What Not To Do In A Scary Movie

Scary movies have long been watched and followed the same way. The main things that happen that you know when the character is going to die is:

1. Having sex. You will immediately get whacked if you have sex in a scary movie.


2. Investigating sounds. You hear something that sounds like somebody is in the house. Why the fuck are you gonna check it out? Call the cops and get the fuck outta there.


3. Screaming. Just shut the fuck up. You're already trying to escape, why alert the killer where you are?


4. Being non white. It's like some scary movies were a little racist. If you aren't white then that just increases your chances of getting killed.


5. "I'll be back". No you won't. You'll be dead as soon as you walk out the door.


6. Answering the phone. Just gives the killer time to sneak up behind you and stab you in the back.


7. Being alone. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.


8. Drinking. Drunks always get killed. If I was in a scary movie I'd be the first one killed.


9. Whores and Bad Asses. They talk the big talk and people usually can't wait for them to get killed. Example: House of Wax with Paris Hilton. As soon as she got killed I got my only entertainment from the movie and turned it off, of course repeating it a few times.


10. Opening the Door. If you answer the front door then the killer will never be there. It's a trick to distract you while they sneak into the house. The back door was never answered. Usually if the character goes out the back door then the killer is waiting out their for them.