Dead Society

A man was found dead in the middle of a busy sidewalk. Witnesses say that he was in a verbal confrontation with another man that lasted a few minutes. Things escalated into the assailant punching the victim in the face. The assailant then pulled a large blunt object out of his coat and started hitting the victim on the chest and over the head. His cries for help were unheard by the hundreds of people watching. They all just stood there, watching. Not one person helped. His screams dissipated, as did his life. Nobody helped, and the assailant just walked away.

What would you do in a situation like that? Would you wait for the police to get there which would be too late, or would you help the person?

I would get a group of people to come with me to beat the living shit out of this guy. People just tend to be too scared to be involved in something like this because they fear for their own life, which is a good reason, but how could you live with yourself if you basically could've kept a person from dying if you intervened?

What if it was a woman being hit, would somebody intervene then? If so, what's the difference between a man being beaten to death and a woman being beaten to death? Would you do something if a child was in the same situation, or would you just stay there and just watch a life being taken away?

Emo Is The New Suicide

Nobody can hear the cries anymore of suicide. Now being dark and mysterious is "cool". Everybody has dark days, hell, I had month long eclipses of dark days. But there you have the kid who dyes his hair black and throws it over his face while listening to Dashboard Confessionals and Death Cab For Cutie with his converses on, bastards. Emotionally and internally, they are nobodies. Sad thing is, the other kid, emotionally and internally is a somebody. But he doesn't want anybody to worry about him because it's his problem and his alone. Nobody can help him, and nobody ever knows until this other kid has written a letter and taped it to the door telling all the people that he knows will be hurt by it that he is now in a better place.

But I'm happy. Suicide is hard thing to pin point on somebody but one clue that is a "pardon the pun" dead giveaway is lack of interest. Watch the person when they think you are not looking at them. They'll look like they are thinking of million things at once but still feel lost, because they are. They are in their own world. But I'm happy, I just hate emo kids. I'm relaxed, IT'S ST PATTY'S WEEKEND!

Happy St. Patty's Day

Yes! A reason to get drunk in the morning. We're dumping all our keys in the "bowl of soberness" since we won't be driving later. In the spirit of the Irish, we are going to watch Boondock Saints and The Departed. So we are going to celebrate today by getting drunk and watching a lot of murdering.....in movies. Everything is green themed. My blog is greener, my teeth are greener, my clothes are green, but my wallet isn't that green so the green theme is a little light this year. Breakfast was green too but I think my girlfriend just cooked some spoiled food, but what's the difference in the other times she cooks?

Santa's Slay was by far the worst Slasher Friday movie ever. I laughed my ass off! I love this movie!



We should've watched The Leprechaun for Slasher Fridays. I haven't seen it in awhile. Hmmm looks like my girlfriend's friends.

Slasher Fridays - Santa's Slay

Santa Claus is really a demon but he lost a bet with an angel and had to be nice for centuries. But when the bet has ended, he becomes mean old Santa again. Ok we are out of ideas for Slasher Fridays. And it has Goldberg playing Santa! WTF! This should be funny.

badunkadunk

Can you imagine driving 4 girls in one car being the only guy in there? Sounds like paradise, but it was just mean.

They are all valley girls. The way they talk makes me go crazy! At least BM tries to talk differently but for the love of all the things pure. WHY! Why does every sentence have to have "totally" or "like" or "skank".

My girlfriend and her 3 henchman needed a ride to some other henchman's house since BM's car was in the shop. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone when she called me. They were mean! They were bashing men. They had to blame a guy for their bad boyfriends, so luckily I was in the car. Then they started arguing with me as if I was the one who called them a dumbass. I'm the driver, if I tell you to shut the fuck up then your gonna shut the fuck up. But they would continue talking about me. Feels like high school all over again. I told the ones in the backseat to shut up or else I'm kicking them out, in so many words. Somehow I mentioned their fat asses and cankles and they got all bitchy at me. I think the cankles just pushed them, but having a badunkadunk isn't bad. It was a compliment, but they had to take it the wrong way. The arguing just gave me a headache. Eventually one of them pushed me in the back of the head....If only I had one.....

I kicked them all out, except BM. All you girls just gang up on a guy when he's secluded. As I was driving off I realized they would be stuck in the middle of nowhere so I had to (BM made me) turn around and pick their badunkadunk asses back up.

It was quiet for the first few minutes but one of them just had to say something and eventually they all started arguing. I just sped up. They had to get the hell out of my car. So when we got their, the vein on my forehead was about to explode. When they walked in front of the car, one of them gave me the finger. As I slowly started to move my foot off the brake and onto the accelerator, BM gave me the look. She knew what I was thinking. Plus I think murdering her best friends might end our relationship. But it would feel SOOOOO good.

So I'm picking them up later on tonight. I'm thinking of asking some of my friends to help me pick them up. Taking each one of them home is going to be hell.

Blood In My Eyes

I gotta change my layout. My eyes hurt.

Dinner with the neighbors went on without nobody being killed or having sex. We ordered the food out and acted like we prepared it. If only I could cook bread that good. What do you serve to people you don't know but they live right next to you? We didn't know if they were vegetarians or not. But giving people an all lettuce meal would suck. So we got steak. I kept commenting on how BM cooks like this all the time and this was by far the best meal she has ever made. I wish.

The husband is really political and I hate getting into politics because I hate it all. And he supports the Bush. I don't mind if you support the president but if you are trying to convince me that he's doing good then I'm going to have to put you in your place. I did forget that I do fear this guy and that he could kill me one day. So when I got in his face and saw the look in his eye I quickly just shut the fuck up and asked for seconds.

All and all, it was fun. Would I invite them over again? No. We are total opposites and it's clear we think that the other is psychotic.

Well gotta go.

Some TERRIBLE News!

You all remember my ex.......Well she's getting a divorce. I almost cried, almost. I guess not really bad news for me. And I thought her years of cheating would be put on hold. It has to be the reason. Once a cheater, always a cheater, except in my case.

And after I put so much thought into sabotaging her wedding day, she goes and gets divorced. Good thing I decided to let her ruin it herself. I knew it wouldn't last. She's not the settling down type. It's been about 5 months of marriage and then divorce, uh, yeah, that's sweet. I'm not into laughing at other people's misery, ok that was a lie. They might reconcile but, I doubt it. If only I had kept that letter she sent me dissing me about her getting married. I could send it back and ask if she's sure about that. Well good thing I blogged it before I threw it away! Let's open up the flower basket of memories!

I hope all is well with you and whatever bitch you're sleeping with. I just decided to write this letter to you to keep you updated on how much I still hate you. And that I am with a guy that actually loves me. And I wanted you to know that I'm so glad that we are over and that I can move on from the lovely shitty time we spent together.

My boyfriend and I are getting married. He's wealthy and very successful. That's funny, he's the total opposite of you. I would love for you to come to my wedding, you know if you can fit this into your oh so busy schedule of dumb bullshit. But what the hell, I'd have your fucking ass arrested if you set foot near my wedding
asshole. Invitation is enclosed. Please do come.

I know you, and knowing you, you'll do something to ruin this for me. So I'm telling you in advance to stay the fuck away or else I'll seriously fuck you up!

Love,
Cynthia

FUCK! I know exactly what she's doing! Right in the second to last paragraph. I bet the whore married him for his money so she could divorce him and take it! Clever bitch. Hope a prenup was done. I feel sorry for the guy. I guess it is terrible news. He could join the millions of other guys she screwed over. I hope she doesn't get a dime. I gotta keep updated on this now.

It Has Been A Good Morning.

Good Morning?
My lips quiver to whisper hello?
My mood ... my mood today is very mellow
A stranger unseen waves an uncertain path ahead
Pouring the morning liquor and reading the paper
I see my life is not as bad off
The obituaries are my morning comics
The phone rings twice, it's a telemarketer
He offers me a better life in a new world
I reluctantly take his offer
All I have to do is open the door
Puzzled and lost I ponder
I hang up the phone and open the front door
A bright light is followed by me falling down
I've been shot
I thought I forgot to remember
I've already accepted death
Now I'm living death
As my surrounding closes around me
I can see my better life in a new world
I smile and hear in the distance....
Good Morning?
The stranger throws his cigarette towards the right
He takes a deep breath and exhales the smoke slowly
He laughs deep and hard and cold and wicked
I lift my hand to block the light
And I slowly die
It has been a good morning.

What's On The Menu?

Thanks to kimmyk for giving me a good flashback.

You know how kids would always spend the night with their best buddy's house. The mom would bake cookies and cook a good dinner and a good breakfast in the morning. Yeah, not my friend's mom. The first night I spent over at his house I was already starving. His mom noticed this and asked me if I wanted something to eat. I of course said sure! to free food. She ordered pizza. I always loved pizza. Then came the next morning.

What's for breakfast?

Cold pizza.

Oh.

Didn't mind having pizza for breakfast, pizza kicks ass! Then came the next week. I was a full of energy kid. She asked us what we wanted for dinner. We asked her to surprise us. Eventually the dinner "arrived". It was pizza!? I didn't mind having pizza, pizza always kicks ass. Then came the next morning.

What's for breakfast!

Pizza!

Oh.

Week after week of this started to suck. I need a real meal damn it! I couldn't eat the pizza for breakfast anymore. She said I could look in the fridge and eat whatever I want. I looked in and all I saw was wrapped up take out and soda bottles. It's like this family could be on the run. I could almost swear these people just moved in if I didn't already know them all my life. I looked around the kitchen and saw nothing but menus. Menus on the fridge, menus in the napkin rack, menus everywhere. Yet pizza was ALWAYS on the menu. But his parents were cool.

I just started inviting my friend over instead of going to his house unless I wanted to eat some pizza. And where is this friend today? If you look at my profile pic you can see him on the right.

So here's my Weekly Update:

Our Death Game we played Friday was fun. We might involve the girlfriend's parents this Friday. But I'm sure her mother wouldn't want me to touch her. I'll just use a big stick.

To show the neighbors that we are indeed sane people, we invited them over for dinner Wednesday. Minutes after that our friends the ghost of John Candy and Tupac Shakur will give us a stage show of Cabaret.

I find myself looking at the gas gage everytime I drive BM's car when she's in it. The fear of another "incident" scares me. But I know we can handle the situation like adults, like me having to run into the bathroom for about an hour while she's waiting at the pump. What else would she do but pump the gas.

I spoke to my brother today about the goings on. He tells me that he's coming down to visit me soon. I just had a long pause. A flashback of what happened last time he was here. Well he deserves an ass kicking, but it'll be my ass he'd kick. He won't tell me when. I told him I'll call the cops as soon as I hear his voice at my door. He laughs as if i'm joking.

Well that's about it. I'm anticipating dinner with the neighbors. I believe this would be our one chance to prove to them that calling the cops on us is not needed. And if they do! We'll stuff their bodies underneath our sofa with the other neighbors! After dinner of course. No need on killing on an empty stomach. I'm sure dinner will be ok. Perhaps jelly and crackers will be suitable.

Date With My Dead Girlfriend

Putting a lot of sick minds together in one room always end with someone mentioning "The Video". In turn we play a fucked up demented game. Watch the "The Video" to see what the game is about.



So we all did this like 5 minute skit each on how each one of us would react to our lover being dead. Yes, I know, fucked up, but funny! At least we stopped doing exorcisms.

For my skit, I just enjoyed the silence for most of the time. I got a marker and made her a little mustache and a beard and gave her a few beers because my dead girlfriend loves to drink!

Now when BM did hers, she slapped me around for a bit to try and wake me up. I would've stop slapping a person eventually but not her. She poured some water on my crotch to make it look like I pissed myself. Unfortunately time ran out and she couldn't do anymore, me so sad.

I'm sure the neighbors heard us all. It's just a matter of time before they think we're a cult planning on killing each other.

Self Induced Vomiting Fridays!

I ate 2 slices of bread that I thought were a "special" unique kind of bread. Eventually found out that the bread was just moldy. I'm just waiting for it to fuck up my body. And to make it worst, it expired about a couple of months ago, HA! BM meant to throw it away but accidentally left it on the counter instead. I think she was trying to kill me because she's not quite over the gas station incident. Wow, death by bread. Guess the sickness will work well while watching Cabin Fever tonight.

Slasher Fridays - Cabin Fever

College kids rent a cabin in the woods and get struck by a flesh eating virus that eats away at your skin until you die! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

I don't want any of us getting sick, but you two fuckin' fuckers insist on touching her, now she's bleeding all over both you guys! So you two can fuckin rot, but not me, no fuckin way not me!

Gas Station of Hell

First of all, what was up with the moon? We looked up as if something else was supposed to happen. Luckily somebody tripped and fell in the distance and made it all worth it.

So here's the story. We went to the gas station in her car to get gas right, so I pulled up to the station. I turned the car off and waited, as did she. I slowly slid my hands off the steering wheel and slowly looked into her sparkling eyes, and she looked back into mines. She asked me what I was waiting for. I told her I was waiting for her to pump the damn gas. Then she proceeded to tell me that the driver always gets the gas. But nooooo, it's her car and the way I pulled in, she was closer to the pump. I'm not being lazy, well maybe a little, but it's the principle. If you are closer to the gas pump for the car, then shouldn't you pump it? I bet if I was the passenger she would've agreed with me. Eventually she broke and was going to pump the gas. So she closed the door and looked at me with those sparkling eyes of hers and spoke with her angelic voice and asked me to give her some damn money. So I looked towards her purse and looked back at her. She apologized and said that she left her money at home. How convenient! What if I left my wallet at home?! I would've had to do sleep with the attendant for about $25 worth of gas. I'm willing to use sex as currency! So I gave her the money to pay for her gas for her car, even though I've been paying for mostly everything this weekend.

So here's the question. Do women actually "accidentally" leave their money at home when out with their boyfriend? BM is reading this right now so I'm sure she'll write her side of the story which I so gotta hear!

It was funny, as she was pumping the gas, she was giving me the evil stare when I looked through the rear view mirror. So I got out the car and stretched and asked her if she wanted anything inside the gas station because I feel like getting some chips. I knew it would piss her off. She told me that if this was my car then she would've keyed it by the time I got back. So I asked her if that was a no for the chips? So as I was paying for some chips and some aspirin I was going to need later, BM told me to go back in because she accidentally pumped about $10 extra in gas! Clearly she did it on purpose. So I paid and went back to the car. She had a smile on her face and told me that I should've pumped the gas. With me being the mature one but yet still having the mind of an 8 year old decided to do something about it. Haven't figured it out yet but who knows, we haven't had good revenge fight in awhile. They always turn out fun of who can outdo each other.

Normally I would just pump the gas but I just wanted to see how far she would take it. Glad to see BM still has some fire. Thought she was going soft on me.

Pimp My Bush

Yo, yo, yo muthafucka! What up! Got my pimp hand strong, fo shizzle.

How's the weekend folks? We are going out to watch a red moon eclipse tonight, sounds like a sleeper. Well, good day ladies and gentleman and the aliens that will pillage and rape us all tonight during the eclipse. We'll be in Room 12 on the first floor of the Ramada Mr. E.T., knock twice.

Weekend of Wild HARDCORE XXX SEX!

Girlfriend and I are having a weekend together. Sounds like something couples do. Now that we are actually planning something to do together for a weekend instead of being spontaneous, it feels weird. I feel as if I have to get her drunk to sleep with me again, kidding......maybe......

I'm sure it'll be a blast. She'll tie me to the bed and throw beer bottle caps at my nipples while lip syncing to Kenny Roger songs. But in all seriousness, this weekend will be good to get me relax. No work will be great. We won't even have a Slasher Friday with friends, (me sad). We still don't know exactly what we are going to do so I guess it's still spontaneous. Knowing my luck, her parents are probably reading this right now and packing their bags to stop it. Don't worry guys, we've fornicated long ago, so chill.

In brief:

I'm still a little upset at the hobo for calling me uppity.
My whore neighbor's "alleged book club" has more members joining.
Fornication is my word of the day.

It's funny how I described the labels for this post as Fornication, Hobo, Weekend. Sounds like one fucked up weekend.