Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Listen To The Messages Tomorrow

Things are changing on me again. I think it's time for me to find a new path in life. I've been really tired lately. I beginning to hate a lot of things now again. I like my personal life. I hate my job and I hate school. Sounds like the usual blah blah from a guy in his twenties trying to live life. Two people today, total strangers I might add, said that I'm a destined for better things. How can two total strangers that I don't know and they probably don't know each other tell me the same exact thing at different times of the day? They didn't look crazy. They looked like totally normal people that look very intelligent. In summary they said that the life that I'm living now is like a rock I'm trying to push out of my way so that I can move up further. My family and friends have been telling me this for years but it took two strangers today for me to actually agree.

I don't know what the next step in my life is going to be. I've never been so confused over this subject before this. To be honest with you, I'm kind of scared what my next step will be. I have a strong gut feeling that my next step will be the wrong decision.

My past I feel is going to catch up with me. Each day I feel more and more like I'm drifting backwards. I don't want my old life. My old life deals with my dark days and my own attempted death. I don't think I'll go that far this time around but I know it's not going to be good. I think I just need a vacation for one month just so I can get away from everything and focus on my life and my future and which direction I want to take.

One path that I keep thinking about is just dropping everything and ..........forget about it. I'm just kind of down today. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I gotta end on a happy note. My girlfriend bought me a digital camcorder to cheer me up. That's a pretty expensive cheer up. Here's my grin world, ear to ear!

6 comments:

Shelli said...

i say, keep pushin til ya get whatcha want...

...if a digital camera is just a "cheer up" present, i think i'd be sad for a little longer...i mean what's next? a new bike? a car? shit. i'll be her boyfriend.

Beyond Me said...

the digital camera was actually his birthday present. since his birthday was next month i decided to give it to him early since he was down. i expect my birthday present to be just as expensive if not bigger!

kimmyk said...

I think it's cause of your time spent with Jake that you're thinking youre going backwards...he's your past who caught up with you.

I think you have big things in you ...you just gotta figure it out. You're 20something years old...you have your whole life ahead of you to figure it out and to make mistakes and learn and move on and screw shit up even more. I'm 39 I don't have life figured out. I think I'm suppose to be doing more..but for now..I'm doin' what I can.

Lets see some footage with that new camcorder. And no..I dont want to see no homemade porn tyvm.

Firestarter5 said...

I'm going to win the lottery. I know this for a fucking fact. Till then I just keep shovelling shit.

All things come to he who waits....(if he works like hell while he waits)

ysfb said...

@ shel, i'll have to be near death for her to get me a car. but a digtal camera is still ok....

BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

does this mean i won't be getting anything on my birthday?

nicely put kimmyk. i never thought of it that way. this all happened after jake left. i guess he really is a bad influence.

i think i'm really close to winning the lotto. i just have to spend another $100 in tickets and i know i'm gonna win!

i feel a little better today. still confused but things are becoming clearer to me now.

kimmyk said...

Firestarter5-brother oh pal...friend of mine....you win the lottery...you remember the little people ya hear?