What a hellish few weeks I had. When a bad day turns into a bad week and then so on. I got really really depressed over the past few weeks. A few attempted slits of the wrist, a few calls to the suicide hotline and a meeting with my sponsor and I'm back to normal. Today is not a great day but it's a better day. I'm just surrounded by so much negativity that it's just bringing me down. I haven't been this bad in awhile. 2009 is starting off with a bang.
Over the past few weeks I thought about a lot of things including the impact my death would have on the people that care for me. I tried to compensate by thinking how my life would be much better if I wasn't in each and every one of their lives. Luckily I came back to my senses. I GOT MEDS!!!!!! Yummy meds. I'm poppin' them like skittles, safely, so far, sometimes.
I had so many things to write about over those weeks but I just lost interest in everything. I wanted to keep you guys updated and that I'm good. I don't know how much longer I'm going to keep writing to this blog. My interest in everything is starting to go away. The way I see things now, I'll probably start blogging less and less until I just won't blog anymore. But I'm still a little depressed so it just might be the depression and the meds talking.
Last weekend, one of my neighbors across the street had a heart attack and died. I never knew him but I always saw him.
But frankly, I'm tired of drowning my problems here, plus it's Friday the 13th. A day of fear for other people tends to put a smile on my face. Plus I have something to smile about, my girlfriend has been with me through this difficult time as well so I'll show her my thanks tomorrow. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with during my moods.
My next post will definitely be more upbeat whenever I write again. I'll try and get to everybody's blogs eventually. You know what's really ironic, I have my ipod on shuffle and it went to Peter Gabriel's "Don't Give Up". My sponsor gave me a list of songs to motivate me. So I look for Eminem's "Crack A Bottle" to give me some real motivation. That's my shit.
Have a happy 13th and a commerically corrupt day made up by the government called V-Day. Guess you know which movie I'm watching tonight.
Passenger 57
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Non-refundable; non-exchangeable ticket.
The flight doors are now closed!
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6 comments:
i dont know whats going on with you and if things are truly that bad you thought about suicide then i hope you did talk to someone.
if you're kidding...well knock it off. it's not nice to worry the internets like that...we're here and you're there...
what can i do to help you??
take your meds.
The meds are working alot. The depression is not as bad and I haven't had thoughts of suicide for days now so Im enjoying the stress free life right now. Thanks for your support. Stuff like that helps.
Be sure to get outside and get sunlight and exercise - that is important for all of us. And communication is important - the blog helps, but you need people you can touch to talk to also.
It's nice to see you back here, and I do hope you can get rid of your depression, not only with the help of meds, but also with the help of the people who care for you. Human contact helps a lot.
I really hope you get better.
the winter brings me down alot too...i've found myself miserable and sometimes i have no reason at all.
I have been in therapy for about a month and a half...and i've learned SO much just in the first few weeks about myself. i need to stop letting the negative rule my life because it totally can ruin a person (that being me, and clearly-you!)
I have slowly STARTED to wean the negativity out of my life and try to focus on the positive, including "positive self talk". it has worked wonders for me...and i bet it will you too.
yes, alot of people will be negatively effective by losing you in their life. Someone once said 'no one would notice if i died'. To that i would say there are people out there that you may not even KNOW yet that would be impacted by your death.
There is a reason you are here...and people you haven't met yet that you will make a positive impression on IN SOME WAY or another, will never have the chance to meet you! You never know how helpful you may be to someone unless you give them the chance to get to know you. ONE positive and thoughtful comment to one person COULD save their life.
Be kind to yourself. I'll be thinking of you! <3
Dude! It get better. I guess I'm behind on post and trying to catch so this is a little late. Hopefully you haven't done the deed. Hang in there buddy.
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