Golden Shower

What do you say to a girl that tells you she wants you to give her a golden shower?

a.) Drink some water
b.) Tell her no
c.) Ask if she wants dirty sanchez afterwards

My friend that is a girl wants our relationship to go to the next level. In most cases, my girlfriends just ask for sex when they want to go to the next level, not the whole "piss on me" thing. I don't even consider her a girlfriend.

I don't know, I don't think I'm the mood for freakiness this summer. Then again, I don't know if she was kidding. I don't want to offend her by pissing on her or not pissing on her. I think I'm getting mixed signals, one helluva mixed signal! I really don't want to give her a golden shower because I feel that it's wrong and degrading to women, plus she's probably been pissed on all her life and I don't wanna kiss that. Can I ever find a normal person! Maybe I'm the crazy person that attracts crazier people.

Well, I'll keep you guys updated. So for the forecast calls for clear skies tonight but tomorrow we may have some showers.

As for Father's Day, my mom didn't want me to take him to get a lapdance especially on Sunday. Other than that, his day rocked. Sometimes you need that motherly advice to put you in the right direction, but I think this advice mom shouldn't know about. Once I ask her if I should give a girl a golden shower or not, she'll probably want to know what a golden shower is, then I would have to disconnect the call.

Happy Paraskavedekatriaphobia Day

I love days that scare people!


We're having a Slasher Fridays night tonight. We're watching The Happening. My friends think it's inappropriate for me to watch that movie. Just because I'm in suicide therapy doesn't mean that watching a movie about people killing themselves is going to hurt me. It wouldn't make it better, but what the hell. If I do kill myself after watching the movie, I'd blame my friends for making me watch it so they'll be haunted by it. How dare they make a suicidal person watch this! I own the movie The Bridge, and you don't see me jumping off any bridges. Uh, sidenote, if I do write a post about going to California for a trip, please stop me. I never plan on going to California for fun. I'm imagining taking a trip a meeting new people along the way on my journey to California and then ending it all. I'd better stop thinking about it now.


Tit's also going to be Father's Day this weekend so I can't get too plastered tonight since I have to drive back home to visit my dad tomorrow. My parents don't want another "incident" on their hands. I still don't know what to get him. I'm an impulse late buyer. You'll see me shopping for Christmas presents Christmas morning, well maybe Christmas afternoon once I wake up.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads and deadbeat dads, some of us are still waiting for that court ordered child support.

Dream Job

When I was a younger, I had a big dream. After years and years of practicing, I thought I was ready. I tried it by myself. It was awkward and a little disturbing at first but I think that day paved the way for my dream to come true. After applying for the position many times, I eventually got the call to come in for an interview. It was the happiest day of my life, that was until I got hit in the head with a brick. It scarred me for life. Then that was when I knew when my dream job would be over. My dream job as a phone sex operator. *sigh*

In other news........how are things in my life now? Same old bullshit. On and off relationships are boring. I have a friend that is a girl but not a girlfriend that I see like every other day. I haven't been drinking as much now. I think I'm having withdrawals. I'm going to my suicide support group less now, and I'm even a sponsor in my group now! I guess I'm an experienced suicidal person. Let me put that on my job resume. I'm thinking of having my slave aka sponsee wash my car this week. I think it'll be very motivational for both of us.

I'm going home next weekend to see my parents and spend the weekend with dad. I plan on taking him to Hooters on Saturday and getting him a lapdance on Sunday.

Well thats it. Nothing else new. But someday, SOMEDAY! I will be that phone sex operator! And I will give women millions of orgasms a day and get paid for it!

Accidents Do Happen

I ran into a parked car while rollerblading this weekend. It all happened so fast. I was talking to a friend while going backwards and I didn't even notice the car behind me. The whole scene looked worst than it really was. The car was almost untouched when I nearly flipped over the trunk area. I hurt my leg pretty bad. I should've known that rollerblading in complete darkness in the middle of the night while going backwards isn't so smart. I also hit my head kind of hard. Everybody was saying that I was going to die if I go to sleep. I did have to sit down for awhile. They eventually took me to the hospital and let me out about a hour later. No worries. Just a slightly sprained ankle and just a bump on the head. Now if it was a moving car that hit me that would've been hilarious but probably fatal story.

My ex got the last of the stuff out of the apartment this weekend. My place is starting to look more masculine again. We had some beer and talked about life. She got mad at me because I started talking more personal now that I did when we were together, go figure. She told me that she got offered a job here also so she might end up staying. I didn't want to overreact and be like "Wow, really"! So I acted all cool and said "hmmm" and drunk some more beer.

I almost forgot it was Father's Day so when I called my dad to tell him happy father's day, I was a little buzzed. But he got my gift and card a few days earlier. He thinks I'm becoming an alcoholic for drinking so early on a Sunday. I told him I only drank because I was tired. And he said he could only imagine how much I drank when I'm full of energy. Kegs of beer dad, kegs.