Payback Is a Bitch

Guess who I met Thursday? Zach! I didn't know him but I knew of him, but he knew me. Instead of kicking his ass for sleeping with my girlfriend, we had a very interesting conversation. After the apology for sleeping with my girlfriend, he informed me that she told him that she was pregnant and she said that she doesn't think it's his. I almost shitted my pants thinking back how long ago was it that I had sex with her. Karma is a real bitch. I haven't done anything sexual with her for about 3-4 months ago ever since I had my suspicions she was cheating. We were having a discussion about a girl's period over a couple of beers. He remembers her having one while they were together last month, so that excludes me I think.

He too had his suspicions that she was cheating. He said he noticed a camera setup in her bedroom so he stole one of the tapes to look at it. He said that he saw her sleeping with two other guys on different occasions, and a girl on another occasion. How unfaithful can you be? Just the thought watching a sex tape of people doing your girlfriend over and over again. I wonder if she was that freaky when we were dating. I just felt like burning my bed and all my sheets and just dousing myself in gasoline. And just imagine all the stuff she didn't tape.

Well sometimes life sucks and sometimes life really sucks, and it really sucks to be him. I said he should get tested. I immediately tested myself once I had my suspicions. She was my lesson. I kept my dick in my pants after that experience. You'll need a grenade to clean her venus sex trap. I still wanna see the tape of her and the other girl, but I didn't think it was the right time to ask.

We'll see how this turns out. I think he wants to stay with her just in case the baby is his. Now if I was in his shoes I would've been like peace bitch, I'm out, I'll support the kid but not you.

Threesomes Make Me Emotional

An update to the Clingy post.

Bettina wrote something on this post that made me think a lot about things. Here's what she wrote:

I actually think your problem is you commit too fast and then when you realise you never wanted to be in that relationship in the first place, you have to hurt someone. I don't think committing to someone out of peer pressure sounds like a great start into a relationship.

You are so freakin right. You do things that you know is wrong but you do it anyways. As for a reply, its not really a commitment meaning it's an agreement we made but I'm not committed to it. I call her my girlfriend only when she's around. Geez, I'm like the worst boyfriend she never had. But in all seriousness, I think that I get in these short term relationships because of the title of "girlfriend". But I end up not giving much or expecting much. I know it's not fair to her to do this to her, but that's just me. I noticed I've done this a lot to girls. We were doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the longest, it's just sticking that title of more than just a friend now caused the friendship to be a little strained.

I thought about it, and I'm going to give it a second chance. It was great having a girl as a friend relationship without attachments and not the girlfriend kind of thing. We're going to have a talk and go back to where we were before, and if one thing leads to another then it'll happen when or IF it happens. Maybe she doesn't even want to be a friend anymore, which I'd like that too. It's always awkward to go back to being friends again.

Shit, that's the most emotion I've ever showed on a post. Even more emotional about the short story I wrote about the drunk parents and the orphaned kids. This won't happen again. I'm tough! I have a heart of rotting flesh.

You know, I guess I should hold off on calling the number of another girl I got this weekend.....yeah, I think it wouldn't be right. Unless she is interested in a threesome.......yeah, I shouldn't bring it up.

I didn't have a title for this post but that last paragraph gave me an idea!

Threesomes Make Me Emotional

I'll bring up the threesome idea out of nowhere. Here's how I'll bring it up.

Me: "Honey, what did you put in the meat loaf? It's bangin!"

Her: "Nothing special, just a little more pepper."

Me: "No, it's more than pepper, it's a hot threesome with another girl that will make this even hotter, so how was your day?"

If I ask them both and they both deny me then'll I'll guess it'll be a onesome. Righty never lets me down.

I called BM and left a message on what she thought about our relationship. I'm kind of curious on how she thinks our relationship was and is now. She moved! I just thought of it. After we broke up she moved! Did I make her move? Have I destroyed all my ex girlfriend's lives? That'll explain psycho chick trying to kill me and all, but I think she was just bi polar crazy anyways. But really, I need to think about this a little more. I think this is more than a recent thing. I've destroyed lives! Destroying lives and I didn't even know about it, I guess I'm really a Sick Fucking Bastard. Guess who's been a bad boy?

Now that's fucked up. I hate thinking. See what happens! I should've just stopped at threesomes and masturbation like I always do.

Update

I was posting on Shel's blog about my ex girlfriend. You know the one I broke up with because she didn't drink because she was a recovering alcoholic. Ever since that night I broke up with her I've never heard from her. Yeah, I wouldn't call me back either. I would call her back but I threw her number out and I was hoping that she would call me back so I can at least have her # in my phone.

I haven't seen her at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting next door to my meetings. It would be crazy if I drove her back to drinking. If she has picked up drinking again now then maybe we should hang out again. I bet she'd make a cool drunk. She just wasn't fun sober. She needed to loosen up a bit.

Chronicles of Drunkania

I broke up with my girlfriend because she doesn't drink. I know I'm an asshole. I just can't be with a sober person. I thought I could get over it but she won't even drink a little bit. I do admire that and becoming a recovering alcoholic and going to her weekly meetings but I just don't have time for sobriety in my life. My liver is one thing I know is going down the shitter in the future. Perhaps when I realize I'm a alcoholic, who am I kidding, or rather come to terms with then maybe we will have a future.

It was mutual. She kind of sensed it. I felt bad taking her to bars but I shouldn't have to sacrifice my fun time with friends for her benefits. She had fun. As much fun as a recovering alcoholic can have at a bar that sells alcohol. I feel like I was a bad influence. It's not like I tied her down and forced the beer down her throat, but the idea sounds kind of good for some s&m. I'm sure she talked about me at her meetings. I laugh at people that drink Zima, she wouldn't even drink Zima! But we are still cool, see.



She told me she only went to the bars because of me. Now that made me feel really bad. A couple of more shots got rid of that thought. And that picture was taken "after" the break up which means she wasn't crying and totally upset that she broke with the drunken stallion. We'll still hang out and like watch a movie or something. She eventually left without us last night. She didn't even say goodbye, I think. I don't remember much, she has my number.



But we had fun. And I not a alcohlic. Forgetting stuff is normal. I realize now that dry heaving blood is not normal but that was one really really bad hangover. Still not an alcoholic though -- is what I keep telling myself. I see how depressed people use drinking as a crutch. It gets your mind off things. I guess subconciously I do it

She Doesn't Just Spread Her Legs for Anyone

My ex girlfriend is pregnant. She's the one that keyed my car the first time we dated and the one I wanted to crash her wedding and the one that I dated AGAIN and the one that I broke off with AGAIN. ......

Don't know who the unlucky bastard is but I'm sure she doesn't know either. One of our mutual friends told me the news. I told her to send my wishes and hope that he/she doesn't have his/her mothers looks. She's moody without being pregnant, I can only imagine what she'll be like now.

You know, time after time I've repeated myself that I'm not going to talk about her anymore, but here I am, doing it again. A little part of me does still like her but a big part of me hates her guts and knows that in the end it will always end badly. But I'd still hit it. She was part of the reason for my depression. What a bitch. I send her congrats though!

Now on with Slasher Fridays. We were going to do another of "Life's Lessons" this weekend but I think we will wait until we are fully healed. So we are going to watch Arachnophobia. I fucking hate spiders. Dead bodies and rotting flesh doesn't bother me at all, but spiders just creep me out. I rememeber cringing when I saw the spider crawling out of the woman's ear when I saw the movie years ago.

Good News and Bad News

The bad news really isn't bad news for me but it's bad news to a few people. I'm starting to date my ex now. Trust me, I never saw this day ever happening again but somehow it happened. And she's well aware of my 40 days and 40 nights pledge.

I know one person in particular is going to kick my ass so fucking hard when they find out.

Well that was actually all bad news. I'll have to think of some good news now.

I stopped using the person (as much). No, that's bad news too. I'll get back to ya on the good news.

The Morning After Yesterday

So this is what happened last night. So I pick her up and take her to the restaurant. You learn to break up with strange girls in public places. Gives them less of a chance for them to stab you. We're sitting down and she tells me all the things she's gonna do to me. I was biting my tongue so hard and I just spit it out before I back out. I told her it was over and she slapped me, and told me her boyfriend was going to kick my ass. I had to laugh because she was the one cheating on him, but what do I know? So she stormed out pushing some lady out of her way. She never gave me the chance to explain why I was breaking up with her, but I'm sure she'd hate the reason more.

I wish I could tell you more about what happened but it ended pretty quickly so their isn't much to say. The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes. I wish I didn't shave before the date because the slap stings. Ok, now I'm done with the skank, I leave the restaurant before I'm even able to order. It would be a little awkward to stay. But I'm still hungry, so I call a couple of my friends and we all go out to this bar and got totally fucked up. And that was my date. Pretty fun. I should break up with girls more often.

The Morning Before Tomorrow

After many discussions with friends and BM telling me that I should stock up STD medicine, I decided to call it quits with the new girl. Well I plan on actually telling her over dinner tonight, but no sex is going to be involved, I swear. My friends wouldn't like her anyways. The mole on her arm creeps me out. I just can't stop looking at it. I feel like it's going to come to life and devour US ALL! AAAAHHHH!!!!! So I hope she wears a long sleave shirt tonight.

Speaking of my ex, BM decided to surprise us all by coming down during labor day weekend. Good thing I called her before I left to see her. We all had a good time. Unlike me, she's keeping her dating options open. But she wouldn't tell me if she has somebody else now. Plus I really really wouldn't wanna know. So we parted Monday night, just the way I left her......with stuff on her face....

So that's it. Still horny as usual. I need to find a good christian girl to convert me or vice versa. I need to invest in some ice packs is what I really need right now.

Scarlet

I went out on a date with the girl Friday. All my fears of her being married were just fears. She's not married, a big sigh of relief. But she is engaged which is I guess is half as guilty? I'm not really looking for a girlfriend right now, just a social girlfriend if that makes sense. She tells me that her boyfriend is cheating on her and she doesn't care. I don't know about her boyfriend, but from a guys point of view, if I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, even I was cheating too, I would kick the guy's ass. That's a very big drawback for me. This girl is really really really really really hot. I don't want to be the "other" guy. But she's funny and cute and hot. But she's engaged, I gotta remember that. But she's unhappy and could be using me to get back at him. So many questions. Why couldn't she be 900 pounds with a peg leg so my decision could be easier? Damn you Bastard, why'd you have to be so damn good looking?

So I need help on making a decision. I know the "right" decision, but she's so freakin' hot! I really need to stop using my dick for a brain. So he's going out of town next week for what she told me is business, so she said she's staying with a friend here until he comes back but wants to spend more time with me. Now I know exactly whats going to happen next week with both of us together alone. And once it's done, theirs no going back. And she doesn't look slutty at all. She sounds and looks very sophisticated; kind of like a good girl gone bad. This has "NO" written all over it. I should just go to my ex girlfriend for the weekend just to get my mind off it. She'll steer me the right way.

The Smallest Button to Button

My girlfriend and I broke up, again. This time it looks like it's going to be for awhile. We still "love"(what does that mean?) each other, but the long distance isn't working out. My schedule is hectic now and I barely have time to eat and then traveling to see my girlfriend is just killing both of us.

Other than that, life's been ok. Previous ex is just an acquaintance. I have nobody now! BOO HOO! Not like I have time for anybody for more than a second outing now. So I have no girlfriend and my parents are selling my childhood home and I don't even have time to sit down and process it all. Life doesn't get any better than this. But with all these disappointments, I'm not depressed, I'm upset though. Oh and I got a call from my now ex girlfriend's parents just making sure that I know that they still don't like me. Who calls just to say "I hate you"? They do. I always wondered if she came up pregnant, I would be in their lives forever! Came close but not gonna talk about it. I don't even remember why they hate me. It's not liked I streaked on their Thanksgiving table last year sheesh, but it does give me an idea for this year though. That hate call kind of made me happy though.

But I'm still upbeat. Ever since I made that post about avoiding the cops I've been a little paranoid every time I see one. I'm thinking that if a cop pulls me over I'm going to blurt out something about a few pounds of hash in my pockets and two hand fulls of cocaine in the glove department, and when he ask if I have anything else I'd say theirs also a few dead bodies in the trunk. But in reality I'd just get busted for 2 of those things, if it's a weekend maybe all 3. Speaking of drugs and dead people, I think I'm going to have a blast this weekend. We are going to the beach and sample illegal stuff probably. So my life really isn't as bad as it could be I guess or gonna be.

So that's me update. I'm still alive and kicking harder. You know, I don't think I even cursed once on this entire post. I think I'm turning a new leaf. This has gotta be the first time ever! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

Tomorrow Is My Birthday!

My ex told me she planned something for my birthday prior to the break up so she's not taking it back. Whatever it is, it must be big. Other than that surprise I'm getting tomorrow, my girlfriend is taking me out somewhere. She tells me it's a surprise too. All these surprises worry me. A surprise from an ex and a surprise by my psychopathic girlfriend could be the death of me. Then theirs the thought that my ex is getting me a gift and how my girlfriend responded jealous like during our first date might be a bad idea. But then theirs the thought of two girls fighting, hmm? Well we'll see.

The second date Friday was good. I keep forgetting that you have to stay monogamous if you're in a relationship, but I'm horny! We haven't had sex yet. Perhaps a threesome on my birthday tomorrow with both of them. I'm trying not to be horny bastard this time around. Plus I sense if we have sex then she'll start taking the relationship more serious, but it's a relationship, you are supposed to take it seriously. She is almost perfect but I just can't figure out why she is different somehow. I hope she doesn't have a penis, that would suck.

Guilty Pleasures

Reading my ex's blog I find out she is starting to date other people. She thinks that I might be mad if she does it but I don't really care. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just worried that I will zone out for a few hours and wake back up seeing me punching this random guy in the face, but no worries. But in all seriousness, I don't care.

I'm going to let my guard down and start accepting numbers again. I'll use my sick bastard charm to get the ladies. Who can resist me? I'm adorable in a gremlin sort of way. I'm going to have to actually brush my hair, OH THE HUMANITY!

So to the the guilty pleasure. I really want an iPhone. I'm not a gadget guy but this thing fucking rocks! maybe. I don't have one yet. Being that the cheapest one is "only" $500, I'll just wait. Plus I can see myself running it over in my car, then making the car roll back over me for spending $500 on something so small. So until then, I'll spend my $500 on something useful, like a Paris Hilton CD.

Accidents Do Happen

I ran into a parked car while rollerblading this weekend. It all happened so fast. I was talking to a friend while going backwards and I didn't even notice the car behind me. The whole scene looked worst than it really was. The car was almost untouched when I nearly flipped over the trunk area. I hurt my leg pretty bad. I should've known that rollerblading in complete darkness in the middle of the night while going backwards isn't so smart. I also hit my head kind of hard. Everybody was saying that I was going to die if I go to sleep. I did have to sit down for awhile. They eventually took me to the hospital and let me out about a hour later. No worries. Just a slightly sprained ankle and just a bump on the head. Now if it was a moving car that hit me that would've been hilarious but probably fatal story.

My ex got the last of the stuff out of the apartment this weekend. My place is starting to look more masculine again. We had some beer and talked about life. She got mad at me because I started talking more personal now that I did when we were together, go figure. She told me that she got offered a job here also so she might end up staying. I didn't want to overreact and be like "Wow, really"! So I acted all cool and said "hmmm" and drunk some more beer.

I almost forgot it was Father's Day so when I called my dad to tell him happy father's day, I was a little buzzed. But he got my gift and card a few days earlier. He thinks I'm becoming an alcoholic for drinking so early on a Sunday. I told him I only drank because I was tired. And he said he could only imagine how much I drank when I'm full of energy. Kegs of beer dad, kegs.

Some TERRIBLE News!

You all remember my ex.......Well she's getting a divorce. I almost cried, almost. I guess not really bad news for me. And I thought her years of cheating would be put on hold. It has to be the reason. Once a cheater, always a cheater, except in my case.

And after I put so much thought into sabotaging her wedding day, she goes and gets divorced. Good thing I decided to let her ruin it herself. I knew it wouldn't last. She's not the settling down type. It's been about 5 months of marriage and then divorce, uh, yeah, that's sweet. I'm not into laughing at other people's misery, ok that was a lie. They might reconcile but, I doubt it. If only I had kept that letter she sent me dissing me about her getting married. I could send it back and ask if she's sure about that. Well good thing I blogged it before I threw it away! Let's open up the flower basket of memories!

I hope all is well with you and whatever bitch you're sleeping with. I just decided to write this letter to you to keep you updated on how much I still hate you. And that I am with a guy that actually loves me. And I wanted you to know that I'm so glad that we are over and that I can move on from the lovely shitty time we spent together.

My boyfriend and I are getting married. He's wealthy and very successful. That's funny, he's the total opposite of you. I would love for you to come to my wedding, you know if you can fit this into your oh so busy schedule of dumb bullshit. But what the hell, I'd have your fucking ass arrested if you set foot near my wedding
asshole. Invitation is enclosed. Please do come.

I know you, and knowing you, you'll do something to ruin this for me. So I'm telling you in advance to stay the fuck away or else I'll seriously fuck you up!

Love,
Cynthia

FUCK! I know exactly what she's doing! Right in the second to last paragraph. I bet the whore married him for his money so she could divorce him and take it! Clever bitch. Hope a prenup was done. I feel sorry for the guy. I guess it is terrible news. He could join the millions of other guys she screwed over. I hope she doesn't get a dime. I gotta keep updated on this now.