think I was going. So I said something like 65. I told him how fast I thought I was going. Problem was, I was going over 65 in a 45. Caught in a damn speed trap. But nowadays, I know where the cops hide and I know when to go fast, and that's why I haven't gotten a ticket in years.

I remember one time I was driving at night. One car wanted to race me. I wanted to back down but I couldn't. So we drove and we passed by a car and I noticed that the car slowed down and got in our lane, #1 sign of a cop. So I immediately turned off on the road while the other guy went on. He won the race but as I looked in my rear view mirror, I saw flashing lights pass on the road. I waited a couple of minutes and drove back out. About a mile down, the guy was pulled over by the cop, that was a good laugh.

Well talk to ya later.

Friday, August 10, 2007

My American Dream

I'm ready to settle down. I want 3 kids and a condo in England. I want to come home to a wife that will be waiting for me at the dinner table with the rest of the family smiling and happy that I'm home. Is that the American Dream? Is that what I'm striving for? Sounds ok. The things I'd change is having 14 kids, 14 mini fucked up personality kids like myself. All 14 are expelled from school. A wife who reheats a TV dinner from the night before who forgets to take the cigarette that she dropped in my Dixie Cup of tainted water. The condo turns out to be a single wide trailer in the middle of nowhere centered in Texas being held together by crazy glue. Is that the American Dream or the American Nightmare? I like it. We'll see in about 10 years.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

I've Always Wanted:

  1. Gold teeth
  2. My own star on the hollywood walk of fame to destroy.
  3. A date with a nun.
  4. To be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
  5. To serve a Colt 45 (the beer not the gun) to Hillary Clinton
  6. To be reincarnated as a shark.
  7. A big band aid on my arm to look hardcore.
  8. To be Hugh Hefner's son.
  9. To go to Hawaii.
  10. To get arrested in Hawaii.
  11. To get laid in Hawaii.
  12. To have breast implants on my back to act like pillows when I sleep.
  13. An Australian accent.
  14. A tattoo on my chest of me pointing down my pants saying, "This is Sparta!"
  15. To run into a wall at 50 mph.
  16. A Paris Hilton duet with Bruce Springsteen.
  17. To throw a toilet at Vin Diesel.
  18. A fart so loud glass shatters.
  19. To win at Bingo.
  20. For Old Yeller not to be shot at the end and for his ghost to terrorize the family for all eternity in hell! or just for the night.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

No Rest For The Best

What a week! And not a single bit of it involved having sex with my girlfriend. I was planning on seeing her this past weekend but things got a little crazy. Let me start at the beginning.

Last Thursday, I met up with crazy voodoo chick. I explained about the whole voodoo doll thing and she told me it came across the wrong way. So blah blah, she's not trying to kill me. She invites me to go with her and her friends to this place downtown. Once there we drink and talk and I drink some more. I started talking about this total asshole at work and one of the guys knows him. Turns out that they are friends but distant friends. We start talking about pulling a prank on him. As we start talking, the prank sounds good and clean, but now I'm glad it turned out clean and legal, but I'm sure at least 3 laws were broken. The way I thought it was going to go was somewhat different from what he thought it was going to go. He was simply to just scare the guy and leave. So here comes Friday, my bags are packed and I'm ready to see my girlfriend when I get back from work. So I'm at work waiting for the prank and right on time it happens, sort of. The old friend meets my asshole coworker. Asshole coworker is a little shocked to see him but I think nothing of it. Now old friends starts shouting at coworker for some money that he owes him. I think, ok, somewhat off track but ok. Coworker tells him that he doesn't have the money, so distant friend pulls a knife out on the coworker. Now I realize the prank has seemed to take a slight deviation. I try to reason with him not to do it but he tells me that it was me that told him to meet him here. So coworker begins to sob wondering why I would do this to him. All I could say was I don't know. Then coworker starts to laugh and everybody starts to laugh. Turns out that distant friend is actually best friends and the whole fucking room new about the plan! I was tempted to take that knife from him and start going psycho on everybody but I think that's a rule against that somewhere in the handbook. So I had to ask who else knew about it. He told me voodoo chick didn't know but he knew that I worked with his friend so he devised a plan or what he called it, an "initiation" to become part of the group. What could I say? "Fuck You" would be too obvious so I just left early realizing that it was a good prank no matter how fucked up it was.

So a little shaken I was the rest of the day. So now I come home ready to go see my girlfriend but I can't. My parents leave a message on my machine wanting me to call them as soon as possible. I call them and they want me to come down for the weekend for a big announcement. I ask if they can just tell me or e-mail it or something but they said that I have to be here. Now I'm wondering what could my parents be planning for that I have to go there for? So I call my girlfriend and tell her that I can't make it. She cries, I cry and I drink some beer until I pass out. I leave early Saturday morning and arrive their before 12 still asleep. I'm wondering all the way there, what could it be, could my Mom and Dad be getting a divorce, could they be giving me a trillion dollars. So I get there and my parents are in good spirits so I assume that everything is ok. I see my sister and my two brother and notice that I'm the last one there. They are as shocked and unknowing about the situation too. So once we are all there they tells us that for months they've been trying to get it us all together but we would always say we can't make it. So they took it upon themselves to get us together to be together. I laugh because they can't be serious. Mom gave me the look. We all thought that something bad has happened. My brother thought that one of them had cancer and they wanted to bring to us together. But there was actually more. My parents are selling the house and moving west. Now that got out attention. The house has so many memories. Home won't be the same anymore now. I went out with my brothers to the bar and noticed the millions of messages from my girlfriend wondering what happened. So I told her about it.

It was good having a big Sunday breakfast with whole family. They even dragged me to church. I think I saw angels crying as I stepped inside. When we got home we had a big dinner. If I didn't live so far away, I would go there every day. We talked about the things that happened in the house and how they chose the house. My sister was a wreck the entire time.

I called into work Monday citing emotional distress so I can stay a little longer. I got back in Wednesday morning and went to work this afternoon. I got a oh so cute hand drawn picture of me on my desk labeled pansy. But I was just too focused on the house being sold. But I'm still planning on getting the bastards back. For now, I'm avoiding voodoo child and her minions of evil doer friends.

I miss my girlfriend. Sex just isn't the same. And ohhhhhh the painful wet dreams. Every single morning, my crotch, my crotch, my crotch. I need to sleep with an ice pack on my crotch. Well enough about my crotch, how's everybody else doing? I'm way behind on check everybody's blog. I'll check them out tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Drunk & Disorderly

I almost got arrested this weekend. Public intoxication in a store next to a bar, WTF! But once I sobered up and realized it was a christian book store, I can see why the cops were called. Who builds a christian book store next to a bar?

I was just drinking and having fun with friends giving my girlfriend a going away party. She's gone. But the real story happened Monday. The girl that I'm seeing but not really seeing sent me a package. I opened it up and it was a doll, a doll made to look like me. So that was a bit creepy. It looked a little like a voodoo doll. She's been trying to call me and I've been avoiding all her calls. She left me a message this morning saying she is going to meet me outside my apartment tonight. Now if somebody just left me a message like that, I would seriously think "fucking psycho" and I have a track record of picking "fucking psychos" so this one I'm sure is one. Or I might just be blowing this out of proportion. Just in case, I'll have about 20 of my friends to follow me.

And that has been my life in about 4 days.

Friday, July 27, 2007

I Played Frisbee Golf!!!!!

I just played the best thing in the whole wide world! A frisbee! It's like golf. You throw the frisbee in a goal kind of like a hole in golf. The goal is about so far off the ground. But I soon realized I get pleased over the smallest things and realized how totally lame I was for playing it for about half the day yesterday, sigh. It's definitely a sport you couldn't do often. It gets pointless, so that's why we modified the rules a bit turning it into Frisbee Golf Tackle Football which we should've known how that was going to end. So we would arrange in football formations and throw the frisbee and try to tackle the other opponent. It was funny just tackling people throwing frisbees. Eventually somebody almost broke their leg and so the game had to end. I'm a little bruised up today, and my back and neck was killing me this morning. Who knew a frisbee can cause so much pain.

So my formerly ex girlfriend is moving. She's leaving Monday morning and starts her new job on Wednesday. We are gonna throw one helluva a party as a going away present. Perhaps she'll wanna play Frisbee Golf Tackle Football, or maybe we'll just surprise her.

My other recently ex girlfriend is doing ok. I'm going out tonight with her friends to watch The Simpsons.

And now I have to get another ice pack to put on my neck.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Sorry For The Delay

I had a long talk with my ex and I felt that she shouldn't have to wait for me to come around and sacrifice her future. So she's leaving and going back home to her new job which I hope is successful. I've expressed my interest in getting back together and so has she but I think it would be selfish for me to have her stay. We've considered having a long distance relationship where we have social dates with other people. We are able to visit each other on weekends. Well, I don't know. I've never had a long distance relationship before but it doesn't look like I'm going to like it. Any advice?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Infamous New One

I'm considering this relationship more as a close friendship. Kind of like a girl that is a friend but not quite a girlfriend. I believe she is pushing me more into a more serious relationship but I don't want one right now, but who knows how this may turn out later. I still want a little fun.

Well on to my birthday. I got a call yesterday morning from BM to meet her at our usual hangout at 9 pm last night. I said sure and hung up and then realized that uh, I had a date with my friend that is a girl around that same time. I know BM wouldn't do anything to sabotage it so I was able to have dinner with her and be there at 9 "with" my date. Their was a crowd gathered with all our friends and a band. It was the Jeff Buckley cover band we all listened to before. I couldn't believe they did that. It was all BM's idea. It was the best birthday ever. I unknowingly was around BM more than my date and she noticed. We then had a long talk when we got back about what kind of relationship I wanted. So she's just a close friend.

I'll be gone for about a week to handle some things and I'll be back sometime next week or the week after.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Tomorrow Is My Birthday!

My ex told me she planned something for my birthday prior to the break up so she's not taking it back. Whatever it is, it must be big. Other than that surprise I'm getting tomorrow, my girlfriend is taking me out somewhere. She tells me it's a surprise too. All these surprises worry me. A surprise from an ex and a surprise by my psychopathic girlfriend could be the death of me. Then theirs the thought that my ex is getting me a gift and how my girlfriend responded jealous like during our first date might be a bad idea. But then theirs the thought of two girls fighting, hmm? Well we'll see.

The second date Friday was good. I keep forgetting that you have to stay monogamous if you're in a relationship, but I'm horny! We haven't had sex yet. Perhaps a threesome on my birthday tomorrow with both of them. I'm trying not to be horny bastard this time around. Plus I sense if we have sex then she'll start taking the relationship more serious, but it's a relationship, you are supposed to take it seriously. She is almost perfect but I just can't figure out why she is different somehow. I hope she doesn't have a penis, that would suck.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

She's An American Psycho

You know that feeling when you date somebody and you come back home thinking that she might just be the one, the one to probably destroy you emotionally. Well I got that feeling.

I knew their was something weird about her. It started at dinner when out of nowhere she called the hostess a bitch. I had to do a doubletake. She thought I was checking her out. Then she started arguing at me. Then she laughed and told me that she's just nervous. I nervously laughed too and thought "psycho". I think she's bipolar. Just what I need, a jealous girlfriend. Made me wish I wore a cup just in case she wants to kick me in the nads instead of a goodnight kiss. By now I already know this date was going to be a blast. She actually was very calm for the rest of the night. Being the gentleman I am or close enough to it, I gave a kiss goodbye.

Besides the scary encounter at the beginning, the rest was great. We're going back out Friday.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

July 4, 2007.

I'm going through puberty. I'm growing hair in places its never grown before. I started using a regular razor instead of an electric one today and my face is soooo smooth. I can't seem to stop touching myself (edit: can't seem to stop touching my face). My electric razor was the shit. I used to drive and use my electric razor, eat and use my electric razor, have sex while using my electric razor. But I parted with it today. I think I cried, yep I cried. Excuse me, I think I need so time alone with it, give me a couple of minutes.

Now to the topic on hand. I can't seem to find the reason why to celebrate holidays. I always see holidays like this a way for people to forget all about the beginning. I see July 4 as a time when "Americans" took over the land from the Native Americans and celebrate their independence from another country. That's my WTF moment of the week. It's like "Hey, let me move from another country to this land already inhabited by people and separate myself from the country that helped me out. But wait, let me push all these Native Americans already here into reservations so I can build a pool in my backyard". I swear, I think I'm becoming more Emo everyday, but I refuse to get the Chuck Taylor shoes.

I met somebody today. I was at Starbucks (yeah I know, ME at a Starbucks)getting the fucking great Pomegranate Frappuccino and I noticed a girl checking me out. But something about this girl I liked but something about her scared me a little. She reminded me of a rabid deer, in a good way. A little nice but a little rough. I need somebody to slap me around a bit and make me her bitch. Well that's enough enlightenment today. We are going out tonight. So sudden, which leads back to the beginning of the post and why I shaved. Sometimes I think if my life was the bible, we'd all be in hell. Well goodbye.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Guilty Pleasures

Reading my ex's blog I find out she is starting to date other people. She thinks that I might be mad if she does it but I don't really care. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just worried that I will zone out for a few hours and wake back up seeing me punching this random guy in the face, but no worries. But in all seriousness, I don't care.

I'm going to let my guard down and start accepting numbers again. I'll use my sick bastard charm to get the ladies. Who can resist me? I'm adorable in a gremlin sort of way. I'm going to have to actually brush my hair, OH THE HUMANITY!

So to the the guilty pleasure. I really want an iPhone. I'm not a gadget guy but this thing fucking rocks! maybe. I don't have one yet. Being that the cheapest one is "only" $500, I'll just wait. Plus I can see myself running it over in my car, then making the car roll back over me for spending $500 on something so small. So until then, I'll spend my $500 on something useful, like a Paris Hilton CD.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Accidents Do Happen

I ran into a parked car while rollerblading this weekend. It all happened so fast. I was talking to a friend while going backwards and I didn't even notice the car behind me. The whole scene looked worst than it really was. The car was almost untouched when I nearly flipped over the trunk area. I hurt my leg pretty bad. I should've known that rollerblading in complete darkness in the middle of the night while going backwards isn't so smart. I also hit my head kind of hard. Everybody was saying that I was going to die if I go to sleep. I did have to sit down for awhile. They eventually took me to the hospital and let me out about a hour later. No worries. Just a slightly sprained ankle and just a bump on the head. Now if it was a moving car that hit me that would've been hilarious but probably fatal story.

My ex got the last of the stuff out of the apartment this weekend. My place is starting to look more masculine again. We had some beer and talked about life. She got mad at me because I started talking more personal now that I did when we were together, go figure. She told me that she got offered a job here also so she might end up staying. I didn't want to overreact and be like "Wow, really"! So I acted all cool and said "hmmm" and drunk some more beer.

I almost forgot it was Father's Day so when I called my dad to tell him happy father's day, I was a little buzzed. But he got my gift and card a few days earlier. He thinks I'm becoming an alcoholic for drinking so early on a Sunday. I told him I only drank because I was tired. And he said he could only imagine how much I drank when I'm full of energy. Kegs of beer dad, kegs.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Sickness Is Returning

Their is like a million things going on in my life now but I just don't feel happy enough to talking about it. My ex girlfriend and I are still going to be friends. We've decided that if we are single on Christmas Eve we were going to crash at her parents house, just to piss them off.

Living the single life is quiet. I get to hang out as late as I want. I can get drunk and throw up anywhere now. What I do miss is the sex. One night stands are dangerous. You'll wake up in a bathtub covered in ice with a kidney missing. Or you just get an USTD. An Unidentified Sexually Transmitted Disease would be my luck.

I did watch a movie recently that a person in my condition probably shouldn't have watched. It's called "The Bridge". It's documentary about the families and friends of the people who committed suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge during 2004. In some sense, it feels relaxing but then you hear the stories of the survivors and the friends of the victims, you feel somewhat bad. One father had a big argument with his son the night before so he told him he wants him to go to work with him that morning after at fear that the son would do something. The son told his father that he wasn't going to do anything and he shouldn't worry. So the father left him by himself. The son did go out to the bridge to commit suicide. Sobbing all the way to the bridge and at the final railing and at the moment of release, he decided he didn't want to kill himself, but it was too late. He'd already let go. He thought if he landed feet first then he might survive, and he did. A few broken bones from a near death experience changed his life. Now he has to take pills twice a day and be out by 10 pm. He said that everybody walks on egg shells around him because they are afraid they'll say the wrong thing. He said he wants to be normal again but it will never be the same again. One guy they were showing throughout the film walking back and forth on the bridge. They were talking to his friends and family and you knew all about his life. At some point you think that he was one of the survivors, but you see him stand on the top of the railing and just fall backwards off the bridge. This movie was definitely a wake up call and leaves a lasting impression. Bridges are definitely crossed off my list.

On a brighter note, I got asked out! I feel like a schoolboy again! But I had to turn her down. I'm not ready to start dating again. Dealing with the awkward phase of the first date of trying to impress each other. I don't care really, I just stick my hands down my pants and tell 'em what you see is what you get. If they don't run out the room then they're a keeper.

Going rollerblading tomorrow night. We think it's safer to skate in the park at night. We'll attach flashlights and bells to each other so we can laugh at people when the run into each other, aahh memories.

Well I'm out. I'm meeting my ex for lunch in a couple of hours.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Sorta Back

Got back a few days ago. Didn't really feel much like blogging.

Well the trip was fun. The highlight has to be being waken up by my brother to run and take the wheel half asleep. Then suddenly realizing we were being pulled over.

His girlfriend wasn't the Sasquatch I was expecting, but she was so fucking annoying. One minute she's happy then the next minute she's psycho. Perhaps one day of this is expected but for weeks! She broke up with him during the trip. He said they do it all the time. I assumed she was serious the night she got off the RV and left. Me and BM really didn't want to convince her to stay. So it was just the three of us for the other half of our journey. My brother kind of was expecting her to be back home when he got back home..........which she was.

Being in a RV with your girlfriend for hours and hours, you tend to talk. And you know how I don't like to talk much about "feelings". One thing led to another and we just stopped talking to each other for days. Then we got in argument after argument about everything and we just broke it off. It was anger just building up between the both of us that just blew up at the wrong time, and saying things we didn't want to say. With my own stress and her stress of trying to deal with it was ruining the relationship. So it's over between us.

We agreed that we still want to be friends but right now we can't stand the sight of each other. That's one reason why the trip had to be stopped. The whole scene was uneasy. When we got back, she stayed the night (I slept on the couch) and she moved in with a friend the next morning. Last time I spoke to her she told me she was going back home to get a job in a few months.

So that was my wonderful trip. Can't wait to do it again. I don't feel like blogging much now. The spur in the moment of happiness came from Paris Hilton going back to jail. Other than the trip and the break up, that's all. Normally I would be upset right now, but I just feel nothing. I'm not depressed more that usual. I have my days, but not as bad as before.

I'm just staying in tonight. Friends wanna come over and hang out but I just want to be alone. I don't know if I want to continue blogging. Don't get paranoid about what I might be thinking or might do to myself. Somehow I feel a little relieved but still depressed. I think the thought of us breaking up has already hit me. I've gone through my normal things of post breakup already. Anger, Sadness, Breakup Mix tape, Happiness. I think I might need some time to myself. I'll try to come back.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Knockers

Big gigantic huge smooth jiggling.....

Well I'm off on my trip. I might be back within a month.

Friday, April 27, 2007

The Death Of The Black Book

As we go further in our relationship, she asked me to discard the little black book today. Throwing it out would mean that I'm willing to take the relationship to the next level. By keeping the book it would mean that I'm not ready to take this relationship more serious. So what should I do, should I get rid of the book or should I keep it and perhaps ruin the relationship. I could always put the book in the hands of a friend on lease or something if the relationship should happen to end. I don't know.

Once the book is gone then you have the question of when is the engagement and then the children. Oy vey.

The book is more then just phone numbers now. It's memories. The good ones and the bad ones. The ones that tried to kill me and the ones that tried to kill me with love. She's well aware that her phone number isn't the last number in my book. She's second to last. I got another girls phone number the same day we met. Good thing I chose her. Who knows how my life would've been like if I dated the "other" girl. I haven't seen the "other" girl since that first encounter.

I've had the book since senior year at high school. Had it almost filled up until I met my current longest ever relationship.

I've made my decision, I'm going to get rid of it. It needs to be remembered. A gathering of about 50 ex's will do to commemorate this sad occasion.

Little Black Book, I hardly knew you.

Slasher Fridays - Joy Ride

Two guys play a prank over the CB radio on a trucker. The trucker decided to play along too. So one ripped jaw and a few murders later they realize that perhaps he's taken it too far. Will they be forgiven or will they become another dragonfly on the grill of his truck?


Since we are going on our own little joy ride next week, we picked this movie. I've seen it before but the others haven't. One more post tomorrow and I'm out.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

War Is Almost Over, But Until Then...

Bush Falls Next To A Girly Bike



Bush Mystifies The Kids



Bush On His Way To Chucky Cheese


Bush Reenacting A Scene From Mary Poppins


Bush's Legs Have A Mind Of Their Own




Bush's Ancestry




Bush Confused



Bush Trying To Get Stella's Groove Back



Bush's First Husband



Bush Looking Hardcore



Bush Leading The Troops On The Iraqi Border



Bush Reading The Bible



Bush Trying To Get 'Dem Digits


Bush At The Harry Potter Premier



Bush Teaching Kids How To Read Good



Bush Dancing


It's About That Time

We'll be on the road next week. I'm packed and ready to go. We are meeting my brother half way and setting off west. So it's gonna be me, my girlfriend, my brother and his plant eating girlfriend. We are supposed to be picking up a couple of her friends too so that should be interesting. One vegan is bad enough but if they are all vegans then I'll have to be forced to bathe myself in pig blood and hang cow heads around my neck just for fun.

Should I bring swimming trunks if I'm headed west? I wonder what stuff we'll do. I always wanted to be in a high speed chase in a RV. We might even accidentally leave my girlfriend at the gas station. I can't wait! So until then, smell ya later.