I think somethings wrong with me. I'm starting to think I'm actually a mentally sick person. Misfortune makes me happy. Happiness gives me misfortune.
I compare my friendship to my girlfriend's parents to a knife going deeper into my chest each time I see them. I will never like them.
Hatred and anger will be my downfall. One of these days, I'm just going to snap. I would probably get so angry and pissed that I won't do anything to anybody but myself, something self inflicted. I don't know, as I get older I just seem to be holding most of my anger inside. I've always have been introverted all my life when it comes to actually talking about the bad shit that is going on in my life. It just keeps pushing me and pushing until the one day I snap over the simplest anger. I can't live like this anymore.
I called my mother today and told her some stuff I did when I was a teenager that she didn't know but kind of new it all along. She knows something is up with me again. People are starting to see that something is getting to me. I don't see it and I'll be damned if I know what it is. I know that her parents are just on the tip of the iceberg of problems in my life so their bullshit isn't really fucking with my mind as much as everything else that I don't know! I think I'm going crazy. I'm angry at something that I don't know, and it's not getting better.
Some days I just don't feel like doing anything while other days I'm so cool with everything. I barely ate anything all day. BM knows that something is up so she's been here with me all day today. I don't like it when people worry about me. But I guess when your happy one day and depressed the next then you'll get people to worry. I took a vacation a while back in hopes of making me feel better but depression loomed overhead the entire time.
Humor has always been my way of coping with things. Getting me to laugh actually makes me feel better. I think it's just stress. And the funny thing is that tomorrow, everything would feel as good as new again. I'll probably post the happiest post ever tomorrow, I doubt it but shit like that happens with me.
As you can tell, I'm having a bad day. And don't worry about me, I'm not going to do anything crazy to myself. I wouldn't blog it if I was.
What's the point of being happy when you are going to die anyways? Why live life like your trying to succeed at something when you are going to die anyways? Life is so mundane and pointless. What is my purpose? Am I here to do something important or am I just waisting space? All these questions with no answers.
I will go to sleep now.
Moved to a new home
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9 years ago
13 comments:
You can't let the problems rule your life. You must confront this unknown problem. If you don't know what it is then it does not exist and it's all in your head.
Or perhaps the problem is the most absurd thing you could ever think of. Staying in complete silence from any visual and physical distractions clears the mind and opens it. There your problem will be and there your problem will go. Just give it time and the problem will be no more.
i think its stress. something is stressing you to the point of a nervous breakdown. looks like suppressing is just making it worst. if you can't open up to family or friends then perhaps opening up to a complete stranger will get whatever is stressing you out, out. and don't forget, i'm always listening if you still want to talk.
Can't help with the Therapy but can maybe make you smile.
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says
"Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shit dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
have you really thought about therapy? ups and downs like that sound like it may be something more serious.
just a thought.
i question sometimes the point of doing things when death is the end result. but then i realize even though it may be pointless, i would rather feel like i've done something that makes ME happy, something i feel i've accomplished, and worry about the things i can control, like today i can't control these friggin parents but i can control how i'm going to react to them.....
Me, in therapy? I've should've been in therapy years ago. But I actually have gone in to see somebody years ago about my "mood" because my parents made me. Didn't really work as well as my parents expected. I'm somewhat better today though.
YSB...you sound like me. Therapy was pointless for me... The doc wants to know why the anger why you feeling that way why the ups and downs?? Ummm yeah Doc...if I knew the answer to any of that...would I BE here???? I thought that was what I was PAYING you for. Yeah therapy didn't go over real well.
Just don't shave your head.
Therapy is bullshit. We'll help you. We're more honest than any therapist ever could be.
Oh yeah and Spanishgoth???
That cracked me up!
I did go to therapy, the story is Here . Personally, it was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard but it may be worth a shot.
As for the shaving head thing - bollocks. She only did it to promote her new single "Ooops I fucked up again"....
and to hear that brit is out of rehab again didn't surprise me.
What, no Slasher Fridays?
It is amazing how much that sounds like me. But I learned when I was a kid that you have to act happy or at least the same everyday or people worry and start to aks questions.
I have decided that I am in control of my emotions and that I can change them if I want to. That seems to be working at a quarter of the time. And if it worked at least once then maybe if I keep working at it then I can control them all the time. It is very hard but I think I will be able to do it.
For a laugh -
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef
There is a lot more but that is for another bad day.
What do you call a cow on Jerry Springer?
A Mad Cow
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