Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Times Are Changing


Sometimes I wonder if women had breast on their backs and if I would still get caught staring at their tits?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hellsgiving Week

The relationship with the stripper is over. We broke up Friday. She turned out to be more than just a stripper and I'll end it at that.

Well Thanksgiving was just as bad as I expected to be with my dad giving me his hatred of Rudolph Guliani and Target. Oh yeah and my brother got arrested Saturday night and my parents had to leave and bail him out of jail. Yeah, my Thanksgiving weekend rocked.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Bloody Turkey Thanksgiving!

Another year of Thanksgiving. My parents decided to spend Thanksgiving with me. My stripper girlfriend will be here later so that should be interesting.

Of course I have to put in my two cents on what I think of this government made holiday. I'll keep this year's suffering brief. Thanksgiving happened in 1619. A few years later, the Powhatan Native Americans would kill over 300 people. So let's celebrate every year and run the Native Americans into reservations and casinos. Ok, that's all I got.

My dad joked around and wanted to surprise BM's parents at Thanksgiving. I'm all for it except for the fact that they probably have the whole family there, Jo Bob, Bo Bob, Billy Bob, Bob Bob, So Bob, Ho Bob, Bobo Bob and Bobo Bob Jr. My dad of course I know is going to bring politics to the table and talk about what he has planned for me. And to top of it off, I'm going to ask my girlfriend to dance on the table after dinner to make it a dinner they'll never forget.

Why couldn't they spend the day with my brothers or sister? Why is it always me? They are leaving Sunday so I have to leave town for 3 days.

Happy Stuffed Bird Day!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

It Could Be A Dead Animal

I have a smell in my car that is getting pretty bad. I don't know what it is. I'm thinking that I bought a pet and forgot I had it in the car. I really hope that isn't the case. I can only imagine what it looks like now. I'm going to have somebody clean my car for me so that I don't have to do it.

Wouldn't it be funny if it was really a dead animal. Something like a rabid squirrel or raccoon that snuck in my car and just waited to attack me like a sniper but I just decided to ride the bus for the next few days. I just got in and I'm thinking about animal snipers. Being senile when I'm older seems to be coming a lot sooner.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

She's Got Skillz!

I just found out some great news about my girlfriend. She's a stripper! She asked me to pick her up from work and she told me where. I know, completely classy. I'm sooooo happy. Does she come with batteries? Makes me wanna stick a pole in my pants and the middle my living room.

Her stage name is Jinx. I plan on seeing her performance this weekend, without my friends because it would be just too weird with them there with me. You know, the whole situation is weird. I don't know if I could stay and watch and not feel the urge to kick some ass for other guys touching her, not so much the females but the guys, no. I'm thinking too far ahead. Let me just enjoy the strip show when I'm there.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Vicodin Induced State Of Mind

I can draw my hand on a piece of paper, give me a degree.

Going Private

I've been thinking about this blog and wondering if I should bother keeping it open. I just don't feel like talking but yet at times I feel like speaking a little more personal. I'm at the point that if I do continue to use this blog as my communication to the millions? billions? trillions of people out there, then I might go private like my myspace account.

So give me your input. I'm really easy in more ways then one. My decision will be on Friday.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Slasher Fridays - White Noise

I'm looking for a movie about dead people to watch tonight...........especially when they are stuck in your TV, so we're watching White Noise.

dead people kick ass.

I guess I have to think of some good news to write since this week has been so fucking stellar. I'm seeing a new girl now that seems normal. But you know how normal and I get along. I'll find one thing that will drive me crazy. I'm tired of relationships now. I think I'm ready to settle down. I'm tired of these half-a-night stands. It's like my dating life is the DMV, you take a number and wait until you're called. I'm sure theirs a group of my ex's together planning on fucking up my life somehow. I'll be waiting, I need the excitement. Well I'm out, gotta find something to do with my life.

Monday, November 05, 2007

What's Up

I felt like I had to update since nothing is going on with my life. Life does still suck. I still wish old people would get off the road or spontaneously combust.

Lately I've been holding back on my blog. Their are some things I want to say but feel that I need to tone it down, but toned down isn't me. So for now on I'm gonna speak it as I see it. Somedays I might be all happy and cool and somedays I might be a total prick because I just don't care anymore, starting with this sentence.....

I picked up smoking purely for the cancer because I just didn't give a fuck about living anymore.

Stuff like that. Somedays I would do things really bad for me just to speed up my death. Don't get freaked out, I'm not like that anymore, most of the time. I quit smoking mainly for financial reasons. I decided to spend my cig money on pot instead, I guess it's a lose/lose situation.

Have you always wondered if you were a mistake. One time in the past, I talked to my parents and my mom said she was going to become a teacher after she had my brother but I came up and she had to stop. So in so many words, I was an accident. So I consider myself a mistake bastard child, how fitting. I didn't want to be born in the first place. My life would've been so much better if I never lived to see it. Then their was my oldest brother that was put up for adoption. Now if I was him I would've killed myself years ago because I would've considered myself not good enough in my parent's eyes. It's shit like that that gets to me. I keep thinking about the worst possible situation and find all the bad angles out of all of it. Then later on I would laugh at how I was thinking about it and then I would think negative about it like maybe I was right thinking about it. I really think I'm going mental.

Normally I would delete depressing shit like that. The millions of fucked up shit that I deleted just to keep this blog happy would shock you. The stuff that I write is the "PG" version of my life.

I know my parents didn't plan on having me, I gave them hell when I was a kid to make that decision even more certain. But I know they wouldn't regret it and are glad that I am here.

You know the funny thing about this post is that it was supposed to be funny. Guess I fucked up somewhere on line 2. Hate just came out of me. But the weird thing is that I'm happy yet really depressed. My friends now know when I'm depressed. I just start drifting out and look at something weird for a long time. I guess I'm just thinking about doing stuff. Well, goodnight.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Damn My Morals!

I couldn't do it! I fucking turned down sex! I kept thinking the only reason I did this ban was because I was having too much random sex and that would be what I would be doing last night.

I was fucking making out with her and everything! And I said no! My hand was on her breast! Do I even have a penis anymore!

I think I'm getting a conscience now. Too bad the millions of animals had to die during my childhood to realize this. I give myself a day to get over it, then I'm sure the whole conscience thing would be gone.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Blue Balls No More!

Today is the end of the 40 Days and 40 Nights! I can't believe I fucking did it! No masturbation and no sex for 40 days! My morning was quite eventful and "releasing".... No Slasher Fridays tonight, I'm getting pussaaaaaaayyyyyy!

But I must first strike conversation and act interested in their conversations hehehe. It's a shame I don't have a girlfriend or else this would be easier. If only I waited to break up with her after the booty call then I would be all set. I would've ended up pushing her out the window and fleeing to Canada and that would just delay sex. If I invited her over she would cut my dick off for sure.

Well, going clubbin 2nite!

Guidelines To Avoid Getting An STD:

Don't take the sluttiest girl home

Well I'm all set.