Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Don't Worry, I'm Certified!

This has been a real bad day for people and this time I wasn't involved, weird? I've noticed how some people take other people for granted. Today I was in line buying something and the guy in front of me was being such a prick. The girl was being really friendly to the guy and tried to do the best she could but the guy wanted her name and the number to corporate. What a dick. I tried to hold my anger in but I had to say something. I told the guy to, "Shut the fuck up and get a life, nobody loves you. " He left and kind of ran out the store. Perhaps I went a little too far on that situation.

Second thing I hate seeing is smoking. I don't smoke and that is the #1 turn off for me when I see a girl smoking. When I get close to a girl to kiss I don't wanna smell the smoke. I also hate people that throw their cigarettes on the ground when the ash tray is right beside them. But I don't worry, I just know that they will die sooner from some kind of smoking disease. Is that evil? :)

Since I'm writing this post, an "old" friend was shopping at a store the other day. The old hag that cut me off a few weeks ago was at Wal-Mart. I told her hello and that I had no hard feelings toward her about the incident, and the whore gave me the finger and told me to go to hell! What The FUCK! WHY! Some people are just born mean. So I put a security tag I found on the shelf and put it on the flower pot she was buying. Then I wished the hag good luck. I had to stay and watch it go down and when the sensormatic went off I tried so hard to stop laughing. She looked for me and spotted me and yelled, "ASSHOLE!" So I just covered up my face and walked out. I don't see this problem ending. I know she is going to somehow find me and get me back for this.

Ok, back to the "my hates". Well, I can't think of anymore. Good bye.

Brotherly Love

My long lost brother and I are getting along pretty well. He's actually coming down to stay with me the entire weekend to what he calls "bonding". I don't bond, it's just not me but what the hell, he's my brother.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

How Do You Like Your .....

My friends are complaining that my blog isn't as offensive as it could be so I read my past posts and I sounded totally weak from what I used to do. So I decided to post this.

Friday, November 25, 2005

We All Have Our Secrets

First of all I would like to wish everybody a Happy Belated Thanksgiving. I hope that everything is well and that you had fun spending time with loved ones.

(...pause and exhale...)

I arrived at my parents house Wednesday Night for the whole Thanksgiving Eve my family has every year. When I arrivied my family was acting really weird and my mom was crying and my dad was walking back and forth and some stranger was in the house. Then I just took a deep breath and got myself ready for the bad news that was coming my way.

My mother told me to sit down. And she told me what happened. After she told me my heart just wouldn't stop beating and I didn't know if I should be happy or mad. I don't really want to say what happened until I know for sure that it's true. If it is true then our lives will never be the same again. But if it isn't true and the guy is not for real then things will be much better.

I'll keep you updated.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Love Letter!

I was just digging through my old stuff and I found a little love note my brother wrote to his girlfriend at the time. I was wondering why I had it and why I still have it, then I read it. I nearly choked to death from the laughter, I actually had to call 911, I couldn't breathe because I started choking on a chip. But then I came back and finished reading it once the chip was out. I guess he wasn't really experienced in sex so much because the language was vulgar yet clean. I'll copy it here for you guys to read too.

Dear XXXXy,

I love you and the way you smell. You smell like butterflies on a spring morning day. The way your hair bounces as you run back and forth is so amazing. I want to be with you 4ever. I want you to be my lady please. Your round boobies are so neat. I'm writing this in class so I'm going back and forth on this letter. I like you butt. I want to touch it. I want to touch your butt one last time before we leave for summer vacation. I'll leave you my phone number so that you can call me everyday while you are away. I will miss you and your body, I hope you'll miss me and my body. I love you 4-e-v-e-r baby.

My brother is going to kill me for putting this letter here. I believe he was like 21 when he wrote that, or could've been middle school, who knows. "Round boobies"? Who says boobies anymore! "I want to touch your butt", that's just classic. I'm going to call my girlfriend and tell her I want to touch her butt. She told me somebody is already touching it, that prankster.....hopefully? And what's with the spelling of forever. Writing words that sound like numbers were sooooo cool! I don't know if it was a joke or if he was serious.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Pain Is Bliss.

I'm just having one of those really bad days right now. I'm fucking tired and I have so much stress on my mind right now. Some days I wish that when I go to sleep that I wouldn't wake up. I feel that death for me right now would ease all my pains in life. No more worries and no more stress, sounds perfect to me. I just know that the coming days will just bring on more stress and I don't think I can take it anymore.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Me and My Swinger Lover

Ok, I'm bascially still a kid but my mind has been so destroyed by MTV and President Bush that bascially I'm totally fucked up now. I never got the "birds and the bees" talk from dad or the whole sex education in school. My sex education mainly came from friends, stories and uuuummm on hand experiences. I've been called a heartbreaker a few times because I would date a girl for a while and give her my best and then break it off. Usually it's the whole trying to kill me thing is a big turn off, and they wonder why I break up with them.

Well I've known my friends for a long time and I've known my girlfriend for what seemed liked forever :( haha, but they are thinking of becoming swingers. Since we all know each other they think it would be cool.

So I'm lost now, I like sex but sex with a total random person is kind of a turn on but pretty dirty. I can just see my mom reading this right now. I told my girlfriend and she just stared at me. Then she just called me and asked what the terms will be and who will be doing it. It's like we are planning this big robbery by giving out all these terms and after effects of the situation. Well I don't know. I might end up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney. Well I'll think about it.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hot Babe Tuesdays

Every Tuesday I'll post a picture of the hot babe of the week. This week it's Miss Paraguay.....

Monday, November 07, 2005

The First Time

My first's been so long and so so so so many women that I can't seem to remember. The only thing I remember is being at the Playboy Mansion.

Ok, my first time was really special for me and the lucky lady. It was both our first times or that was what she told me. She was two years older than me which was extreamly hot for me. Her name was Carly. It kind of just happened. I didn't make the first move because I'm a gentleman.....but I did kind of took off my shirt and did what I can to impress her so I guess I kind of made the first move without knowing it, kind of?

I won't give you the XXX details of the experience but it was good. Not the best, but good. I told my girlfriend about this and she laughed. I asked her about her first time and she wouldn't tell me so I feel I have to tell everybody about the situation. She'll break eventually, even if I have to go to her best friend who is a FUCKING GUY! FUCK that really pisses me off, no, no it doesn't. I don't like the bastard. I'm not jealous but I know the guy wants one thing because he is her ex boyfriend and I know that my girlfriend is going to read this and I know that he is going to read and I know that he is going to try and start something and I know that I'm going to end up kicking his fucking dumbass, but I'm getting way off subject here.

To My Girlfriend:

I know you are going to call me about this but hey it's better than kicking his ass directly isn't it?

Don't You Know I Love You------------Just kidding

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm Gonna Die

I'm really really sick. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. Then to make my day worst another old bastard cut me off. Old people just can't drive. When I get old I'm gonna hire a limo driver to take me wherever I wanna go damn it!

Ok I'm going back to sleep. goodbye