Tomorrow Is My Birthday!

My ex told me she planned something for my birthday prior to the break up so she's not taking it back. Whatever it is, it must be big. Other than that surprise I'm getting tomorrow, my girlfriend is taking me out somewhere. She tells me it's a surprise too. All these surprises worry me. A surprise from an ex and a surprise by my psychopathic girlfriend could be the death of me. Then theirs the thought that my ex is getting me a gift and how my girlfriend responded jealous like during our first date might be a bad idea. But then theirs the thought of two girls fighting, hmm? Well we'll see.

The second date Friday was good. I keep forgetting that you have to stay monogamous if you're in a relationship, but I'm horny! We haven't had sex yet. Perhaps a threesome on my birthday tomorrow with both of them. I'm trying not to be horny bastard this time around. Plus I sense if we have sex then she'll start taking the relationship more serious, but it's a relationship, you are supposed to take it seriously. She is almost perfect but I just can't figure out why she is different somehow. I hope she doesn't have a penis, that would suck.

She's An American Psycho

You know that feeling when you date somebody and you come back home thinking that she might just be the one, the one to probably destroy you emotionally. Well I got that feeling.

I knew their was something weird about her. It started at dinner when out of nowhere she called the hostess a bitch. I had to do a doubletake. She thought I was checking her out. Then she started arguing at me. Then she laughed and told me that she's just nervous. I nervously laughed too and thought "psycho". I think she's bipolar. Just what I need, a jealous girlfriend. Made me wish I wore a cup just in case she wants to kick me in the nads instead of a goodnight kiss. By now I already know this date was going to be a blast. She actually was very calm for the rest of the night. Being the gentleman I am or close enough to it, I gave a kiss goodbye.

Besides the scary encounter at the beginning, the rest was great. We're going back out Friday.

July 4, 2007.

I'm going through puberty. I'm growing hair in places its never grown before. I started using a regular razor instead of an electric one today and my face is soooo smooth. I can't seem to stop touching myself (edit: can't seem to stop touching my face). My electric razor was the shit. I used to drive and use my electric razor, eat and use my electric razor, have sex while using my electric razor. But I parted with it today. I think I cried, yep I cried. Excuse me, I think I need so time alone with it, give me a couple of minutes.

Now to the topic on hand. I can't seem to find the reason why to celebrate holidays. I always see holidays like this a way for people to forget all about the beginning. I see July 4 as a time when "Americans" took over the land from the Native Americans and celebrate their independence from another country. That's my WTF moment of the week. It's like "Hey, let me move from another country to this land already inhabited by people and separate myself from the country that helped me out. But wait, let me push all these Native Americans already here into reservations so I can build a pool in my backyard". I swear, I think I'm becoming more Emo everyday, but I refuse to get the Chuck Taylor shoes.

I met somebody today. I was at Starbucks (yeah I know, ME at a Starbucks)getting the fucking great Pomegranate Frappuccino and I noticed a girl checking me out. But something about this girl I liked but something about her scared me a little. She reminded me of a rabid deer, in a good way. A little nice but a little rough. I need somebody to slap me around a bit and make me her bitch. Well that's enough enlightenment today. We are going out tonight. So sudden, which leads back to the beginning of the post and why I shaved. Sometimes I think if my life was the bible, we'd all be in hell. Well goodbye.

Guilty Pleasures

Reading my ex's blog I find out she is starting to date other people. She thinks that I might be mad if she does it but I don't really care. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just worried that I will zone out for a few hours and wake back up seeing me punching this random guy in the face, but no worries. But in all seriousness, I don't care.

I'm going to let my guard down and start accepting numbers again. I'll use my sick bastard charm to get the ladies. Who can resist me? I'm adorable in a gremlin sort of way. I'm going to have to actually brush my hair, OH THE HUMANITY!

So to the the guilty pleasure. I really want an iPhone. I'm not a gadget guy but this thing fucking rocks! maybe. I don't have one yet. Being that the cheapest one is "only" $500, I'll just wait. Plus I can see myself running it over in my car, then making the car roll back over me for spending $500 on something so small. So until then, I'll spend my $500 on something useful, like a Paris Hilton CD.

Accidents Do Happen

I ran into a parked car while rollerblading this weekend. It all happened so fast. I was talking to a friend while going backwards and I didn't even notice the car behind me. The whole scene looked worst than it really was. The car was almost untouched when I nearly flipped over the trunk area. I hurt my leg pretty bad. I should've known that rollerblading in complete darkness in the middle of the night while going backwards isn't so smart. I also hit my head kind of hard. Everybody was saying that I was going to die if I go to sleep. I did have to sit down for awhile. They eventually took me to the hospital and let me out about a hour later. No worries. Just a slightly sprained ankle and just a bump on the head. Now if it was a moving car that hit me that would've been hilarious but probably fatal story.

My ex got the last of the stuff out of the apartment this weekend. My place is starting to look more masculine again. We had some beer and talked about life. She got mad at me because I started talking more personal now that I did when we were together, go figure. She told me that she got offered a job here also so she might end up staying. I didn't want to overreact and be like "Wow, really"! So I acted all cool and said "hmmm" and drunk some more beer.

I almost forgot it was Father's Day so when I called my dad to tell him happy father's day, I was a little buzzed. But he got my gift and card a few days earlier. He thinks I'm becoming an alcoholic for drinking so early on a Sunday. I told him I only drank because I was tired. And he said he could only imagine how much I drank when I'm full of energy. Kegs of beer dad, kegs.

The Sickness Is Returning

Their is like a million things going on in my life now but I just don't feel happy enough to talking about it. My ex girlfriend and I are still going to be friends. We've decided that if we are single on Christmas Eve we were going to crash at her parents house, just to piss them off.

Living the single life is quiet. I get to hang out as late as I want. I can get drunk and throw up anywhere now. What I do miss is the sex. One night stands are dangerous. You'll wake up in a bathtub covered in ice with a kidney missing. Or you just get an USTD. An Unidentified Sexually Transmitted Disease would be my luck.

I did watch a movie recently that a person in my condition probably shouldn't have watched. It's called "The Bridge". It's documentary about the families and friends of the people who committed suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge during 2004. In some sense, it feels relaxing but then you hear the stories of the survivors and the friends of the victims, you feel somewhat bad. One father had a big argument with his son the night before so he told him he wants him to go to work with him that morning after at fear that the son would do something. The son told his father that he wasn't going to do anything and he shouldn't worry. So the father left him by himself. The son did go out to the bridge to commit suicide. Sobbing all the way to the bridge and at the final railing and at the moment of release, he decided he didn't want to kill himself, but it was too late. He'd already let go. He thought if he landed feet first then he might survive, and he did. A few broken bones from a near death experience changed his life. Now he has to take pills twice a day and be out by 10 pm. He said that everybody walks on egg shells around him because they are afraid they'll say the wrong thing. He said he wants to be normal again but it will never be the same again. One guy they were showing throughout the film walking back and forth on the bridge. They were talking to his friends and family and you knew all about his life. At some point you think that he was one of the survivors, but you see him stand on the top of the railing and just fall backwards off the bridge. This movie was definitely a wake up call and leaves a lasting impression. Bridges are definitely crossed off my list.

On a brighter note, I got asked out! I feel like a schoolboy again! But I had to turn her down. I'm not ready to start dating again. Dealing with the awkward phase of the first date of trying to impress each other. I don't care really, I just stick my hands down my pants and tell 'em what you see is what you get. If they don't run out the room then they're a keeper.

Going rollerblading tomorrow night. We think it's safer to skate in the park at night. We'll attach flashlights and bells to each other so we can laugh at people when the run into each other, aahh memories.

Well I'm out. I'm meeting my ex for lunch in a couple of hours.

Sorta Back

Got back a few days ago. Didn't really feel much like blogging.

Well the trip was fun. The highlight has to be being waken up by my brother to run and take the wheel half asleep. Then suddenly realizing we were being pulled over.

His girlfriend wasn't the Sasquatch I was expecting, but she was so fucking annoying. One minute she's happy then the next minute she's psycho. Perhaps one day of this is expected but for weeks! She broke up with him during the trip. He said they do it all the time. I assumed she was serious the night she got off the RV and left. Me and BM really didn't want to convince her to stay. So it was just the three of us for the other half of our journey. My brother kind of was expecting her to be back home when he got back home..........which she was.

Being in a RV with your girlfriend for hours and hours, you tend to talk. And you know how I don't like to talk much about "feelings". One thing led to another and we just stopped talking to each other for days. Then we got in argument after argument about everything and we just broke it off. It was anger just building up between the both of us that just blew up at the wrong time, and saying things we didn't want to say. With my own stress and her stress of trying to deal with it was ruining the relationship. So it's over between us.

We agreed that we still want to be friends but right now we can't stand the sight of each other. That's one reason why the trip had to be stopped. The whole scene was uneasy. When we got back, she stayed the night (I slept on the couch) and she moved in with a friend the next morning. Last time I spoke to her she told me she was going back home to get a job in a few months.

So that was my wonderful trip. Can't wait to do it again. I don't feel like blogging much now. The spur in the moment of happiness came from Paris Hilton going back to jail. Other than the trip and the break up, that's all. Normally I would be upset right now, but I just feel nothing. I'm not depressed more that usual. I have my days, but not as bad as before.

I'm just staying in tonight. Friends wanna come over and hang out but I just want to be alone. I don't know if I want to continue blogging. Don't get paranoid about what I might be thinking or might do to myself. Somehow I feel a little relieved but still depressed. I think the thought of us breaking up has already hit me. I've gone through my normal things of post breakup already. Anger, Sadness, Breakup Mix tape, Happiness. I think I might need some time to myself. I'll try to come back.

Knockers

Big gigantic huge smooth jiggling.....

Well I'm off on my trip. I might be back within a month.

The Death Of The Black Book

As we go further in our relationship, she asked me to discard the little black book today. Throwing it out would mean that I'm willing to take the relationship to the next level. By keeping the book it would mean that I'm not ready to take this relationship more serious. So what should I do, should I get rid of the book or should I keep it and perhaps ruin the relationship. I could always put the book in the hands of a friend on lease or something if the relationship should happen to end. I don't know.

Once the book is gone then you have the question of when is the engagement and then the children. Oy vey.

The book is more then just phone numbers now. It's memories. The good ones and the bad ones. The ones that tried to kill me and the ones that tried to kill me with love. She's well aware that her phone number isn't the last number in my book. She's second to last. I got another girls phone number the same day we met. Good thing I chose her. Who knows how my life would've been like if I dated the "other" girl. I haven't seen the "other" girl since that first encounter.

I've had the book since senior year at high school. Had it almost filled up until I met my current longest ever relationship.

I've made my decision, I'm going to get rid of it. It needs to be remembered. A gathering of about 50 ex's will do to commemorate this sad occasion.

Little Black Book, I hardly knew you.

Slasher Fridays - Joy Ride

Two guys play a prank over the CB radio on a trucker. The trucker decided to play along too. So one ripped jaw and a few murders later they realize that perhaps he's taken it too far. Will they be forgiven or will they become another dragonfly on the grill of his truck?


Since we are going on our own little joy ride next week, we picked this movie. I've seen it before but the others haven't. One more post tomorrow and I'm out.

War Is Almost Over, But Until Then...

Bush Falls Next To A Girly Bike



Bush Mystifies The Kids



Bush On His Way To Chucky Cheese


Bush Reenacting A Scene From Mary Poppins


Bush's Legs Have A Mind Of Their Own




Bush's Ancestry




Bush Confused



Bush Trying To Get Stella's Groove Back



Bush's First Husband



Bush Looking Hardcore



Bush Leading The Troops On The Iraqi Border



Bush Reading The Bible



Bush Trying To Get 'Dem Digits


Bush At The Harry Potter Premier



Bush Teaching Kids How To Read Good



Bush Dancing

It's About That Time

We'll be on the road next week. I'm packed and ready to go. We are meeting my brother half way and setting off west. So it's gonna be me, my girlfriend, my brother and his plant eating girlfriend. We are supposed to be picking up a couple of her friends too so that should be interesting. One vegan is bad enough but if they are all vegans then I'll have to be forced to bathe myself in pig blood and hang cow heads around my neck just for fun.

Should I bring swimming trunks if I'm headed west? I wonder what stuff we'll do. I always wanted to be in a high speed chase in a RV. We might even accidentally leave my girlfriend at the gas station. I can't wait! So until then, smell ya later.

I Have The Dumb Disease!

I had to pick up a package today. You know how you always get the note in your box that says blah blah blah you have a package? It said to pick it up at the sales office. I wondered why the post office would have a sales office too. So about 20 minutes later I was informed at the post office that the sales office is the damn leasing office at home! Then to top it off I locked my keys in the car along with my cell phone. I really didn't want to go back inside because they would really think I'm an idiot. Luckily their was a gas station payphone nearby so I can be an idiot all by myself. So my girlfriend got the spare and was able to unlock the door for the idiot. But theirs more! The keys weren't in the car! I couldn't find them. They were last place left to check.....sigh. I left them on the counter at the post office. FUCK! I knew they were laughing at me behind my back when I went back in.

So explaining this to my girlfriend was sad. I'm sure she'll never forget this. I don't know what happened to me. It's like I got hit by the dumbass stick. So far everything else I did today was smart.

Hungover

I fear my parents think I'm a alcoholic. It seems like sometimes when they call me I'm somewhat unable to come to the phone. That's why I now have two best friends.


I dranked a little too much last night. I couldn't stop throwing up. And then the painful dry heaving started. I told myself I will never drank another drop again if I stopped dry heaving, and I started dry heaving again. I had to eat/drink something to stop the dry heaving. Even though it would just be wet, it was better than dry heaving it. I got the Pepto and Tylenol and within an hour I was 80% better. Now I'm just waiting for the aches and pains to go away. My entire chest hurts from dry heaving so much. I thought I was gonna die! It's times like these you hope your parents don't read these things about their children.

And no the drinking is not a cry for help. I know I've been depressed a bit in the past and alcohol always seems to be the answer for a lot of depressed people, but that's just not me. I don't drink it to make me feel better, I drink it because I like it. Well maybe that wasn't a good comparison. I have no alcoholic beverages in my fridge which proves I'm not an alcoholic, and no I didn't already drink all the alcoholic beverages in my fridge already.

Is a side effect of Tylenol drowsiness? I'm going to take a nap now.

A Little Bit Of Happiness...

...With A Little Bit Of Pain

Why feel sorry for your misfortunes when there's millions out there that are more fucked!





I know fires aren't funny but the way he accidentally sets the other guy on fire....

>

This one is rated R for retarded.





This is just plain sex talk like penises and cold vaginas and penis power and bling bling all on Public Access.



Well that's enough pain for pleasure for today. Watch me tomorrow as I test the effects of wrapping a light bulb in aluminum foil and putting it in microwave.