Damn It!

April is going to be a happy month even if I have to staple my smiles!

1Friday3

Depression fucking sucks! These pills Im taking make me drowsy and weak, but in good spirits somewhat. Not taking them makes me weak and depressed. I think I'll just stop taking the meds and take my chances on hoping for a good day.

But it's Friday the 13th so I had to say something about that. Im drinking more, or rather I never stopped drinking but Im drinking earlier like 6 in the morning instead 7 in the morning. Im having a drinking game at my place tonight. Its a little game I made thats a mixture of beer pong, spin the bottle and strip poker. But first we're watching The First House on the Left tonight.

So enjoy the 13th. Go and run towards black cats under ladders while throwing salt at people to make your day extra lucky.

My Nuts

I Am Sofa King We Todd Ed

I need some glasses. I need it because it'll make me look smarter than I really am. I'll be getting all the play. Wait until I upgrade to bifocals, girls will be throwing all their bras and panties at me. I'll be zexy. It's how smart people say sexy. I'll be zexy and chillin with my Zima and bifocals.

Prepaid Legal

Prepaid legal is the shit! Im sure it won't be my last offense.

The Holidays

1. Easter: A rabid talking rabbit lures kids with easter eggs to a hidden place
2. Christmas: A prowler breaks into your home and eats your food
3. New Years: A baby is the poster child for getting drunk

Jen Gives Head, Jen Gives Head

7

I've been tagged by Shel. Im a little too lazy to tag 7 other people so 7 people who read this, do the samething, list 7 things about you.

1. I love cheeseburgers
2. I sleep in boxers and a t-shirt. I tried sleeping naked once but felt, uh too naked.
3. I attempted a stunt from Jackass. ouch.
4. I'm a boob man.
5. I faked an STD so that a girl that I hated would break up with me. I had to have her remember me.
6. Spiders creep me out, but I enjoy the freakiness of them.
7. The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I on crutches and it was raining that day. When I went into the lunchroom, I slipped and fell but I was using my crutches to try and get a hold of myself. My arms and crutches going back and forth just made things worse and I ended up falling. Students and teachers laughing.

Who Got VD on VD?

What kind of cops have checkpoints on Valentine's Day? It was my friend and his girlfriend and my girlfriend and this guy we gave a ride for exchange for weed. The car reeked of pot and I knew for sure I was so going to jail. Luckily we just started smoking and the guy was the obvious pothead, Im just a closted pothead where Im totally baked but always have that look so its hard to tell. The guy had a pipe with him too. I was shocked and appalled. You think you know hitchhikers. If we all had only made it home, we all would've been smoking crack together. Well they arrested the guy and almost took us all in. Geez, I know Im guilty for the weed, but drugs? I take prescription nowadays YO! He just gave me a ticket. Fucking pigs, I hate them all. We are the hippies and the cops are "the man" trying to bring our high down. Well, guess it's better than going to jail. It's not the summons that pisses me off, it's the checkpoint on V-Day. I've never been stopped at a checkpoint on V-Day. Now if I was stopped tonight and got caught for weed, I'd feel much better.

Oh yeah so back to the story. For VD, I was planning on giving my girlfriend pot as a gift. I know what girls like. But in my defense, she asked for it so I felt obligated to smoke some with her. But the cops confiscated the weed from our friend and ruined VD. So I had to go to the guy whose weed cost more money than everybody else. He blames the economy for the inflation but thats besides the point.

So how was your VD?

I'm Back.....

What a hellish few weeks I had. When a bad day turns into a bad week and then so on. I got really really depressed over the past few weeks. A few attempted slits of the wrist, a few calls to the suicide hotline and a meeting with my sponsor and I'm back to normal. Today is not a great day but it's a better day. I'm just surrounded by so much negativity that it's just bringing me down. I haven't been this bad in awhile. 2009 is starting off with a bang.

Over the past few weeks I thought about a lot of things including the impact my death would have on the people that care for me. I tried to compensate by thinking how my life would be much better if I wasn't in each and every one of their lives. Luckily I came back to my senses. I GOT MEDS!!!!!! Yummy meds. I'm poppin' them like skittles, safely, so far, sometimes.

I had so many things to write about over those weeks but I just lost interest in everything. I wanted to keep you guys updated and that I'm good. I don't know how much longer I'm going to keep writing to this blog. My interest in everything is starting to go away. The way I see things now, I'll probably start blogging less and less until I just won't blog anymore. But I'm still a little depressed so it just might be the depression and the meds talking.

Last weekend, one of my neighbors across the street had a heart attack and died. I never knew him but I always saw him.

But frankly, I'm tired of drowning my problems here, plus it's Friday the 13th. A day of fear for other people tends to put a smile on my face. Plus I have something to smile about, my girlfriend has been with me through this difficult time as well so I'll show her my thanks tomorrow. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with during my moods.

My next post will definitely be more upbeat whenever I write again. I'll try and get to everybody's blogs eventually. You know what's really ironic, I have my ipod on shuffle and it went to Peter Gabriel's "Don't Give Up". My sponsor gave me a list of songs to motivate me. So I look for Eminem's "Crack A Bottle" to give me some real motivation. That's my shit.

Have a happy 13th and a commerically corrupt day made up by the government called V-Day. Guess you know which movie I'm watching tonight.

I Killed Something Today

My hopes and dreams. I took it out back and put it out of its misery.

Don't Be Hatin'

Time for another flashback. I remember "back in the day" I bought this gold tooth. I was so fucking fly! That was until my gums started bleeding. I think I put it on wrong or it might've been too big, but it was cool to be gangsta for half a day.

In other news, I had a dream last night. I dreamt that my sister killed my entire family except me because she felt unappreciated and I had to give her a reason why I should be spared. I couldn't give her an answer and I eventually woke up. Does it have a hidden meaning? Oh well, perhaps I'll have the ending of that dream tonight, or have that dream about the monkey driving a car which always crack me up.

Payback Is a Bitch

Guess who I met Thursday? Zach! I didn't know him but I knew of him, but he knew me. Instead of kicking his ass for sleeping with my girlfriend, we had a very interesting conversation. After the apology for sleeping with my girlfriend, he informed me that she told him that she was pregnant and she said that she doesn't think it's his. I almost shitted my pants thinking back how long ago was it that I had sex with her. Karma is a real bitch. I haven't done anything sexual with her for about 3-4 months ago ever since I had my suspicions she was cheating. We were having a discussion about a girl's period over a couple of beers. He remembers her having one while they were together last month, so that excludes me I think.

He too had his suspicions that she was cheating. He said he noticed a camera setup in her bedroom so he stole one of the tapes to look at it. He said that he saw her sleeping with two other guys on different occasions, and a girl on another occasion. How unfaithful can you be? Just the thought watching a sex tape of people doing your girlfriend over and over again. I wonder if she was that freaky when we were dating. I just felt like burning my bed and all my sheets and just dousing myself in gasoline. And just imagine all the stuff she didn't tape.

Well sometimes life sucks and sometimes life really sucks, and it really sucks to be him. I said he should get tested. I immediately tested myself once I had my suspicions. She was my lesson. I kept my dick in my pants after that experience. You'll need a grenade to clean her venus sex trap. I still wanna see the tape of her and the other girl, but I didn't think it was the right time to ask.

We'll see how this turns out. I think he wants to stay with her just in case the baby is his. Now if I was in his shoes I would've been like peace bitch, I'm out, I'll support the kid but not you.

Pissed

I don't get staying in abusive relationships. If somebody hurts you and you're afraid of the person, why stay and be punished? Somebody close to me is in one and she continues to stay and that pisses me off. Their would be no telling what I'd do if I catch him laying a hand on her. I'm so close to leaving right now.

The Sick Fucking Bastard Is Back!

Oh it feels so fucking good to curse again on this blog. So how can I start the year off Sick Fucking Bastard style.........I got it!

I forgot which sick friend told me this story and I don't remember it all that well. And it's not a question you would bring into a conversation, but I'll tell the story how I remember it. This couple who really enjoyed freaky sex tried something new. So what they did is that they inserted food in her vagina and he would, you know, eat it. Well apparently she got sick and she got infected. She went to the doctor to get it checked out and the doctor found maggots inside her just eating the rotting food. I forgot what happened next but I'm sure they got it cleaned out.

So how was everybody's New Years? I had so many fucking mixed drinks. I need to stop waking up in weird places. Apparently I crashed at this apartment and nobody was there. I checked myself to see if I was missing an organ. I'm still sticking to the fact that I'm not an alcoholic, just a lover of fine wines and liver fuckerupers.