Bored

My girlfriend lost her cellphone but I found it but she doesn't know it yet. I never liked the ringtone she had for me so I changed it to Ms. New Booty from Bubba Sparxxx and hid it deep in her purse. I turned the ringer up to full blast and I'll call her once she's at work in a few hours from now. Let it be my prelude to April Fools. Oh, and I added a password and locked the phone.

We're always pulling pranks on each other so she'll laugh, maybe. Plus I needed to get her back for writing "I Swallow" with a sharpie on the back of my neck while I was sleeping. I didn't find out for days. So revenge is sweet.

I'm Back.....

What a hellish few weeks I had. When a bad day turns into a bad week and then so on. I got really really depressed over the past few weeks. A few attempted slits of the wrist, a few calls to the suicide hotline and a meeting with my sponsor and I'm back to normal. Today is not a great day but it's a better day. I'm just surrounded by so much negativity that it's just bringing me down. I haven't been this bad in awhile. 2009 is starting off with a bang.

Over the past few weeks I thought about a lot of things including the impact my death would have on the people that care for me. I tried to compensate by thinking how my life would be much better if I wasn't in each and every one of their lives. Luckily I came back to my senses. I GOT MEDS!!!!!! Yummy meds. I'm poppin' them like skittles, safely, so far, sometimes.

I had so many things to write about over those weeks but I just lost interest in everything. I wanted to keep you guys updated and that I'm good. I don't know how much longer I'm going to keep writing to this blog. My interest in everything is starting to go away. The way I see things now, I'll probably start blogging less and less until I just won't blog anymore. But I'm still a little depressed so it just might be the depression and the meds talking.

Last weekend, one of my neighbors across the street had a heart attack and died. I never knew him but I always saw him.

But frankly, I'm tired of drowning my problems here, plus it's Friday the 13th. A day of fear for other people tends to put a smile on my face. Plus I have something to smile about, my girlfriend has been with me through this difficult time as well so I'll show her my thanks tomorrow. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with during my moods.

My next post will definitely be more upbeat whenever I write again. I'll try and get to everybody's blogs eventually. You know what's really ironic, I have my ipod on shuffle and it went to Peter Gabriel's "Don't Give Up". My sponsor gave me a list of songs to motivate me. So I look for Eminem's "Crack A Bottle" to give me some real motivation. That's my shit.

Have a happy 13th and a commerically corrupt day made up by the government called V-Day. Guess you know which movie I'm watching tonight.

It's November

Got back from my trip late last night. Not as bad as I expected it to be. It was planned, it came, it went and now it's over. It was just camping. It gave me some time to think about a lot of things with nothing was going on but a few voices and total nature silence.

I had time to ponder about a few things about my life. Having so many friends and feeling life is getting better mentally, I still feel hollowed out inside. I broke it off with my girlfriend and the other one when I came back. I'm just tired of this and everything. Feeling used and not wanted. I am mentally abusing myself. It's probably just the holidays, but I'm just not feeling "life" right now. Their's too many things going on in my life and a lot of important things I'm putting on the back burner.

I just need to reevaluate a few things right now.

Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing

I'm up for a confrontation. I asked her friends behind her back to see if they know anything about a "Zach". And they knew exactly who he was. I was shocked. It was her ex boyfriend. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, he could've dialed the number by accident. But I'm not a dumb ass. I'm sure, which I hope that her friends do tell her that I did ask some questions so that she will want to bring it up to me.

But while I'm waiting for this to happen, I gotta plan. I'm a evil son of a bitch when it comes to revenge. Once the tears are shed then I know my job is done. That came out wrong. I just want the tears to be emotional ones. Throwing glass at me and trying to kill me, those kinds of tears.

I'm going to act like nothing is going on and keep things going like normal. Get another girl on the side as a "close friend". Purposely look like I'm cheating when I really am. This is more of a game for me now. This always ends badly, but what the hell.

Gossip

Rumors are going around that the girl I'm dating is a "frequent dater". I like her so I don't want to disrespect her and I hate that I'm even thinking about it. She seems true but cheating is something you can't forget. But this was all in her past or at least before we dated, maybe. My friend told me that he saw her with another guy holding hands. She doesn't seem like a cheater but now the thought has entered my mind, I kind of have to think about all the times that looked suspicious. Like the time she left her cell phone at my place. I kinda glanced over when it was ringing but I never picked it up. A person named "Zach" was calling her. Could be her brother, could be an old friend, could be.....but it could be any guy, really. Or when she is over flirtatious, but I do that too with other girls but that's my nature so that'll backfire if I ask. Should I ask her? Should I ask the girl that I've been dating for weeks if she is cheating on me? Should I just drop it and accept it and try to forget it? I don't know, knowing me I'll have to bring it up. No, I'll drop it. I say that so many times and end up not dropping it. Any suggestions?

Clingy

As you all know, I've had this girl for awhile now that I refused to consider her a girlfriend because I don't wanna be committed. But eventually out of peer pressure from her, I broke down and made her my girlfriend awhile ago. Now I hate her guts. She's just to clingy. I can't even go to the grocery store without telling her and her hopping in the car with me. I'm like a prisoner in my own home. She keeps calling me. I want to break up with her but I have a hard time breaking up with girls that are possessive who take it without repercussions. Hopefully she reads the blog and will get the message. She's coming over tonight at around 6. I told her I'll be here at 6 so that I could leave at about 5 and never see her.

She was great when we weren't dating, but now it feels like she's my umbilical cord. I even told her to relax a little but it didn't work. I have to continue this post later.

I need some motivation to go ahead and break it off. I have to believe that I can do it. Well it's about 5 and it's my cue to get the fuck outta here before she gets here. Peace.

House of Kink

I'm thinking of upgrading my girl thats a friend to my girlfriend. But once I label her that I'll end up breaking up with her. Since I've been a little on the down side she decided to give me a special night. I don't know what she has planned but I have my hopes! I guess depression has its perks.

Thin Ice

I found the girl of my dreams (again) but she is taken (again). I'm the guy that I hate seeing or in this case, not seeing with my girlfriend. This relationship already feels like we're walking on thin ice. Trying to keep it secret and on the down low is tough but extremely hot.

Deer Eat Deer World

First of all, I shaved. Second of all, I ate deer meat tonight. You can take the redneck out of the hillbilly but you can't take the hillbilly out the redneck. I can never look at Rudolph the same way now. I had to take in the full aspect of being a hick. And ya know, I don't like it. It does not taste like chicken. It taste like shit. No matter how much salt and pepper you put on it to hide the taste, it comes back at you and hits you hard. I had to come home. I just don't feel right anymore. It was all my girlfriend's idea. She likes eating deer, so I just decided to try it. It's too bad she is a recovering alcoholic or else I would've gotten drunk to forget I ever ate that.

So side note for You Sick Fucking Bastard: Deers fucking suck! Do they gorge on shit all day to get that shitty taste? It felt like it was sucking all the saliva out my mouth.

Slasher Fridays - Hellraiser

A movie based on me growing up.

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend tonight. I was hoping she would read my blog and get the hint but I guest I have to tell her, with a group of people, away from my apartment, away from my car. I guess it's a good thing. I'm glad I was on my 40 days and 40 nights thing. I couldn't imagine the diseases I would've gotten from her.

This whole break up thing might actually be a bad idea. She got pretty violent last time I broke up with her. Their's no telling what she'll do when it happens again.

I might have to get a restraining order out against her. Satan, please give me the strength to fight this demon. I don't know what I was thinking getting back with her. I'm actually a little worried. I need to find a big lesbian to fight my girlfriend problems for me. Any takers? I'll watch.....

The Smallest Button to Button

My girlfriend and I broke up, again. This time it looks like it's going to be for awhile. We still "love"(what does that mean?) each other, but the long distance isn't working out. My schedule is hectic now and I barely have time to eat and then traveling to see my girlfriend is just killing both of us.

Other than that, life's been ok. Previous ex is just an acquaintance. I have nobody now! BOO HOO! Not like I have time for anybody for more than a second outing now. So I have no girlfriend and my parents are selling my childhood home and I don't even have time to sit down and process it all. Life doesn't get any better than this. But with all these disappointments, I'm not depressed, I'm upset though. Oh and I got a call from my now ex girlfriend's parents just making sure that I know that they still don't like me. Who calls just to say "I hate you"? They do. I always wondered if she came up pregnant, I would be in their lives forever! Came close but not gonna talk about it. I don't even remember why they hate me. It's not liked I streaked on their Thanksgiving table last year sheesh, but it does give me an idea for this year though. That hate call kind of made me happy though.

But I'm still upbeat. Ever since I made that post about avoiding the cops I've been a little paranoid every time I see one. I'm thinking that if a cop pulls me over I'm going to blurt out something about a few pounds of hash in my pockets and two hand fulls of cocaine in the glove department, and when he ask if I have anything else I'd say theirs also a few dead bodies in the trunk. But in reality I'd just get busted for 2 of those things, if it's a weekend maybe all 3. Speaking of drugs and dead people, I think I'm going to have a blast this weekend. We are going to the beach and sample illegal stuff probably. So my life really isn't as bad as it could be I guess or gonna be.

So that's me update. I'm still alive and kicking harder. You know, I don't think I even cursed once on this entire post. I think I'm turning a new leaf. This has gotta be the first time ever! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

No Rest For The Best

What a week! And not a single bit of it involved having sex with my girlfriend. I was planning on seeing her this past weekend but things got a little crazy. Let me start at the beginning.

Last Thursday, I met up with crazy voodoo chick. I explained about the whole voodoo doll thing and she told me it came across the wrong way. So blah blah, she's not trying to kill me. She invites me to go with her and her friends to this place downtown. Once there we drink and talk and I drink some more. I started talking about this total asshole at work and one of the guys knows him. Turns out that they are friends but distant friends. We start talking about pulling a prank on him. As we start talking, the prank sounds good and clean, but now I'm glad it turned out clean and legal, but I'm sure at least 3 laws were broken. The way I thought it was going to go was somewhat different from what he thought it was going to go. He was simply to just scare the guy and leave. So here comes Friday, my bags are packed and I'm ready to see my girlfriend when I get back from work. So I'm at work waiting for the prank and right on time it happens, sort of. The old friend meets my asshole coworker. Asshole coworker is a little shocked to see him but I think nothing of it. Now old friends starts shouting at coworker for some money that he owes him. I think, ok, somewhat off track but ok. Coworker tells him that he doesn't have the money, so distant friend pulls a knife out on the coworker. Now I realize the prank has seemed to take a slight deviation. I try to reason with him not to do it but he tells me that it was me that told him to meet him here. So coworker begins to sob wondering why I would do this to him. All I could say was I don't know. Then coworker starts to laugh and everybody starts to laugh. Turns out that distant friend is actually best friends and the whole fucking room new about the plan! I was tempted to take that knife from him and start going psycho on everybody but I think that's a rule against that somewhere in the handbook. So I had to ask who else knew about it. He told me voodoo chick didn't know but he knew that I worked with his friend so he devised a plan or what he called it, an "initiation" to become part of the group. What could I say? "Fuck You" would be too obvious so I just left early realizing that it was a good prank no matter how fucked up it was.

So a little shaken I was the rest of the day. So now I come home ready to go see my girlfriend but I can't. My parents leave a message on my machine wanting me to call them as soon as possible. I call them and they want me to come down for the weekend for a big announcement. I ask if they can just tell me or e-mail it or something but they said that I have to be here. Now I'm wondering what could my parents be planning for that I have to go there for? So I call my girlfriend and tell her that I can't make it. She cries, I cry and I drink some beer until I pass out. I leave early Saturday morning and arrive their before 12 still asleep. I'm wondering all the way there, what could it be, could my Mom and Dad be getting a divorce, could they be giving me a trillion dollars. So I get there and my parents are in good spirits so I assume that everything is ok. I see my sister and my two brother and notice that I'm the last one there. They are as shocked and unknowing about the situation too. So once we are all there they tells us that for months they've been trying to get it us all together but we would always say we can't make it. So they took it upon themselves to get us together to be together. I laugh because they can't be serious. Mom gave me the look. We all thought that something bad has happened. My brother thought that one of them had cancer and they wanted to bring to us together. But there was actually more. My parents are selling the house and moving west. Now that got out attention. The house has so many memories. Home won't be the same anymore now. I went out with my brothers to the bar and noticed the millions of messages from my girlfriend wondering what happened. So I told her about it.

It was good having a big Sunday breakfast with whole family. They even dragged me to church. I think I saw angels crying as I stepped inside. When we got home we had a big dinner. If I didn't live so far away, I would go there every day. We talked about the things that happened in the house and how they chose the house. My sister was a wreck the entire time.

I called into work Monday citing emotional distress so I can stay a little longer. I got back in Wednesday morning and went to work this afternoon. I got a oh so cute hand drawn picture of me on my desk labeled pansy. But I was just too focused on the house being sold. But I'm still planning on getting the bastards back. For now, I'm avoiding voodoo child and her minions of evil doer friends.

I miss my girlfriend. Sex just isn't the same. And ohhhhhh the painful wet dreams. Every single morning, my crotch, my crotch, my crotch. I need to sleep with an ice pack on my crotch. Well enough about my crotch, how's everybody else doing? I'm way behind on check everybody's blog. I'll check them out tomorrow.

I Played Frisbee Golf!!!!!

I just played the best thing in the whole wide world! A frisbee! It's like golf. You throw the frisbee in a goal kind of like a hole in golf. The goal is about so far off the ground. But I soon realized I get pleased over the smallest things and realized how totally lame I was for playing it for about half the day yesterday, sigh. It's definitely a sport you couldn't do often. It gets pointless, so that's why we modified the rules a bit turning it into Frisbee Golf Tackle Football which we should've known how that was going to end. So we would arrange in football formations and throw the frisbee and try to tackle the other opponent. It was funny just tackling people throwing frisbees. Eventually somebody almost broke their leg and so the game had to end. I'm a little bruised up today, and my back and neck was killing me this morning. Who knew a frisbee can cause so much pain.

So my formerly ex girlfriend is moving. She's leaving Monday morning and starts her new job on Wednesday. We are gonna throw one helluva a party as a going away present. Perhaps she'll wanna play Frisbee Golf Tackle Football, or maybe we'll just surprise her.

My other recently ex girlfriend is doing ok. I'm going out tonight with her friends to watch The Simpsons.

And now I have to get another ice pack to put on my neck.

Life With Brother

Pouring Cheerios into my bowl starts my day. Across the table from me, my brother does the same thing. Years of torment from birth until now have all changed. He's not the brother I grew up with anymore. As he begins to open up, he's met somebody. She's a very "earthy" person that has changed his life. When I think of my brother, I think of one night stands and waking up in an alley missing a pancreas. But not anymore. I don't like it. I don't trust it. I still think it's a joke he's planning. He's really creative. He is the king of revenge. He once filled a kid's lunch box with shit as a prank.

So this "earthy" girl is a vegetarian, yuk. I like the blood of Bambi slapping against my face while I eat. They've been going out for a few months. They are getting a RV when he gets back to travel the states for a few months. I always wanted to do that. Sleep in a different place every night and get to meet new people. Being a hooker I guess has the same benefits plus sex. I think its really cool. He invited us to come along with him but I don't know if I could do it. Sounds like fun though.

Mrs. Wrinkles And Her Fruit Cake

What is it with old people and fruit cakes? I started work again today and nympograndma got me a fruit cake. She left it for me while I was gone.

You all remember a few weeks ago when the old lady confessed her desire to do me. Well I haven't really seen her as much since then and she hasn't brought me any cakes or pies since I turned her down, poor me. But she got me a fruit cake and my girlfriend threw it out. I hate fruit cakes too but I wanted the pleasure of destroying it aka fire cracker in the middle. BM is still holding a grudge against her. Come on! She's fucking a 100 years old! I don't mind going out with older women but shit, she's older than my grandma. She could pass as being my grandmother's grandma. I don't see why BM is tripping. Could you imagine me actually having sex with a granny? Yeah, imagine it and be horrified like I was.

Ok that's enough imagination for today. I don't think I can ever get a erection again for a year after imagining that.

Well, that was an erection killing post.