Thursday, October 30, 2008

Get The Hell Off The Road!

I fucking hate people driving! Does anybody pull over to the next lane if somebody is right on your tail? This fucking idiot was in the fast lane going slower than shit and refused to change lanes. Then the fucker changed lanes a few miles later! Why! Why couldn't he just change it earlier!? FUCK!

For the longest I've been thinking about this invention. I call it the FUCK YOU, which I'm still willing to negotiate on the name. But let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:

Now I would have this scrolling on my windshield so that the person on the other side can see it. I'd speak through this machine and it would scroll exactly what I say like some common phrases I use everyday:

  • Get the fuck out of my way!
  • Move, you decrepit old fuck!
  • I want to kill you very badly
  • You're lucky you're not a pedestrian right now
  • If shooting a driver wasn't illegal

But that would be better for me so the driver can no exactly what I'm saying when I'm giving them the finger and giving them death threats. This way I can put my actions into words and not into bullets or knives. Sometimes I feel I'm not getting my point across. Then one day I'll be having a really bad day, and some asshole will fucking tick me off and I'll end up blacking out and waking up covered in blood holding a decapitated head of a senior citizen. Somedays I scare myself with my thoughts. If I ever become a serial killer, beware. I'd kill everybody. (evil laugh) But I'm more of a kill myself kind of guy.

And on that note I'm leaving to get on the plane tonight so I'll be gone for a few days to see my brother. I need some fucking time off before I go crazy. Sorry I can't post on Halloween but do know that I'll be living it up this weekend. Have a Happy Halloween. And feel free to throw eggs at trick/treaters.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Scarlet B

My girlfriend finally has her suspicions about me cheating on her. About damn time. I was wondering if I had leave a shit load of condoms all over my apartment, but she got the message. It was the hickey on my neck. I told her I cut myself shaving. I know she doesn't believe me. She dropped it way too quick. I was hoping she would at least wait until after I got back from out of town. I might have to change the locks to my apartment before I leave. I can't ask for my key back because that would be too obvious that I'm cheating and I know she'll do something like washing my toilet with my toothbrush while I'm gone. I really didn't mean for her to keep the key to my apartment. I told her where my spare was because I needed something quick and she was closer than me to my apartment. Baddabang baddaboom, I'm now worried about my soon to be shit covered things. Fuck it, I'm changing the locks.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

When You Know Your Life Sucks

  1. You have a college degree and your living in a van.
  2. You have a college degree and you put tassels on every night for work.
  3. You get laid off from unemployment.
  4. Your wife is having an affair with a 80 year old lesbian janitor.
  5. Your credit card is declined for a pack of gum.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Random Thought

One day I would like to fill my head with helium and float for a few hours without having to worry about serious brain damage or my head exploding. Then again I'd probably end up like this:

I remember posting this picture awhile back and somebody said that he was actually arrested for something sick but I forgot. Now that's a Halloween mask.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Love Hurts, Love Really Hurts

My girlfriend confronted me about asking her friends if she was a "woman of the night". She gave me the bullshit story of how can I think of her like that. I'm like the pot calling kettle black. I'm saying that she's cheating so I purposely started a new relationship behind her back to get back at her. This relationship has such a good future. FUCK! How do I get these relationships?! What are the chances that she's actually not cheating on me. I really wanna see who this guy is that she may or may not be cheating with just to clear my suspicions. I don't know, I might just break up with her and date the girl I'm cheating with. Her friend flirts with me too. Wouldn't that be great if me her friend did it. That would be great! Backstabbed by her boyfriend and best friend. I can just see the STD's flowing in this threesome turned tensome. I'm not having sex with any of these women. I'm not having sex until I find a nice clean girl. I'll just have multiple girlfriends.

Why do girls have to cheat? I'm purely cheating for the revenge factor so I shouldn't be considered just as bad. What happened to me? I used to be such good little bastard. My relationships tended to be better during my depression days. My mind was focused and I knew who to let close to me. I'm sure this all just leading to some sort of nervous breakdown.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I remember one night in a motel room years ago after a night out with friends, & before you ask, yes I was drinking, but I woke up and turned the TV on and watched the freakiest movie. The movie was about a guy with an arm growing out of his back. I couldn't turn away from it. It was a comedy but I was never able to get the title. So if anybody remembers a comedy about a guy with an arm growing out of his back and his day to day struggles, please let me know. I couldn't have dreamt it. I was drunk but sober enough to know he did have three arms. I know this sounds really stupid but it's real! I don't think it was a documentary because I was laughing, but I was drunk so I could've been watching Fantasia for all I know. But somebody has to know about this movie.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing

I'm up for a confrontation. I asked her friends behind her back to see if they know anything about a "Zach". And they knew exactly who he was. I was shocked. It was her ex boyfriend. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, he could've dialed the number by accident. But I'm not a dumb ass. I'm sure, which I hope that her friends do tell her that I did ask some questions so that she will want to bring it up to me.

But while I'm waiting for this to happen, I gotta plan. I'm a evil son of a bitch when it comes to revenge. Once the tears are shed then I know my job is done. That came out wrong. I just want the tears to be emotional ones. Throwing glass at me and trying to kill me, those kinds of tears.

I'm going to act like nothing is going on and keep things going like normal. Get another girl on the side as a "close friend". Purposely look like I'm cheating when I really am. This is more of a game for me now. This always ends badly, but what the hell.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


Rumors are going around that the girl I'm dating is a "frequent dater". I like her so I don't want to disrespect her and I hate that I'm even thinking about it. She seems true but cheating is something you can't forget. But this was all in her past or at least before we dated, maybe. My friend told me that he saw her with another guy holding hands. She doesn't seem like a cheater but now the thought has entered my mind, I kind of have to think about all the times that looked suspicious. Like the time she left her cell phone at my place. I kinda glanced over when it was ringing but I never picked it up. A person named "Zach" was calling her. Could be her brother, could be an old friend, could be.....but it could be any guy, really. Or when she is over flirtatious, but I do that too with other girls but that's my nature so that'll backfire if I ask. Should I ask her? Should I ask the girl that I've been dating for weeks if she is cheating on me? Should I just drop it and accept it and try to forget it? I don't know, knowing me I'll have to bring it up. No, I'll drop it. I say that so many times and end up not dropping it. Any suggestions?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Shopping List

  1. Toothpaste
  2. Sunglasses
  3. Bread
  4. Weed
  5. Deodorant
  6. Pepto Bismal
  7. Drinks
  8. Handcuffs
  9. Razor Blades
  10. Bullets
  11. Tape
  12. Garbage Bags
  13. Map
  14. Gun
  15. Knife
  16. Flashlight
  17. Mags
  18. Soap
  19. Glycerin
  20. Baking Soda

I'm planning a weekend with my brother and his friends in a few weeks. Never can be too careful.

*21. Tracking device attached to my body if I'm left in the middle of the woods choking on my blood, so my friends will be able to find me.

My brother and I have been kind of distance lately. I talked to him yesterday for awhile and he wanted me to come along with his friends "camping in the middle of nowhere" as he called it. So what kind of friends can crazy psychotic person have? I just get this weird feeling about the whole thing. Just imagine me but a little more crazy with dangerous things. What's the worse that can happen, death? Bring it

It's supposed to be Halloween weekend. I'm leaving Thursday night and I should be there Friday morning and leave Sunday morning and arrive back in one piece or "in one piece" Sunday night. I'm like really freakin out. With the whole restraining order thing that happened and was dropped, he's been kind of on edge. And put Halloween in the mix. A part of me can't wait, but another part of me wants to keep one eye open that weekend. But it's my brother, what's the worst that can happen? It's my brother, what's the worst that will happen?

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Time for another flashback. When I was a kid I was punished for doing something so I couldn't go outside. I remember I asked permission if I could runaway. They said no, so what I did is that I packed up all my stuff in my room and setup a whole new room inside the bathroom. Then my bastard brother came in and destroyed it all. Funny, I can't seem to figure out why we always fight.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Having Financial Problems?

Their's a way out. Suicide.

But really, all these reports of people killing themselves and their family's because they feel like they have no choice. Their is a way out. This coming from me of all people. Instead of facing reality, people choose not to face it. We all know its tough, we are all in the same situation. Do some cutbacks. You don't know how peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can save you money. Apply at McDonald's. Carpool. Work out deals with your debtors. When/If I commit suicide, it won't be over fucking money, please. Money is the least of my worries. Being filthy rich or filthy and poor means no difference to me. It's the way you handle yourself. These are the people who were in debt and knew they were in debt and thought things will get better. Stop applying for fucking credit cards. You do balance transfers from one credit card to another until your thousands in debt.

I read one story about a guy who wanted to kill himself but decided to kill himself and his entire family because he thought it was honorable. I know it's sad, but it's stupid. PEOPLE, IT'S FUCKING MONEY! YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT AND SURVIVE! Do you think the cavemen worried about money? Maybe we should all just resort to actually getting stuff ourselves instead of buying it. If you can find it or can't make it, then you don't need it. People are so damn adjusted to having things done for them. Get off your ass and do it yourself. Get a farm and grow your own food. I must've of missed the day when the dollar became the price of your soul. Get over it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I've Been Tagged

Shel tagged me and I have to name 6 random facts about myself.

1) I have a slight problem with road rage. Somebody cut me off one time and purposely slowed down, so I went out my way and followed them for miles until I realized what I was doing. Haha, the driver was afraid to stop. He was calling somebody and looking through his rearview mirror so I assumed he was calling the cops. So I started flashing my lights and moved on.

2) I only wear boxers. I tried free balling and briefs but I don't like the sensation and the restriction.

3) I fear an unexpected death. I'd like to know when it happens.

4) I have a thing for hot girls with glasses.

5) One drunk night after watching Jackass, my friends and I bought some wasabi and snorted. I felt like I was a toothpaste tube and somebody was squeezing me.

6) Mentally I start to care less about a relationship I feel it's not worth saving.

Here's the six. I'll try and tag 6 more people when I get the chance.

Another Day

This past weekend I did the same thing I always do, drink. As I was purposely losing at beer pong, I wondered if this is what my life has become. A depressed alcoholic with severe ups and downs. I laugh because to avoid any serious thinking I just drink more to get my mind off of it. Captain Morgan never tasted so good. Drink the pain away, that's my motto. Since you always have to watch your back with drugs, alcohol seems to be the easiest high. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics get drunk alone, I get drunk with other people. Years down the line it will come back to haunt me but you have to live life to the fullest, since my life is thrown up in the toilet every weekend.

I remember one time I got so drunk that I swore that I'll never drink again. I only get drunk off of hard liquor, beer just gives me a buzz. I was buzzed all night then all of a sudden it hit me hard. Headaches and nonstop vomiting. I was throwing up all night about every 10 minutes. I threw up everything that I had that day, and once that was done I started throwing up blood. I was at a friends house. I was too drunk to drive. A little after 5 hours later of throwing up blood, I went to the gas station and got some Pepto Bismal and I was cured. I went home and just stayed in my bed with all the lights off trying to cover my ears from the birds chirping. I swore to myself that I'll never drink again. That was until the weekend after that.

I never threw up blood before after drinking. I had to look it up. When drinking causes you to bleed then it must be serious. I think they said that the gastric acid constantly going up my throat burned away at my esophagus or something like that. I was shocked. Now if I could learn to spit the acid. I did change my behavior though after that. I never mixed hard drinks together and drunk it for an extended period of time. But you know my motto, Drink the pain away. Once you're drunk, who'll stop you?

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Not interested. The ring of prison. You're stuck for life until your spouse puts you on some life insurance and puts arsenic in your coffee, yeah, thats the life for me. Tied down to these kids I don't even know are mine because my wife and I split up and she came back to me pregnant. Waking up to the same face day after day after day. Smelling the same morning breath. Having my wife not care anymore about how she looks. Coming home from work to a cold dinner in a dark room with a depressed wife and a suicidal kid, like father like son. Marriage is not the life for me. Give me a girlfriend with no strings attached.

Time Capsule

October 12th, 2009 - October 12th, 2020

My life I guess has been a little upsetting. I'll write 5 things about how I'm feeling each year on this date and compare how much I improved or not until 2020. I'm sure I'll be long dead by then but why not set an unrealistic goal.

1)Physical: This year compared to the past has been depressing.
2)Bad Times: I've had only a few serious moments this year.
3)Goals: My life's goals are on it's way. Next year I think I'll be much better off.
4)Lesson Learned: Life's lessons are improving on how I react to things.
5)Relationships: They've been bad, but now I think it's working out.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The American Dream

Am I living the American Dream? Picket white fences and playing golf on the green? Make a sex tape and become a megastar. Being famous for doing nothing. Making a religion the newest hot shit since the microwave. The dream of doing nothing for your country and becoming president and doing less for it. The dream of winning the lottery and end up losing it all on something stupid. The dreams of the past of kids going to the arcade and having a blast. With Tommy fat ass who now can't get his hands off his Wii game system his parents got him. When Dad was the money maker and Mom was staying at home were the old relics of the American Dream. Now Mom shakes her money maker and Dad is slinging crack rock to feed the habit. All this while Tommy fat ass is killing animals and growing into the world's most notorious serial killer. Let's live the American Dream and watch all our money go down the drain and back to the rich bastards that took it away in the first place. But don't fret, this is the American Dream. Crack pipe and all. Live it, Enjoy it, Savor it, Fuck it, for it's the New American Dream.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Mickey Likes It

But Mikey hates everything, except pop rocks. Try pop rocks with vinegar and baking soda and shake it up and give it as a gag gift. Laughs for everyone! The trip to the hospital and the police station would be well worth it.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

What Not To Do In A Scary Movie

Scary movies have long been watched and followed the same way. The main things that happen that you know when the character is going to die is:

  1. Having sex. You will immediately get whacked if you have sex in a scary movie.

  2. Investigating sounds. You hear something that sounds like somebody is in the house. Why the fuck are you gonna check it out? Call the cops and get the fuck outta there.

  3. Screaming. Just shut the fuck up. You're already trying to escape, why alert the killer where you are?

  4. Being non white. It's like some scary movies were a little racist. If you aren't white then that just increases your chances of getting killed.

  5. "I'll be back". No you won't. You'll be dead as soon as you walk out the door.

  6. Answering the phone. Just gives the killer time to sneak up behind you and stab you in the back.

  7. Being alone. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

  8. Drinking. Drunks always get killed. If I was in a scary movie I'd be the first one killed.

  9. Whores and Bad Asses. They talk the big talk and people usually can't wait for them to get killed. Example: House of Wax with Paris Hilton. As soon as she got killed I got my only entertainment from the movie and turned it off, of course repeating it a few times.

  10. Opening the Door. If you answer the front door then the killer will never be there. It's a trick to distract you while they sneak into the house. The back door was never answered. Usually if the character goes out the back door then the killer is waiting out their for them.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Prom Night

I just watched Prom Night. If you haven't seen it then skip this post...........................................Ok, so the chick had her whole family killed by a stalker then he escapes and kills all her friends but one. She has to be the worst friend ever.

Reminds me of Jeepers Creepers. You always expect the good guy to win and go off in the sunset. But not in Jeepers Creepers. The monster ripped his body apart at the end.

It's stuff like that you never expect, sure in Prom Night she stayed alive, but because of her everybody's dead. I mean really, couldn't the killer just kidnap her like the good ol' days? Freddy Krueger would just kill her in her dreams. Jason would just slam the axe in her face. What happened to those days? A simple axe in the face and the job would be done. Now we have to deal with killers who take their time in movies. They want to tease you by getting close to the victim. Their were no stars in movies because the killer killed the character before you ever got to know them. Those were the days.


I've been going through this awhile now. I chose to keep it out of my posts because it happens for like maybe a half hour then I'm back to normal, somewhat. I keep getting these ideas of death. I see a knife I just imagine just slitting my wrist right there. I have this vision of just jumping off a big building. The fall would just give me my brief moment of happiness. I start thinking about all the negative things in my life and how much they outweigh all the good. I know very seriously that if I was in a really serious accident that I may live or die in, then I would not fight to stay alive. It's just when I have time to myself I just keep thinking and thinking and over thinking until I snap out of it and snap back into reality and go on with the rest of my day. This is not a cry for help so don't worry about me. I usually have a way of just keeping my depression on the inside but somedays my friends and coworkers can immediately point out something is going on, especially my friends since they know I have a history of it. I decided to write about it now so I can just get everything out of my mind and into words. I do feel a little better about things now.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Alternate Endings

Star Wars

Yoda goes to the dark side and kills everybody, the end.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Smile. You Just Ruined My Life

Smiling is an imperfection of human emotion. You smile to make somebody feel better about themselves, when in reality, you both know you're miserable inside.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Do I Frighten You?

Hello friend
We've known each other for years
I've been with you through your most difficult times
Although I've been absent during the good ones,
I remained close to you from the distance
How often we try to forget each other,
Something always draws us back together
We both know how to break this relationship
I don't think you're ready to take it to that level
Do you remember that time long ago
That time at night we were both alone
You had a bad day that day
You came and picked me up
I listened while you talked
I stayed there, silent
You wanted to hear my voice
But then again,
You didn't want to hear what I had to say
Because you knew exactly what I wanted to say
You're up and downs seem to be tearing you up
I do feel sympathy for you
I care for you
But we can't go on like this
We both must end it here and now
Why are you crying?
Quit your whining
I have other appointments you know
Look at you
Shaking like a little baby
What is it?
I should've ended you when I had the chance
Do I frighten you?
Come close to me
I've just been dying to tell you something
Hold me tight in your hands
Wrap your fingers around my body
And pull my trigger

Friday, October 03, 2008

Milk Money Revisted

As my money is being flushed down the toilet and the rich people can't afford to buy their 40th car, the Milk Money idea seems to be a good idea now.

But how will people donate if they don't have the money?


Thursday, October 02, 2008

Bail Me Out

McCain enters the room and sees Palin in the distance wearing nothing but her grandma panties. She tells him, "How long can we keep this affair going?" McCain whispers softly in her ear, "You gave me herpes".

So what you think about the bailout? That's some pocket change. Before you know it the United States government will be on welfare.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


I'm making October the Sick Fucking Month.