Snowflake

Two weeks of pranks being pulled on me, April Fools would be my day. My girlfriend is pretty damn smart. Since we got in a debate on who masturbates more she decided to play a joke. Damn this joke was good. She bought like 20 blow up dolls and set them up inside the bedroom doing one giant orgy. She tied a little rope to all of them and attached them to the fan so that it would look they were all moving. She popped in a porno dvd and put it on repeat and the door half cracked. So when I came back home I would hear moaning and see what looked like a ton of people inside the bedroom fucking. As soon as I opened the door I just busted out laughing. She even had the names of some of my ex girlfriends scribbled on their head.

So the prank on my girlfriend. I had to think of something good. Something that would humiliate her forever! I paid a person to go to her job and tell her that someone just stole a blue jeep (her car) in the parking lot. She ran outside to see her car missing. I had to work that day too so I just gave one of our friends the extra key to drive off with it and just videotape the whole thing for me. My idiot friend parked it in the next parking lot so she found out what was up minutes later. So that prank was a bust.

When you want stuff done, you gotta do it yourself. My cousin owns this restaurant a few cities away from us, so I decided to just prank my girlfriend and all my friends in one hit. My cousin and I had this idea to have this crazy hitchhiker on the side of the road. So he played the hitchhiker. It was dark so nobody could see who he was. My girlfriend would be the only person that might recognize him since she saw him at the family get together a few months ago, but he had a hood on and a scarf around his neck. I was driving so when I pulled over to pick him up everybody told me to keep going. But my kind and generous nature came through and I picked him up. It was great. He had these tattered clothes and a beer bottle in his pocket. Everybody sat as far right as they could in the car. He started screaming "You motherfuckers, You mother fucking cocksucker kids! I'm gonna kill you all!" Everybody started screaming. He then got silent and my friend Alex the Cowardly Lion stuttered, "Hey, you, crazy man!" I had to stop it. Alex gets kind of crazy when he gets nervous. My cousin and I agreed on "Snowflake" being the word that would mean to break character. He fucking forgot when I said it! Now I looked like the crazy maniac repeating "snowflake" to myself. He finally remembered and said April Fools. So I got the punches from the friends and girlfriend on the joke on how it wasn't funny. But in my heart I know they were terrified.

So Jake asked who the bum was. I told him the bum is my cousin who owns the restaurant that we are eating at for free. I never been there either so I didn't know what to expect. I was going to pick him up and play the prank on my friends and he was going to tell us the rest of the way. He led us to the back of the woods with one beat up log cabin. We kept waiting for him to say April Fools but he got out of the car. There were people sitting on the ground fishing in the middle of the night. I felt like I was in a parallel hicktown universe. He then said April Fools and we drove to his seafood restaurant. The food was great. I would go there often but it being about a hour away is the bad thing.

On another note. Snowflake would be my nickname given to me by my brother as a kid because I looked so pale that one year I went to the beach. Now my entire family calls me snowflake.