Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Uppity Bastard

Some asshole called me uppity today. I even had to look it up to make sure that was what he meant.

up·pi·ty (ŭp'ĭ-tē) - Characteristic of or resembling a snob

I've never been called uppity! I mean come on! Do I seem like the uppity type? Throwing spit balls and eating glue as a kid I never considered myself "uppity". I would always look at the kids who got everything they ever wanted as uppity. I'd point and laugh at the uppity people when something happened to them. I would feel damn good about myself. Then I'd go home and cry and play with safety scissors on my wrist until mom made Hamburger Helper for dinner.

Maybe I'm looking too much into it. He was homeless. I'm such a bastard. I thought it was some kind of homeless street slang. Can the pits of hell open any wider for me?

Me, uppity? HA!

And that was my Tuesday morning.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I think somethings wrong with me. I'm starting to think I'm actually a mentally sick person. Misfortune makes me happy. Happiness gives me misfortune.

I compare my friendship to my girlfriend's parents to a knife going deeper into my chest each time I see them. I will never like them.

Hatred and anger will be my downfall. One of these days, I'm just going to snap. I would probably get so angry and pissed that I won't do anything to anybody but myself, something self inflicted. I don't know, as I get older I just seem to be holding most of my anger inside. I've always have been introverted all my life when it comes to actually talking about the bad shit that is going on in my life. It just keeps pushing me and pushing until the one day I snap over the simplest anger. I can't live like this anymore.

I called my mother today and told her some stuff I did when I was a teenager that she didn't know but kind of new it all along. She knows something is up with me again. People are starting to see that something is getting to me. I don't see it and I'll be damned if I know what it is. I know that her parents are just on the tip of the iceberg of problems in my life so their bullshit isn't really fucking with my mind as much as everything else that I don't know! I think I'm going crazy. I'm angry at something that I don't know, and it's not getting better.

Some days I just don't feel like doing anything while other days I'm so cool with everything. I barely ate anything all day. BM knows that something is up so she's been here with me all day today. I don't like it when people worry about me. But I guess when your happy one day and depressed the next then you'll get people to worry. I took a vacation a while back in hopes of making me feel better but depression loomed overhead the entire time.

Humor has always been my way of coping with things. Getting me to laugh actually makes me feel better. I think it's just stress. And the funny thing is that tomorrow, everything would feel as good as new again. I'll probably post the happiest post ever tomorrow, I doubt it but shit like that happens with me.

As you can tell, I'm having a bad day. And don't worry about me, I'm not going to do anything crazy to myself. I wouldn't blog it if I was.

What's the point of being happy when you are going to die anyways? Why live life like your trying to succeed at something when you are going to die anyways? Life is so mundane and pointless. What is my purpose? Am I here to do something important or am I just waisting space? All these questions with no answers.

I will go to sleep now.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Thanksgiver

Every teenage guy has had their "porn stash". We all got into this conversation of how we would try and hide our porn from our parents.

1)Under the bed
2)Under or on top of a loose floor/roof board
3)Underneath the carpet
4)Slashing the bed and sticking the porn inside

I didn't care. I kept my door locked at all times. Then one day I noticed my door was screwed off its hinges but thats a different story. I didn't care if my parents saw my porn. I'm a guy, it's not like they didn't expect that to happen. It all started with the J.C. Penny catalogs. Then it worked itself to my moms fashion mags. And then I found my brother's porn stash, mags and videos, SCHWING! Cue the music....

No more trying to catch scrambled soft core porn on HBO and Showtime while my parents were asleep. No more looking at "Camel Toes". How could I hate girls as a little boy if they grew up to look so fucking hot! The days of my first porno. I really didn't know all about sex until I watched it. The things she was doing, the way she worked it. I wanted to marry her.

I could get on the topic of masturbation but that will take a few pages. I'm guessing it decreases with age and who your with. No more doing the Han Solo or Beating it until it cries. I've grown out of the masturbation thing. Now that I think about it, I did do "something" last week so I guess I can't quit.

Before I go deeper into my jacking off habits, I'm gonna stop, and do something by myself for a few minutes.......

Friday, February 16, 2007

Slasher Fridays - I See Dead People

Being a big fan of dead people and all, we are gonna watch dead people.......in movies.

28 Days Later
Dawn of the Dead
Shaun of the Dead

Nothing like zombies that can actually run after you.

We're gonna have a really bloody dead evening!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

And It Was 3:59 p.m.......

BM and I were dressed and ready to go while her parents just stayed there. They thought I wasn't serious. I was looking forward to having her father meet my knee in his face, but they got the hint. They hugged and kissed BM goodbye and didn't even give me eye contact. C'mon, don't you guys still love me? Who knows where they went, back to hell probably.

So Valentine's Day was back on. We cut the phones off and made sure it was just the two of us and not our parents or friends calling us. We went out to eat and took a walk and went back home to give out gifts. We decided to keep it really small and intimate. After the gift exchanges we or should I say she forced me to watch all these chick flicks back to back. Is it me or does Sarah Jessica Parker look like a horse? So she was practically a whore in Failure to Launch, hmmm? We then watched 50 First Dates so that was cool. Then of course came ......bedtime......sweeeeeeeeeet! Let's just say that we were plenty warm last night. I just hope BM doesn't grow up to look like her mother naked. It'll be like having sex with her mother. THE HORROR!, but how ironic. But I know she wants me.

So that was my VD. It involved her parents unfortunately but it'll be the last time they enter my place again.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Now How Illegal Is Murder?

Valentine's Day was officially over for us a little after 2 today when her parents decided to surprise us and spend the night. Who the fuck visits and stays with their children on Valentine's Day when they already have someone? Oh, I know, they do! They are doing this to spite me. But oh no, I'll be damned if they were gonna get away with it that easy. I told them that they have to leave at 4 today. Then they gave me this shit of where do they go then. My suggestion was the car they rode in but hotels are all over the place.

So I'm here with my door closed blogging my disgust. Here's what I don't get. They leave their other child to spend Valentine's Day with their other child who is in a relationship, no offense BM's brother. So I'm just waiting until 4 until I can officially kick their asses out. I'm letting them stay this long because of BM. If she was still out I would've never opened the door.

I wanted to choke them both so bad. The memory is still fresh in my head what they did at my parents house. All I can do is just laugh at the situation. I'd love to see them lay a hand on me when I kick them out at 4.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Have A Happy VD Tomorrow!

Why does VD have to come once a year? My girlfriend wants to celebrate her VD every day of the year and Valentine's Day second. Me personally, I hate VD. It's expensive and it's pointless. It itches sometimes too. But it has its perks. You get to meet new people to celebrate VD too! Why not just enjoy VD between your lover but celebrate VD with the world! Spread the joy of VD with your neighbor, your teacher, your friends, total strangers and don't forget to give some of that VD to your parents. I'm gonna call my parents tomorrow and tell them how my VD is going. I hope they are having a great VD. They've been celebrating VD for so long now. Each year it's a new VD present. My girlfriend is going to get a few VD gifts from me tomorrow. I think I'll give it to her tomorrow morning and perhaps some tomorrow night. All she'll probably give me is the clap, excuse me a clapping applause for the VD I gave her. So everybody out there, VD isn't just for you, it's for everybody! Happy VD'ing!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Ooooooh Wicked....

Just to let you all know, I quit jogging last week. I'm still living off the fat from the winter that I gained. I'm in hibernation baby, don't wake the bear! I'm just as content waiting for the summer joggers.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Suicidal Pornographic Sick Fucking Bastard

Have you ever wondered who would show up to your funeral? Who your true friends are and aren't? Some days I wonder if life would be better off if I was dead? Just a thought.

Now for something a little less morbid. Skeleton Key rocked! Took me a second to try and figure out the ending. Very smart. I had to think about who were actually being hanged in the movie, but me smart, me figured it out.

Today I'm just staying in. Friday night took a nasty turn. Vomiting and strip clubs and fights all night. I haven't slept yet. I think I might be coming down with something. Everybody is getting this stomach bug. I hate those. I'm starting feel some aching in my neck. I think I might've jolted it when I threw up the second time or getting knocked in the face. It kind of all happened around the same time.

And that boys and girls was how I started my weekend......

In memory of the lap dances

Shake That Ass For Me.....

Friday, February 09, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Skeleton Key

Kate Hudson takes care of these old people but the old guy is trying to tell her something and the old woman won't let him say anything. But theirs an attic. The attic of terror! The movie sounds dumb but what the hell, it's SLASHER FRIDAYS! I hear it's racist so my buddy Token, I mean Terrance said he's going to point out the hidden racism.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith is Dead

A little off topic of my blog but this just sticks in my mind. She had a baby and lost her son a few days later and died herself, all within a few months of each other. And she was only 39. Really upsetting how life can be taken away from you so quick.

I never was a big fan of hers but I thought she was funny when she never meant to be.

Here's the story from the news:

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - Anna Nicole Smith, the pneumatic blonde whose life played out as an extraordinary tabloid tale — Playboy centerfold, jeans model, bride of an octogenarian oil tycoon, reality-show subject, tragic mother — died Thursday after collapsing at a hotel. She was 39.

She was stricken while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and was rushed to a hospital. Edwina Johnson, chief investigator for the Broward County Medical Examiner's Office, said the cause of death was under investigation and an autopsy would be done on Friday.

Just five months ago, Smith's 20-year-old son, Daniel, died suddenly in the Bahamas in what was believed to be drug-related.

Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger said a private nurse called 911 after finding Smith unresponsive in her sixth-floor room at the hotel, which is on an Indian reservation. He said Smith's bodyguard administered CPR, but she was declared dead at a hospital.

Through the '90s and into the new century, Smith was famous for being famous, a pop-culture punchline because of her up-and-down weight, her Marilyn Monroe looks, her exaggerated curves, her little-girl voice, her ditzy-blonde persona, and her over-the-top revealing outfits.

Recently, she lost a reported 69 pounds and became a spokeswoman for TrimSpa, a weight-loss supplement. On her reality show and other recent TV appearances, her speech was often slurred and she seemed out of it. Some critics said she seemed drugged-out.

"Undoubtedly it will be found at the end of the day that drugs featured in her death as they did in the death of poor Daniel," said a former attorney for Smith in the Bahamas, Michael Scott.

Another former Smith attorney, Lenard Leeds, told the celebrity gossip Web site TMZ that Smith "always had problems with her weight going up and down, and there's no question she used alcohol." Leeds said it was no secret that "she had a very troubled life" and had "so many, many problems."

"She wanted to be like Marilyn her whole life and ironically died in a similar manner," Leeds said. Monroe died of a drug overdose at age 36 in 1962.

Smith attorney Ron Rale told The Associated Press that he had talked to her on Tuesday or Wednesday, and she had flu symptoms and a fever and was still grieving over her son.

"Poor Anna Nicole," he said. "She's been the underdog. She's been besieged ... and she's been trying her best and nobody should have to endure what she's endured."

The Texas-born Smith was a topless dancer at strip club before she entered her photos in a search contest and made the cover of Playboy magazine in 1992. She became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. She was also signed to a contract with Guess jeans, appearing in TV commercials, billboards and magazine ads.

In 1994, she married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, owner of Great Northern Oil Co. In 1992, Forbes magazine estimated his wealth at $550 million.

In a 2005 interview with ABC, Smith recalled meeting Marshall at what she called a "gentleman's club' in Houston. "He had no will to live and I went over to see him," she said. "He got a little twinkle in his eyes, and he asked me to dance for him. And I did."

Marshall died in 1995 at age 90, setting off a feud with Smith's former stepson, E. Pierce Marshall, over his estate. A federal court in California awarded Smith $474 million. That was later overturned. But in May, the U.S. Supreme Court revived her case, ruling that she deserved another day in court.

The stepson died June 20 at age 67. But the family said the court fight would continue.

Smith starred in her own reality TV series, "The Anna Nicole Show," in 2002-04. Cameras followed her around as she sparred with her lawyer, hung out with her personal assistant and interior decorator, and cooed at her poodle, Sugar Pie. She also appeared in movies, performing a bit part in "The Hudsucker Proxy" in 1994.

After news came of Smith's death, G. Eric Brunstad Jr., the lawyer who represented Marshall, said in a statement: "We're very shocked by the news and extend the deepest condolences to her family."

In a statement, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner said: "I am very saddened to learn about Anna Nicole's passing. She was a dear friend who meant a great deal to the Playboy family and to me personally."

Smith's son died Sept. 10 in his mother's hospital room in the Bahamas, just days after she gave birth to a daughter.

An American medical examiner hired by the family, Cyril Wecht, said he died accidentally of a combination of methadone and two antidepressants. Last month, a Bahamas magistrate scheduled a formal inquiry into the death for March 27.

Meanwhile, the paternity of Smith's now 5-month-old daughter remained a matter of dispute. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, Smith's most recent companion. Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was waging a legal challenge, saying he was the father.

Debra Opri, the attorney who filed his paternity suit, said Birkhead "is devastated. He is inconsolable, and we are taking steps now to protect the DNA testing of the child. The child is our No. 1 priority."

Smith was born Vickie Lynn Hogan on Nov. 28, 1967, in Houston, one of six children. Her parents split up when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother, a deputy sheriff.

She dropped out after 11th grade after she was expelled for fighting, and worked as a waitress and then a cook at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken restaurant in Mexia.

She married 16-year-old fry cook Bill Smith in 1985, giving birth to Daniel before divorcing two years later.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Monday, February 05, 2007


I was reading one of my best friend's blog and I noticed that he would mostly end each post with "Have a lifqual day" or something like that. What the hell is a "lifqual"? It's not even a real word. But I looked over his blog a little more and he said that a lifqual is having an almost too perfect life. A life that is so perfect that it's only flaw is perfection.

Greg has always been carefree and always seem to be happy so how does he do it? My day today was me nearly killing an old guy......again. His days are always happy ones. I asked him yesterday before he left to go to California about how is he so happy when the world sucks so bad. He told me that if I focus more on the positive aspects of life and less on the negative then I will become a better person physically and mentally. That was some deep shit. I really started thinking about that. I've been letting negativity influence me too much and letting good things go overlooked. Like the whole thing with my girlfriend's parents just destroyed me. To be honest with you, I wanted to stick my foot so far up her father's ass that he would be shitting laces for weeks, but I need to focus on the positive. He told me their is always a positive when their is a negative. So thinking of all the negative things in my life now and past, I found a positive in every one of them. All the negativity of my past brought a positive future, minus the anger. The anger I really need to work on. That's something I've had all my life.

So everybody and Greg, have a lifqual day! I'll try to have a great day tomorrow. I just have to avoid the senior citizens.

I Hate Old People!

You clearly see I'm driving over 50 mph and you proceed to walk in front of me, and you expect me to stop! Do you think you can actually make it across?! FUCK! I'd be damned if I slowed down for you.

I was so close to running over this old guy today. I was already having a bad morning and he was just making it worst. But before ALL THAT! Some assholes car alarm kept going off all fucking night! I already had a headache because I drunk too much and that alarm would go off for 5 minutes and stop for 2 minutes then go on for 5 minutes and stop for 2 minutes. All fucking night, on and on and on and on. I bet it was an old guy with a bad hearing aid. Even this morning when I left it was still going on. I wanted to pick up a brick so bad and throw it through the wind shield. Who would steal that piece of shit car?

Then dealing with the old guy this morning just pissed me off further. I just knew today was going to be one of those days. Luckily that was all of the bad things to happen to me today. Old people just always seem to be involved.

Why I Hate Old People?

1) They always drive their wide ass cars that can't go any higher than 35 mph.
2) When they change lanes it takes them forever.
3) They smell like medicine, if not shit.
4) They tell pointless stories that have nothing to do with anything.
5) They walk as if they own everything.
6) They curse at you for taking too long.
7) They spit.
8) They are veiny.
9) They can't park.
10) They can't drive.
11) They fart all the time and don't even know it.
12) Their farts smell like dust rolled in shit.
13) They leave hair in the food they make.
14) They could run you over with their car and not know your there.
15) They think corduroy pants are the shiznet.
16) They send you socks that sing for Christmas.
17) Their breath smells like prune juice mixed with Viagra.
18) You can't tell if their dead or sleeping.
19) They always have 2 shopping carts with 25 items in each one at Walmart.
20) They always walk in the middle of a hallway, never to the left/right.
21) They back out of the parking lot either at high speeds or slow as shit.
22) They always have coins. Never dollars or credit cards. Always pennies!
23) They strike up conversations with people that don't care.
24) They talk down to people as if they are the slow ones.
25) Ugh, they walk out the bathroom with their dress tucked into their underwear.
26) They always begin conversations with "Back in my day....."
27) They carry a coupon for everything.
28) They shake a lot, it creeps me out.
29) They still can't see with bifocals.
30) They want you to fight them to prove they still got it.
31) They get drunk from Rum Cake.
32) They leak.
33) They aways have a million cats.
34) They find ways of making your life a living hell.
35) They never think they're crazy. Even if they eat the crayons.
36) They drive on the wrong side of the road.
37) They stare at you.
38) They cover their entire house with moth balls.
39) They cover every furniture with plastic.
40) They eat dinner at 2 in the afternoon.
41) They get addicted to the dumbest medicines that have no cool side effect.
42) They can't stop watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune everyday.
43) They like telling you what to do.
44) They always undress you with their eyes (or that's just to me)
45) They embarrass you by saying racial things about people while out in public.
46) They buy you the cheapest ugliest piece of shit and think it's cute.
47) They feel dead to the touch.
48) They think everybody is going to hell.
49) They have 50 year old candy in every room to eat.
50) They voted for President Bush because his name was easy to spell.

All these are true for old people except my grandparents. They are the sanest people I know.

Sunday, February 04, 2007


Just a quick post before we go meet the others at Hooters to watch the game. hmmmmmmmmmmmm hooters.......

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Pimp & Ho

I keep forgetting that the cops are out every Super Bowl weekend. Driving today I saw them everywhere. When I see a cop I get nervous, and then I start speeding up. I try to get in front of another car and the cops follows me. So I speed up faster and before you know it the sirens are on and I'm going 89 mph in a 35 mph zone with people running for their lives, damn cops. I got a ticket last year at this time so I'm not going out driving until Monday.

I was just thinking of my girlfriend's parents and I'm thinking they should be a little loose. Like this loose......


My parents would do it!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Sleepy Hollow

You put in Christopher Watkins as the headless horseman makes the move even cooler. Nice and bloody.

Her Parents

BM told her parents that she didn't break up with me. Talk about outraged, but BM stayed strong and gave them an ultimatum. Either they accept who she brings into her life or she'll remove herself from their lives. I had to clap when BM told me. I was so proud of her. She finally stood up to them. I don't know all the details being that it's after midnight and I'm just getting to posting this because I just had to.

How I wish I could've saw the look on their faces when she told them, sigh....... But yet I still kind wanted to keep the apart thing going just so we could surprise them and piss them off. I have to go with Plan B now. I just need to get sent to prison and knock her up before Christmas, then I would have my revenge, HA HA HA HA HA!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

He's A Craaazy Mutha Fucka!

Good thing I'm not dating someone's daughter looking like this! Wouldn't be good, ummmm no good.