Hell Has It's Fury

I'm back. I had so much *bleeping* fun I wish I never *bleeping* stopped! I didn't get arrested at all the entire time. I almost did but never did got arrested.

Jake is quite the ass. He hasn't changed at all. What started as a trip to the gas station to pick up some beer ended up a trip through 4 states. I lost my cellphone in the process and had to call my girlfriend from a bar. Jake was talking to this girl and she had a boyfriend there and he got pretty pissed off at him. So of course once again I had to beat the shit out of some total strangers for him again. I ended with a really sore jaw and a black eye. We lost badly. My tongue was swollen and I could barely talk. If only I could play the message I left on my girlfriend's voicemail.

We ended up getting a motel room and stayed over night. Jake convinced me that since we are already far far away from home we might as well go further and party a little more. We already dranked all the booze we were supposed to get. So we had to do something. So minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days as we got further and further out of town. We went to this town that had to be the creepiest town on earth. It was like a ghost town. Nobody was around. It kind of reminded me of Silent Hill. Somebody eventually came out from behind us when we were in this store. The guy had a glass eye and had a voice box. It creeped Jake the fuck out. He bought some ciguarettes and ran out the store. We ran into this cool midgette that talked really fast. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I felt like I just smoked something really wicked. It was the most psycadellic experience I've ever felt in awhile. I didn't understand a single word he was saying but I couldn't stop listening. I remember he was drinking Yoo-Hoo and wearing suspenders. I was just waiting for him to say his name was Timmy and for Lassie to run out from under the house nearby to tell us that somebody is stuck in the well. I think the food I ate in that town was off some how. I eventually threw it all up a few hours later and things were cool again.

We went into this Wal-Mart to buy some fireworks, spray paint, and a garden dwarf. The cashier looked at us weird. I realized the combination looked pretty dangerous. Well I guess you can assume what happenend next. But what happened after that was me pulling broken dwarf fragments from his face. Nothing a nights rest wouldn't fix. We eventually went to the hospital and got the rest out. We decided to call it a night.

We decided to drive back home but we couldn't show up without the booze so we stopped by the ABC store to get some considering everybody was expecting it 4 days ago, guess we got a little side tracked. Girlfriend is pissed off at Jake. She had his stuff packed by the door. I guess Jake and I might have to crash at a friend's house to hang out for now on. My girlfriend had "the long talk" about not being home and being friends with an irresponsible person. I'm still a kid and I can't help myself. I haven't seen Jake for a long time so we were just making up for lost times.

If I could do it all again......I'd do it, and I'd do it until I lose an arm.