Life sucks. Look at him. That smile. Those braces. Perfect hair. THAT FUCKING TIE! I hate you Carson Daly. You make me feel like sticking a hot knife inside my eyes and cutting them out while eating a side of Apple Jacks. I envy your life. You bang a different girl every night. You have fans. FUCKING FANS! All I have is my right hand to keep me company. You son of a bitch Carson Daly. I named my dead pets after you. Your name is cursed. How could you Carson Daly. Whatever, Carson Daly. What kind of name is that Carson Daly. You sound like a surfer but when people see your face you look like fucking HOBO! Perhaps I'm going to far with this Carson Daly thing. He is pretty cool. Never met him but I'm pretty sure he'll kick my ass.
Where the FUCK IS MY FRAPPACHINO DEBBIE! Thanks, where did I leave off. Ah yes, kicking my ass.
Look at that cocaine smile. He thinks he's funny. Fucking hiliarious. I feel like killing myself. If I leave a suicide note I'll be sure to make 2 copies. One for the authorites and one for Carson Daly. I wonder if Carson Daly will come to my funeral. If only somebody can communicate to me for verification. Maybe I'll call a Dionne Warwick, she might know something being a psycho and all or is it psychic? Yeah, I'll do that. I'll go to Dionne Warwick so that she tells me who goes to my funeral. I'll kill myself and she would call me or something when he arrives. Yeah thats perfect. Ok, now how am I going to do this?
Dear Carson,
I hope all is well in Bollywood and all. Just wanted to write a note telling you how things are going with me and all. Well I've been busy and all writing scripts for top movies as "Womb Raiders" and "Nasty as I wanna be Jenna Jameson", but I digress from my accomplishments. Just wanted to tell you that it's over for me. I'm moving to Paris to pursue my dream of being an out of work artist. Perhaps I'll meet someone famous and get married and be rich but stuff like that happens to people that aren't me. Well gotta go and all.
p.s.-for a suicide letter, it's pretty upbeat.
In all reality, I'm not going to kill myself for now. Why would I kill myself over Carson Daly. What a jackass.
Goodbye folks got things to do so GOOD DAY BITCHES, ENJOY YOURSELF!
3 comments:
Fucking sons of bitches. If you are going to leave a comment have the nerve to give me a name you fucking pussy. I'll rip your fucking heart out and hunt you faggot ass down and beat the living shit out of you. Fucking loser. I know exactly who you are you shit faced cocksucker. I hope you die tonight.
Damn! Go get 'em!
I haven't had my morning coffee so I kinda went a little too vocal on a comment.
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