Smoke Me

January 1st 2007

That's the day my friend hopes to get over his smoking. He's been smoking since he was 14. We are all going to help him quit.

But I can't quit. I've been smoking since I started high school.

I love the way it makes me feel.

I buy 9 packs a day. I think I have a smoking problem.

If you cut me, I'll shoot smoke out my veins.

My parents did it, they even bought me my first pack.

They have so many cool looking lighters out there.

I tried the patch and the gum. Makes a great band-aid and makes your breath somewhat fresh when you finish smoking.

I started smoking when I was in high school but I didn't like it. The idea that you actually have to pay for them a couple of times a week made me quit. But somedays, I just wonder what it would feel like one more time holding that cigarette in my hand and inhaling one big one. Then just letting it out as I close my eyes. Oh yeah. Forget about sex, that would be my passion.

It loses its luster once your addicted. After that your fucked. Decisions decisions. I have $5. I have no food and I have no cigarettes. What do I need right now? I can go a week without eating but I can't go a week without the cigarettes. There you have it. The choice of a sooner death over food. I always wanted to have that machine where you have to use it to talk for you. And you have that robot voice. I can go on tour with Styx and sing Mr. Roboto. I wanted to be that freaky guy kids laugh at. So cool.

domo arigato mr roboto domo arigato mr roboto domo arigato mr roboto domo arigato mr roboto

Then you get the second hand smoke. If I get lung cancer I know who I'm coming for!

We destroyed all his cigarettes and lighters. We even took his money so that he wouldn't spend it on them. He didn't see a point in doing that but we needed the money for our services. He is the only person left out of all of us that quit smoking. And him smoking is making our will power go away. I even took a drag a couple of weeks ago. Drag meaning the entire pack (can't just waste the pack). The memories. But I'm smoke free for 2 weeks.

We are gonna start off with the basic quit smoking techniques and make our way to making him smoke 20 packs at once. We're looking forward to that one. We'd probably end up killing him after all of this, but it will be a lesson learned for any of us who wants to start smoking.