Happy New Years You Drunk Bastards!

My girlfriend's parents decided they wanted to meet my parents. They called us a couple of days ago acting nice and wanting to meet my parents, so they are going up sometime in January. I'm nervous. Why now? I guess I shouldn't have mentioned the Ouija Board Seance Party on Christmas Eve. It has to be the reason why they wanna see them. They can't seem to take a joke. It's not like we saw ghosts or danced with dead people. We tried though. They think I'm a bad influence on their daughter and son. What bullshit. I just brought some darkness into their light.

This is how I see her mother after meeting my parents



lol @ "it was so dark sided!"

I really hope her mother doesn't read my blog. If she didn't hate me then, she's gonna hate me now.

Her parents are religious hipsters while my parents are for peace and love and getting high. I told my parents this morning about what happened and they think it's funny. They can't wait for them to meet them. I know it's going to end on a really bad note. Probably a few fires and gunshots. My parents have a problem of speaking they're mind to openly, as does her parents, behind your back. I guess they want to meet them to see why people call me "normal". I say it was the hair.

In other fucked up news, New Years is just gonna be New Years for us. Going nowhere special. Not in the mood to get fucked up anymore. Just going to a party with friends and getting wasted. Wasted in a responsible way.

Happy New Year Everybody!

Slasher Fridays - Three Extremes

I hear this is a really cool movie. It's three short films on one movie. All of them have a really disturbing ending, but the first one is the most disturbing of them all. I heard what happens but I just need to see it for myself. People said the first one is about a woman who wants to stay young forever so she goes to this "witch doctor" lady who gives her these Dumplings. As time goes on, the lady feels and starts to become younger looking. She walks in the kitchen and notices what the lady's secret main ingredient to make these dumplings are.



Since Three Extremes is short, we're watching Frailty too. A movie about a guy who gets a message from God to kill all the bad people in his town. But here's the kicker. He gets his kids to join him in killing these people. It's rated R so it already gets 5 stars from me.



This is such a cool clip. It's one of the 3 Extremes. From the preview I guess its about a girl who killed somebody but was haunted throughout her life but comes back to try and find peace but peace comes at a price. I can't fucking wait to see this!

Mrs. Wrinkles And Her Fruit Cake

What is it with old people and fruit cakes? I started work again today and nympograndma got me a fruit cake. She left it for me while I was gone.

You all remember a few weeks ago when the old lady confessed her desire to do me. Well I haven't really seen her as much since then and she hasn't brought me any cakes or pies since I turned her down, poor me. But she got me a fruit cake and my girlfriend threw it out. I hate fruit cakes too but I wanted the pleasure of destroying it aka fire cracker in the middle. BM is still holding a grudge against her. Come on! She's fucking a 100 years old! I don't mind going out with older women but shit, she's older than my grandma. She could pass as being my grandmother's grandma. I don't see why BM is tripping. Could you imagine me actually having sex with a granny? Yeah, imagine it and be horrified like I was.

Ok that's enough imagination for today. I don't think I can ever get a erection again for a year after imagining that.

Well, that was an erection killing post.

We're All Bastards

So Christmas is over. We promised each other again that we wouldn't spend over $50 for each other. Considering that we are still broke from our anniversary and that we have to buy everybody else gifts too, that promise could happen. We ended up paying about $200 each. I got her a cool looking portable dvd player. I couldn't think of anything else! She got me a digital drum kit. We both put on our fake thank yous and agreed to go back to Best Buy today and get what we wanted for Christmas.

I got my parents a notebook computer. I really want my parents to get a blog because I know they are just as crazy as I am. My brother's present is waiting back at my parents house. He should arrive back home a couple of days after my parents. I made him a giant picture frame of me and him throughout the years growing up. I got my other brother who basically already has everything a gift card to Best Buy. He was the hardest person to shop for. I gave my sister Lost Season 1 and 2. She's a big fan of the series and always wanted to buy them.

Christmas with Ma and Pa Kettle wasn't as bad as I expected. I thought they were kidding about the caroling, but they got dressed and everything. So what the hell, I'll sing this once. People actually liked us singing. If somebody knocked on my door and started singing I'd slam the door in their face, but that's just me.

I gave her parents a gift card. I swear, I think her parents are regifters. I remember last year they were telling me about a dumb cigar cutter machine that looked stupid, then when I open my gift on Christmas, it's the same dumb machine! All I know is what they told me what it looked like, and it damn did look like it. At least I put some thought into my gift......of a gift card......I gave the gift to Mike since he's picked up the habit again. I just have to get it back whenever her parents come over. He told me it creeps him out so I think he's gonna forget to keep it and throw it away.



I gave her brother a McDonald's gift card, BUT WAIT! If somebody gave me a McDonald's gift card, I'd kick them in the ass, BUT he told me to get him one because he goes there every morning for breakfast and he needed to stop spending his money.

So that was my Christmas. Hope everybody else had a great one. I got back last night so I'm still a little worn. Happy Holidays. I'm already stocking up on liquor for New Years!

Slasher Fridays - The Shining

This was my pick. I haven't seen it in years but all I can remember from it is REDRUM. We're gonna watch it at Alex's. His girlfriend got him a big screen TV for Christmas, the bastard.

This is what it's gonna feel like when I go to my girlfriends parents house.



I can see that happening to me this Christmas weekend. Me riding a bike again inside the house. Here's how it would go.

Twins: Come play with us bastard
Me: Play what?
Twins: Play with us forever
Me: Uh, why you guys bloody like that?
Twins: And ever
Me: If it involves that ax then I don't wanna play.
Twins: Close your eyes bastard
Me: Remember what kimmyk said. It's just like pictures in a book bastard, it isn't real.......They are touching me!
Beyond Me: Wake up you dumbass. You fell asleep drunk on the park bench again.

4 Days Until Christmas

Anti Christmas

I'm as evil as I wanna be.

Fresh baked gingerbread man cookies. Leaving "Santa" the cookies and a cup of warm milk. Waking up early in the morning to see the looks on the kids face is just priceless.

Christmas is too commercialized. You see these people in lines telling you to "Fuck off" and "Kiss my ass" while buying the latest Sesame Street toy for their kids. You wonder if people even know what Christmas is about anymore.

It feels as if my life is being pulled in a million directions. I can honestly tell you that my life a year from now will be nothing like it is now, and I have no idea what I'll be doing. All I know is that the direction I'll be going will happen within a couple of months. Hopefully nothing will change but it's looking more and more unlikely.

I think it's just the anger and the headache talking now.

Scrooge

This is already turning out to be the worst Christmas ever. I hate life.

Christmas With The Waltons

I or should I say she decided that we were going to spend Christmas with her parents this year. I'm planning on:

1. Having to sleep on their plastic covered furniture
2. Eating soy enhanced turkey
3. Listening to Alvin and The Chipmunks Christmas music the entire time
4. Being forced to wear elf ears
5. Being forced to smile
6. Doing the dreaded caroling from door to door with people around the neighborhood.

And whats sad about all of this is that this what her mom told me what would be going on. It's gonna suck but I haven't spent Christmas with them before so it might be fun. I read that back to myself and cry a little.

I plan on doing volunteer work at a soup kitchen while I'm there with my girlfriend so that should be cool.

Welcome To Hellmart!

I can't do it anymore. I can not go to Hellmart and deal with another asshole ever again! I went to Walmart knowing that everybody would be pissed off but I just minded my own business and tried to get a parking spot. I had to park like a mile away, but I wasn't gonna let that get me down. I go in and get the groceries and wait in the 20 items or less line. Leave it to me to find the asshole customer that has 2 shopping carts and separates the food into 20 item increments. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! And the cashier still checks him out.

I didn't want to start a scene this time again but I just couldn't get over the 2 shopping carts. Just wanted you all to know that I did say "Excuse Me" first then tapped him on the shoulder. I directed him to the sign above his head saying 20 items or less, politely. Then the redneck motherfucker pushed me and directed me to his middle finger. Touché. There goes my "not letting Hellmart get me down again" attitude.

What could I do? I couldn't attack the guy. At least not in front of the security cameras. But he gave me the finger! I can't just let it slide. There is something called respect and clearly I gave him all the respect until he gave me the finger. Everything after that was a blur. I can't really remember what happened next but whatever I did, he told the cashier to just ring up what she already has and he'll go in the other line. Now I feel bad. Another register opened up so the guy was able to get in the RIGHT LINE! I don't feel bad. Who was the guy feeding anyways, the blob? Who really needs over 10 cases of butter? No, I was wrong here. I should've just let it slide. It's the holidays damn it. Walmart brings out the worst in people. In my case, the murderous rampage worst.

But I kind of laugh now at the situation. All I had was about 12 things. I was in and out of hell within a half hour. 5 minutes to find a parking space, 5 minutes to walk to the store, 10 minutes to get everything and wait in line, 5 minutes to get lost in the parking lot, 5 minutes to finding my keys.

Don't Worry, It's Only Monday!

Updates:

Of course dinner with the neighbors last week went on without anybody being killed or eaten. The food was good. I remember when I was a kid and I saw the movie Aliens. My stomach was hurting really bad and for the longest I thought an alien was going to pop out of my stomach. I had to fess up to my mom that I watched the movie and that I needed emergency surgery because I need to remove an alien baby out of my tummy. Those were the days. Horrific child nightmares involving alien conception.

Christmas is soon, I think. I still don't know where I'm going. My girlfriend wants to spend it at her parents house. My parents and sister are going south for Christmas. The family lost contact with my brother a couple of weeks ago. I can't get in contact with him either. Don't worry, he isn't dead. He always does this. He would disappear for weeks and just show up out of nowhere. He's been talking about coming here for Christmas, yikes. My other brother wants to invite me and my girlfriend down to spend Christmas with his family. He does have a giant HDTV. Of course being with family would be great but he has a big screen TV! I don't know if I can have a Mormon like Christmas with my girlfriends uptight parents. I love them though BM, don't hit me.

Speaking of Christmas, I have to get some first minute gifts. I save my last minute gifts for Christmas morning. I'm going to the mall to pick up some stuff then head over to Hell Mart to pick up some food tomorrow.

Slasher Fridays - The Butterfly Effect

Have you ever wondered if you were able to go to the past and change something from ever happening? Knowing the future and changing the past would be a dream come true, but it would have consequences. What if that change you did was not supposed to change? What you change altered not only that person's life, but it destroyed others including yourself. So you go back into the past trying to fix it over and over again, but you seem to be making it worst each time. Turns out that changing the past to have a better future made everybody's future including yours much worst that it ever was before. You slowly start going insane until you come to the conclusion that if you were never born, perhaps maybe, you could save countless lives by ending yours. So you have to come with a decision. Should ending your life in the sake of others be helpful in its own way? No way you can ever tell. So I guess it's best life is left up to bad luck and good luck. You get what's coming to you, I guess.

The Female Body

From the tips of your hair down to the tips of your toes, the female body is so smooth to the touch. From the breast down around your back, the female body, ummmm, so smooth to the touch.

Oh yeah, dinner with the neighbors wasn't as bad as I expected. I held tightly to the butter knife they gave us just in case I had to use it.

Food, Sex & A Little Cannablism

Our neighbors invited us over for dinner tomorrow. I guess she'll have to put the gangbangs off a bit until after we leave then. Or we could be involved in the orgy. I'd be honored.

Her husband scares me still. I hear he killed 20 people last year. I don't even bother saying "hey" to him anymore when I see him. I feel the less he sees me the less idea he has of turning my body parts to lamps.

I think so highly of my neighbors. I think the husband is a killer and the wife is a hooker. I can only imagine what they think of us:

I've been thinking. Maybe they are inviting us over to kill us because we know they are crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I'm the one who sniffed the markers and gasoline way too much, hmmmm.....
But I'm looking forward to eating or being eaten. Do note that I'm high in cholesterol and have no nutritious value at all, except in my dick, ha ha.

But what do I wear at a cannibal's dinner? Do I salt myself? Marinate my body in butter? I'm new at cannibal etiquette. I'm sure it'll be a blast! I'll just alert the police when I leave so they can knock the door down after 20 minutes and arrest them. Knowing my luck, I'd drop a crack pipe and 50 bags of pot.

What a post. If tomorrow's dinner is anything like that then it's gonna freakin' rock!

Merry Christmas

click the title

Title Untitled

Somewhere Elsewhere.

It Didn't Work Again!

We made it about a half hour until into the movie and we just said fuck it. With no heat in an abandoned house made it really hard to stay there. So we just walked to our cars the long way. Instead of just walking back on the road, we walk through the woods to our cars.


With my girlfriend being anti pictures, she took the camera and took a picture of what was left of us. We lost the rest of the gang. Some of them were in the other rooms and outside and I thought somebody else told them that we were leaving, oops. I guess they'll realize we left or got butchered by some crazy hobo ghost. So we had to wait for them. I guess one of us could've gone back into the woods to get them but we all knew how they journey ends in horror movies. "Yeah, go in the dark creepy woods looking for your friends. Nobody ever gets killed that way."

We ended up starting a fire and just camping out by our cars. I had to go back in the woods with Poindexter and Mike to get the slackers while Alex stayed with the girls, the pussy. When we got there, nobody was there. Poindexter was going up the stairs when he saw blood on the steps. Obvious prank, so old school. We heard some knocking on the wall outside. 2 stars for that prank. I was getting tired of it and just wanted to go back (I wasn't scared). As we started leaving, the bastards came out. I asked them where they got the fake blood and they told me what fake blood. Poindexter showed it to them and they didn't know where it came from. And on that note we walked pretty fast out the door. A lot of people go into that house so somebody must've just cut themselves or ......REDRUM REDRUM.....The blood was dry so it was there for awhile.

Back to the cars we go. They admitted to the banging on the wall but not the blood. Poindexter was saying that when we get back to our cars, everybody there will be dead or missing. I hope not, my girlfriend has my keys. We get back to our cars and just hang out which I don't get at all. We leave the house because it's too cold so we go outside instead? I guess that's why I still can't feel my toes or fingers today.

We ended up crashing at Alex's place and made some Vodcolate (Old Poindexter Underground Recipe). Then we were just too fucked up for words after that. It taste really good going down but taste like the worst rotting shit as it comes back up. I regret having 4 shots. I can still feel it churning in my stomach. Never ever again, well maybe next week. I was one of the few that made it to 4 shots. Poindexter and his iron stomach made it to 6.

Now I know that having a cold and having a hangover is such a downer, and my cold is getting a little worst as the day goes on. I'll be out of it for next couple of days. This medicine I'm on is starting to kick in and now I'm getting sleepy again.

Slasher Fridays - Blair Witch & Seance 2

After our failed seance before, we've decided to make it more interesting. We are going to this "supposed" haunted house tonight. We have Poindexter's portable DVD player and we are all going to huddle up together in the haunted house and watch The Blair Witch Project and do the seance then. We are seeing some spirits this time damn it! If we have to make human sacrifices than I'm ok with that.

We'll try not to get arrested for breaking and entering, and we'll probably be drinking too to top it all off. And if the cops do come by, I plan on tripping the weakest link so I could make my escape. I can see it now. Us imitating the scene from the Blair Witch where everybody is running in the woods with a camera and getting lost. I'll blog on tree bark until I find myself back. My girlfriend's brother is coming for this one too.

Rantings Of A Bad Day!

motherfuck motherfuck motherfuck motherfuck and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck your little dog too aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh all fucking bullshit!

You know, blogging your feelings is much better than having your fist show your feelings.

When I get angry I just take a long drive until I'm calm. Couldn't do that because of the traffic! FUCK! I can't even escape it! And leave it to me to be stuck in my car having a bad day trying to relax but can't because of the traffic then you have this person in the car beside you shouting because you won't let him in but WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO IF I CAN'T MOVE DUMBASS! Excuse me muthafucka, should I squeeze my car in between the cars just so you can pull in?

Ok, so traffic finally cleared up and I was able to not kill the driver, and not let him through of course. I was able to relax and just think. Thoughts are not good nowadays. I'm really stressed. Time with my friends and family seems to be the only thing keeping me together. If I lose either one of them then my life will be back to what was years ago, depressed.

My girlfriend is making hot chocolate for me. She knows that relaxes me. I tell her to replace the milk for the hot chocolate with vodka, I need to be out for this one.

You've Got Mail!

Spammer Memory Brought Back From A Certain Firestarter

I have a friend that was almost bought into scamming. He got an email saying that he'll win a lot of money or a cruise to the Bahamas. He took the bait saying what are the chances of winning. So he gave this unknown spammer his phone number so the spammer can call him if he won.

Big surprise, he won. Within a couple of days of applying he won. The spammer on the other line told my friend that he won the cruise to the Bahamas. All he needed was his social security number, name and address to send the confirmation to. My friend was not that happy. He wanted the money. He asked the spammer if the next caller can get the cruise and he could get the money. The spammer hung up the phone. Of course the phone number would be unavailable. He was hoping that the phone got disconnected somehow and the spammer was going to call back, but that's been over 2 years ago. Call me crazy but I don't think the spammer was giving out any money or cruises in the first place. Call it a lesson learned. Now only if he'd given out his social then he could be chilling on a cruise to the Bahamas.

I just listened to the video below and I wanted to blow my brains out. Enjoy!

Rent Control Now Available!

I was telling my parents about screwing an old lady and they were telling me the complex I wanted to move into when I was living there has a rent control apartment available. The former elderly owner had a little accident. Apparently she got in a accident and they had to take her license away. Her kids caught wind of this and weren't happy. They decided to take care of her, so she moved in with one of her kids. And they say car accidents are bad.

I remember that old lady too. It was like she reached a certain age and just didn't get older. I swear she has to be approaching 200 years old. She used to give me a quarter if I helped her take her groceries up the stairs. Wow, a quarter. I can buy a gumball or half a hand full of M&M's. My family always liked her. I thought she was a few nuts away from a psychotic killer breakdown. I believe she still feeds her dead cat. Nice lady, a little loco, but nice.

I really wanted to move in there. The area was perfect and everything, well it was within a few miles of my parents, bummer. But it's RENT CONTROL! I couldn't move even I wanted too. I'm stable where I am, and my girlfriend most definitely will not move. Plus I gotta at least wait for my hooker neighbor to get caught cheating by her husband.

Well, the thought of it was fun for about 10 seconds. I'm pretty sure somebody took it already. Things like that don't stay available for long.

Granny Wants To Love Me Long Time

An old lady that I've known for about year wanted to fuck me today. All I could do was laugh and say that I'm already taken. But she was dead serious. And she kept pushing me. This has to be the first time I had to turn down sex.

All along she was coming to my job to just see me. How can I not see this?

Clues That I Missed:

1) She calls me at my job and talks about her really personal life.
2) When she comes to my job she hugs me, very close. I could feel her boobs on me, and she never wore a bra. Eeewwww
3) She grabbed my ass a few times at work
4) She would always ask if I'm working
5) She made me a few cakes
6) She gave me her number repeatedly.
7) Called my girlfriend a whore or a dike every time I'd mention her.

Clue That I Got:

1) I want you to do me.

That was what really took me by surprise. She just came right out and said it. I know I'm hot and all but DAMN!!!!! Her grandson is 12 years younger than I am.

Everybody was telling me that she likes me but I couldn't believe it. She's an old lady, what can she do with me? I'm a wild child. I feel so violated. All the times she looked at me. She probably imagined me naked! For a year!

I'm just naturally a flirt so she might've taken that the other way. When I told my girlfriend what happened she laughed. I think I can hear her still laughing now. Work will never be the same. How can I look at her now without trying to put more clothes on or covering up my privates? This is definitely not right, so uncool.

Slasher Fridays! - Child's Play

It's slasher Friday and tonight's pick is Child's Play. Stuff like this scared me to death as a kid. Now I get off of dolls killing people. Wow I'm fucked up. I blame CBS.

Simple

I have a life changing decision to make within 24 hours so my stress levels are way up there. I heard this song today that I can't get out of my head. The name of the song is Dig from Incubus. The song just makes you think. It relaxed me and made me come up with the decision not to move for the job. Just wanted to share it.

What Is On My Mind Right Now

Random

Part 1

Driving down the road I see a car pulled over to the side. It was raining so I knew that life must really suck for them. I had to make a quick decision to either pull over and help them or keep on going and perhaps somebody else will help them. I'm pulling up closer and closer and I have to make a decision quick. I kept on going. But my morals made me turn around. So I turned my car around to try and help them. Whoever was in the car is either gone or inside. The side front passenger side door is open so already I'm starting to regret even thinking about helping whoever it is. I grab a crowbar I have underneath the seat and walk outside to either to help the person with it or club them with it. I go closer and I see a legs hanging out the outside of the car. The legs are moving back and forth and I hear crunching sounds so a million things are going through my mind. Either this person is crazy or they are being eaten by some kind of animal. My curiosity pulled me in so I walked further. I look inside and I'm shocked at what's going on! I can't believe it. What was going on was definitely not what I expected. I walk back to my car and trying to forget everything I saw. I hear somebody calling my name, I turn around slowly with my eyes closed too afraid to look and say........

Part 2

.....fuck.

the end.

Completely Random & A Weekly Update

Driving down the road I see a car pulled over to the side. It was raining so I knew that life must really suck for them. I had to make a quick decision to either pull over and help them or keep on going and perhaps somebody else will help them. I'm pulling up closer and closer and I have to make a decision quick. I kept on going. But my morals made me turn around. So I turned my car around to try and help them. Whoever was in the car is either gone or inside. The side front passenger side door is open so already I'm starting to regret even thinking about helping whoever it is. I grab a crowbar I have underneath the seat and walk outside to either to help the person with it or club them with it. I go closer and I see a legs hanging out the outside of the car. The legs are moving back and forth and I hear crunching sounds so a million things are going through my mind. Either this person is crazy or they are being eaten by some kind of animal. My curiosity pulled me in so I walked further. I look inside and I'm shocked at what's going on! I can't believe it. What was going on was definitely not what I expected. I walk back to my car and trying to forget everything I saw. I hear somebody calling my name, I turn around slowly with my eyes closed too afraid to look and say........

I'll finish it tomorrow
_______________________________

My girlfriend and I are going out to dinner this coming Saturday to the D.P.R (Dead People Restaurant. I can't wait. Maybe we'll see another dead body. That would so fucking rock! I don't know if I can handle going to another restaurant that my stomach doesn't agree with again.

That's like the only big thing we are gonna do this week. It's going to be a really boring week.

Reco!

Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any.

So it's Sunday and I'm back. My entire family is gone! Thanksgiving wasn't the pain in the ass that I expected. My brother popped in a DVD while we were eating dinner. It just so happen to be Boiler Room. Not quite the family friendly movie but it was great the first time I watched it years ago and better the 1000th time watching it Thursday. Hence the title of the post and me sipping some alcohol while watching the movie.

My grandparents made a surprise visit Thanksgiving morning. They said they wouldn't be able to make it, but they made it anyway. Grandpa arguing with Grandma and Grandpa arguing with Dad who was arguing with all of us made this Thanksgiving no different from the one the previous year and the year before that and so on. It would really suck if we had nothing to argue about.

My girlfriend was in charge of the turkey since everybody else was the guest. I expected it to be so dry that cutting it would start a fire. But it was good. I don't get it. She can barely make a grilled cheese sandwich but you put her in charge of a turkey and you got a masterpiece.

Indian Giver

This has been on my mind all day. I have to post a story on it.

I kind of like this time of the year and at the same time I hate it.

Can somebody tell me what "we" should be thankful for? I can't see putting a smile on my face any longer year after year on celebrating the moving of people out their homes and killing them and putting them up in small areas and giving them casinos. If that is what I have to be thankful for then I don't want it.

My mother is here in the kitchen prepping the turkey early. It's been a tradition to always watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade every year on Thursday. Do you see any Native Americans anywhere? No, I see the main attraction of the show is a fat jolly fake Santa Claus every single year. So Macy's celebrates the slaughter of people by having the Rockettes and some cool person sing and dance. Oh and we can't forget the giant Snoopy float.

Their is this article about a teacher who walks in and takes the pencils and the backpacks from all the students to show what it was basically like back then. Then you had this woman saying that He is teaching his students to hate their country. Then I wonder, who was here first? What gives us the right to celebrate somebody else's downfall. So this is what I should be thankful for?

Well, that's it. I'm glad I got that off my chest. That post was a real downer. Read my post before this to cheer up.

My dad is reading this. He disagree's. Now I'm thinking I shouldn't have wrote this because now we are going to get in a debate over this at dinner tomorrow about politics, and I hate politics. He says that the indians would be worst off today if we didn't step in. I pause for a minute. And now I'm calling it a night.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.

Happy Thanksgiving

And all we had to do is kill a few million turkeys a year to be thankful. I have turkey number 2,335,534.

My other bastard brother is here now. I was tempted to not open the door. I turned everything down but he heard us. My parents should be here sometime tonight.

Thanksgiving is something I am very thankful for around this time every year. A year from tomorrow will be one year since I found out I had a another brother. Here's the link to my last year post about what happened. LINK He should be here sometime tomorrow morning with his family and very hot wife.

Well I gotta go. My brother wants to use my computer for porn probably. This will probably be my last post until next week. I'll try to get around to seeing how everybody's Thanksgiving went down this weekend.

Take A Message

When I was in high school, I had a writing project. We all had to envision that we were stuck on an island. We were on this island alone and we would never get off it. We all had to write a one page letter about what all the things we would do in life and how we would've of changed our paths. We would imagine putting that paper in a bottle and hope that somebody would read it and know that you wanted to change your life.

I wish I had a copy of my paper with me but I must've lost it. I'll write a little something about all the things in my life I would change if I had the chance.

1) I would try not being such a bad son to my parents as a kid.

2) I would appreciate life more.

3) I would not take people for granted.

4) I would be a little more trusting of people.

5) I would never try to experience drugs again.

6) I would try not to be depressed.

7) I would try to smile more.

8) When I have the chance, I'll be the best Dad I can be.

9) I would be a better person to everybody.

10) I would live my life better so that my future will be more promising.

My original letter was more detailed and filled with a lot of thoughts since I was still going through a lot at the time. After we finished writing it, we all had to read our letter out to the class to feel the effect of a total stranger hearing it for the first time.

Right after class, I got an empty bottle and went to the beach. I folded the letter I wrote for class and stuffed it in the bottle and threw it as far I can. I guess the letter was my way of saying I'm sorry to everybody. I'm kind of curious at where it could be now.

Giving A Little Etiquette

So my girlfriend and I are back in another debate. Why! Why me!!!!!

My girlfriend and I went out to dinner Thursday and Friday. Thursday we had a guy waiter and on Friday we had a female waiter. Both nights were at the same restaurant. We both tipped the guy waiter and we both tipped the female waiter the next night. But I simply paid her a couple of dollars more. I didn't notice, it was just a couple of dollars. But my girlfriend and her eagle eyes caught that extra cash on the table and asked me why I paid more for a female waitress and less for a guy waiter. I knew which way this conversation was headed. I asked for some aspirin from the waitress.

Ok, here's how I saw it. The guy waiter sucked. We had to wait forever to get served and I didn't get my damn refill! So his tip totally sucked. The female waitress was asking if we needed anything like every 5 minutes. She was always available and always watching. So I gave her more money. My girlfriend is saying the reason why she kept coming to the table was to flirt with me. I was shocked! I can attract ladies when I'm not even trying, damn I'm good. Now that I think about a little more and read this, the waitress was giving us a little more attention than the other people. Maybe, just maybe she was flirting a little.

So is their a guideline to tip a waitress when you're with your girlfriend? I need to know. I'm just giving out quarter tips for now on to everybody.

My girlfriend said she's is over it and was wondering why I'm making a big deal out of it. I gasped! She started it! I'm over it. I'll just ask to be served by lesbian waitresses for now on. That'll be hot.



The rest of the night was pretty fun. Slasher Fridays rocked. We had this guy playing music and everything. I fell asleep for a couple of hours and woke up and partied some more. Felt like a hundred people ended up being here. Everybody didn't leave until this afternoon, leave meaning kicking them the hell out my place. I didn't even know who these people were staying over. I just felt awkward telling them to leave because I might know them.

Happy Birthday Jeff Buckley

R.I.P.

November 17, 1966 – May 29, 1997

Vancouver

Lady
All the troubles are my fright, I disgust you
Feel the power you cut the truth into you
Why do you think I'd hidden out on this rely
I could kiss you
With lines of escape in my mouth

Please let me bring back these gifts of mine to the woman
His eyes shined on my back as I slept and knew you
You didn't leave it all
You made an even call
My belly released the stars
And tears between the scars. Ooooh
We're where we belong
It should end here
Until the end of time
Beyond the moment
That ends our bondage
I am your failed husband contender
I'm your loan shark of bliss.

This dream you've ridden on
Turns your world to explosions
You need to be alone
To heal this bleeding stone
Now, smell the rain of London it still insists
That we beg for our purity
As if we are pure in the rain of our contentment
As if I can think of this no more.

I know you're still rocking in Vancouver.

Slasher Fridays - Poltergeist!

I've never seen this before. Since movies nowadays are the same shit with different actors, the older ones always try to make it different.

Weekly Update - Another Old Picture

I hate myself. My legs are fucked up! I just noticed this about that picture.

I look like a G.I. Joe with boxers!

Well enough about me. Here's my weekly update.

Book club

My girlfriend dropped that a few weeks ago. No surprise there.

Naughty Neighbor

I'm back to thinking my neighbor is cheating on her husband. I saw her kiss another man. It's none of my business but hey, she did right in front of me. She's starting to creep me out. I think she thinks that I think she is sleeping around, I think. And she's doing this to test me. She knows I'll never tell her husband that could rip my head off and tape it back to my neck. Or this could be a really close friend she kissed. I don't know and I CLEARLY DON'T CARE. Curiosity killed the cat so I'm not going let it bother me. Feels like I'm in an episode of Red Shoe Diaries or Basic Instinct. If she buys an ice pick then we're moving.

Family

My entire family is coming here for Thanksgiving next Wednesday night and are staying until Sunday night. My parents, my pain in the ass older brother, my cool other brother and his family, my little sister who is turning into a little hell spawn herself like her big brother. It's gonna be hell for a few days. I'll be lucky to blog a "Hello" in between then.

That's about it.

Is This What We Voted For?

An Iraqi boy sits outside his home.



















An Iraqi boy cries at his father's funeral.



Daddy's Boy, President Bush at a Museum.

Crazy Ex Likes Guns

I should've taken that as a sign to get out.



Going through some of my old photos, I come across this one of my crazy ex. Talk about art imitating life. If I knew she was that crazy, I wouldn've never gave her the fake gun.

Ah, those were the bad days. Acting like we were a hardcore couple taking no shit from anybody. But in reality, we hated each others guts. Hope the honeymoon sucks baby! But I'm so over it as you guys can tell. Trust me, this is the last time I'll ever talk about her. Promise.

It Was Getting Late.......

.....and we had a visitor on a Slasher Friday. My girlfriend's brother wanted to surprise us and know what a Slasher Friday would be like, Bastard Style. Some of the others couldn't handle what was going to happen next......



The girls went out after the movie. My girlfriend came home last night and didn't even notice her brother sleeping on the couch. She's still asleep. We plan on surprising her this morning. But what should we do to wake her up? I expect no good to come out of this situation but I need some action this morning.

See what too much violence on TV does to my young fragile mind. Let me finish eating my cereal first then we'll surprise her.

Slasher Fridays - It's Gonna Be A Bloody Massacre!

I have a friend who knows a friend that has a cousin that has an uncle who married the wife of a guy who had a brother that had a friend that knew a guy who went to school with Leatherface. They said that Leatherface kept to himself but was a riot with the chainsaw.

Slasher movie for tonight is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. We wanted to watch this one before we watched the new one.

My Name Is Dick

"Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better." Dick Cheney

With a name like Dick, you can score with all the ladies.

I'm a little tired today. I just don't have the strength to do anything anymore.

Everywhere I go today: Voting. Did you vote? Did I vote? Did they vote? Did we vote?

I'm a little doped up right now on medicine so this post might not make any sense at all.

I'm half asleep as I type this. I'm drinking some killer hot chocolate my girlfriend made me. It's the one thing she can't over cook. The marshmallows are a little tangy but what the hell. I can't feel my tongue. I need to splash some water on my face. Maybe I should splash this over cooked hot chocolate in my face to wake me up.

Ok, reading this post back again, it doesn't make any sense at all.

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I think it's the sugar in the hot chocolate that's keeping me awake. And my phone is constantly ringing. It's my mom, it's the wrong number, it's my sister, it's my brothers, it's my friends. Why is everybody calling me today? Oh I forgot, I'm the hot shit.

Now that I'm completely off the subject, I'm gonna end it here. I'm a little bit more wide awake now. Talk to ya later.

Holy Wilson Phillips!

My mind seems to be a sponge for remembering songs lately. I was watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and now I can't get the Wilson Phillips Hold On out of my head! First Juvenile and now this!

I don't know if I can make it another day with Wilson Phillips and Juvenile in my head. What an odd combination. But I don't have to worry. Things can change. Things will go my way. I'll just hold on, for one more day.

Back That Ass Up

Don't you hate it when you hear a song on the radio and just can't get it out of your head! I'm not a big big fan of rap music but I listen to it sometimes. I was in my car and Juvenile came up with "that song". Now I can't get it out my head. Now everywhere I go today I'm telling people to "back that ass up". Perhaps tomorrow my song of the day will be Rob Zombie. But knowing my luck it's probably going to be New Kids On The Block

Slasher Fridays! - It's Your Final Destination!

When the first one came out, I was afraid to get on a plane. When the second one came out, I was afraid to drive behind log trucks. When the third one came out, I was just plain terrified to get in anything mechanical. Why am I watching it again? Because I like the rush. And the second death scene where his friend dies in the shower and his eyes turn blood red! Aaaaahhhhhhh, that's great stuff.



I didn't ride on a plane again for months. Road trip all the way!

Underage Drinking

My parents called me today to tell me my little sister got caught drinking Halloween night at a party. The police called my parents and they picked her up at the police station. The police decided to let her off with a warning. So my sister is on Parental Probation. It's about time! She's been able to get away with everything but I see my parents are not letting her get away with this one. My parents want me to call her tomorrow to give her my experience on drinking underage. What experience? Why me? My brother is the biggest alcoholic in the family. I only got caught drinking underage a couple of times, a couple meaning more than 5. My parents only know about 2 though. I shouldn't be the one giving advice but I will. I'll call her tomorrow giving her the "big brother little sister" talk.

Amateurs!

Ok, so the main part of the wedding is over. Nobody had to be taken away in handcuffs or body bags. My ex girlfriend loved my empty box gift.

The supposed best friends were going to get her back today somehow but nobody knew. You know the part when everybody gets to tell a little something about the bride/groom? Well the best friends started off nice but eventually started telling everybody there how the bride screwed their boyfriends. My insider called me and had me on speakerphone. It was hilarious. Never knew you can say "bitch" in a church. My insider said my ex was really nonchalant through the whole thing and acted like it was a prank. DAMN IT!!!! Everybody thought it was a prank and thought it was supposed to happen! Amateurs! See, I should've went to the wedding. I would've showed them how to crash a wedding in style. They were freaking escorted out the door without problems! I'd go kicking and screaming grabbing my crotch shouting "You miss this don't cha!".

I was expecting a cat fight or something big to happen. But a revelation that basically the entire city knew she was a slut. Come on! Show pictures, add a home sex video to it with pop up's or something. Don't tell us something we all already know!

What a waste. I wished I never got that letter. If I never knew about wedding then my life would've been better. I give the marriage 2 weeks before I get another invitation to her next wedding.

30 Days and 30 Nights

I can't believe I'm doing this. I made a bet with my girlfriend last night. I was a little drunk but she didn't care. She said that if I get kicked in the nads (while in my giant dick suit) by 50 or more people at the party then I have to restrain myself for masturbating for the entire month of November. As soon as I said yeah, everybody starting kicking me. I asked for a recount and they got ready to kick me again. But I gave in to her worthless bet. As long as sex goes up then I can go without jacking off for a month easy. Please, give me something worth holding out for.

DAY 1

IT'S HELL!!!!!!!


In other news

The Wedding Day

Today is my ex's wedding. After being invited to get arrested and then just being invited, I decided not to go. My spy should already be on their way to the wedding right now. According the the invitation, it starts at 2. I gave her a wedding gift to show that I am the bigger person. It took me awhile to find the perfect gift for her. So I decided to give her a big empty box with a lot of paper inside. It was the thought that counts.

I'll try and blog again later about what happened or didn't happen at the wedding when I get the info.

Random Rant - Hallow's Eve

I'm going to be a giant dick for Halloween. You could only guess what my girlfriend is going to be. It was a last minute idea. We saw it today at the sex shop and knew I had to get it. So our choices are pimp's and ho's or a sex theme. I guess I'll be a giant dick by day and a pimp by night.

Halloweeny

I still haven't picked out my Halloween gear. My first idea a few months ago was a depiction of Superman after a few fights. I'd be covered in blood and have kryptonite and an iPod stuck in my head. But I have a problem wearing skin tight outfits. And the red underwear? I can't. My girlfriend calls it manties. So that suit is out of the question. My final costume has to do with blood. I can't have a happy Halloween without blood.

We were thinking of having a duo thing with me being a pimp and her being my ho. Or vice versa. She was also thinking of wearing this dominatrix tight leather outfit with torn up fish net sockings and a wip. While I will be the devil spawn biker back from the depths of hell with a remote stuck to my hand getting revenge for turning the tv channel. Or I could be a life size Chucky doll. Child's Play Chucky or Rugrats Chucky could be equally scary with some BLOOD!!!!!! We'll see.

W-E-P-F-T-I-V-3-H-D

We couldn't figure out what it meant. Tiffany couldn't handle the Seance or the ouija board so she just watched and wrote what the ghost was telling us.

We all started laughing when it spelled "WE P" and it wobbled a little bit to "F". It might've been getting ready to tell us "F-U" for laughing but it skipped "U" and went to "T" then "I and "V". It came out with "3", "H" and "D" pretty quickly and ended because Mike's phone rings and he took his hand off ruining it, but nobody was on the line...........Caller I.D. said it was Becky who is in the room with us........but she accidentally sat on her cell phone calling the last person she called. Or was it a coincidence..........Is it the ghost trying to tell us something or is it her ass trying to tell us something?

We're guessing "Wep" was the first guest. Our ghost might've been drunk and came out with "FTIV3HD" but 3 might represent the time. So we tried the Seance to see if we could talk to this drunk ghost but we got nothing. We heard some creaking noises but no talking or books flying off the shelf. I tried to use my knowledge of talking to the dead but I was just not feeling it last night. Nobody wanted to possess my body. So our Seance was a failure. Damn drunk ghost gave us nothing, except that we were all peeing together.

We were thinking if we changed the words around it would spell something. Becky changed the words around and got 3rd Heaven. She wasn't the brightest person in the room last night. And she wasn't even drunk yet.

I was thinking that it would be really weird if it was 3 days until my ex girlfriend's wedding but it was 5 days. Unless this was a warning that something is going to happen in 3 hours. So we got some more beer and waited by playing Grand Theft Auto for 3 hours. Nothing happened except that playing Grand Theft Auto when you're drunk makes the violence seem more happier. So we are going to see if it meant 3 days. Well I'm busy the next few days so I'll get around to figuring that out on Sunday. That'll give me less than a day.

Slasher Fridays! - An Exorcism Night

We are having an exorcism night tonight. We are going to watch Exorcism: The Beginning, Exorcist, Amityville Horror and The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

Now that we set the mood, we are going to pull out the Ouija Board and speak to a couple of dead people. Poindexter's cousin is half crazy and half smart so he's going to use his knowledge of "ghost chat". We are all going to gather around in a circle and he's gonna perform a Seance. He said he's done it a few times and it worked, so what the hell, it'll be fun. We gonna see some dead people tonight! I'll be sure to have The Ghostbusters on speed dial.

Click on the title link for Seance's For Dummies.