HAPPY fucking HAPPY

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck I will stop cursing on my blog starting fucking tomorrow. I have to get all the fucking vulgarities out of my shit laced tongue. I can't say that I'm a pussy magnet anymore. I can't say bitches or ho's. I can't described my sexual exploits in detail. The blog will be alcohol free, but do note that I will not. Depression is out the fucking door. The gun and meds will be underneath my bed hidden from sight. Nothing but fucking happy thoughts from the 1st-31st. The blog will be G-Rated, just cover up the title. No more dick jokes. No more making fun of fugly people. No more road rage rants. No more jokes about STDs or taking drugs.

Happy Take Your Land Day

It's like some stranger came into your house and said, "Hey, this looks nice. Here's the deal, I'll take your house and send you in the middle of the woods to live your life". Somewhere in the united states, an indian is crying. I feel your pain. I wish I wasn't here either.

I'm just going to hangout with friends and order Chinese, no skibs. The other restuarants that are actually open on Thanksgiving would probably spit or jack off in the food because they had to work and some asshole comes in to order food.

And on that note, I wish you guys a Happy T-Giving Day. Even though I hate the holidays and how the united states commercializes it makes me sick........I forgot what I was going to say. Fuck it, Happy Holidays.

Goin' Skibbin'

I not a frequent skibber. In fact, I haven't skibbed in years. It's really juvenile and immature but fun as hell! Skibbing is what we call bill skipping.

Tips for a perfect skibbin':

1. Have a seat next to the door
2. Don't do it locally
3. Leave one at a time leaving 2 people at the table
4. One person goes to the bathroom and 5 minutes later the other person leaves.
5. The last person their in the bathroom has it the hardest. If they haven't caught on then it should be easy. If they have caught on then they have to act shocked and act like they couldn't believe their friends left them. Then when they least expect it, run out the door.

Not that I know a lot about skibbin, but I heard from a friend of a friend. I refused to be the last man standing. If you're friends like you then they'll be waiting for you. I remember one time it was so fucking funny! We were eating and everybody voted to skib. I couldn't afford the meal so I had to participate. The people caught on to the "last man standing". As our friend was running out of the restaurant, the waiters started running after him. We were all asking each other, "should we wait or should we run, should we wait or should we run". We said fuck it, and we were gone. We felt so bad. We decided that if he did go to jail then we will have to bail him out. Luckily he made it but he didn't talk to us for weeks.

But I don't skib anymore. But tough economic times are getting pretty crazy, and I'm always up for a good laugh. Being arrested for skibbing on thanksgiving would so kick ass! We'll see.

Not Home For The Holidays

I'm not celebrating Thanksgiving with my family this year. Actually I'm not even going to celebrate Thanksgiving period. I'll save my antithanksgiving speech for the holiday like I do every year. Since this thanksgiving is going to be more of a solo event with my parents, they decided to spend it in Florida with their relatives as well as my sister. I'll have something planned this Thursday.

Ant Boy

Waking up in bed in a cold sweat as a kid feeling these things crawling on my leg. Lifting up the sheet and seeing in horror my lower body covered in millions of ants. In shock so bad I couldn't speak, I tried to get them off. It was dark and I couldn't see all that well. Running into my parents room screaming and crying about being covered in ants. My parents assured me that the ants were not on me. They went with me back to my room to confirm, and to my shock, the ants were not their either. Being part my imagination was the last thing on my mind. Wondering how the ants disappeared so fast was bugging me. They left the room and I looked under the bed and under the pillows and under the sheets to try and find one single ant to prove my theory correct. Perhaps it was all in my head or could they be millions of ants just waiting for me to fall asleep. Watching the Discovery Channel or having the neighborhood bully bother me that day probably had some impact on my dream. Or the ants could've had a deeper meaning as a kid. Being held down by a million things with no escape that all have the power to bring me down with one single millionth bite. Nor sweet dream or nightmare can rid me of this horror. Pulling the sheet over my head was my only sanctuary. Afraid to look down in fear of the ants returning, I closed my eyes hard and swore to never open them until morning.

To this day I still believe their was at least one ant in my bed that night.

Where's My Free Dr. Pepper?

I hate the fucking taste, but tasting shit for free is cool.

Thnksgvng

I need to think about where I want to spend Thanksgiving this year. My brother is spending it with his wife's fam, my other brother just isn't going and my sister will most likely be there. By going I will have to deal with my dad's political talk and I know this year he has a lot to say, then I we will end up getting into an argument that leads to something totally different from what the conversation was about and he would wonder why I'm not doing better things in my life and Mom would start crying thinking about how things used to be. But this year may be different. Nah, the samething last year is still going on this year pretty much.

The other option is getting together with my friends and just celebrating Thanksgiving here. Decisions decisions. I can't blame the gas for me not going since it's around $2 now. I'm leading to more of just spending it with friends instead of fam. We'll see how far depressed I am next week.

The Soap Taster

I think I have a problem. Besides drinking and promiscuous sex, I think I have a foul mouth. Like look at the title "You Sick Fucking Bastard", it kind of speaks for itself. The many times I've been popped in the mouth by my grandparents for cursing under my breath. I'm really a disrespectful son of a bitch, but I don't mean it. I guess I'm a cursexalcoholic (cur-sex-al-co-hol-ic).

Coming this December, the entire month will be curse word free, sex free and alcohol free month. Not to say I won't participate in this during this time, I just won't talk about it, as well as death. I'm all deathed out right now. So no more depression talk for December. So probably expect "Merry Christmas" to be my only post for December. Posting without talking about sex and drinking and cursing on New Years Eve is going to be hard, but I will do it. I'll have to come up with some code words instead of going out and saying it.

Suicide Rate Goes Up In Tough Economic Times

Good Times.
Any time you meet a payment. - Good Times.
Any time you need a friend. - Good Times.
Any time you’re out from under.
Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.
Keepin’ your head above water,
Making a wave when you can.

Temporary lay offs. - Good Times.
Easy credit rip offs. - Good Times.
Scratchin’ and surviving. - Good Times.
Hangin in a chow line - Good Times.
Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em - Good Times.

Flashback

One time when I was a kid, I had way too much sugar and I attempted to do a back flip blindfolded with no hands. 1st attempt and only attempt, I fucked up badly. I landed on my head. I felt this numbness in my head that started to work itself down my body. My brother was just looking at me laying on the ground in a daze and laughed. It hurt so bad. But I didn't cry. I was holding it in to show I was tough. But I landed on my head. Head injuries are the worst.

Bitches Ain't Shit

My ex girlfriend officially found out I was cheating. I still wish I decided to keep it going. It would've been more satisfying. She came to my place and started asking these questions out of nowhere. She came out and said that she was cheating on me. She told me that she hopes I get AID's. What is up with all this anger? She fucking cheated on me! Then she started screaming all sorts of obscenities. Funny, she was the silent type at first. Glad to see her mouth can do other things than suck dick, but really, can she really be that angry at me? She brought it on herself. I'm too pissed off to say anything else. I'm out.

Feel The Burn

My 12 pack abs are more of a half a pack. This time I'm actually exercising again. No slacking off, for reals. Plus you meet a lot of hot chicks when you exercise. Still waiting on that theory to work out.

Give this exercise thing another month and I'll be through. All these beers I'm drinking is giving me a beer belly and probably killing me slowly so I felt their was a need for a change or in this case, something extra. I can't stop the drinking.

Hells To The Yeah

Sticking aluminum foil in a glass bottle and filling it with gasoline and putting inside a microwave.

Life is boring so I guess I'll give an update.

Voting girl was a dud. Her laugh was annoying. I can't continue a relationship with that laugh. Her laugh is like trying to laugh while choking to death. I accidentally lost her phone number.

I'm thinking about becoming a vegetarian. Start buying more weed and eating more shrooms.

I didn't have a drink at all this weekend. I've been sober for two days and I'm proud of myself. I plan on celebrating life without alcohol this coming weekend with a keg of Zima.

I don't think I'm gonna make it to 1000 post by the end of the year. I'm like 200 posts behind. With such riveting things going in my life now I'll have 200 more to go.

Why?

I know this is petty but me and old people really don't get along. Yesterday I was at the grocery store waiting in line buying a few simple damn thing. I had in front of me a old hag who didn't know how to use the debit swiper. How hard is it to use it? What couldn't she understand about if she wants cash back or not? Then I had soccer mom trying to buy something that wouldn't scan so they had to do a price check. Turned out the damn thing wasn't for sale and was for display only. Then she tried to negotiate to try and get it for free. Now this is the new anger free bastard. Normally I would just tell her to get the fuck out of the line. But I didn't. I was so proud of myself, but then Mr. 100 year old Father Time behind me starting putting his stuff on the little revolving black thing on top of my stuff while the cashier was ringing up my stuff. The old man's wife was with him telling him that he is putting his stuff with mine, but he said he didn't care about this and I quote, "asshole in front of me". Why? I turned around and pushed half his shit off the conveyor belt. I laughed and told him that I guess I am really an asshole. I purchased my stuff and left. I don't think I'll go back their again. And yes I know I should've picked another line but you never know how long it's going to take. When stuff like that happens I always say to myself, it could've been worst. I could've went psycho and body slammed the old man while destroying the promotional display.

OBAMA!

I see it this way, not voting would be what "The Man" wants and I can't let "The Man" win. So I had to vote for the person "The Man" didn't want to win, and I did. Of course policy and political b.s. were the other reasons........

But while voting I got the number of this really hot girl. A polling place is not my ideal spot for picking up chicks but who the hell am I to think otherwise. I guess I'm over my girlfriend and my one day depression.

People were shocked that I didn't vote for McCain. But honestly, out of all the people to vote for, why would I vote for McCan't. I'm now blacklisted from some of my coworkers. Really people, grow up. Now if I see you walking in the rain because your car is stalled, I'll remeber that blacklisting.

P:S:

Don't mean to rub it in but, I told ya so. Yeah, I'll rub it in, I'm rubbing salt in your wounds. I'm getting pretty good at predicting stuff. My next prediction.......tomorrow is Thursday. Be shocked and awed when it's tomorrow morning at my witchcrafty.

Quarterlife Crisis

Since I haven't hit my midlife crisis yet, I think I'm having a quarterlife crisis. It's like a pre-breakdown. I'll go out and buy a scooter instead of a motorcycle and find myself a sugar mama to spoil me.

It's November

Got back from my trip late last night. Not as bad as I expected it to be. It was planned, it came, it went and now it's over. It was just camping. It gave me some time to think about a lot of things with nothing was going on but a few voices and total nature silence.

I had time to ponder about a few things about my life. Having so many friends and feeling life is getting better mentally, I still feel hollowed out inside. I broke it off with my girlfriend and the other one when I came back. I'm just tired of this and everything. Feeling used and not wanted. I am mentally abusing myself. It's probably just the holidays, but I'm just not feeling "life" right now. Their's too many things going on in my life and a lot of important things I'm putting on the back burner.

I just need to reevaluate a few things right now.