Internally Bleeding For A Chance

Carefully removing the dead bodies from the trunk of his car he contemplates putting the gun to his head while thinking back at what he just did.

It all started early today. Life was already fucked up for him as soon as he was born. A bastard child that nobody wanted named Ben. He just grew up feeling like nobody wanted him and just got angrier as time went on. His best friend was really his enemy. He would punch him in the face for no apparent reason but Ben let him do it and shrug it off and held all the anger inside.

Teachers treated him like the shit he thought he was and never gave him a chance. Smacking him in class and letting the other kids pick on him and laugh as they do it.

What was the point of living he would always say to himself. He never smiled and never talked. He worried that one day he might just snap. That one day was soon to happen.

That one incident was at 6:54 p.m. His friend invited him over to his house. Ben didn't know that he was playing a prank on him. Ben's friend put a rug over a hole and when Ben walked over it he fell in. Hurt and confused Ben heard laughter in the background and that was when he realized it was a prank. Ben had it. He was pissed. He pulled his gun out and started shooting at everybody. He saved his best friend for last. He shot him but didn't want to kill him yet.

Most of the people ran but the people that were dead he dragged and put them in his car. He had his friend in the front seat. He drove as far as he could thinking about evil things to do, then his car ran out of gas near a creek. He pushed the car as far as he could out of the way and started dumping the dead bodies in the creek. Thinking about killing himself he remembered his best friend was in the car too. Ben then said the first words his best friend has ever heard him say, "I only kept you alive so that you can see me kill you slowly," and he shot his friend in the face and dumped his dead body in the water. Then he slid the now hot gun down his own throat and repeated what he just said to his dead friend and pulled the trigger.


THE END

Feel free to be disgusted. I suggest watching the movie Bully.

I Forgot Her Name!

I know she reads this so that's why I'm making this as detailed as possible. I'm writing this while she is picking up some things. I have a girlfriend now. A sane one this time. She's great and I hope to spend a lot of time with her.

I forgot her name. I couldn't remember it the entire weekend. I kept on calling her Jill thinking that was a really common name but of course I was wrong. Every time I would call her I would mumble the words. She realized it today and asked me if I knew her name. I said yes of course I know your name but the question is do you know my name? She said my name without hesitation and she asked me to say her name. How was I going to get out of this one. Digging in my pocket hoping that I can dial my phone # so the phone would ring but no luck. So I gave up and told her that I have short term memory. And she didn't believe me. We all had a good laugh and she told me to stip down to my boxers. Immedietly I thought that no NNNNNOOOOOO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN!!!! She got a marker and wrote her name all over my chest so that I would never forget.

But back to the date on Friday. It was great. She was great. She is by far the best first date I ever had. We talked for hours at the park and didn't stop until it was past 4.a.m. I was dead tired but I felt like I really wanted to stay. But she was getting tired we were closer to my place so we crashed at my place we slept for hours and I woke up to breakfest in bed. I got down on my knees and proposed to her. She laughed at me and my heart broke, kidding, I have no heart.

We ended up spending the entire weekend together. We went out with our friends Saturday and got crazy. I am just waiting for it all to hit me. I'm just going to pass out soon.

She told me about all the Mt. Dew she bought a couple of days ago. She told me that it's been bothering her the way I looked at her when she was buying so many of them. She told me it was for these kids she's helping for this program and how they all love Mt. Dew.

She seems to be totally perfect. My fear is that she really is a man. But I'm only kidding "Jill". Well she's back. I'll Blog some more later.

News: Suicide Prank, Not Funny, Not Meant To Be.

Basically this happened a couple of days ago and it was pretty crazy. A body was hung in a yard. People driving and walking by thought it was a prank and didn't bother with it. People saw it around breakfast time and kind of laughed at it thinking it was a joke. It wasn't until hours later that people realized that this really wasn't a prank and the lady actually hung herself.

This was from Yahoo! and other sources. The link will be dead soon......

She Likes To "Do The Dew"

So I think the time of getting over a relationship is over now so I went out to lunch with the girl I met at the accident, I'm still waiting for Mrs. Decrepit to run me over in her crap mobile but that's going waaaay off subject.

So we went out to this little place to have lunch. She seemed so very nice and I think this one is actually sane this time. She wanted to stop at the grocery store to pick up some stuff so we went shopping. All she got was Mountain Dew. Tons of cans and plenty of bottles. I was afraid to ask but hey everybody has something weird about them, like I'm a total psychopath addicted to danger so Mountain Dew sounds pretty tame to me. And I'm pretty sure it's a one time thing right? (please...)

The girl is pretty good looking. I sound like such a redneck. Maybe we can go in together on a double wide trailer hee hee hee hee. She has shoulder lenght hair and brown eyes. Her voice is so relaxing when she talks. I felt like all the stress in my life was gone when she talked to me.

Well the actual first date will be on friday so let's see how it goes, Mountain Dew anyone?

I'ma poppa your assa. Bitcha.

Damn I'm bored. Damn I miss all the fucked up shit that happened last week. I'm fucking rocking right now. Listening to some damn Rob Zombie and rocking right now. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I'm so fucking morbid. Wow I fucking cursed in every fucking sentence. Lets keep the shit rolling then. I just gotta throw a party at my fucked up place. But I know that as soon as everybody comes here I'll be like who the fuck are you, get the FUCK OUT OF MY PLACE! It's one of those spur of the moments bullshit. YYYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH I'm so fucking happy but I know it's gonna end soon!!! It always does damn it!

Ok it's over. I lost it. I gotta leave. I gotta really rock out. I'll try to write something more tomorrow.

FUCK YEAH!

I Have A Story To Tell

I really don't like talking about this to anybody, so I'm glad I can speak this freely in my blog.

A few years ago I was involved in a car accident. I had to go to the hospital because somebody was drinking and driving. When my family and friends try to talk about it to try and get me open up I would always shut them out. I felt as if somebody held my life in their hands and chose to hurt me. I was filled was so much anger that all I could feel was hate. Nobody new how I felt and nobody can tell me that things will be better. Things will never be better for me. Although I'm totally normal now I still feel that something was taken away from me that no matter what I do and no matter what I say, nothing can help me. That's probably why sometimes I have really dark days when I'm just totally unreachable.

Let me tell you how this all started. I was driving my car at night. His car hit me head on. It totally demolished both cars. He was able to get out of his car during the accident but my legs were stuck. They weren't broken but they were really stuck. So stuck that I started going numb and then I passed out. I woke up in the hospital. The doctors said that I was lucky to be alive and how close I came to death. I was worried that they had to remove my legs but luckily I could see them. But I couldn't move.

I thought my life was over. I couldn't live life in a wheelchair. Anger and hate just filled my mind. I know my friends and family wanted to kill him after they found out that he was drinking.

As the months passed by I eventually got feeling back and I made a full recovery. Nowadays I can hardly drink alcohol. I just worry that I would do the same to somebody else. As time goes on I start to relax a little, and the hate slowly subsides.

Who knows where this guy is nowadays. I know that if he stayed here then I would seriously fuck him up.

Kinky Bitch II

I did it. We had lunch at this really crowded place. I gave her the whole I think we need to see other people talk. She started crying, so now I felt like the mean boyfriend. Then she stood up really fast and swung her hand far back. Why did I just stare at her as if I didn't know what was going to happen next. Then she started shouting at me. Now I wished I didn't do it in public. I played it off by telling everybody that she was off her Meds. After about 10 minutes I just gave up and walked out. She followed me, and continued shouting. I walked faster and she walked faster. So I quickly ran into a door and locked it. Luckily it had an opening on the other side so I could run through it. So here I am at home. She knows I'm here because she is banging on the door. I told my ex girlfriend the whole story too so she is coming down to kick her ass. I didn't want her too but 2 girls fighting is something I'm prepared to deal with.

I called my buddy cop to come over too so he can stop the fight if I couldn't control it. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The neighbor is getting tired of the yelling. They're are arguing back and forth. I'm going to crack the door a little bit. Oh shit they're fighting!!! Ok, I'm gonna stop them.

So I'm back from the HOSPITAL!!! Psycho bitch broke my nose. I had it! I'm tired of this bullshit! She's going to fucking pay for this......(meaning actually pay for the bill, not meaning to hurt her). She knew how fucking pissed off I was when she did it. She just backed off and I've haven't seen her since. I hope I never see her. I need to lay down for a bit because I feel dizzie and I feel like punching something......save draft.......

Ok, I'm calm. She left a message on my machine apologizing for what happened. bitch. I really need to check references on all the girls I date.

So now I have a black eye from when she punched me in the restaurant and a broken nose from when she punched me again. I need to take her to meet my parents!

So I'm here, on a friday night, writing in the blog because my face looks too fucked up for public. what a fucked up week i'm having. i wish everybody would just stay the fuck away from me for now on! i seem to be attracting bad luck. well i did ask for more action in my life but this isn't what i wanted. damn. well at least i got a phone number out of this fucked up week. i'm going back to sleep.

Bring It On Old Lady!

I'm so fucking pissed. I was having a good day today--avoiding my psycho girlfriend and passing my test but this old lady fucking pissed me off!

I was driving minding my business when this old beat up piece of shit car cut in front of me. I don't get too upset when that happens, I usually just give them the finger and yell some profanities and go on my merry way but this old bitch gave me the finger first! WHY!

I felt like I had to stop right now because she is old and probably crazy at her age and people would think I'm a bad/evil person. So I just slid my fingers to the automatic windows switch and rolled them up cursing under my breath and when they were up and just started yelling all sorts of words. So I thought, how can I get back at an old lady without being morally insane!

So I decided to egg her car. I know it's petty but I went shopping and that was the first thing I saw and I'm still practically and kid and hey it's almost Halloween. So I pulled up next to her at the stop light. The light turned green at the wrong damn time. She drove up when I threw it and it just so happen that a cop was walking by. I was repeating really fast "What should I do, What should I do, What shoud I do, FLOOR IT!!!!

So I floored it. Now I was really pissed off. The old crack whore just waved at me. By this time everybody driving around us knew what was going on and kept on us seeing what was going happen next. I decided to be the mature one and let it go. So then probably 10 minutes later she cut me off again! For no apparent reason! So I decided to call the cops. I told them that their is an old woman driving really erratic and I'm quite worried about my life and the safety of others. So I told them where I was and then it happened. I ran over some road kill, it really creeped me out because I would have to clean it off myself and I hate cleaning up dead animals but back to the story.

A cop finally found her and pulled her over about a mile up. Then some IDIOT hit my car watching the cop. It wasn't really any damage but the old lady got another laugh. Not a single scratch on my car or their car but I got a good look at the dead animal on my tire, pretty sick shit.

The cop gave her a warning and decided to tend to the non existent fender bender! I gave the driver my phone number and she gave me hers. She was pretty hot. We talked for about 2 minutes before we realized that we were actually blocking traffic. The cop was even talking to us about stupid shit too.

So I guess the old lady brought us all together. I met a new girl which I hope to continue seeing after the whole crazy girlfriend thing is over and I met a cop that can hopefully bail me out when I need it.

Goodbye old hag, thanks for bringing three strangers together.

Countdown to Halloween

Who will I be dressed as on Halloween? Last year I dressed up like my dad except I made myself 100 pounds overweight and put a bottle of viagra in my shirt pocket. I had to show my dad this. When I showed him he wasn't too amused. I meant to take the viagra out of my shirt pocket before I saw him but it proved to be funnier. My dad is a prankster too so I'm kind of afraid what he'll do to me this year. One time I played a prank on him he ended up showing up after school (high school) in his underwear pretty much giving me a lasting horrific embarrassing memory that he always threatens to do to me again. I'm worried now. He has hinted at coming to my job nude. Gotta love parents! If he does do that then I'm quitting my job and moving far far away so that I can start a new life under a new name.

Kinky Bitch

I begin dating this girl a few weeks ago. She seemed nice and really smart (laughing). I'm not one of those guys that has to have sex on the first date but I wouldn't mind it at all. So we kissed goodnight on our first date and that's all and I respected that. We went out everyday together, breakfast-lunch-dinner. I would drive her home and we would kiss but that would be it until........

*****WARNING EXPLICIT*****

.......a couple of nights ago. We did the same thing again as usual. I had fun but somehow I felt she was more than what she was. So when I went to pick her up she had on this oh so sexy outfit on. She had some hot makeup on and her body looked even better than before. I was kind of worried that she was planning on killing me. Why that was the first thing I thought of, I don't know. Well she was really flirting with me all night. She put her hand on my leg and slowly glided it towards my crotch. Then that's when the waiter came up. I felt like breaking his legs for having the nerve to come and actually serve us food! She pulled her hand away and I was pissed. She smiled and put her finger in her mouth biting it. I was tempted to take her to the bathroom and have sex in there but she told me to wait.

When the food finally came I ate it as fast as I could. As soon as I finished 5 minutes later, I asked for the bill. She basically just started but she asked if she could take it with her. I was so happy. So I took her home and she asked me if I wanted to come up. I said nah, I'm really tired. She laughed and whispered the same thing in my ear as she nibbled on it. I then picked her up and carried her to the apartment. She told me to wait in the bedroom so she could change into something more comfortable. I ripped my clothes off and just laid on the bed in my boxers. She came out of the bathroom wearing all leather and pumps. I had this puzzled look on my face wondering what happened to the girl I met a few weeks ago.

She walked slowly towards me and pulled handcuffs from behind the bed. Then she stood up on her bed and pulled out a fucking whip from her back. I was like "Oh, SHIT!" She then said softly that she was going to do two things to me: hurt you so good and fuck you so bad. I got that puzzled look once again wondering what she meant by the hurt.

She popped this cd in that sounded like Mozart. I begin to really worry about my life for the next who knows how long. The Mozart cd turned kind of pornographic. I heard moaning sounds coming from the cd getting louder and louder. She begin dancing around the room with the music. As it got louder she moved faster until the music just stopped and then she let her hair down and jumped on top of me. She ripped my boxers off, well tried because...something was sticking up through the hole making it a little difficult to take them off. But she got them off and then the music came back on. It was fucking Hillary Duff!

A half our has passed and I have yet to receive any pleasure whatsoever. Then the weirdest thing happened. The Hillary Duff song started slowing down to a demonic voice. It slowly merged with something "not of this world"! All I heard was feed the hungry people and have rough sex with fish. I couldn't help but laugh. My erection just went so limp at this time. I asked her is she was ever going to do something normal to me. That's when she jumped on top of me and slapped me really hard. I told her that, "Now we're getting dirty!"

She then said something I couldn't understand. The music changed AGAIN! But to something good. It was some really sexy music. She really got in the mood. She started dancing in front of me and stripping really slowly. She then started crawling on the floor and climbed on top of the bed. She slowly licked my legs and licked my chest and kissed me.

She put the condom on and she went at it. Oh she went at it hard. I've never had sex like that before. Somehow I was able to last for hours. She was so fucking bitchin in bed! She would slap me constantly. She scratched my chest and my legs. I felt like a frog being dissected. On hour 3 she untied me and told me it's time for us to take a shower. So we took a shower and we had sex in the shower. It was so hot, the steam rising above us and her grinding. We ended up fucking all over the apartment. I must've fell asleep or something because I woke up with her still on top of me. I asked her if she was a fucking zombie or something and she laughed and slapped me again. It was daylight and I knew I was going to be late.

I told her that I had to go or I'll be late for class. She ran to the door and said that I couldn't leave. I asked her why and she told me that the sex isn't over. Normally when a girl tells me that I just go continue fucking but I had big test that I didn't even study for that night before.

I got dressed and couldn't find my boxers. I ended up leaving without any boxers on, which I hate free-balling. She ran to the door and kissed me goodbye. She was naked at the time so her next door neighbor got a good look.

She met me after class and we went out for lunch and she looked liked she always did. She didn't mention a single thing that happened that night before. I walked her to her class and she told me that she wants to fuck me again tonight.

"Sure!" I said. I hope I make it back without anything broken.

Addicted to Lobster!

I've never had it but I went out the other day and had it and now I can't stop thinking about it. I even think about it more than sex and I think about sex every single second of my life. The great taste of the lobster. The hot and delicious flavor of it is so addicting. If I could I would get a needle and get my daily fix of lobster all day. I gotta have it NOW! I'm going fishing for lobster Sunday. I'll catch 'em and eat the mother fuckers. How can an animal taste so good. I could never be a vegetarian. Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh, another lobster commercial. I think I just piss myself. Ok, I'm going to Red Lobster.

YAWN!?!?!?

I'm tired and I'm bored. Wish something would happen to me so I could write about it. Well
what's new with me? Just bought some new shoes.....

Shoes Steve O promotes. They look pretty cool. I look so hip and cool now in my new Sneaux shoes. I wish I could meet Steve O. If I actually met Stevo O I would probably be the biggest jackass in the world.

Well I'm getting tired so I think I'll slip into a coma. Maybe some fucked up shit will happen to me soon because life is pretty boring right about now.

Suicidal Tendacies

Ripped from the headlines of a dead teenager commiting suicide once again. Tragdy hits a small town once again. Nobody expected her to kill herself but it was time. Growing up with loving parents with hateful thoughts. She was submerged in hate and tried to emerge as a normal person. Her friend never expected it to happen. She saw her that night before. She guess that when she said goodbye that it had hidden meaning.

Three years later the friend still not fully adjusted to the idea of suicide starts a troubled life of her own. Taking sleeping pills hoping that one day she doesn't wake up. "Life is cruel but misery feels so much better," she repeats to herself over and over again until she passes out.

It's October 5, 2005 and she still feels like killing herself. She's been writing this in her diary for years now. She tries to find any medicine she can get her hands on so that October 1st would be her final and last day here. Her body feels numb and cold but she still wants more medicine. She walks outside and as soon as her body is hit with the cool damp air she passes out as if it took her life away.

As the fog of her final breath exits her smooth delicate lips, she hears faint shouting. Too weak to turn her head she realizes it's her heart telling her to stop but she realizes it's too late and her eyes close and a tear falls off her face and onto the cement. She is now dead.

Ripped from the headlines, another teenager kills themself. Is their a better way? Life is cruel and misery takes the place of happiness. Blame it on peer pressure and MTV, but the true cause of suicide is stress. The stress leads to all sorts of things such as unhappiness and isolation.

A fat kid gets bullied throughout life and grows up to become a teenager full of rage and feels that food is the only answer until he finds a gun and wants to get revenge. He shoots his enemies and then kills himself. A girl is called fat and becomes so anal about her weight that she loses so much weight that she is walking funny, has yellow rotting teeth, skin firmly attached to the bone and yet she still feels overweight. So she continues vomitting and they find her dead in the bathroom next to the scale.

Suicidal Tendacies are all over the place, it's just up to people to watch for them.

The Sick Fucking Bastard is a Sick Fucking Bastard Again

Why censor the image if you're going to show that? Be warned that the link is pretty disturbing and not for the weak hearted, uh fuck it click on it and **BEWARE**

I Love You To Death

Hidden desires and hidden pains give me the ecstasy that I need to survive. Stick the love of the needle one last time in my wrist and feel the rush of poison makes me live once again. I forget it not.

Indecent Proposal

A woman asked me out today. Normally that would be pretty boring to talk about but this woman was an "older" lady. I had to say no since I am already in an unhappy relationship. But she was kind of hot. Not the Bea Arthur old but more like old enough to be my mother plus 10. She had long brown hair and blue eyes. She gave me her phone number and I'm thinking about calling her just for the hell of it. It's kind of funny how it all happened. She was walking by me and we bumped into each other. She dropped her stuff and I dropped my FREAKIN' taco, and I haven't eaten all day, but I guess it was meant to be. I inadvertently bent over in front of her. I didn't even notice that I had my ass all in her face, but I guess she liked it because she commented on it. Well gotta go, friends are here.