One Year

I just woke up like an hour ago. She's been up for hours.

Everything was perfect except one thing. We couldn't find the old lady to make it perfect. She's probably long dead by now but we weren't gonna just let that brighten up our day. We had the whole day planned to make it better.

What I'm about to say is something I never do. I only did this for her, even though it seriously hurt my self-esteem to do it and I'll be in therapy for years after this. I knew how to play guitar and I wrote the song for her and sung it to her yesterday morning to wake her up. She sleeps like a baby knocked up on alcohol so it took a few do-overs. She told me she was going to make breakfast for me before I woke up but I beat her to it. Darn, I missed her specialty, the egg shell omelet with more shell than egg.

Her first surprise was in her first class yesterday. We don't have the same first class so I just heard word of mouth of how it went. This was more of a prank. I got a stripper to be delivered to her class. The stripper was in the cake though. The stripper was also a midget. The midget was not supposed to know who it was for but that person would know exactly who it was for and where it came from. So all he had to do was his little dance and leave. During class she sent me a text message saying that I am so going to die for this in the most painful way possible. Gotta love college.

So class is out and I'm waiting for her to get out of class. She thanks me for the present and tells me she has a surprise for me too that I will just die for. We got to lunch late so that sucked. We had to split up again for about an hour for class. Our last class we had together. I was looking at the clock just waiting for class to be over.

What a fucked up way to have a 1 year anniversary with Midget strippers. Can't wait for next year!

Everything turned out normal after all that. To keep it short and simple, I had a limo pick us up and carry us anywhere for the rest of the night. We went out to eat at some french or spanish restaurant, the name looked weird so I assumed it was a classy place. The service was blah, the food was blech. We then were driven to the beach where we just laid down and did stuff over and over again.........for awhile.

We didn't get back home until about 4 in the morning. We had to open the gifts then but we were so dead tired. I opened my gifts first. Her first gift for me was the edible underwear. I think I cried a little. I didn't get the big screen 1000" plasma TV I hoped for but it works out. She gave me her second gift. My eyes got a little watery because something was in my eye. It was a home entertainment system! I peed my pants for hours after she showed it to me. I asked her how did she hide it. It was at the neighbor's place next door. Her friends got it from them and put it inside our living room while we were gone. It smelled of neighbor sex.

So it was my turn to give her my gifts. Now I wished I went back shopping a little more. I got her another bag of chips (she was pissed a little).......along with another gift. She told me that as a kid, she watched The Little Mermaid and fell in love with it. She says it's one of her most romantic movies of all time. Hmmm, a story about a half human half fish woman that talks to crabs, romantic? So I got her the DVD. Seems really small but I knew she would like it. Now, my second gift was a whopper. I got her a diamond ring with our names engraved on the band. She was pretty happy when she saw the ring. I had that gift planned for months in advance.

Clearly all our gifts were well over $100. We are pretty poor nowadays after this night. It'll just be cheese and crackers for the both of us for the next few weeks. I might have to be a hooker too on the side with my neighbor. Don't worry. We still have money.