Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Devil Made Us Do It

My brother is leaving out tomorrow so Friday we decided to do something a little fun after Slasher Fridays. There is this really snobby neighborhood that is so up tight that you couldn't fit a grape up their assholes. Well we decided to go STREAKIN'!!!!

All we needed were willing participants. So only the guys did it. The girls were uncomfortable doing it, pussies. So we all got naked. We put socks on our privates to cover it up. I of course needed a larger sock because I need the room. So my girlfriend's friend had a jeep so we all could fit in it. The plan was to run the entire way and back screaming the entire way.

Now that was the plan. Now this is how far the plan went off what we intended it to be.

So it's 6 naked guys and 2 fully clothed girls packed in a jeep. Now I'm wondering how in the hell did I agree to this. So the jeep was parked at the entrance. They backed into it so we could just drive off. I should've known something bad was going to happen. So we got out of the jeep and started jogging and started running and screaming. It was fun. We went to the end with no problems. Now the problem happened on the way back. Apparently, a cop lives in one of the houses. He must've heard us screaming going up. So he yelled "freeze". Some of us tried to run to the jeep while the others jumped into the bushes. Now here's the second problem. The cop is running after me and the other guys who are running half naked to the jeep. It was like every man for himself. The girls started getting scared and starts the car. I prayed they wouldn't drive off. They started driving off screaming at us to hurry up. We all made it to the jeep with and without the socks. We kind of uh, forgot 2 people and one of them was my brother. We couldn't go back, at least not right away. Now the bushes were pretty tall so they could've easily escaped.

We couldn't call them because all they had were the socks. So we sped home and got another car so the cop wouldn't recognize it and drove back, clothed of course about 20 minutes later. We drove the car around the place and didn't see them, so we parked the car to the store next to the place. I was just thinking my brother is so gonna kill me for this. But deep in my heart, I was laughing at him. So we waited forever for them and still they didn't show up. No way they were arrested. We couldn't find them. If he was arrested my mom is going to blame me for it as if I'm the mature one. Eventually we saw some rocks being thrown at us. It was them! We all just busted out laughing, well they weren't laughing. We all eventually got home and my brother kicked my ass, which was expected. Well we now know that if we decided to break the law (federal that is) that the girls would forget about us in a heartbeat.

So April Fools is tomorrow. I have so much planned for everybody! Nobody is escaping my wrath tomorrow! And I'm sure everybody is planning on doing just as much wicked things to me tomorrow. BM will get the first surprise tonight, HA HA HA HA! I won't be sleeping tonight at all. I'm sure my brother will try and torture me in the middle of the night, probably hammering nails into my back.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Slasher Fridays - Hostel

We're looking for some gore tonight.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Some days I just wish I could just keep going in my car. Pass by everything that is familiar to me. When I run out of gas, that will be my new home. The phone rings. The ringing hurts my head. When I'm stressed with life, I turn off all the lights and turn off all the phones and close the door and put the pillow over my head hoping that when/if I wake up, life would be better, I'm still waiting.

Are we actually happy with our lives? Being human is the most depressing thing to me. Nobody is truly happy. We want and we need something. I need something in my life that I can't find. It's like trying to find water in the ocean. Everything you want is all around you but you don't know what to do with it.

I think I'm reverting emotionally back to my past. Why am I so disgusted by happiness? Is that if I can't be happy then nobody can be happy? I like dark things. Dark things are my way of living. All my life I have been dark. Some days stress just builds so much that I just can't take it anymore. I begin to think of the things holding me back from actually killing myself. If I didn't have my girlfriend, friends and family then I would've taken my life a long time ago. When I start thinking about suicide then I just think about them until it goes away. Is that how I want to live my life? I just don't see a point. Why try so hard and get nothing for it. I could have a billion dollars and still feel the same way I feel now. Money can't buy me happiness.

Bad news always hits me together. I used to be optimistic with bad news because whenever you have bad news, good news would always follow. The more upsetting the bad news is, the better the good news will be. But over the years, more terrible news and small good news have come. It's like the world is breezing by me and I'm walking backwards. I don't see any hope in it. To be honest with you, I can't see my future. My past has been bad, my present has been bad, so the future is probably going to be bad too. I can't see myself living a long life. One of these days depression is going to hit me so hard that I won't be able to get out of it in time for someone to help me. It seems to be getting worst each year. I say that if I'm still alive at 35 then I know that I did beat this. That's many years down the line so I'll have plenty of time to contemplate life.

I don't see what can help me. I've talked to people and took medication but I can't seem to stop it. It's driving me crazy! It's like have no control over my life anymore. I feel broken and I can't be put back together. I want to know what it's like to be truly happy. If someone knows, please tell me. I need some hope that happiness is not just my imagination.

After writing this I feel a little better. I guess I just needed to write out what I couldn't say. Well at least one positive thing out of all of this is that I have no desire to do drugs or drink heavier than usual. I just tend to shut everybody out until I feel better. I have a birthday coming up in 4 months. Let's hope it's a happy one.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Life With Brother

Pouring Cheerios into my bowl starts my day. Across the table from me, my brother does the same thing. Years of torment from birth until now have all changed. He's not the brother I grew up with anymore. As he begins to open up, he's met somebody. She's a very "earthy" person that has changed his life. When I think of my brother, I think of one night stands and waking up in an alley missing a pancreas. But not anymore. I don't like it. I don't trust it. I still think it's a joke he's planning. He's really creative. He is the king of revenge. He once filled a kid's lunch box with shit as a prank.

So this "earthy" girl is a vegetarian, yuk. I like the blood of Bambi slapping against my face while I eat. They've been going out for a few months. They are getting a RV when he gets back to travel the states for a few months. I always wanted to do that. Sleep in a different place every night and get to meet new people. Being a hooker I guess has the same benefits plus sex. I think its really cool. He invited us to come along with him but I don't know if I could do it. Sounds like fun though.

Friday, March 23, 2007

I've Been Tagged

I've been tagged by Spanishgoth. The theme is three.

Three Things That Scare Me:

The Past

The Future

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
Spanishgoth - Goth with a twist

Dustin Diamond - Only one guy can be Screech and make a Dirty Sanchez video

Jake - Friend that I rarely see always cheers me up

Three Things I Love:
Presciption drugs

Threesomes - hehe

Fucked up things

Three Things I Hate:

People who think they are better than you

English Muffins

Three Things I Don't Understand:
Bush being elected twice

The difference between Texas Toast and regular toast

People throwing cigarettes next to the ash tray instead of on it

Three Things On My Desk:
A list of things to get even with people I hate

An old suicide letter I framed - yeah, morbid.

My girlfriend's diary - it mysteriously appeared on my desk?

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now:
Wondering if I should pick up big brother from the airport

Drying my hair since I just washed it

Opening a box of crayons

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Visit Jeff Buckley's grave

Shake hands with Marilyn Manson

Say sorry to the people I hurt

Three Things I Can Do:
Play guitar

Always put a smile on everybody's face except my own

Cook a mean omelet

Three Things I Can't Do:
Control my road rage

Shop at Wal Mart

Join a club - The thought of doing things with other people sickens me. Makes me feel like I like this country.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
Jeff Buckley - Grace - Very soothing and relaxing cd

Incubus - Morning View - Just get a lot of alcohol and let the booze make you pass out

This is a tie, Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals and RATM - Rage Against The Machine. One for being angry by yourself and the other for being angry at other people. It's my road rage theme song.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
President Bush

A Richard Marx Marathon with your parents - Right Here Waiting For You is gnawing at my brain!

A hobo - me, uppity!

Three Things I'd Like To Learn:
Having the same skills as Superman, except the whole dying weird thing. I'd just have to avoid guns and horses. I'll just be Batman instead.

The ability to understand the language of white trash. "Ain't my schooling the bestest in the wholest world!" .... Bobby Sue Jane describing her pet hamster.

Chess Boxing seems like fun

Three Favourite Foods:
Any cereal with marshmellows, cool!

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
I think we all watched Sesame Street

Yes, I did watch Power Rangers. I have regretted those years.

The Gargoyles - My beginning of the gothness

Slasher Fridays - Monkey Shines

I don't like monkeys. It's not that I'm afraid of them, it's just that I don't like them and I try not to watch them. To make this funny, I won't watch the animated Curious George but I'll watch a murderous monkey in Monkey Shines, go figure. I know I'll hate it. I would never pick this. I have standards! Just ignore last weeks pick of Santa's Slay with Goldberg.

People think monkeys are so funny. WHY! They have to be the least funniest animal ever! Somebody please tell me what I'm missing? And Bob Saget and his damn voice overs on America's Funniest Videos with the monkeys. What the fuck dude. And people laughed! Well I gotta go buy some monkey supplies to remove all the evil monkey spirits around me.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

White Supremacist Singles Dating Service

I fucking hate racist people. Damn hilarious though.

I had another "incident" of road rage. 3 fucking lanes, all 3 are filled with cars. The car in front of me was going 35 in a 55! I couldn't change lanes! I honked my car but he couldn't hear me. Damn my luck if it was an old person again! Then when I finally passed him he wouldn't look at me. I wanted him to see me giving him the finger! But he didn't look! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Ok, so a little childish, but he started it! Out of all the years of road rage, I haven't yet killed a person. I pat myself on the back.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Man Has Sexy Time With Dead Deer

SUPERIOR, Wis. - A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

"The state believes that particular place is the best to provide treatment for the individual," Assistant District Attorney Jim Boughner said.

Hathaway's probation will be served at the same time as a nine-month jail sentence he received in February for violating his extended supervision.

He was found guilty in April 2005 of felony mistreatment of an animal after he killed a horse with the intention of having sex with it. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail and two years of extended supervision on that charge as well as six years of probation for taking and driving a vehicle without the owner's consent.

Hathaway pleaded no contest earlier this month to misdemeanor mistreatment of an animal for the incident involving the deer. He was sentenced Tuesday in Douglas County Circuit Court.

"The type of behavior is disturbing," Judge Michael Lucci said. "It's disturbing to the public. It's disturbing to the court."


How come this never happens in Canada? So now since he's registered as a sex offender, do the kids worry or the deer?

Well it could be worst. He could've seduced a smaller animal into sleeping with him. Perhaps a squirrel or raccoon. That would just be insulting. I'm guessing the female human ratio is much smaller than the female animal ratio in Wisconsin.

The Good Son

Out of all the crazy shit I've done as a kid, I am considered the Good Son. HA! I'm sure my mom tells that to all of us alone. And of course little sis is the favorite! But I'm ok with that! NOT MAD AT ALL!

My bad brother is coming down this weekend and is staying the entire next week. He's spending part of his vacation with me. Scary. So I'm locking my doors and windows every night. I already plan on peeing in a cup so I won't have to leave the room. If BM has to use the bathroom then I guess I can unlock the window for her to use it. A week with a psycho, and my brother! What a fucked up week I'll have.

I just noticed that I see the brother that I really hate seeing but have fun with more often than the "new" brother that I like seeing but I am bored out of my mind with. I know he reads this so he knows he's my favorite. Hope that doesn't change your mind about giving me your big screen TV.

The painful memories of what happen last time he was here still haunts me. So I'm picking him at the airport on Friday, maybe, if I feel like going through a week of this. But he'll hunt me down and find me anyways so I guess I have to do it. I already have "something" planned for his first day, *evil laugh* HA HA HA HA HA HA!

So I have to remove anything with sharp edges from the rooms and cover up all electrical outlets for his arrival/disaster. Who knows, he might be a changed man, nah. The neighbors will be pleased with my brother on Friday. Now they will have to deal with 2 sick bastards for a week. I sense an eviction in the works.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dead Society

A man was found dead in the middle of a busy sidewalk. Witnesses say that he was in a verbal confrontation with another man that lasted a few minutes. Things escalated into the assailant punching the victim in the face. The assailant then pulled a large blunt object out of his coat and started hitting the victim on the chest and over the head. His cries for help were unheard by the hundreds of people watching. They all just stood there, watching. Not one person helped. His screams dissipated, as did his life. Nobody helped, and the assailant just walked away.

What would you do in a situation like that? Would you wait for the police to get there which would be too late, or would you help the person?

I would get a group of people to come with me to beat the living shit out of this guy. People just tend to be too scared to be involved in something like this because they fear for their own life, which is a good reason, but how could you live with yourself if you basically could've kept a person from dying if you intervened?
What if it was a woman being hit, would somebody intervene then? If so, what's the difference between a man being beaten to death and a woman being beaten to death? Would you do something if a child was in the same situation, or would you just stay there and just watch a life being taken away?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Emo Is The New Suicide

Nobody can hear the cries anymore of suicide. Now being dark and mysterious is "cool". Everybody has dark days, hell, I had month long eclipses of dark days. But there you have the kid who dyes his hair black and throws it over his face while listening to Dashboard Confessionals and Death Cab For Cutie with his converses on, bastards. Emotionally and internally, they are nobodies. Sad thing is, the other kid, emotionally and internally is a somebody. But he doesn't want anybody to worry about him because it's his problem and his alone. Nobody can help him, and nobody ever knows until this other kid has written a letter and taped it to the door telling all the people that he knows will be hurt by it that he is now in a better place.

But I'm happy. Suicide is hard thing to pin point on somebody but one clue that is a "pardon the pun" dead giveaway is lack of interest. Watch the person when they think you are not looking at them. They'll look like they are thinking of million things at once but still feel lost, because they are. They are in their own world. But I'm happy, I just hate emo kids. I'm relaxed, IT'S ST PATTY'S WEEKEND!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Happy St. Patty's Day

Yes! A reason to get drunk in the morning. We're dumping all our keys in the "bowl of soberness" since we won't be driving later. In the spirit of the Irish, we are going to watch Boondock Saints and The Departed. So we are going to celebrate today by getting drunk and watching a lot of movies. Everything is green themed. My blog is greener, my teeth are greener, my clothes are green, but my wallet isn't that green so the green theme is a little light this year. Breakfast was green too but I think my girlfriend just cooked some spoiled food, but what's the difference in the other times she cooks?

Santa's Slay was by far the worst Slasher Friday movie ever. I laughed my ass off! I love this movie!

We should've watched The Leprechaun for Slasher Fridays. I haven't seen it in awhile. Hmmm looks like my girlfriend's friends.

Slasher Fridays - Santa's Slay

Santa Claus is really a demon but he lost a bet with an angel and had to be nice for centuries. But when the bet has ended, he becomes mean old Santa again. Ok we are out of ideas for Slasher Fridays. And it has Goldberg playing Santa! WTF! This should be funny.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Can you imagine driving 4 girls in one car being the only guy in there? Sounds like paradise, but it was just mean.

They are all valley girls. The way they talk makes me go crazy! At least BM tries to talk differently but for the love of all the things pure. WHY! Why does every sentence have to have "totally" or "like" or "skank".

My girlfriend and her 3 henchman needed a ride to some other henchman's house since BM's car was in the shop. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone when she called me. They were mean! They were bashing men. They had to blame a guy for their bad boyfriends, so luckily I was in the car. Then they started arguing with me as if I was the one who called them a dumbass. I'm the driver, if I tell you to shut the fuck up then your gonna shut the fuck up. But they would continue talking about me. Feels like high school all over again. I told the ones in the backseat to shut up or else I'm kicking them out, in so many words. Somehow I mentioned their fat asses and cankles and they got all bitchy at me. I think the cankles just pushed them, but having a badunkadunk isn't bad. It was a compliment, but they had to take it the wrong way. The arguing just gave me a headache. Eventually one of them pushed me in the back of the head....If only I had one.....

I kicked them all out, except BM. All you girls just gang up on a guy when he's secluded. As I was driving off I realized they would be stuck in the middle of nowhere so I had to (BM made me) turn around and pick their badunkadunk asses back up.

It was quiet for the first few minutes but one of them just had to say something and eventually they all started arguing. I just sped up. They had to get the hell out of my car. So when we got their, the vein on my forehead was about to explode. When they walked in front of the car, one of them gave me the finger. As I slowly started to move my foot off the brake and onto the accelerator, BM gave me the look. She knew what I was thinking. Plus I think murdering her best friends might end our relationship. But it would feel SOOOOO good.

So I'm picking them up later on tonight. I'm thinking of asking some of my friends to help me pick them up. Taking each one of them home is going to be hell.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Blood In My Eyes

I gotta change my layout. My eyes hurt.

Dinner with the neighbors went on without nobody being killed or having sex. We ordered the food out and acted like we prepared it. If only I could cook bread that good. What do you serve to people you don't know but they live right next to you? We didn't know if they were vegetarians or not. But giving people an all lettuce meal would suck. So we got steak. I kept commenting on how BM cooks like this all the time and this was by far the best meal she has ever made. I wish.

The husband is really political and I hate getting into politics because I hate it all. And he supports the Bush. I don't mind if you support the president but if you are trying to convince me that he's doing good then I'm going to have to put you in your place. I did forget that I do fear this guy and that he could kill me one day. So when I got in his face and saw the look in his eye I quickly just shut the fuck up and asked for seconds.

All and all, it was fun. Would I invite them over again? No. We are total opposites and it's clear we think that the other is psychotic.

Well gotta go.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


You all remember my ex.......Well she's getting a divorce. I almost cried, almost. I guess not really bad news for me. And I thought her years of cheating would be put on hold. It has to be the reason. Once a cheater, always a cheater, except in my case.

And after I put so much thought into sabotaging her wedding day, she goes and gets divorced. Good thing I decided to let her ruin it herself. I knew it wouldn't last. She's not the settling down type. It's been about 5 months of marriage and then divorce, uh, yeah, that's sweet. I'm not into laughing at other people's misery, ok that was a lie. They might reconcile but, I doubt it. If only I had kept that letter she sent me dissing me about her getting married. I could send it back and ask if she's sure about that. Well good thing I blogged it before I threw it away! Let's open up the flower basket of memories!

I hope all is well with you and whatever bitch you're sleeping with. I just decided to write this letter to you to keep you updated on how much I still hate you. And that I am with a guy that actually loves me. And I wanted you to know that I'm so glad that we are over and that I can move on from the lovely shitty time we spent together.

My boyfriend and I are getting married. He's wealthy and very successful. That's funny, he's the total opposite of you. I would love for you to come to my wedding, you know if you can fit this into your oh so busy schedule of dumb bullshit. But what the hell, I'd have your fucking ass arrested if you set foot near my wedding
asshole. Invitation is enclosed. Please do come.

I know you, and knowing you, you'll do something to ruin this for me. So I'm telling you in advance to stay the fuck away or else I'll seriously fuck you up!


FUCK! I know exactly what she's doing! Right in the second to last paragraph. I bet the whore married him for his money so she could divorce him and take it! Clever bitch. Hope a prenup was done. I feel sorry for the guy. I guess it is terrible news. He could join the millions of other guys she screwed over. I hope she doesn't get a dime. I gotta keep updated on this now.

Monday, March 12, 2007

It Has Been A Good Morning.

Good Morning?
My lips quiver to whisper hello?
My mood ... my mood today is very mellow
A stranger unseen waves an uncertain path ahead
Pouring the morning liquor and reading the paper
I see my life is not as bad off
The obituaries are my morning comics
The phone rings twice, it's a telemarketer
He offers me a better life in a new world
I reluctantly take his offer
All I have to do is open the door
Puzzled and lost I ponder
I hang up the phone and open the front door
A bright light is followed by me falling down
I've been shot
I thought I forgot to remember
I've already accepted death
Now I'm living death
As my surrounding closes around me
I can see my better life in a new world
I smile and hear in the distance....
Good Morning?
The stranger throws his cigarette towards the right
He takes a deep breath and exhales the smoke slowly
He laughs deep and hard and cold and wicked
I lift my hand to block the light
And I slowly die
It has been a good morning.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

What's On The Menu?

Thanks to kimmyk for giving me a good flashback.

You know how kids would always spend the night with their best buddy's house. The mom would bake cookies and cook a good dinner and a good breakfast in the morning. Yeah, not my friend's mom. The first night I spent over at his house I was already starving. His mom noticed this and asked me if I wanted something to eat. I of course said sure! to free food. She ordered pizza. I always loved pizza. Then came the next morning.

What's for breakfast?

Cold pizza.


Didn't mind having pizza for breakfast, pizza kicks ass! Then came the next week. I was a full of energy kid. She asked us what we wanted for dinner. We asked her to surprise us. Eventually the dinner "arrived". It was pizza!? I didn't mind having pizza, pizza always kicks ass. Then came the next morning.

What's for breakfast!



Week after week of this started to suck. I need a real meal damn it! I couldn't eat the pizza for breakfast anymore. She said I could look in the fridge and eat whatever I want. I looked in and all I saw was wrapped up take out and soda bottles. It's like this family could be on the run. I could almost swear these people just moved in if I didn't already know them all my life. I looked around the kitchen and saw nothing but menus. Menus on the fridge, menus in the napkin rack, menus everywhere. Yet pizza was ALWAYS on the menu. But his parents were cool.

I just started inviting my friend over instead of going to his house unless I wanted to eat some pizza. And where is this friend today? If you look at my profile pic you can see him on the right.

So here's my Weekly Update:

Our Death Game we played Friday was fun. We might involve the girlfriend's parents this Friday. But I'm sure her mother wouldn't want me to touch her. I'll just use a big stick.

To show the neighbors that we are indeed sane people, we invited them over for dinner Wednesday. Minutes after that our friends the ghost of John Candy and Tupac Shakur will give us a stage show of Cabaret.

I find myself looking at the gas gage everytime I drive BM's car when she's in it. The fear of another "incident" scares me. But I know we can handle the situation like adults, like me having to run into the bathroom for about an hour while she's waiting at the pump. What else would she do but pump the gas.

I spoke to my brother today about the goings on. He tells me that he's coming down to visit me soon. I just had a long pause. A flashback of what happened last time he was here. Well he deserves an ass kicking, but it'll be my ass he'd kick. He won't tell me when. I told him I'll call the cops as soon as I hear his voice at my door. He laughs as if i'm joking.

Well that's about it. I'm anticipating dinner with the neighbors. I believe this would be our one chance to prove to them that calling the cops on us is not needed. And if they do! We'll stuff their bodies underneath our sofa with the other neighbors! After dinner of course. No need on killing on an empty stomach. I'm sure dinner will be ok. Perhaps jelly and crackers will be suitable.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Date With My Dead Girlfriend

Putting a lot of sick minds together in one room always end with someone mentioning "The Video". In turn we play a fucked up demented game. Watch the "The Video" to see what the game is about.

So we all did this like 5 minute skit each on how each one of us would react to our lover being dead. Yes, I know, fucked up, but funny! At least we stopped doing exorcisms.

For my skit, I just enjoyed the silence for most of the time. I got a marker and made her a little mustache and a beard and gave her a few beers because my dead girlfriend loves to drink!

Now when BM did hers, she slapped me around for a bit to try and wake me up. I would've stop slapping a person eventually but not her. She poured some water on my crotch to make it look like I pissed myself. Unfortunately time ran out and she couldn't do anymore, me so sad.

I'm sure the neighbors heard us all. It's just a matter of time before they think we're a cult planning on killing each other.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Self Induced Vomiting Fridays!

I ate 2 slices of bread that I thought were a "special" unique kind of bread. Eventually found out that the bread was just moldy. I'm just waiting for it to fuck up my body. And to make it worst, it expired about a couple of months ago, HA! BM meant to throw it away but accidentally left it on the counter instead. I think she was trying to kill me because she's not quite over the gas station incident. Wow, death by bread. Guess the sickness will work well while watching Cabin Fever tonight.

Slasher Fridays - Cabin Fever

College kids rent a cabin in the woods and get struck by a flesh eating virus that eats away at your skin until you die! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

I don't want any of us getting sick, but you two fuckin' fuckers insist on touching her, now she's bleeding all over both you guys! So you two can fuckin rot, but not me, no fuckin way not me!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Gas Station of Hell

First of all, what was up with the moon? We looked up as if something else was supposed to happen. Luckily somebody tripped and fell in the distance and made it all worth it.

So here's the story. We went to the gas station in her car to get gas right, so I pulled up to the station. I turned the car off and waited, as did she. I slowly slid my hands off the steering wheel and slowly looked into her sparkling eyes, and she looked back into mines. She asked me what I was waiting for. I told her I was waiting for her to pump the damn gas. Then she proceeded to tell me that the driver always gets the gas. But nooooo, it's her car and the way I pulled in, she was closer to the pump. I'm not being lazy, well maybe a little, but it's the principle. If you are closer to the gas pump for the car, then shouldn't you pump it? I bet if I was the passenger she would've agreed with me. Eventually she broke and was going to pump the gas. So she closed the door and looked at me with those sparkling eyes of hers and spoke with her angelic voice and asked me to give her some damn money. So I looked towards her purse and looked back at her. She apologized and said that she left her money at home. How convenient! What if I left my wallet at home?! I would've had to do sleep with the attendant for about $25 worth of gas. I'm willing to use sex as currency! So I gave her the money to pay for her gas for her car, even though I've been paying for mostly everything this weekend.

So here's the question. Do women actually "accidentally" leave their money at home when out with their boyfriend? BM is reading this right now so I'm sure she'll write her side of the story which I so gotta hear!

It was funny, as she was pumping the gas, she was giving me the evil stare when I looked through the rear view mirror. So I got out the car and stretched and asked her if she wanted anything inside the gas station because I feel like getting some chips. I knew it would piss her off. She told me that if this was my car then she would've keyed it by the time I got back. So I asked her if that was a no for the chips? So as I was paying for some chips and some aspirin I was going to need later, BM told me to go back in because she accidentally pumped about $10 extra in gas! Clearly she did it on purpose. So I paid and went back to the car. She had a smile on her face and told me that I should've pumped the gas. With me being the mature one but yet still having the mind of an 8 year old decided to do something about it. Haven't figured it out yet but who knows, we haven't had good revenge fight in awhile. They always turn out fun of who can outdo each other.

Normally I would just pump the gas but I just wanted to see how far she would take it. Glad to see BM still has some fire. Thought she was going soft on me.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Pimp My Bush

Yo, yo, yo muthafucka! What up! Got my pimp hand strong, fo shizzle.

How's the weekend folks? We are going out to watch a red moon eclipse tonight, sounds like a sleeper. Well, good day ladies and gentleman and the aliens that will pillage and rape us all tonight during the eclipse. We'll be in Room 12 on the first floor of the Ramada Mr. E.T., knock twice.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Weekend of Wild HARDCORE XXX SEX!

Girlfriend and I are having a weekend together. Sounds like something couples do. Now that we are actually planning something to do together for a weekend instead of being spontaneous, it feels weird. I feel as if I have to get her drunk to sleep with me again, kidding......maybe......

I'm sure it'll be a blast. She'll tie me to the bed and throw beer bottle caps at my nipples while lip syncing to Kenny Roger songs. But in all seriousness, this weekend will be good to get me relax. No work will be great. We won't even have a Slasher Friday with friends, (me sad). We still don't know exactly what we are going to do so I guess it's still spontaneous. Knowing my luck, her parents are probably reading this right now and packing their bags to stop it. Don't worry guys, we've fornicated long ago, so chill.

In brief:

I'm still a little upset at the hobo for calling me uppity.
My whore neighbor's "alleged book club" has more members joining.
Fornication is my word of the day.

It's funny how I described the labels for this post as Fornication, Hobo, Weekend. Sounds like one fucked up weekend.