Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Flatulence

Her stink brings all the flys in the yard, and their like, its better than yours, damn right it's better than yours, I could teach you but I have to charge.

This has been going on in my mind for awhile now. This is not a crack at any woman. Growing up as a kid I never could imagine girls, you know farting. I've never really expected it. I thought that somehow they would hold in for later. And when it did happen, it would all be lemons and flowers with rainbows smelling like a new car.

Nevermind my mother. So clean and innocent, I could never imagine her ripping a hard loud wet one. It would be fucking hilarious though but I couldn't see it. My girlfriends of the past kept their "habits" private. We are all people here. I'm sure you stink just as bad as I do, no need to be ashamed. None of them never did #2 anywhere near me. Except this one time I can't really disgust right now because I just ate.

Me on the other hand, I'd rip one in a heartbeat. I'm not ashamed. The Pope Benedict could pull my finger and I'd rip something wicked. We'll both laugh and I'd probably be taken away in handcuffs. So ladies, don't be ashamed. I know that it doesn't smell like fresh baked cookies anymore. I guess it's society. If you have 3 people in an elevator, 1 guy and 2 girls and somebody farts. All the girls would look at the guy and blame it on him. 99.9% of the time they are right, but .1% of the time it's the woman. So next time your in public. Shout really loud and fart. It'll make you feel much better.

And that was my educated post of the week. Stay tuned for next week when I discuss ketchup.

14 comments:

kimmyk said...

I have no idea what you're talking about.

ysfb said...

I lost focused too when I hit the second word. Seems to make less sense now that I'm reading it over again.

It has to do with women passing gas just as often as us guys. I don't why I made a post about it. I guess I have to much sugar in me right now.

Beyond Me said...

how embarassing. i can't take you anywhere. i think you've been sniffing fumes a little too long today.

Kate Michele said...

I think you need to come over and sit with Chad...you two would be a perfect match right now!!

Royce said...

LMFAO, Peeing is the thing that I thought women kept private.
Like a woman would say "I've got to go pee." And it startles me every time.
Don't really know why, just kinda makes me want to snicker like I'm in 3rd grade again.

ysfb said...

That makes me laugh. I can see a woman grabbing her crotch saying she's gotta take a giant piss.

Kate Michele said...

I said I had to piss infront of Chad and some buddies one time and chad said "that's my girl, the trucker"!!

Guess thats why.

Beyond Me said...

When are we going to a fancy pancy place again YSB?

ysfb said...

I don't wanna.....

Beyond Me said...

then we can stay home and talk to each other all night.

ysfb said...

I don't wanna. Is the BP gas station hotdogs classey enough for you?

Nice devil pic

Beyond Me said...

baby you know what i like!

ysfb said...

Only the finest BP dogs for my lady

Ladyred said...

funny post dude. ya know, my sister wouldn't "go #2" when her boyfriends were around (she swears that's not true but it was). to me, if you can't shit/fart in front of someone, well then you aren't comfortable with that person yet. and if it's a year and you STILL haven't done those things that well let's face it, they are a part of life unless you are some sort of alien, then you have intimacy issues. anyhow, my girl says "you family now" if you can handle the unpleasant parts of life in front of someone you care about/love. yup, she and i "are family now". hell my boyfriend tells me whether it's a good push or not, to which I respond, "i didn't have to push that at all" lol