Great News

Since I went on my anti Unthanksgiving rant and not spending the holidays with the fam, they decided to come here this Christmas. This way I can't escape. They seem to have waited until the last minute so I couldn't lie and make plans of leaving town. I'm picking them up at the airport on Tuesday. They're staying until freakin Sunday, but I have to keep December clean! Need to stock up on Egg Nog and Rum, plenty of Rum.

A Prapa Update

I was a little down yesterday but today I feel freakin' not as unhappy!

I have this taste of blood everytime I cough, but when I spit I don't see the blood, except that one time. Should I get that checked out?

So besides the possible internal bleeding, life is going pretty darn well. The girl I'm seeing I see as more of a fling. So I'm not looking for anything long term. Looking at my track history, I don't think I have a choice. As for kimmyk calling me a cheater.....technically, yes, but I cheat when I feel obligated to. I try not to cheat, really. But heartbroken and tears falling from my eyes, I run into the arms of another woman or stripper, which ever I see first. Basically I cheat when the girl cheats on me and I just do it for revenge. I just tend to attract cheaters or weird girls. Guess I'm a glutton for a constant punishment (insert dominatrix joke here). Who knows, this girl might turn out to be my wife, well lets not think too far ahead.

But kimmy gave me a great idea. My brother and I haven't had a good revenge lately. The camp trip was a bust. I was expecting the worse but got the best. My bro reads the blog sometimes so he might catch wind before it happens so I have to keep the "possible" revenge til after it "may happen". But who are we kidding, the revenge whenever it happens will be sweet.

I have this cold so I feel kinda out of it too for the past few days. I'm going to drink myself silly this weekend with some kind of beverage that gives you hallucinations, wish me luck!

Freaky

I remember one night in a motel room years ago after a night out with friends, & before you ask, yes I was drinking, but I woke up and turned the TV on and watched the freakiest movie. The movie was about a guy with an arm growing out of his back. I couldn't turn away from it. It was a comedy but I was never able to get the title. So if anybody remembers a comedy about a guy with an arm growing out of his back and his day to day struggles, please let me know. I couldn't have dreamt it. I was drunk but sober enough to know he did have three arms. I know this sounds really stupid but it's real! I don't think it was a documentary because I was laughing, but I was drunk so I could've been watching Fantasia for all I know. But somebody has to know about this movie.

Another Day

This past weekend I did the same thing I always do, drink. As I was purposely losing at beer pong, I wondered if this is what my life has become. A depressed alcoholic with severe ups and downs. I laugh because to avoid any serious thinking I just drink more to get my mind off of it. Captain Morgan never tasted so good. Drink the pain away, that's my motto. Since you always have to watch your back with drugs, alcohol seems to be the easiest high. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics get drunk alone, I get drunk with other people. Years down the line it will come back to haunt me but you have to live life to the fullest, since my life is thrown up in the toilet every weekend.

I remember one time I got so drunk that I swore that I'll never drink again. I only get drunk off of hard liquor, beer just gives me a buzz. I was buzzed all night then all of a sudden it hit me hard. Headaches and nonstop vomiting. I was throwing up all night about every 10 minutes. I threw up everything that I had that day, and once that was done I started throwing up blood. I was at a friends house. I was too drunk to drive. A little after 5 hours later of throwing up blood, I went to the gas station and got some Pepto Bismal and I was cured. I went home and just stayed in my bed with all the lights off trying to cover my ears from the birds chirping. I swore to myself that I'll never drink again. That was until the weekend after that.

I never threw up blood before after drinking. I had to look it up. When drinking causes you to bleed then it must be serious. I think they said that the gastric acid constantly going up my throat burned away at my esophagus or something like that. I was shocked. Now if I could learn to spit the acid. I did change my behavior though after that. I never mixed hard drinks together and drunk it for an extended period of time. But you know my motto, Drink the pain away. Once you're drunk, who'll stop you?

The Challenge

If I could recite the alphabet backwards without messing up then I could drink all I want without paying for a year. And if I fail then I'll have to pay for everybody's first drink. As you can tell by the first pictures I took if I won or lost.

They thought I would have that memorized by now out of fear of being pulled over. I do have it memorized backwards but the problem is remembering when you're drunk. I even know the penny trick. Everybody felt sorry for me so they decided to give me a break and pay for my drinks. I wish they would've told me earlier, I would've drunk more. I didn't even get to the point of throwing up drunk. I'm so disappointed in myself. But I got laid, so why complain.

She Was Kidding

And a bought a 12 pack of water for nothing.

Funny how that conversation came up.

So what's everybody doing this weekend? I'm going to get extra drunk this weekend. I call it a "Die From Alcohol Poisoning Weekend". I'm going to drink until I can't feel my face. I'm going to get so wasted that I'll marry my right hand for those lonely nights it kept me company. I still don't have a drinking problem. Normally I would do it every night but I just, you know, it's no need to explain it. I'm a substance user not a substance abuser. If I know I have a problem then that means I've accepted it which I have. I believe cutting off both my hands would cure me, or being resuscitated by the paramedics 7 nights in a row. They would give up on the 8th time and leave me for dead. Yeah, that would teach me a lesson.

Well goodbye.

Happy Paraskavedekatriaphobia Day

I love days that scare people!


We're having a Slasher Fridays night tonight. We're watching The Happening. My friends think it's inappropriate for me to watch that movie. Just because I'm in suicide therapy doesn't mean that watching a movie about people killing themselves is going to hurt me. It wouldn't make it better, but what the hell. If I do kill myself after watching the movie, I'd blame my friends for making me watch it so they'll be haunted by it. How dare they make a suicidal person watch this! I own the movie The Bridge, and you don't see me jumping off any bridges. Uh, sidenote, if I do write a post about going to California for a trip, please stop me. I never plan on going to California for fun. I'm imagining taking a trip a meeting new people along the way on my journey to California and then ending it all. I'd better stop thinking about it now.


Tit's also going to be Father's Day this weekend so I can't get too plastered tonight since I have to drive back home to visit my dad tomorrow. My parents don't want another "incident" on their hands. I still don't know what to get him. I'm an impulse late buyer. You'll see me shopping for Christmas presents Christmas morning, well maybe Christmas afternoon once I wake up.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads and deadbeat dads, some of us are still waiting for that court ordered child support.

My Penis

I rather say penis instead of dick because saying penis to somebody makes them feel more insulted than being called a dick. But I digress. I don't know if you girls name your vaginas, but we name our cock. I say vagina because it sounds dirtier. But I digress. I for one name my cock and balls separately. My left nut I call "Nutter" and my right nut I call "Butter". Please tell me when this post starts going too far. And in between Nutter Butter we have Mufasa. I got the name after watching Lion King one day. I named it as a kid and it stuck with me. I could only imagine what Mufasa was capable of when he grew. The fun times Mufasa and I had together.

Last night was a long night and you how I roll, a bottle of Crown Royal with a side of PCP. I'm starting to think I really have a problem with drinking. You can squeeze the booze out of my liver to make an irishmen drunk. I think I still have a hangover. I'm a little dizzy and everything is around me is a little blurry. It's like I'm drunk on the inside but very sober on the outside. Don't ask me the science behind that. My eyes are on fire!

I think my friends are a bad influence on me. I know I fucked their lives up. Let me tell you how fucked up we are. For one of our friends we hired a prostitute blind date. We of course got her tested so she was clean but it didn't last. She was high class, like 40 bucks or something. That's just the beginning of the fucked up things we do to each other. Oh so many trips to the hospital.

I'll try to get to everybodies blog before I pass out. Is everybodies a word? Or is it everybody's or everybodyies or ya'll or yallies?

Update

I was posting on Shel's blog about my ex girlfriend. You know the one I broke up with because she didn't drink because she was a recovering alcoholic. Ever since that night I broke up with her I've never heard from her. Yeah, I wouldn't call me back either. I would call her back but I threw her number out and I was hoping that she would call me back so I can at least have her # in my phone.

I haven't seen her at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting next door to my meetings. It would be crazy if I drove her back to drinking. If she has picked up drinking again now then maybe we should hang out again. I bet she'd make a cool drunk. She just wasn't fun sober. She needed to loosen up a bit.

A Reason To Drink: Happy St Patty's Day

A reason to drink alcohol all day. I might protest every holiday but this one I like. I'm now noticing that March is becoming a very alcohol/pot month for me. No need to stop on St Patrick's Day, maybe tomorrow.

I think I would be a bad lepracaun. I would spend my pot of gold on booze and drugs so need to try and capture me because you'll get nothing.

Chronicles of Drunkania

I broke up with my girlfriend because she doesn't drink. I know I'm an asshole. I just can't be with a sober person. I thought I could get over it but she won't even drink a little bit. I do admire that and becoming a recovering alcoholic and going to her weekly meetings but I just don't have time for sobriety in my life. My liver is one thing I know is going down the shitter in the future. Perhaps when I realize I'm a alcoholic, who am I kidding, or rather come to terms with then maybe we will have a future.

It was mutual. She kind of sensed it. I felt bad taking her to bars but I shouldn't have to sacrifice my fun time with friends for her benefits. She had fun. As much fun as a recovering alcoholic can have at a bar that sells alcohol. I feel like I was a bad influence. It's not like I tied her down and forced the beer down her throat, but the idea sounds kind of good for some s&m. I'm sure she talked about me at her meetings. I laugh at people that drink Zima, she wouldn't even drink Zima! But we are still cool, see.



She told me she only went to the bars because of me. Now that made me feel really bad. A couple of more shots got rid of that thought. And that picture was taken "after" the break up which means she wasn't crying and totally upset that she broke with the drunken stallion. We'll still hang out and like watch a movie or something. She eventually left without us last night. She didn't even say goodbye, I think. I don't remember much, she has my number.



But we had fun. And I not a alcohlic. Forgetting stuff is normal. I realize now that dry heaving blood is not normal but that was one really really bad hangover. Still not an alcoholic though -- is what I keep telling myself. I see how depressed people use drinking as a crutch. It gets your mind off things. I guess subconciously I do it

IT DIDN'T WORK!

We've been planning this for awhile and we got up the guts to do it. It's a really dumb thing to do and we just crossed it off the list and will never do it again. One too many injuries occurred this weekend so we decided to scrap it. Truly, doing it would've probably killed one of us but hey, you only live once. Since we aren't going to do it I guess I can tell you a little bit of it. It had to do with a bungee cord and a shopping cart.

So I'm here at home resting getting over my injuries. I did hit the back of my head pretty hard. I don't know if I'm sleepy or just have a concussion. I guess if I don't wake up in the morning then I guess it was a concussion.

Everybody wants to come over my place to watch the Oscars. I don't have any interest in it so the girls are gonna watch it while we get plastered. I'm guessing I should stop taking the aspirin now then. I think I should go to the hospital to make sure I'm ok. I think I'm just sleepy, the headache is making me tired.

HELLO 2008!

Let's bring in the New Year SICK FUCKING STYLE!



Oh and I did get drunk & laid and feel so fucking bad with this hangover but I still wanna fucking party! WOOOOO HOOOOOO!

The Morning After Yesterday

So this is what happened last night. So I pick her up and take her to the restaurant. You learn to break up with strange girls in public places. Gives them less of a chance for them to stab you. We're sitting down and she tells me all the things she's gonna do to me. I was biting my tongue so hard and I just spit it out before I back out. I told her it was over and she slapped me, and told me her boyfriend was going to kick my ass. I had to laugh because she was the one cheating on him, but what do I know? So she stormed out pushing some lady out of her way. She never gave me the chance to explain why I was breaking up with her, but I'm sure she'd hate the reason more.

I wish I could tell you more about what happened but it ended pretty quickly so their isn't much to say. The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes. I wish I didn't shave before the date because the slap stings. Ok, now I'm done with the skank, I leave the restaurant before I'm even able to order. It would be a little awkward to stay. But I'm still hungry, so I call a couple of my friends and we all go out to this bar and got totally fucked up. And that was my date. Pretty fun. I should break up with girls more often.

Happy St. Patty's Day

Yes! A reason to get drunk in the morning. We're dumping all our keys in the "bowl of soberness" since we won't be driving later. In the spirit of the Irish, we are going to watch Boondock Saints and The Departed. So we are going to celebrate today by getting drunk and watching a lot of murdering.....in movies. Everything is green themed. My blog is greener, my teeth are greener, my clothes are green, but my wallet isn't that green so the green theme is a little light this year. Breakfast was green too but I think my girlfriend just cooked some spoiled food, but what's the difference in the other times she cooks?

Santa's Slay was by far the worst Slasher Friday movie ever. I laughed my ass off! I love this movie!



We should've watched The Leprechaun for Slasher Fridays. I haven't seen it in awhile. Hmmm looks like my girlfriend's friends.