Saturday, April 29, 2006

Damn Right I'm Back!

It feels so good to be back! That escape was what I really needed. I come back and the dog is missing and my girlfriend went all goth on me.

I met a cop while I was gone. He pulled me over for speeding. That exact moment changed my life. After giving him the finger and screaming "fuck you" as I drove off I realized that I'm just too angry at life. The whole depressed thing is just too depressing now. I need to live life and not let life get me down. So I had to think what can I do to make things better for myself. I thought long and hard on the subject and came to the conclusion that life sucks. Seems like a step backwards. I just have to live and deal. If my life was perfect then my life would be pretty fucking boring. This blog would be really fucking boring and depressing. So for now on, I'll try to be a little happier with life and I'll try to avoid old people since they seem to have some kind of wicked vendetta against me.

Here I Am World! I AIN'T DEAD YET!!!!!

Now lets get on with the post!

Wednesday was my first day as a new man. I was in this small city and my cellphone was dead because I forgot to charge it the night before. I'm still calm. I decide to take a walk that day just to clear my lungs. It starts thundering and raining on my way back to the motel. I'm pissed but I'm still calm. I'm now running back to the motel and trip and fall breaking my already dead cellphone. My first words as a new man are "FUCK!" I'm just pissed off now. I take a shower and head over to McDonald where this asshole old lady is talking to the lady at the register like she's an idiot holding up the line about a-fucking-Hash-Brown! I wish so hard that I would just stand there and just wait but the manager is not there and everybody in line is getting angry and I'm already pissed and hungry so what do I do?!! I walk out. I padded myself on the back. If I handled the situation the old way, I would've probably gotten angry and ended tossing the old lady into french fry fryer. So I walked out and went to Burger King and got a burger since the breakfast hour was over!

Every day after Wednesday has been pretty normal. A little shitty with flowers sprinkled on top. Nothings changed. I'm still the asshole I've always been and I like it damn it! Of course I'll get depressed for a couple of weeks sometimes, but that's life. I'm dealing with it and you mother fuckers who cross me will deal with it too! Nah, I'll just think about it first.

So here's to those good and shitty days ahead!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Lost Path

Remembering the first day you were happy seems so far away. I'm constantly haunted by unfortunate events plaguing me day after day. I used to to think that whenever bad things happen, something really good comes later. After years of heart wrenching hope shattering days I now no that I'm owed my good day.

Life always has a way of putting you down. I need some time away by myself for a few days to just think. I'll be back some time next week. Don't worry I'm not still depressed so I'm not going to do anything CRAZY!!!!!!! I just need to think about my life and my future.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Confessions of the Aborted

Death seems to be around me for the past few days. A girl that I saw a few times in school was pregnant. She aborted the baby a couple of days ago. I made this post in dedication to the situation. Be warned that this post is disturbing and if you get offeneded by "True To Life" situations then I suggest skipping this post.

You slid the knife down my back as I slept in your arms as if my tortured soul would never feel it. I kept you close to me in hopes of being with you forever. The pain that you have chosen to give to me will be imprinted on your now wicked soul. For now my past will forever follow me and for my future will never be here. I will drive the long road one more time to find the meaning of the time I never had.

Dear Mother, did you ever want to know me? I promise I will never spill the milk again. I'm sorry for being alive, it will never happen again. Don't cry for me, for you never cared.

I will never see that Sun rise and that Moon fall. I will not wish upon a shooting star. I will never play that game with my friends. I will never know how love is, but I do know what a broken heart is. Do you like my drawing I made for you? It took me hours to make and I put my heart and soul in it for you. Can you see me holding your hand as you take me to school in the morning? I have my umbrella today because it's really cloudy and I didn't want to ruin my new clothes today. I loved you?

Dear Father, did you ever want to know me? I promise I will never grow up to be just like you. I'm sorry for bothering you by living, it will never happen again. Don't cry for me, for you never cared.

I will never see that Snow fall and that Water dry. I will not wish for a happy ending. I will never find my true love. I will never know what love is, but I do know what love isn't. Do you like my sand castle? It took me hours to make and I put my heart and soul in it for you. Can you see me playing in the sand today? I built the sand castle under the tree because it's really cloudy and I didn't want the rain to ruin it today. I loved you?

The clock continues to move as I continue to stand still. I'm too young to understand what's going on but I feel it is my fault. Are you telling me that you never wanted me? Did you lie to me all these months giving me false hope? Am I to believe that I was not chosen to live today? I cannot cry for I do not understand the complexity of the situation. Did you lie to me? I cannot bare to listen to this! If my future was to live like this then I would've wished to never be born. Once I'm gone you will all remember me and you will all want me. But remember this before you kill me, I always loved you and I will always love you. For if its death you want from me then take my last breath. I will drive the long road to my eternity one more time to find the life I would never have.

Goodbye Mom and Dad!


Abortion # 1.6 million.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

See You On The Other Side

Letter 2 From Max

This is the second letter From Max I've gotten. I got this a couple of weeks ago.

After my mother got really upset about my last letter, I decided to make this one a happier one.

Life I can't say is getting any better. But what can you say living here. I learned to past the time by just thinking of you guys and the good times. It makes things go by much faster.

I really don't have much to say here. What more can you talk about than the sand and the weather? I hear that the "Dick" shot his hunting buddy by accident in the woods a while back. Good to see that some people have time to go hunting and just play around and bullshit.

I'm sorry, I can't continue putting up a happy tone. Life sucks here. I wish I was back home. I'm tired of all this bullshit. I regret coming here. I want to eat that deli fresh sandwich mom would always make for me whenever I came home to visit. I want to see a naked girl in front of me one more time that isn't in my mind. I need to see this kinky bitch you keep talking about. I want to live again damn it!

Goodbye guys. I'll talk to you real soon.

Previous Letter

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Is this the end for me?

Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?

Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Take it off.
What happened to your eye?

I'm so sorry.

Why do they call you Frank?

It's the name of my father, and his father before me.

Frank? When's this going to stop?

You should already know that.
I want you to watch the movie screen.
There's something I want to show you.
Have you ever seen a portal?
Burn it to the ground.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Wishing For A New Life

I took a drive to see my friends and family. I found out that one my friends from high school died in an accident over the weekend. He graduated in my class so I've known him since I was in 1st grade. Being with a group of people for 12 years + kind of strikes a bond. It's like they become your family. I remember graduation day that everybody said goodbye for the last time and we all went our own seperate ways never to be seen again.

I remember when I was in 3rd grade the teachers gathered classes one at a time to tell us that one of our fellow students "passed away" yesterday. I remember it exactly when it happened. Teachers were crying and kids were crying. This would be my first experience with death. It's crazy that I saw him and spoke to him the day before the accident.

On my way back home today I was just thinking about the classmates and friends I lost since and after high school. This for me makes friend number 4 lost. One in elementary school, one in high school, and two after high school. The one in high school died in a car accident on a rainy day. The one after high school died a couple of weeks after graduation, and now of course this friend makes 4.

He had a wife and 2 kids. According to the paper, he never came home after work. They had a search party for 2 days finding him late that second day.

This is just ruining me right now. I have a serious migrane of just constantly thinking about it. I have tons of people to talk to but I just don't want to talk. Writing has always been my way out. That's why I feel so much calmer now that I'm writing this. When I went to see my friends they were all quiet and didn't really want nothing to do with each other. I went to visit my parents and I couldn't even talk to them. They tried to cheer me up but they know how I just bottle things in and when I'm ready to talk, I'll talk.

R.I.P. Buddy. Life is always better on the other side.

My posts over the next few days will probably be a little on the down side. His funeral is next week. Right now, nothing else matters.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

It's The Sweetness!

My girlfriend and I skipped class today and decided to just do whatever the hell we wanna do. We realized afterwards that Good Friday was this Friday and we didn't really have to skip class today but now we have 2 days off so fuck it back to the story.

We had $224 in both our pockets and were going to spend every last dollar. But on what? Well we were hungry so we stopped in at the Mom and Pop restaurant.

Ummmmm looks good enough to have a heart attack and die kind of meal. She had the salad. She told me that I'm gonna get fat eating like that. I've been eating like that since I was a kid. I've been skinny all my life. You'd have to pump the fat directly inside me for me to gain weight. It's time I get above 140 pounds soaking wet. So we spent a half hour eating. What rebels we are. Skipped class to have a late breakfast. We had a heart to heart talk about my ex girlfriends. Why me? I just went into the bathroom once she started. That's when I bumped into this guy who seemed to be in a rush. He told me he was headed to this protest a few miles down and asked me if I wanted to go. I told my girlfriend and she agreed so we followed this guy driving down to this area where they were protesting against President Bush. Wow, another Bush protest. They wouldn't allow my girlfriend to take pictures. There were like 20 people there protesting. Barely enough to start something. We got tired and left minutes later.

On the road again. I ran over something. I wanted to take a picture of it and post it here but it didn't look to pretty afterwards being ran over by both the front and back tires and all. She refused to get out of the car, wuss. She wouldn't even give it a proper burial. A car was coming so I had to leave it *sad face*.

We stopped at this gas station and saw another couple around the same age as us. They were "Black" *gasp*! We told them that we skipped school for breakfast and a failed protest and now we're at a gas station. They said that they skipped work for a day of just plain bullshitting. I told them that we were all like twins except for the fact that we're all 2 shades. We all made race jokes about each other for a few minutes getting laughs and stuff. We eventually had to leave because the "Gas Guy" gave us his stares. "Why they trying to mess with me! The man is always trying to bring the white man down." The other couple agreed and called us the Hee Haw of 2k6. We exchanged numbers and are having a double date Friday.

I called one of the two only black friends that I have a few minutes ago and told him that now I have 4 black friends now. He told that I'd always be a cracker to him. He knows more about me than my girlfriend does. I've known him for years. His mom makes some great Mac and Cheese. Secretly I would go to his mom's house only for the mac and cheese when he wasn't there. He told me that he would swear that I was having an affair with his mom. I would so do a MILF. She would buy the mac and cheese just for me to take home. I don't know what she puts in it but whatever it is it's heaven. I had to hide it when it got home because everybody in the house would try to eat it. Just thinking about it is getting me hungry. Guess I'll be visiting somebody over the weekend.

back to the story. So back on the road again. My tummy hurts so I ask my girlfriend to take over. I think it was the eggs I had this morning or the dirty forks they gave us. I had to puke but I didn't wanna puke in my car so I stuck my head out the window and just puked going 60 mph out the window. My girlfriend was screaming in panic when she saw and heard me. When I turned around and had puke all over my face. She stopped the car and fell out laughing. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my face and puked again. By now my girlfriends' face was bright red by laughing so hard. I had to change clothes but we're like 2 hours away from home so she drove to the mall giggling the entire way. Of course I couldn't go inside so she went in for me and bought some clothes and body spray for me. I felt really embarrassed. By now I'm pretty sure she has already called everybody on cellphone about the situation so I'll just tell it like it is! She took pictures of me on her phone so I guess this day will never end.

I'm all funned out by now. I'm in the backseat laying down covering my ears as she plays Lindsay Lohann. Please kill me now.

She stops on the side of the road and turns the music down. I look up and see that she just got pulled over for speeding. I laugh. She told me to flash the cop so she would get out the ticket. First of all the cop was a guy and she would get a better chance of getting out the ticket if she flashed him. Then my girlfriend did the most unexpected thing I've ever seen her do. She lifted her shirt over her head exposing her chest. The cop hasn't got out of his car yet so I just stared wondering what the fuck is she doing? I wish I took a picture of how she looked. She tried to pull the shirt back down before the cop came up to the window but her shirt got stuck on her earring. So here we were trying to get my girlfriends' shirt unhooked before the cop came by, but it was too late. So the cop went to the window and looked at her and looked at my puzzle face and started laughing. He said he was going to cite her for speeding but this is punishment enough. He laughed and went back to his car. Now if this isn't justice I don't know what is. This was definitely karma for her laughing at me. She had to take the entire shirt off to get it off her earring. Do you know how hard it was for not to laugh? She finally broke and laugh too.

It's about time we call it a day. So now I'm here telling you her story since she's telling everybody my story. We'll never skip school again!!!!!!

Except on days we just don't feel like going!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Easter Bunny Revenge

They gather speed as the mighty brown rabbit hops its way towards them. It's death for sure since it's a new world now where the rabbits collect human souls for harvest. The daughter father pair were simply stealing from the Easter Bunny. Who know rabbits laid eggs. As the rabbit catches up with them, it slowly destroys their lives by filling their heads with lies and possible futures. As they slowly start to lose their mind they lose all hope for life and that's when it takes their soul.

It's peaceful looks deceive all. As the blood drips from your feeble morbid mindless body, you feel its desire for revenge and know that it knows that you are not ready for what it has planned for you. You wake up from what you think is a nightmare but in the real world it was all a dream. You look outside your window and you see nothing out there but an endless road going in no direction. You look left and you look right but you end up being pushed further away from something that isn't moving. You are going insane. The world isn't fair. You run down the stairs in panic and everybody looks at you as if you are insane and that nothing has just happened. You run to the front door to see life passing you by. You turn around and everybody is gone. This must be a dream you keep telling yourself. You slowly step one foot outside your speckled color door and everything stops. You step one more foot outside the speckled color door and the world is back to normal. How can this be? You scream to the top of your lungs to see if anybody hears you. Nobody hears you. The earth shakes as if something is coming. Something is coming. The thundering sound gets louder. It's coming behind you but you can't see it. You run outside and the somewhat normal world turns into a giant road. The sound is getting louder and you continue to run but something is holding you back. You see nothing but complete darkness above with a brightly shining paved road below. You trip and fall over the inanimate object that never was there. You wake up again and just curl up with your legs to your chest and your head as far down as it to go as if you were hiding from something that never was really there. Your afraid to cry because it shows weakness and weakness would be wrong. You slowly get out of bed to look out the window and everything seems to be normal. You go inside the bathroom to see a note on the mirror telling you over and over again a million times.......

"For it was I you were after and it was for I who found me"

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Happy Blogaversary

It's been almost a year since I posted my first post.

I went from this.....

To this......

In my opinion, I guess the pictures are getting better.

I've been through a lot since my first post about a year ago. Dealing with crazy ex girlfriends and dirty sex wanting ex girlfirends. Back at the beginning my post tended to be funny and then took a real serious turn dealing with death. It eventually became what it is now....funny dead things. No actually things are much better now. It's just me growing. Who knows what my posts will be like a year from now. I have a steady girlfriend that lives with me. Things are great for me now.

Just thinking back at all the crazy things in my life that happened like my sister having an abortion, my old friend being terrozied by his crazy mom who told me that he died and many other depressing things. But things did really get really good for me last year. I found out that I had a brother that I didn't know about and my girlfriend introduced me to frozen poptarts.

Then theres the damn dog that I still hate that the owners haven't came forward yet!

So here's to the future of The Sick Fucking Bastard!

I WANT A .............

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Dirty Post -- XXX

My girlfriend doesn't want me to post this story because she thinks its degrading to women and is just plain sick.

The post is just a flashback of girl I knew in high school that I had sex with. I go into details but where's the fun without details?

I will admit the post is definetly dirtiest post I've ever done beating out "My Favorite Suicide" and the unforgettable "Kinky Bitch"

I'll think about it.

I thought about it. I set the post date for March 1. If you don't wanna be disgusted, do not click on the link below.

They Call Her......

Monday, April 03, 2006

Run Rabbit Run

The end is near.

panic and run because the end is near,
sacrafice the one for what you hold dear,
because the end is near,
suicidal jumps and jealous rages you do not fear,
because the end is near,
mourn the death of a love one by shedding a tear,
because the end is near,
make peace with the silence you now hear,
because the end is near,
take flight and fall for its your final year,
because your end is now here.

Sunday, April 02, 2006


Two weeks of pranks being pulled on me, April Fools would be my day. My girlfriend is pretty damn smart. Since we got in a debate on who masturbates more she decided to play a joke. Damn this joke was good. She bought like 20 blow up dolls and set them up inside the bedroom doing one giant orgy. She tied a little rope to all of them and attached them to the fan so that it would look they were all moving. She popped in a porno dvd and put it on repeat and the door half cracked. So when I came back home I would hear moaning and see what looked like a ton of people inside the bedroom fucking. As soon as I opened the door I just busted out laughing. She even had the names of some of my ex girlfriends scribbled on their head.

So the prank on my girlfriend. I had to think of something good. Something that would humiliate her forever! I paid a person to go to her job and tell her that someone just stole a blue jeep (her car) in the parking lot. She ran outside to see her car missing. I had to work that day too so I just gave one of our friends the extra key to drive off with it and just videotape the whole thing for me. My idiot friend parked it in the next parking lot so she found out what was up minutes later. So that prank was a bust.

When you want stuff done, you gotta do it yourself. My cousin owns this restaurant a few cities away from us, so I decided to just prank my girlfriend and all my friends in one hit. My cousin and I had this idea to have this crazy hitchhiker on the side of the road. So he played the hitchhiker. It was dark so nobody could see who he was. My girlfriend would be the only person that might recognize him since she saw him at the family get together a few months ago, but he had a hood on and a scarf around his neck. I was driving so when I pulled over to pick him up everybody told me to keep going. But my kind and generous nature came through and I picked him up. It was great. He had these tattered clothes and a beer bottle in his pocket. Everybody sat as far right as they could in the car. He started screaming "You motherfuckers, You mother fucking cocksucker kids! I'm gonna kill you all!" Everybody started screaming. He then got silent and my friend Alex the Cowardly Lion stuttered, "Hey, you, crazy man!" I had to stop it. Alex gets kind of crazy when he gets nervous. My cousin and I agreed on "Snowflake" being the word that would mean to break character. He fucking forgot when I said it! Now I looked like the crazy maniac repeating "snowflake" to myself. He finally remembered and said April Fools. So I got the punches from the friends and girlfriend on the joke on how it wasn't funny. But in my heart I know they were terrified.

So Jake asked who the bum was. I told him the bum is my cousin who owns the restaurant that we are eating at for free. I never been there either so I didn't know what to expect. I was going to pick him up and play the prank on my friends and he was going to tell us the rest of the way. He led us to the back of the woods with one beat up log cabin. We kept waiting for him to say April Fools but he got out of the car. There were people sitting on the ground fishing in the middle of the night. I felt like I was in a parallel hicktown universe. He then said April Fools and we drove to his seafood restaurant. The food was great. I would go there often but it being about a hour away is the bad thing.

On another note. Snowflake would be my nickname given to me by my brother as a kid because I looked so pale that one year I went to the beach. Now my entire family calls me snowflake.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

I am an April Fool!

Oh yeah baby! April Fools Day! I've been planning this day since January 1st. Everybody better watch out for me.

One year an April Fools prank went a little too far. I can't go into details right now (lawyers Mombo Jombo), but it involves one of my friends being sued and all, well it wasn't pretty. It ended with a get the hell out of here or I'll send your ass to jail kind of motion. Those were the days.

Today is my day. Baby, I'm sorry in advance. Friends and coworkers, I'm sorry but I need to get you back for last year. Mom and Dad, this is for accidently killing my pet dog Boner. Mom and Dad made my room into a exercise room and just destroyed everything I hold dear, Playboys, Hustlers, lifesize Jennifer Love Hewitt poster.

I'll keep ya updated later on how the day went and how many people ended up at the hospital including myself. My girlfriend said that I better watch out for something very big. I'm shaking in my boots.