Saturday, December 31, 2005

It's Fucking New Years Eve!!!!

Some of my cousins and all of my friends are meeting at The Heartland Brewery. Since the family get together wasn't too far away from the city we decided to go. It's a great fucking place. I don't even think I'm going to Time Square. And even if the pub sucks there is a club near by for us to go to afterwards. I'll be totally crazy this weekend but I have to be back to normal by Monday morning for work. I probably won't be able to blog for the next couple of days. I'm planning on doing something to myself that I've never done before. I don't know what it is yet but I'm gonna do it!

Happy New Years You Bunch of Drunken Assholes!!! from the sick bastard himself.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I'm Sick, I Don't Wanna Play Anymore!

First of all, booze and Ipecac do not mix. Hey let's all play a game. Let's drink beer in one hand and ipecac in one hand and see who can last the longest without throwing up. I got 2nd place beating some guy in the bar. Alex was the champion. I couldn't smell a thing for hours. It is by far the worst thing you can ever do. Just the smell of anything got me vomiting. And after that I was dry heaving for hours. I just woke up like 3 hours ago and still I feel fucked up. I think it's just the hangover now. I guess I'm over the no drinking thing now. My girlfriend left the bar before the contest started. She felt that "it was immature and sick", but that is exactly what I am, immature and sick. But would I do it again? HELL YEAH!!!!! Of course the after effects are pretty fucking terrible but the rush of everything before is great. I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I "Heart" Tampons

Now I don't like getting into debates with my mom especially about TAMPONS!!!! My girlfriend had to bring up the whole tampon thing to my mom. I was the only guy there and I was surrounded by angry females. There was no getting out of this one so I went to the store and bought all the ladies tampons to show that I can do it. The cashier did give me a weird look when I brought up over 50 packages of tampons to the register. When I got back I told them I did this once and I'm never buying anybody any tampons ever again. Other than that I'm just chilling and relaxing on my break.

I'll let my mom explain the situation below:

My son shouldn't be ashamed when he buys anything that is personal to a woman. I make his father go out and buy me all sorts of things personal and he does exactly what I say because we have that kind of close relationship that has gone on for years and will continue to go on for more. And thanks for buying us all tampons . Smile!

Never again! I'm not going to be like my dad and continue to buy that kind of stuff. If I'm with my girlfriend then sure I'll buy them for her and that will be the only time I'll do that. I will never touch a fucking tampon! That's just plain sick man!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Road Trip

Me, my brother and my girlfriend all borrowed my aunt teresa's car to visit Cousin Ralph at his job. I asked my brother to smile just once, one smile is all I asked and gave me this look. I guess he's still pissed from this morning when I threw freezing water on him to wake him up, but he pushed me in the lake yesterday so I had to get him back. I guess we both have sick humor. I had his picture posted but he "didn't like the way he looked", so I took it down.

Well here is a picture of alex and his coworkers or groupies.

Christmas Stories That Scare Kids!

Christmas isn't Christmas unless you tell real life murder stories. When you have a family of cops you kind of have to listen to their stories of unsolved murders and crime scene pictures.

They were talking about how somebody gutted another guy and left his insides to fall through if he moved, and of course the guy moved and a flood of guts started coming out. I listened for hours. All the women were disgusted and went into the other room to watch Must Love Dogs. The kids were hiding everywhere trying to listen to the stories.

They were trying to top the other story by coming up with the sickest most twisted story. I guess I have an extended family of sick bastards.

GUEST SPEAKER -- -- -- -- Aunt Teresa

I am new to this blogging thing so I really don't know what to write. My nephew is a great kid and his girlfriend is beautiful. After reading what he just wrote I'm kind of worried about him. But I know he can handle himself and is a good boy. I wish the best of luck to him and his family and a Happy New Year.
After reading what she just wrote I'd have to kill myself from the boredom ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Accident

My cousin -- not the drunk one -- got a new car today. I was riding with him checking out the area and he crashed it into a parked car. How can you crash a car into a parked car? I'll tell you how. Checking out the local girls will do that. Not me of course I already have a girlfriend......Well he crashed it and I spilled my drink. Good thing it wasn't my car and that I didn't live there because I wouldn've never lived it down. My cousin has rich parents so they'll take care everything no problem, the lucky bastard.

cousin ralph "the car accident kid":

It was just a small accident just a couple of hundered. No worries.

Santa's Got A Gun

I can't sleep. The parents are here sneaking out putting presents under the christmas tree. I never believed in santa. how can a fat man go from house to house and eat every cookie and still be gone by daylight. he would've had a heart attack and died by the time he got to the third house. my cousin is here trying to get me to drink but i can't because i hate beer but this is the 2nd bottle i had so far so i'm not caring at all. my girlfriend is passed out, the wuss. i can hear the parents giggiling. i wonder what santa got me for christmas! more socks i hope! well i'm going to go drink myself to sleep. find some egg nog and mix it with something -- my dad taught me. merry christmas everybody. wish santa some luck for getting his fat ass out your chiminey.

cousin alex:

im so wasted right now

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Upcoming Family Get Together?

This will be the first time the entire family -- brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts and so on will all be together this holiday season. I of course will be the last arriving on Christmas Eve night. My long lost brother will be there with his wife and kids and we will be one big "happy" family. I actually can't wait. This is going to be something really really big since this has never happened before. We all pitched in to get this condo for the entire weekend and up to January 2. It's a lot of flying and driving for everybody so I'll be piss tired.......ha ha i said piss.

We will have tons of food and tons of presents and tons of drunk family members getting wasted before the party actually starts. I'm taking my laptop with me just in case I want to blog something but I really doubt I would wanna do that while I'm having fun. My girlfriend and her family is even coming along, so I'll have to keep the pen inside the holder for the entire stay there. *sad face*

If I don't blog something before Christmas, I'd like everybody to have a great Christmas and don't forget to buy alcohol before the liquor store closes.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Kimmyk: Here's My Top 5 Weird Habits

5. I can't leave anything unfinished. I have to finish it before I leave.

4. I have to sleep with a blanket are something thick no matter what season it is.

3. I sleep in the nude all the time. I can't stand anything on me when I sleep.

2. I never date a girl as soon as I break up with another one. I give it exactly 20 days until I actually will pursue interest in the opposite sex.

1. I refuse to buy anything thats feminine. My ex girlfriends always want me to buy tampons or uuuuggggg I can't even say it, or something that's personal. I tell them I just can't do it. Just the thought of touching it. But I can pick up a giant bug and squish it in between my fingers and not even care but just holding a feminine product just creeps me out, thinking of where it goes.....I just can't do it!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Next Step

I'm thinking of asking my girlfriend to move in with me. She's been hinting at it for weeks now. She spends most of her time here anyways so making it official sounds like it would work. I know she reads this blog so I know she is going to comment on it.....

I've never asked a girl to live with me. I was always afraid they would make duplicate keys to my place just in case the relationship goes THAT ever happens to me.......and get angry and trash my things or even worse, sneak inside and lay beside me staring at me holding a knife.

Will she change me? Before you know it she'll want me to change my haircut and my clothes. But I don't wanna change my haircut and clothes. I like me as I am! Well time will tell. Any suggestions?

Friday, December 16, 2005


Touch my face,
Touch your face,
I kiss you,
Can you feel me,
Feel my breath on your face,
You make me want you more,
I hurt to be without you,
You put your hands on my face,
I melt to the touch,
You push me,
It hurts me to know you,
I like to forget you,
I want you to forget me,
I cry at the site of your beauty,
Do you see what you've done to me,
I can't live,
You can't live,
If I can't have you,
No one can have you,
Dare I say,
Dare you hurt me,
I've been killed a million times,
And you've killed me each time,
The passion,
The love,
The hurt,
It's all worth it,
As we merge into one person,
Our souls connect,
You glide your fingers upon my chest,
I glide my fingers down your back,
You whisper love & hate in my ear,
I kiss you,
You kiss me,
As you rise,
I fall,
Is this a dream,
I can't be alive,
Nothing can feel this good,
Shhh she tells me as if she heard me,
Her body moves like the wind,
She doesn't speak,
Her hair blows up in the air,
She begans to cry,
She is an angel,
She closes her eyes,
I close my eyes,
The room goes silent,
I open my eyes and she's gone,
Dare I say,
To my love,
Did we ever belong,
I come to know,
She's been dead for many years,
Looking around for help,
Nobody is listening,
She stabbed herself with a dagger,
I stab myself with her poisen dagger,
I die beside her.
Dare I say,
Is this the end,
I wake up,
She has killed me,
As her angel like hands pulls the knife out,
I whisper I love you,
She stabs and kills herself,
Dare I say,
It's too late,
The angel has killed us once again.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Me so horny, Me Love You Long Time

I just watched 40 year old virgin and I thought it was the funniest movie ever. Well that's it for today. i have a headache.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

FleshWound: Edited Version

She has a bullet in her pocket. She wants to use it but something holds her back. She buys the gun to satisfy or thirst for revenge but can't figure a way to pull the trigger. She is depressed and wantings nothing to do with her family. Her life is ruined now.

But life is something that comes and goes so what is one more life added to a statistic, one more .5 added to a statistic. Is that what we are considered a half of a percent. I realize that life isn't worth the pain and downfalls of growing up. They say things will get better but I realize that they haven't been getting any better. They've been getting worse. I curse the day I was born. I wish something would end it all for me. Perhaps a stray bullet or just something that accidently kills me. Yeah that's it, an accident.

But what's the point of it all. Living in hell and breathing it's fire just fuels your rage for everything. Come home from another bad day and you just want to die knowing tommorrow will be the same if not worse. There is no such thing as a good day. Playing with a gun I found as a kid, it seems to be my only friend left. I turned everybody away from me. I didn't mean to do it but I guess in my mind I wanted them to distance themselves from me so that my death wouldn't be so hard.

I can almost taste it. It's satisfying yet hard to figure out. How will I do it? Will I just shoot myself, hang myself, throw myself over a bridge or jump in front of a moving car? If another person is involved than how will they live their life. Would it drive them over the edge?

As I gradually look at the objects in front of me in the bathroom I start thinking back. Back to a life less fortunate. You never see things like that on TV. Days I wish I didn't have to come back home from school. Knowing that when I came home that the pain was taking a year off your life each day. Afraid of doing something wrong. Terrified of spilling the milk on the floor again. I was only six but I guess I deserved it. I shouldn't have been drinking the milk that day. It never happened again. They made sure it didn't by getting a hammer and hitting each finger then. I never touched it again. I couldn't hold it anymore. I couldn't feel my fingers for days. They took me to the doctor a couple of weeks later saying it was an accident. Accident? The word that is the easy way out.

As I grew up I just kept the pain inside and just let it build up to what I am now. Emotionally detached from everything I ever liked. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't dream of a better life because I never knew what one ever was. I've seen pictures but they are just actors hiding the true emotion of hate. I am hate. I am the wrong person to talk to. I am the person you see on TV that you feel sorry for. I am the person with the headphones wearing all black sitting in the corner standing still. I am the one you are glad you don't know so that when I die you don't have to care.

I'm back from my flashback. I pickup the half empty prescription pills I was taking for the past few years. I swallow them all but just gag on them and vomit the rest. Another unsucessful suicide attempt. "At first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again", is what they always say. As I pick up my next device for killing myself I see a faded picture of me and a girl located on top of the rusty medicine cabinet. I squint as if I'm trying to understand it. It's a happy memory I had. She was my first girlfriend. We were happy but our parents hated each other and definetly hated her. Her parents eventually moved away because of that and pretty much made me even more rotten inside. I never saw her again and I continued to hold my hatred inside.

But I must find her. Maybe we should be together and maybe that will help me. I can change. I willing to put a smile back on my face. I can be normal for everybody. I search for days and finally find out where they moved to. Her parents died in a car accident 2 months after they moved, which after finding that out I felt it was my fault. If we never met then her parents would still be alive. After they are killed, nobody in the family wants her so she is put up for adoption. She now lives miles away from me but I'm willing just to find out how she would react to me.

When I'm at her house a stranger to me opens the door. I ask if the girl lived here and she said that she ran off days ago and they haven't seen her nor care where she is. Lost again I feel like death again.


I fall to the ground. I look up briefly and its the girl I was looking for. Everything goes dim and I exhale my last breath with a smile. A note that I wrote glides off my cold dead fingers down the sidewalk. It glides towards her and she picks it up. She reads it:

You probably don't remember me but I remember you, now. After I had a life full of pain and thoughts about killing myself, I came across a picture of us together and happy and just that picture turned my life around. I was hoping to meet you today but since your're reading this note it must mean that I am gone. Hopefully this letter will bring us together but if not, I would just be happy again to see your face. I'll come back later to see if you got my note. Goodbye.

She looks at the gun and falls to the ground crying. She was saving that bullet in her pocket planning on killing herself. She hesitated for years but the person that she felt ruined her life was at her door and she felt that by killing me would ease the pain.

She never forgot me but her soul was consumed by her revenge to kill me. After she read the note she realized that it was too late to stop it. She ran to my lifeless body holding me crying and screaming. The one person that ruined her life could've been the person to also make her life happy again, and so did I. But it's too late now. Both lives will never be the same.

the end.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Burn The Dishwasher Down!

Posted by Picasa

I hate my dishwasher. But I finally got it working, the mother fucking piece of hell spawn sent from below to give me more hell! but i got it fixed.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

FleshWound: The Prequel

It's been awhile since I really posted something from my "heart". The last thing really was the My Favorite Suicide post months back. FleshWound is something I've been working on for a long long time. I was working on FleshWound before I did My Favorite Suicide. It just kind of branched off FleshWound and became it's own story.

FleshWound is really morbid and deals with everything My Favorite Suicide dealt with but 10 times as grahpic. I like writing stories especially morbid ones, so don't be surprised at this one. It will probably be completely posted in a couple of days.

For now here is a picture.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Blogging In Under 1 Minute!

Making a quick post about the weekend with my brother. we had---strippers---camping---got drunk for first time in a long long time---saw ex girlfriend throwing up in the guys bathroom.....really creeped out that she was in the guys bathroom and not the fact that she was puking----apparently i got crazy and started stripping on top of the table.....didn't believe them but they had pictures......still didn't believe them......they had me on video.......trying to dispose of all of the evidence of me showing my ass without my knowledge-----all that under a minute!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

The Little Girl Will Grow Up To Be A Whore

Now that's a strong title. The title is basically a comment on the video you see below. The video gets me everytime because shit like this happens everyday but yet nobody does anything about it. This video is too true to reality. If you haven't seen it before just rewind it and look at it all the way through.

After I change the video below you can click on "The Video" to get it.

The video is really emotional so if you're weak hearted I wouldn't suggest looking below.

The Video

Ok your back. Too bad it's the edited version because after watching you feel so raw afterwards and the unedited version makes you feel even worse.....and yet I'm recommending it?

How the daughter witness everything from her mother stripping to her mother being raped and not even feeling shocked by it as if it always happen. She will grow up and do the same thing and so will her daughter. When will things like this end.

When you see a woman who clearly is a whore taking her kids wherever she goes you just feel disgusted on how the fuck she would do that to her own child.

And at the end the mother tells them that she wouldn't change a thing in her life. How fucked up is that. Makes you want to call the cops and have her whore ass arrested. But of course she's an actress and this really didn't happen but hey, stuff like this happens everyday yet the media overlooks it because its depressing:

"Today a woman was killed after an unknown assailant attacked her in her hotel room while her daughter watched but that's depressing let's talk about the Cookie Baking Contest."

My brother never watched this video before but ended up crying after watching it. I'll post tomorrow about the "weekend of idiots" we all had.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Don't Worry, I'm Certified!

This has been a real bad day for people and this time I wasn't involved, weird? I've noticed how some people take other people for granted. Today I was in line buying something and the guy in front of me was being such a prick. The girl was being really friendly to the guy and tried to do the best she could but the guy wanted her name and the number to corporate. What a dick. I tried to hold my anger in but I had to say something. I told the guy to, "Shut the fuck up and get a life, nobody loves you. " He left and kind of ran out the store. Perhaps I went a little too far on that situation.

Second thing I hate seeing is smoking. I don't smoke and that is the #1 turn off for me when I see a girl smoking. When I get close to a girl to kiss I don't wanna smell the smoke. I also hate people that throw their cigarettes on the ground when the ash tray is right beside them. But I don't worry, I just know that they will die sooner from some kind of smoking disease. Is that evil? :)

Since I'm writing this post, an "old" friend was shopping at a store the other day. The old hag that cut me off a few weeks ago was at Wal-Mart. I told her hello and that I had no hard feelings toward her about the incident, and the whore gave me the finger and told me to go to hell! What The FUCK! WHY! Some people are just born mean. So I put a security tag I found on the shelf and put it on the flower pot she was buying. Then I wished the hag good luck. I had to stay and watch it go down and when the sensormatic went off I tried so hard to stop laughing. She looked for me and spotted me and yelled, "ASSHOLE!" So I just covered up my face and walked out. I don't see this problem ending. I know she is going to somehow find me and get me back for this.

Ok, back to the "my hates". Well, I can't think of anymore. Good bye.

Brotherly Love

My long lost brother and I are getting along pretty well. He's actually coming down to stay with me the entire weekend to what he calls "bonding". I don't bond, it's just not me but what the hell, he's my brother.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

How Do You Like Your .....

My friends are complaining that my blog isn't as offensive as it could be so I read my past posts and I sounded totally weak from what I used to do. So I decided to post this.

Friday, November 25, 2005

We All Have Our Secrets

First of all I would like to wish everybody a Happy Belated Thanksgiving. I hope that everything is well and that you had fun spending time with loved ones.

(...pause and exhale...)

I arrived at my parents house Wednesday Night for the whole Thanksgiving Eve my family has every year. When I arrivied my family was acting really weird and my mom was crying and my dad was walking back and forth and some stranger was in the house. Then I just took a deep breath and got myself ready for the bad news that was coming my way.

My mother told me to sit down. And she told me what happened. After she told me my heart just wouldn't stop beating and I didn't know if I should be happy or mad. I don't really want to say what happened until I know for sure that it's true. If it is true then our lives will never be the same again. But if it isn't true and the guy is not for real then things will be much better.

I'll keep you updated.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Love Letter!

I was just digging through my old stuff and I found a little love note my brother wrote to his girlfriend at the time. I was wondering why I had it and why I still have it, then I read it. I nearly choked to death from the laughter, I actually had to call 911, I couldn't breathe because I started choking on a chip. But then I came back and finished reading it once the chip was out. I guess he wasn't really experienced in sex so much because the language was vulgar yet clean. I'll copy it here for you guys to read too.

Dear XXXXy,

I love you and the way you smell. You smell like butterflies on a spring morning day. The way your hair bounces as you run back and forth is so amazing. I want to be with you 4ever. I want you to be my lady please. Your round boobies are so neat. I'm writing this in class so I'm going back and forth on this letter. I like you butt. I want to touch it. I want to touch your butt one last time before we leave for summer vacation. I'll leave you my phone number so that you can call me everyday while you are away. I will miss you and your body, I hope you'll miss me and my body. I love you 4-e-v-e-r baby.

My brother is going to kill me for putting this letter here. I believe he was like 21 when he wrote that, or could've been middle school, who knows. "Round boobies"? Who says boobies anymore! "I want to touch your butt", that's just classic. I'm going to call my girlfriend and tell her I want to touch her butt. She told me somebody is already touching it, that prankster.....hopefully? And what's with the spelling of forever. Writing words that sound like numbers were sooooo cool! I don't know if it was a joke or if he was serious.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Pain Is Bliss.

I'm just having one of those really bad days right now. I'm fucking tired and I have so much stress on my mind right now. Some days I wish that when I go to sleep that I wouldn't wake up. I feel that death for me right now would ease all my pains in life. No more worries and no more stress, sounds perfect to me. I just know that the coming days will just bring on more stress and I don't think I can take it anymore.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Me and My Swinger Lover

Ok, I'm bascially still a kid but my mind has been so destroyed by MTV and President Bush that bascially I'm totally fucked up now. I never got the "birds and the bees" talk from dad or the whole sex education in school. My sex education mainly came from friends, stories and uuuummm on hand experiences. I've been called a heartbreaker a few times because I would date a girl for a while and give her my best and then break it off. Usually it's the whole trying to kill me thing is a big turn off, and they wonder why I break up with them.

Well I've known my friends for a long time and I've known my girlfriend for what seemed liked forever :( haha, but they are thinking of becoming swingers. Since we all know each other they think it would be cool.

So I'm lost now, I like sex but sex with a total random person is kind of a turn on but pretty dirty. I can just see my mom reading this right now. I told my girlfriend and she just stared at me. Then she just called me and asked what the terms will be and who will be doing it. It's like we are planning this big robbery by giving out all these terms and after effects of the situation. Well I don't know. I might end up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney. Well I'll think about it.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hot Babe Tuesdays

Every Tuesday I'll post a picture of the hot babe of the week. This week it's Miss Paraguay.....

Monday, November 07, 2005

The First Time

My first's been so long and so so so so many women that I can't seem to remember. The only thing I remember is being at the Playboy Mansion.

Ok, my first time was really special for me and the lucky lady. It was both our first times or that was what she told me. She was two years older than me which was extreamly hot for me. Her name was Carly. It kind of just happened. I didn't make the first move because I'm a gentleman.....but I did kind of took off my shirt and did what I can to impress her so I guess I kind of made the first move without knowing it, kind of?

I won't give you the XXX details of the experience but it was good. Not the best, but good. I told my girlfriend about this and she laughed. I asked her about her first time and she wouldn't tell me so I feel I have to tell everybody about the situation. She'll break eventually, even if I have to go to her best friend who is a FUCKING GUY! FUCK that really pisses me off, no, no it doesn't. I don't like the bastard. I'm not jealous but I know the guy wants one thing because he is her ex boyfriend and I know that my girlfriend is going to read this and I know that he is going to read and I know that he is going to try and start something and I know that I'm going to end up kicking his fucking dumbass, but I'm getting way off subject here.

To My Girlfriend:

I know you are going to call me about this but hey it's better than kicking his ass directly isn't it?

Don't You Know I Love You------------Just kidding

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm Gonna Die

I'm really really sick. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. Then to make my day worst another old bastard cut me off. Old people just can't drive. When I get old I'm gonna hire a limo driver to take me wherever I wanna go damn it!

Ok I'm going back to sleep. goodbye

Monday, October 31, 2005

Internally Bleeding For A Chance

Carefully removing the dead bodies from the trunk of his car he contemplates putting the gun to his head while thinking back at what he just did.

It all started early today. Life was already fucked up for him as soon as he was born. A bastard child that nobody wanted named Ben. He just grew up feeling like nobody wanted him and just got angrier as time went on. His best friend was really his enemy. He would punch him in the face for no apparent reason but Ben let him do it and shrug it off and held all the anger inside.

Teachers treated him like the shit he thought he was and never gave him a chance. Smacking him in class and letting the other kids pick on him and laugh as they do it.

What was the point of living he would always say to himself. He never smiled and never talked. He worried that one day he might just snap. That one day was soon to happen.

That one incident was at 6:54 p.m. His friend invited him over to his house. Ben didn't know that he was playing a prank on him. Ben's friend put a rug over a hole and when Ben walked over it he fell in. Hurt and confused Ben heard laughter in the background and that was when he realized it was a prank. Ben had it. He was pissed. He pulled his gun out and started shooting at everybody. He saved his best friend for last. He shot him but didn't want to kill him yet.

Most of the people ran but the people that were dead he dragged and put them in his car. He had his friend in the front seat. He drove as far as he could thinking about evil things to do, then his car ran out of gas near a creek. He pushed the car as far as he could out of the way and started dumping the dead bodies in the creek. Thinking about killing himself he remembered his best friend was in the car too. Ben then said the first words his best friend has ever heard him say, "I only kept you alive so that you can see me kill you slowly," and he shot his friend in the face and dumped his dead body in the water. Then he slid the now hot gun down his own throat and repeated what he just said to his dead friend and pulled the trigger.


Feel free to be disgusted. I suggest watching the movie Bully.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

I Forgot Her Name!

I know she reads this so that's why I'm making this as detailed as possible. I'm writing this while she is picking up some things. I have a girlfriend now. A sane one this time. She's great and I hope to spend a lot of time with her.

I forgot her name. I couldn't remember it the entire weekend. I kept on calling her Jill thinking that was a really common name but of course I was wrong. Every time I would call her I would mumble the words. She realized it today and asked me if I knew her name. I said yes of course I know your name but the question is do you know my name? She said my name without hesitation and she asked me to say her name. How was I going to get out of this one. Digging in my pocket hoping that I can dial my phone # so the phone would ring but no luck. So I gave up and told her that I have short term memory. And she didn't believe me. We all had a good laugh and she told me to stip down to my boxers. Immedietly I thought that no NNNNNOOOOOO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN!!!! She got a marker and wrote her name all over my chest so that I would never forget.

But back to the date on Friday. It was great. She was great. She is by far the best first date I ever had. We talked for hours at the park and didn't stop until it was past 4.a.m. I was dead tired but I felt like I really wanted to stay. But she was getting tired we were closer to my place so we crashed at my place we slept for hours and I woke up to breakfest in bed. I got down on my knees and proposed to her. She laughed at me and my heart broke, kidding, I have no heart.

We ended up spending the entire weekend together. We went out with our friends Saturday and got crazy. I am just waiting for it all to hit me. I'm just going to pass out soon.

She told me about all the Mt. Dew she bought a couple of days ago. She told me that it's been bothering her the way I looked at her when she was buying so many of them. She told me it was for these kids she's helping for this program and how they all love Mt. Dew.

She seems to be totally perfect. My fear is that she really is a man. But I'm only kidding "Jill". Well she's back. I'll Blog some more later.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

News: Suicide Prank, Not Funny, Not Meant To Be.

Basically this happened a couple of days ago and it was pretty crazy. A body was hung in a yard. People driving and walking by thought it was a prank and didn't bother with it. People saw it around breakfast time and kind of laughed at it thinking it was a joke. It wasn't until hours later that people realized that this really wasn't a prank and the lady actually hung herself.

This was from Yahoo! and other sources. The link will be dead soon......

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

She Likes To "Do The Dew"

So I think the time of getting over a relationship is over now so I went out to lunch with the girl I met at the accident, I'm still waiting for Mrs. Decrepit to run me over in her crap mobile but that's going waaaay off subject.

So we went out to this little place to have lunch. She seemed so very nice and I think this one is actually sane this time. She wanted to stop at the grocery store to pick up some stuff so we went shopping. All she got was Mountain Dew. Tons of cans and plenty of bottles. I was afraid to ask but hey everybody has something weird about them, like I'm a total psychopath addicted to danger so Mountain Dew sounds pretty tame to me. And I'm pretty sure it's a one time thing right? (please...)

The girl is pretty good looking. I sound like such a redneck. Maybe we can go in together on a double wide trailer hee hee hee hee. She has shoulder lenght hair and brown eyes. Her voice is so relaxing when she talks. I felt like all the stress in my life was gone when she talked to me.

Well the actual first date will be on friday so let's see how it goes, Mountain Dew anyone?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'ma poppa your assa. Bitcha.

Damn I'm bored. Damn I miss all the fucked up shit that happened last week. I'm fucking rocking right now. Listening to some damn Rob Zombie and rocking right now. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I'm so fucking morbid. Wow I fucking cursed in every fucking sentence. Lets keep the shit rolling then. I just gotta throw a party at my fucked up place. But I know that as soon as everybody comes here I'll be like who the fuck are you, get the FUCK OUT OF MY PLACE! It's one of those spur of the moments bullshit. YYYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH I'm so fucking happy but I know it's gonna end soon!!! It always does damn it!

Ok it's over. I lost it. I gotta leave. I gotta really rock out. I'll try to write something more tomorrow.


Monday, October 24, 2005

I Have A Story To Tell

I really don't like talking about this to anybody, so I'm glad I can speak this freely in my blog.

A few years ago I was involved in a car accident. I had to go to the hospital because somebody was drinking and driving. When my family and friends try to talk about it to try and get me open up I would always shut them out. I felt as if somebody held my life in their hands and chose to hurt me. I was filled was so much anger that all I could feel was hate. Nobody new how I felt and nobody can tell me that things will be better. Things will never be better for me. Although I'm totally normal now I still feel that something was taken away from me that no matter what I do and no matter what I say, nothing can help me. That's probably why sometimes I have really dark days when I'm just totally unreachable.

Let me tell you how this all started. I was driving my car at night. His car hit me head on. It totally demolished both cars. He was able to get out of his car during the accident but my legs were stuck. They weren't broken but they were really stuck. So stuck that I started going numb and then I passed out. I woke up in the hospital. The doctors said that I was lucky to be alive and how close I came to death. I was worried that they had to remove my legs but luckily I could see them. But I couldn't move.

I thought my life was over. I couldn't live life in a wheelchair. Anger and hate just filled my mind. I know my friends and family wanted to kill him after they found out that he was drinking.

As the months passed by I eventually got feeling back and I made a full recovery. Nowadays I can hardly drink alcohol. I just worry that I would do the same to somebody else. As time goes on I start to relax a little, and the hate slowly subsides.

Who knows where this guy is nowadays. I know that if he stayed here then I would seriously fuck him up.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Kinky Bitch II

I did it. We had lunch at this really crowded place. I gave her the whole I think we need to see other people talk. She started crying, so now I felt like the mean boyfriend. Then she stood up really fast and swung her hand far back. Why did I just stare at her as if I didn't know what was going to happen next. Then she started shouting at me. Now I wished I didn't do it in public. I played it off by telling everybody that she was off her Meds. After about 10 minutes I just gave up and walked out. She followed me, and continued shouting. I walked faster and she walked faster. So I quickly ran into a door and locked it. Luckily it had an opening on the other side so I could run through it. So here I am at home. She knows I'm here because she is banging on the door. I told my ex girlfriend the whole story too so she is coming down to kick her ass. I didn't want her too but 2 girls fighting is something I'm prepared to deal with.

I called my buddy cop to come over too so he can stop the fight if I couldn't control it. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The neighbor is getting tired of the yelling. They're are arguing back and forth. I'm going to crack the door a little bit. Oh shit they're fighting!!! Ok, I'm gonna stop them.

So I'm back from the HOSPITAL!!! Psycho bitch broke my nose. I had it! I'm tired of this bullshit! She's going to fucking pay for this......(meaning actually pay for the bill, not meaning to hurt her). She knew how fucking pissed off I was when she did it. She just backed off and I've haven't seen her since. I hope I never see her. I need to lay down for a bit because I feel dizzie and I feel like punching draft.......

Ok, I'm calm. She left a message on my machine apologizing for what happened. bitch. I really need to check references on all the girls I date.

So now I have a black eye from when she punched me in the restaurant and a broken nose from when she punched me again. I need to take her to meet my parents!

So I'm here, on a friday night, writing in the blog because my face looks too fucked up for public. what a fucked up week i'm having. i wish everybody would just stay the fuck away from me for now on! i seem to be attracting bad luck. well i did ask for more action in my life but this isn't what i wanted. damn. well at least i got a phone number out of this fucked up week. i'm going back to sleep.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Bring It On Old Lady!

I'm so fucking pissed. I was having a good day today--avoiding my psycho girlfriend and passing my test but this old lady fucking pissed me off!

I was driving minding my business when this old beat up piece of shit car cut in front of me. I don't get too upset when that happens, I usually just give them the finger and yell some profanities and go on my merry way but this old bitch gave me the finger first! WHY!

I felt like I had to stop right now because she is old and probably crazy at her age and people would think I'm a bad/evil person. So I just slid my fingers to the automatic windows switch and rolled them up cursing under my breath and when they were up and just started yelling all sorts of words. So I thought, how can I get back at an old lady without being morally insane!

So I decided to egg her car. I know it's petty but I went shopping and that was the first thing I saw and I'm still practically and kid and hey it's almost Halloween. So I pulled up next to her at the stop light. The light turned green at the wrong damn time. She drove up when I threw it and it just so happen that a cop was walking by. I was repeating really fast "What should I do, What should I do, What shoud I do, FLOOR IT!!!!

So I floored it. Now I was really pissed off. The old crack whore just waved at me. By this time everybody driving around us knew what was going on and kept on us seeing what was going happen next. I decided to be the mature one and let it go. So then probably 10 minutes later she cut me off again! For no apparent reason! So I decided to call the cops. I told them that their is an old woman driving really erratic and I'm quite worried about my life and the safety of others. So I told them where I was and then it happened. I ran over some road kill, it really creeped me out because I would have to clean it off myself and I hate cleaning up dead animals but back to the story.

A cop finally found her and pulled her over about a mile up. Then some IDIOT hit my car watching the cop. It wasn't really any damage but the old lady got another laugh. Not a single scratch on my car or their car but I got a good look at the dead animal on my tire, pretty sick shit.

The cop gave her a warning and decided to tend to the non existent fender bender! I gave the driver my phone number and she gave me hers. She was pretty hot. We talked for about 2 minutes before we realized that we were actually blocking traffic. The cop was even talking to us about stupid shit too.

So I guess the old lady brought us all together. I met a new girl which I hope to continue seeing after the whole crazy girlfriend thing is over and I met a cop that can hopefully bail me out when I need it.

Goodbye old hag, thanks for bringing three strangers together.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Countdown to Halloween

Who will I be dressed as on Halloween? Last year I dressed up like my dad except I made myself 100 pounds overweight and put a bottle of viagra in my shirt pocket. I had to show my dad this. When I showed him he wasn't too amused. I meant to take the viagra out of my shirt pocket before I saw him but it proved to be funnier. My dad is a prankster too so I'm kind of afraid what he'll do to me this year. One time I played a prank on him he ended up showing up after school (high school) in his underwear pretty much giving me a lasting horrific embarrassing memory that he always threatens to do to me again. I'm worried now. He has hinted at coming to my job nude. Gotta love parents! If he does do that then I'm quitting my job and moving far far away so that I can start a new life under a new name.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Kinky Bitch

I begin dating this girl a few weeks ago. She seemed nice and really smart (laughing). I'm not one of those guys that has to have sex on the first date but I wouldn't mind it at all. So we kissed goodnight on our first date and that's all and I respected that. We went out everyday together, breakfast-lunch-dinner. I would drive her home and we would kiss but that would be it until........


.......a couple of nights ago. We did the same thing again as usual. I had fun but somehow I felt she was more than what she was. So when I went to pick her up she had on this oh so sexy outfit on. She had some hot makeup on and her body looked even better than before. I was kind of worried that she was planning on killing me. Why that was the first thing I thought of, I don't know. Well she was really flirting with me all night. She put her hand on my leg and slowly glided it towards my crotch. Then that's when the waiter came up. I felt like breaking his legs for having the nerve to come and actually serve us food! She pulled her hand away and I was pissed. She smiled and put her finger in her mouth biting it. I was tempted to take her to the bathroom and have sex in there but she told me to wait.

When the food finally came I ate it as fast as I could. As soon as I finished 5 minutes later, I asked for the bill. She basically just started but she asked if she could take it with her. I was so happy. So I took her home and she asked me if I wanted to come up. I said nah, I'm really tired. She laughed and whispered the same thing in my ear as she nibbled on it. I then picked her up and carried her to the apartment. She told me to wait in the bedroom so she could change into something more comfortable. I ripped my clothes off and just laid on the bed in my boxers. She came out of the bathroom wearing all leather and pumps. I had this puzzled look on my face wondering what happened to the girl I met a few weeks ago.

She walked slowly towards me and pulled handcuffs from behind the bed. Then she stood up on her bed and pulled out a fucking whip from her back. I was like "Oh, SHIT!" She then said softly that she was going to do two things to me: hurt you so good and fuck you so bad. I got that puzzled look once again wondering what she meant by the hurt.

She popped this cd in that sounded like Mozart. I begin to really worry about my life for the next who knows how long. The Mozart cd turned kind of pornographic. I heard moaning sounds coming from the cd getting louder and louder. She begin dancing around the room with the music. As it got louder she moved faster until the music just stopped and then she let her hair down and jumped on top of me. She ripped my boxers off, well tried because...something was sticking up through the hole making it a little difficult to take them off. But she got them off and then the music came back on. It was fucking Hillary Duff!

A half our has passed and I have yet to receive any pleasure whatsoever. Then the weirdest thing happened. The Hillary Duff song started slowing down to a demonic voice. It slowly merged with something "not of this world"! All I heard was feed the hungry people and have rough sex with fish. I couldn't help but laugh. My erection just went so limp at this time. I asked her is she was ever going to do something normal to me. That's when she jumped on top of me and slapped me really hard. I told her that, "Now we're getting dirty!"

She then said something I couldn't understand. The music changed AGAIN! But to something good. It was some really sexy music. She really got in the mood. She started dancing in front of me and stripping really slowly. She then started crawling on the floor and climbed on top of the bed. She slowly licked my legs and licked my chest and kissed me.

She put the condom on and she went at it. Oh she went at it hard. I've never had sex like that before. Somehow I was able to last for hours. She was so fucking bitchin in bed! She would slap me constantly. She scratched my chest and my legs. I felt like a frog being dissected. On hour 3 she untied me and told me it's time for us to take a shower. So we took a shower and we had sex in the shower. It was so hot, the steam rising above us and her grinding. We ended up fucking all over the apartment. I must've fell asleep or something because I woke up with her still on top of me. I asked her if she was a fucking zombie or something and she laughed and slapped me again. It was daylight and I knew I was going to be late.

I told her that I had to go or I'll be late for class. She ran to the door and said that I couldn't leave. I asked her why and she told me that the sex isn't over. Normally when a girl tells me that I just go continue fucking but I had big test that I didn't even study for that night before.

I got dressed and couldn't find my boxers. I ended up leaving without any boxers on, which I hate free-balling. She ran to the door and kissed me goodbye. She was naked at the time so her next door neighbor got a good look.

She met me after class and we went out for lunch and she looked liked she always did. She didn't mention a single thing that happened that night before. I walked her to her class and she told me that she wants to fuck me again tonight.

"Sure!" I said. I hope I make it back without anything broken.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Addicted to Lobster!

I've never had it but I went out the other day and had it and now I can't stop thinking about it. I even think about it more than sex and I think about sex every single second of my life. The great taste of the lobster. The hot and delicious flavor of it is so addicting. If I could I would get a needle and get my daily fix of lobster all day. I gotta have it NOW! I'm going fishing for lobster Sunday. I'll catch 'em and eat the mother fuckers. How can an animal taste so good. I could never be a vegetarian. Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh, another lobster commercial. I think I just piss myself. Ok, I'm going to Red Lobster.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


I'm tired and I'm bored. Wish something would happen to me so I could write about it. Well
what's new with me? Just bought some new shoes.....

Shoes Steve O promotes. They look pretty cool. I look so hip and cool now in my new Sneaux shoes. I wish I could meet Steve O. If I actually met Stevo O I would probably be the biggest jackass in the world.

Well I'm getting tired so I think I'll slip into a coma. Maybe some fucked up shit will happen to me soon because life is pretty boring right about now.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Suicidal Tendacies

Ripped from the headlines of a dead teenager commiting suicide once again. Tragdy hits a small town once again. Nobody expected her to kill herself but it was time. Growing up with loving parents with hateful thoughts. She was submerged in hate and tried to emerge as a normal person. Her friend never expected it to happen. She saw her that night before. She guess that when she said goodbye that it had hidden meaning.

Three years later the friend still not fully adjusted to the idea of suicide starts a troubled life of her own. Taking sleeping pills hoping that one day she doesn't wake up. "Life is cruel but misery feels so much better," she repeats to herself over and over again until she passes out.

It's October 5, 2005 and she still feels like killing herself. She's been writing this in her diary for years now. She tries to find any medicine she can get her hands on so that October 1st would be her final and last day here. Her body feels numb and cold but she still wants more medicine. She walks outside and as soon as her body is hit with the cool damp air she passes out as if it took her life away.

As the fog of her final breath exits her smooth delicate lips, she hears faint shouting. Too weak to turn her head she realizes it's her heart telling her to stop but she realizes it's too late and her eyes close and a tear falls off her face and onto the cement. She is now dead.

Ripped from the headlines, another teenager kills themself. Is their a better way? Life is cruel and misery takes the place of happiness. Blame it on peer pressure and MTV, but the true cause of suicide is stress. The stress leads to all sorts of things such as unhappiness and isolation.

A fat kid gets bullied throughout life and grows up to become a teenager full of rage and feels that food is the only answer until he finds a gun and wants to get revenge. He shoots his enemies and then kills himself. A girl is called fat and becomes so anal about her weight that she loses so much weight that she is walking funny, has yellow rotting teeth, skin firmly attached to the bone and yet she still feels overweight. So she continues vomitting and they find her dead in the bathroom next to the scale.

Suicidal Tendacies are all over the place, it's just up to people to watch for them.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Sick Fucking Bastard is a Sick Fucking Bastard Again

Why censor the image if you're going to show that? Be warned that the link is pretty disturbing and not for the weak hearted, uh fuck it click on it and **BEWARE**

I Love You To Death

Hidden desires and hidden pains give me the ecstasy that I need to survive. Stick the love of the needle one last time in my wrist and feel the rush of poison makes me live once again. I forget it not.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Indecent Proposal

A woman asked me out today. Normally that would be pretty boring to talk about but this woman was an "older" lady. I had to say no since I am already in an unhappy relationship. But she was kind of hot. Not the Bea Arthur old but more like old enough to be my mother plus 10. She had long brown hair and blue eyes. She gave me her phone number and I'm thinking about calling her just for the hell of it. It's kind of funny how it all happened. She was walking by me and we bumped into each other. She dropped her stuff and I dropped my FREAKIN' taco, and I haven't eaten all day, but I guess it was meant to be. I inadvertently bent over in front of her. I didn't even notice that I had my ass all in her face, but I guess she liked it because she commented on it. Well gotta go, friends are here.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

It was Aborted

I just found out that my sister had an abortion a while ago. I couldn't believe what I heard but she seemed serious. I'm totally against abortion 99%. The only way I would say that abortion should be used is if the mother will die if she gives birth. But just having an abortion because you are not ready to have a child is bullshit! If you feel like your old enough to have sex then you should be old enough to handle the responsibiltiy of a pregnancy. What if she got an STD. Could she abort that?

I'm basically telling you guys what I told her. She hasn't told Mom and Dad yet. She decided to test out on me first since I'm always the most understanding. Where she got that idea I don't know. I was the rebel bad child in the family and she is the least expected person to fuck up in the family.

I didn't know what to tell her. Of course I had to comfort her but I felt that she was in the wrong. I asked her why she felt she had to have an abortion and she told me that "now" isn't the time in her life to bring a baby in the world. She told me it was a mistake. So now I had to see the guy that got her pregnant in the first place behind her back. I know I shouldn't have done that but I think that he had something to do with her having the abortion, and you know how big brothers are.

So I saw him at the mall and took him to the side and asked him if he knew who I was. He told me that everybody knows who I am. We both laughed for a couple of minutes and I got back to the point. We talked about the situation and he told me that he wasn't ready for a kid, the same old shit I always hear. I asked him if he had anything to do with my sister's decision to have an abortion and he paused. I guess he was thinking which decision would be best right now. So he said no. The guy is younger than I am but a bit stronger than me. So for him to be scared of me is reassuring (I have a past full of fights). I knew he was bullshitting me so I just left it alone knowing I would get nothing out of him unless I kicked his ass but I couldn't do it because once I start all the anger would come out and I wouldn't stop until I couldn't feel my hands anymore, then he will never talk.

So I guess I'm the only person in the family that knows now. I'm not gonna tell them. It's her decision and I have to respect it. As for the boyfriend, I'm making sure he doesn't see her again.

This is too much stress for me. First the attempted murder in the apartment next to me and now my sister had an abortion and I'm the only one that knows.

Well I gotta go punch something really hard now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

It's Time To Leave

It's an early Wednesday morning and I can't sleep. I drift in and out of sleep and realize that I've only been asleep for 10 minutes. It's 2:43 a.m. and I have too much on my head right now. I need some sleep. I go in the kitchen to find as much alcohol I could find so I could drink myself to a coma or sleep whatever comes first. Then I hear this loud shouting coming from the apartment next to me. I'm used to the shouting and I just mind my business. But damn me for wondering why they were arguing in the middle of the night. I was kind of curious. I put my ear against the wall to try and listen to what they were saying.

They've been in the apartment next to me long before I moved into the building. They always seemed like the most unhappiest couple. From what I hear, they've been married for 13 years. Whenever I talk about it I just say it's lucky number 13 and we (friends) laugh. I'm afraid to ask if she needs help or if she wants my help because I fear she might do something crazy or her husband might even kill me. Their fights are daily but this night was different somehow.

I heard her crying really loud while I was listening to them. Apparently he's been cheating on her and the girl went to tell the wife that she needs to leave him and let them live together. Then I heard a loud sound like a thump or something. I didn't hear anything for what felt like 10 hours. Then I heard somebody mumbling. I heard her then call him a bastard. She kept shouting you bastard, you bastard! He must've hit her because she sounded different but I never heard a word from him which made me wonder that she must've hit him.

I wanted to call the cops but I felt like something was holding me back. Then I heard screaming in the hallway. Me now wide awake, thinking that shit like this only happens in the movies. I then heard the guy knocking on the doors trying to get someone to help. I knew that they knew by now that something was going on. I was hoping that he wouldn't knock on my door. I looked through the peephole in the door to see what was going on and then that's when he hit my door. The sudden blast on the door knocked me to the floor. He was screaming help, she's a maniac and she's trying to kill me. I think now was the time to call the cops.

So I picked up my cell phone and dialed 9-1-1 and reported an emergency. The operator told me that it has already been reported and cops should be here any second now. So I just sat on the floor wondering what to do now. I looked through the peephole to see what was going on and I saw nothing. Some of the neighbors had their doors ajar to look out. It's now 4:06 a.m. and nothing is going on. It's like whatever happened that pass hour never happened. So I just went to bed and pretty much kept my eyes open until it was time to get up at 6:00 a.m. I was tempted to run down the fire escape or run screaming down the hallway. I decided to take the hallway.

I opened my door slowly and walked out of my apartment very cautious. Then I heard another door open. It was Todd, a person that lives 2 apartments down. I guess he heard it too. We whispered to each other to run as fast as we could to the stairs. So we did and he fell. I couldn't help but laugh because we could be doing this for no apparent reason. As I grabbed the door to the stairway I saw blood. That's when Greg vomited on me and the site of him vomiting made me vomit.

Now covered in puke we ran down the stairs. We ran into one of the ladies that worked in the office. She asked us what happened to us and we told her what happened. We asked her did she hear what happened to the couple in the apartment upstairs. And she told us what the police told her.

She said that the woman stabbed her husband in the back and tried to kill herself saying that if I can't have you then nobody can. The police were able to stop her from killing herself and her husband. The husband is in the hospital recovering. But I still can't believe this happened right next to me and I did nothing. Not even in a million years would I expect that he would ever cheat on her or for her to try and kill him.

Well here I am. Not in my apartment but at a friends apartment because I plan on staying away from Apartment Hell for awhile.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

When Will the Violence END!

Sure the zoo was an awful place but life is better. No need to kill.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

It's Almost Halloween!

I can smell the spirit of Halloween coming near. Oh I can't wait. It's my favorite time of the year. It's the time I can dress like a psychopath and not scare people as often.

This picture may upset a few people but its pretty fucking funny in a disturbing way. So Happy Early Halloween all you sick fucking bastards everywhere!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Whoa! What a day!

Some days are just worst than others.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Moment of Silence

My blog always gets your attention when you see it so this day won't be any different.

What can I say? Nothing anybody can say will make anything better. It feels like, nevermind, I can't really feel anything. This picture will haunt the lives of generations to come. Just knowing that people were inside the plane and inside the building just makes me wonder how a person can do such a thing. How much hatred for a country can you have to hurt so many people. How much love for one person are you showing by killing other people and yourself? Years later I still can't figure that question out. Everybody needs to take a day off and just reflect on life. A lot of people tell me that putting in the move Pay It Forward helps deal with a day like this. I just watched it and it was really good. If only everyone did what that kid did than maybe this world would be a better place.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

That's Just Not Me :(

People think I just sit in the darkest corner thinking about suicide and listening to music about death. Well that's just not me, today. Today I am going to see how long I can hold my breath underwater until I pass out.

Rough Solar Patches of Skin Infested with Crabs

Looks like Beyonce has been banged one too many times. It looks a little sand paperish in that area. It's like you see her face and you are like wow she looks really hot, yes her arns are sexy, yes look at that chest, look at those legs, wait what's that! What the fuck happened down there! I bet she's not even wearing panties! But I'll do her anyways.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

She was loved.

Remember, beauty is only skin deep? But I can be wrong.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Am I flagged yet?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Red Death

As I bleed to death I remember a time of great saddness.

The couple wouldn't leave. They stayed with their 2 children and never left. When it hit, it was too late to leave. It was terrible. The 2 children never had a chance. They died instantly. The mother was more heartbroken than the father but the time for mourning was not quite safe yet. They had to fight for their own lives. Trying to escape the deadly cluthes of death. They finally found something to hold on too. They saw rotting dead bodies all around them but had to hold it together for each others sanity. Then out of nowhere she was struck. Something underneath her hit her so hard it broke her left leg. She was scared but could not feel a thing which made her even more scared. He felt as if he could not do anything to help her. It was like he was running towards her but she seemed to move further away the closer he got to her. He had a nervous breakdown. Having to lose his kids and now his wife was too much for him. Then out of nowhere he heard a helicopter. He shouted as loud as he could so that they could hear him. But they could not see them. He ripped off his blood soaked shirt and waved it in the air so that they could see them and finally they slowed down and helped them. His wife barely holding on he felt that now he can relax because help is here and they will help his wife. They began to fly again. His wife is now talking again but still is in tremendous pain. The helicopter begins to slow down. He looks outside the window and sees nothing but a small area of land with nobody there. He asks the pilot what are they doing?! But they do not answer him. They land and tells them they need to get off here but that they will return. The husband upset about this says no. He pleads with them to just take them somewhere his wife can be saved but they help them both of the helicopter and leave them there.

This story is part fiction. Somebody told me that a husband and wife were left on a bridge by the helicopter because of Hurricane Katrina. The wife died because they never came back/came back in time to help them. It's things like this that makes me believe that government waited too long to help the people of Louisiana. I hope the government is happy now about this. What did they expect when a Category 5 storm headed towards an area already below sea level would do?! It makes me fucking sick that I saw photos of the dead floating on top of the water and looters shooting. What has this become? Is their anything we can do? All the money and food in the world would not make this any better. Lives are ruined forever. And people are still dead and missing. This is why people should not underestimate the power of a hurricane. People say that they will "ride the storm out", but when the storm becomes too strong, it's too late.

Well I'm going to finish this post before I go out and start fighting people to get my anger out.

Thursday, September 01, 2005


They are closing gas stations here. Glad I got my gas already. I feel as if I have to sell my body to get enough money for gas. Hey, I'll give my body away for a $1. It's crazy here. People are stealing gas. People are fighting people. Honking, giving them the finger, cursing and other stuff in anger. I do that stuff whenever I get a chance but for everybody to do it is unreal. They say that they are trying to profit from the hurricane.....if they are I hope they rot in hell! They should just raise the price as high as they are going to get it so that they can stop raising it throughout the day. They are even putting $20 caps on gas. Well fuck it.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005


I know everybody is pissed about the gas prices but I'm totally pissed. I recently drove 182 miles and I needed to get some gas. What would usually cost me $25 now cost over $40! It's like I'm driving a fucking tank! I need to buy one of those electric cars or carpool. This is crazy! That's $15 that I'm out now. I was planning on buying some pot but that's fucked now!

In other news, I saw this comic online that was pretty funny but sad because its true.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Cats do oral too!

Why is it always the ugly girls who think they are hot?

What Titney Spears would look like if she was a woman. All that pregancy makes her look extreamly like a pregnant whore. But I'll date her anyways.

No comment.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

You Sick Fucking Bastard!!!!!!!!!

And so it begins. The posts to end all posts. Times are changing for this blogger. Prepare for this site to become a sick fucking site. Enjoy and be disgusted.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Hands On

Shaken but not stirred? That's me. Been exposed to tons of peer pressure but what the hell, I joined in. Hey, its the cool thing to do. Even as a kid I always did crazy things.....or so I've heard. My parents said that I would try to do everything dangerous. For some strange reason, I liked jumping in front of moving cars when I was young. I never got hit but whoooo....what a rush that would be. I would constantly jump off high things. I would talk to strangers even though I knew I wasn't supposed to. But it was just a phase. I never stayed doing the same thing because I would eventually get bored and try something new like taking your parents car out for a joy ride at 11 p.m. to a 3 a.m. concert across the state and hoping they wouldn't find out. They would find out but being caught would be a lesson on how not to get caught later on. But I believed they always knew but just gave up on me knowing that I would get out of that phase. Took a few years but I eventually did. They told me that they would always fear what my new obsession would be next......

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sexual Harassment

  1. Hello sexy, you tits look extra nice today!
  2. Hey beautiful, with legs like that you must be.....a hooker.
  3. Hey bitch! After work do you want to come and have sex with me?
  4. Can I touch your ass?
  5. Wow, you changed your hair color, is that the only hair you changed?
  6. I want to fuck you.
  7. Do you have any sisters that I can fuck?
  8. Hey, you look different. Did you get bigger boobs?
  9. I don't mind cheating on my wife for you sweety.
  10. When did you lose your virginity?
  11. You have a big mouth Susan, lets make a better use for it.
  12. Let me warn you, if you fall down, the first thing I'm grabbing are your tits.
  13. You slut you.
  14. Ok, after you put all the files away you can come in my office and strip down.
  15. Have you ever thought of posing for Playboy?
  16. Damn! You're fugly! But I'll fuck you anyway.
  17. What's long and pulsating inside you? My dick!
  18. I'm sorry, I seemed to have dropped my pen. Can you bend over on all fours and lift your skirt?
  19. Would you be upset if I threw this bucket of cold water on you right now?
  20. Have you ever thought of selling your body for sex? Or even doing it for free?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Get Your Damn Hands Off Of Me!

You fucking hobo! I feel sorry for the poor but why feel the need to grab my ass. Gave him change and he slapped my ass. I felt like stabbing his hand repeatedly until it turned blue but I realized that he has even worst things to worry about.........


Monday, August 22, 2005

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Bin Gehaßt zu werden Ich? / Am I To Be Hated?

This post is something I've been thinking about for awhile. My mind is racing at like a million miles per hour. I don't know exactly what to say but when I finish I know it won't be pretty. When I start I know it will all come clear to me. When it is finish, the people that usually read my blog might be disturbed ab0ut me and my ideas. Well here it goes.....

Born in 1889 and died in 1945. A powerful and ambitious man came to me. Adolph Hitler is a hated man but how can you hate him. He grew up with small beginnings and grew into one of the most powerful people in the world. That's fucking crazy! Taking over countries and starting a movement that is still active today. I admire Hitler but hate his ways. The way he acted was cold and calculating. If I was around back then I would be hooked to the radio wondering what he was doing while other kids watch Superman and Spiderman tv shows. If he was still alive I would like to meet him and speak to him and wonder what he was thinking. I pretty sure most people would want to kill him a million times over but how can you? You would probably do the same fucking thing. Think about it, what would you do if you took over a nation and started trying to take over the world?

I hate racism and any byass comments to others. But yet I feel as if I'm losing my mind here. I am not racist, hey my best friends are jewish and black and white. They know that something has been up with me lately. I'll let them read this when I'm finish and comment on it.

Hitler was such a tyrant! and an evil mother fucking prick that got what he had coming. He was power hungry and that was his downfall. Just watched the movie Downfall, pretty fucking awesome movie.

When I was a kid my neighborhood was really racist. We had a black family move in next to us. The people in the neighborhood didn't like it. I would always here nigger, nigger, nigger, fucking niggers all the time. My parents were not racist and taught me that people are always people no matter what they look like. But hate is something hard to hide. I got into a fight with this black kid and he punched me in the nose breaking it. I was so fucking pissed I just shouted I'll hang your nigga ass black boy! To this day, I still remember that and wish I could take it back. As we grew older I apologized and we became friends and still hang out whenever we are in town.

Racism is something nobody in this world can hide from. You see it in movies, you see it in your own fucking neighborhood. You see Mrs. Bennett holding her purse close to her when she sees some "hoodlums" come near. You act differently when you around people that are the opposite race. I forced myself to treat people as if their was no color. My brother is racist. If he hasn't eaten in days he would rather eat food from a white bum then eat off of Oprah's plate. It's fucking ridiculous. That's the only problem my brother and I fight about all the time. We even broken noses over fights like those. Only time will tell though. I feel like calling him now and calling him a fucking retard for being so fucking racist.

All my thoughts of suicide and death are not really something I always laughed at. Sometimes I really do feel like killing myself. So when I write something really serious then it might be one of my really down days. I feel like life is worth nothing now to me. What is the point of trying to be happy when you will feel upset later or eventually. Today I don't feel like killing myself but I feel pretty pissed. Why is it that when somebody has a bad day they have to be pissed off at you which will make you mad and pissed off at everybody else you meet starting a whole new FUCKING CYCLE! Sometimes I wish that one day I could just say fuck you. Fuck you and I hope you fucking rot in hell you smelly whore bitch. It's reasons like that people go fucking crazy.

My uncle committed suicide when I was 14. That probably caused this whole fucked up thing in my head. Out of all the people at the funeral I probably took the pain a lot less than everybody else. I guess I just kept the pain inside and it just gathered up to this. I read his note and looked at all his stuff. I start remembering it and I laugh because his life ended around my age now. After his death I started changing. I became really dark. I became a "goth guy". What the fuck was I thinking. Glad that was a short them phase. But during that time was bascially the time when most of my suicidal thoughts came to me. I started hanging with the wrong crowd and doing a lot of bad stuff. If I stayed in that situation, I would most likely end up dead.

Wow, reading this back sounds crazy. I'm not really a crazy person. It's just me venting at all this bullshit around me. If I wrote this maybe 3 years ago, I might have been pretty detailed and graphic with these stories of mine. I'm really a nice guy, "a people person!" honest.

I wrote this weeks ago and now I'm deciding on posting it. If you feel unhappy about my post then don't be surprised. It's me, so deal with it.

Puppy Love

I like puppies!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Move Closer -- No one will


I will love you
I will be there for you
I will turn away from you
I will fall away from you
I will always hurt you
I will never be you
I will always hurt you
I will fall away from you
I will turn away from you
I will be there for you?
I will love you
I will be there for you
I will turn away from you
I will fall away from you
I will always hurt you
I will never be you
I will always hurt you
I will fall away from you
I will turn away from you
I will be there for you!


You will love me
You will be there for me
You will turn away from me
You will always hurt me
You will never be me
You will awlays hurt me
You will turn away from me
You will be there for me
You will love me
You will be there for me?
You will love me
You will be there for me
You will turn away from me
You will always hurt me
You will never be me
You will awlays hurt me
You will turn away from me
You will be there for me
You will love me
You will be there for me!

Together would remain apart in the end.
Helping each other's heart will never mend.
So it must end and so I must leave.
For your tears will no longer grieve.


Sunday, August 14, 2005

Grandma Makes Cookies!

I love my grandma. She makes me cookies before I go to school. She loves me a lot and she would always do anything for.....Wait, oh no Grandma caught me jerking off again at the picture of Martha Stewart in handcuffs. Grandma :( this is my personal time, my down time, my relax time. Grandma quit staring at me in disgust! I am human!

Grandma is having a bad day. Her prized flowers were shited on by the stray dog again. She is really pissed. She brings out her gun when she is pissed. She shot 3 dogs today so far. She didn't care where or who they belonged to. She told me that she was going to shoot the bitch girlfiend I showed her last time. I prefer to live a few states away from Grandma, as does the rest of the family.

Grandma gets a phone call from a telemarketer. She waits until they finish and tells them to never call again or she would cut their fingers off and stick each one up their asses and feed their tongues to her neighbors inside a fruitcake.

It's Grandma's birthday next week. We want to give her a surprise party but most likely she will have guns. So we will send her a video wrapped in white paper. See grandma doesn't like plastic or anything that is another color. She feels that plastic would somehow get into her face and kill her. She told us that if we send her plastic in the mail then she will kill us all. That grandma, such a kidder!

Well let me look in my video scrapbook and show you a picture of Grandma, she doesn't like taking pictures so we had to take the picture and run out the door.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


What a day. I was late to everything today. It all started with the power going out this morning. Couldn't wake up because the alarm couldn't go off. When I finally woke up I was already 45 minutes late. It usually takes me about an hour to get ready due to the fact that I'm not a morning person and I hate people.

I ran out the door and ran into my ex girlfriend. What are the fucking chances of that happening. She is not only an ex but a very bad break up ex. I broke up with her because she became a little too controlling and always had her friends follow me. First of all I'm not a cheater and if you think I'm cheating then I'm gonna break it off because we don't have any trust in the relationship. Big mistake, then she even got more suspicious. I would sometimes have to sneak out my own window just to make sure she doesn't see me leave. So she got an apartment right near mine so she can always here and see what I do. But this is all a different post I'll might give you a history on later.

We talked as we shared a cab together, didn't want to, but she I sensed was up to something. I had to think of something to leave her so I told the cab driver I had to take a piss and he needed to stop the car. So he stopped and I ran into a store. I made sure she wasn't following me and I ran out the back door. By this time I'm already 2 hours late for work and my fucking cell phone is totally dead because it wasn't able to charge the night before! So nobody could call me.

So here I am late for work and starving and running down an alley. I was already late so what's the point of not getting a quick bite. So I got a bagle and continued to run to work. It was only a couple of blocks by now so I just ran the rest of the way.

When I finally made it to work, the janitor forgot to put up the "Wet Floor Sign". As I ran into the building I slipped and couldn't keep my balance. I fell and broke by ankle, badly bruised by elbow then eventually falling on my face.

Royally fucked! How embarrasing. Me with my leg broken and a bagle still stuck in my mouth. Luckily I was able to get right back up with the help of two of the paramedics and a few people watching.

So here I am writing this blog with one hand and my face killing me on and off (medication). The pain in my ankle has become second nature to me.

All this because of a power outage. Well this was my day. Late for work, ex girlfriend, running away, falling down, badly hurting every part of my body and writing this blog. Can't really sleep because laying on my face hurts. I would have my girlfriend come over and help me but my ex doesn't know about her yet. So I asked my friend to help me get like a few things.

Well gotta go. Medication is making me sleepy so I'm gonna go for it.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Any Comment?

Disney sons of Disney. If you are going to leave a comment have the nerve to give me a name you Disney Disney. I'll rip your Disney heart out and hunt you Disney Disney down and beat the living Disney out of you. Disney loser. I know exactly who you are you Disney faced Disney. I hope you Disney tonight.

Click on the Any Comment title for the unedited version or my rage!

Hiding Behind the Shadow

Here I am world!
Few without less words
I contradict my own intentions
I gather my pride
Watered down sorrows

Made to feel like a bird being hurled
But I nor fly and cannot be heard
Left here to die and hide my discretions
For life has in its own and has its own divine ride
For the road of life begins to narrow

As my body is left curled,
Inside a Heart Shaped Box slurred
The jagged knife seems to be my only transgression
As I guide it towards my swollen heart I cried
Death wants me and now I can't wait until tommorrow

I feel it coming world!
As it all becomes stirred
It's quick and the blood begins to mention
How my past friends were the ones I used to confide
To an end I close my eyes and end my life in the fields of yarrow

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I'm Carson Daly Bitch, Enjoy Yourself

Life sucks. Look at him. That smile. Those braces. Perfect hair. THAT FUCKING TIE! I hate you Carson Daly. You make me feel like sticking a hot knife inside my eyes and cutting them out while eating a side of Apple Jacks. I envy your life. You bang a different girl every night. You have fans. FUCKING FANS! All I have is my right hand to keep me company. You son of a bitch Carson Daly. I named my dead pets after you. Your name is cursed. How could you Carson Daly. Whatever, Carson Daly. What kind of name is that Carson Daly. You sound like a surfer but when people see your face you look like fucking HOBO! Perhaps I'm going to far with this Carson Daly thing. He is pretty cool. Never met him but I'm pretty sure he'll kick my ass.

Where the FUCK IS MY FRAPPACHINO DEBBIE! Thanks, where did I leave off. Ah yes, kicking my ass.

Look at that cocaine smile. He thinks he's funny. Fucking hiliarious. I feel like killing myself. If I leave a suicide note I'll be sure to make 2 copies. One for the authorites and one for Carson Daly. I wonder if Carson Daly will come to my funeral. If only somebody can communicate to me for verification. Maybe I'll call a Dionne Warwick, she might know something being a psycho and all or is it psychic? Yeah, I'll do that. I'll go to Dionne Warwick so that she tells me who goes to my funeral. I'll kill myself and she would call me or something when he arrives. Yeah thats perfect. Ok, now how am I going to do this?

Dear Carson,

I hope all is well in Bollywood and all. Just wanted to write a note telling you how things are going with me and all. Well I've been busy and all writing scripts for top movies as "Womb Raiders" and "Nasty as I wanna be Jenna Jameson", but I digress from my accomplishments. Just wanted to tell you that it's over for me. I'm moving to Paris to pursue my dream of being an out of work artist. Perhaps I'll meet someone famous and get married and be rich but stuff like that happens to people that aren't me. Well gotta go and all.

p.s.-for a suicide letter, it's pretty upbeat.

In all reality, I'm not going to kill myself for now. Why would I kill myself over Carson Daly. What a jackass.

Goodbye folks got things to do so GOOD DAY BITCHES, ENJOY YOURSELF!

Friday, July 29, 2005


Oh you mother fucker, you dumb son of a bitch! You left me! You left me here all alone! How could you! I'll kill you! I'll gut you! I'll rape you! I'll have my way with you! I'll make you bleed slowly! I'll pee in your cereal! I will deficate in your sock drawer! I will kill rabbits! I will starve myself and gorge myself with your blood! I will spit in your hair! I will sleep beside you and jump out the window when you wake up! I will run you over with my 4-wheeler! I will have sex and think about Bea Arthur in a thong! I will give you V.D.! I will hurt you! But first i'll need some milk.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I'm outta here.....

I'm leaving you guys for a few weeks. The darkness shall return someday or perhaps this might be my last post? I might actually kill myself.....wish me luck. peace and good riddance.

Life is fucked over. My life is fucked over. What's the point of going to your lives of work. You work, you go home you work you go home until eventually you die. Why wait until you die! Let's get life over with. Yeah, I think i'll hang myself. I'm going to kill myself before I go to work!

Monday, June 20, 2005

When good cats go BAD

Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty