I Hate Old People!

You clearly see I'm driving over 50 mph and you proceed to walk in front of me, and you expect me to stop! Do you think you can actually make it across?! FUCK! I'd be damned if I slowed down for you.

I was so close to running over this old guy today. I was already having a bad morning and he was just making it worst. But before ALL THAT! Some assholes car alarm kept going off all fucking night! I already had a headache because I drunk too much and that alarm would go off for 5 minutes and stop for 2 minutes then go on for 5 minutes and stop for 2 minutes. All fucking night, on and on and on and on. I bet it was an old guy with a bad hearing aid. Even this morning when I left it was still going on. I wanted to pick up a brick so bad and throw it through the wind shield. Who would steal that piece of shit car?

Then dealing with the old guy this morning just pissed me off further. I just knew today was going to be one of those days. Luckily that was all of the bad things to happen to me today. Old people just always seem to be involved.

Why I Hate Old People?

1) They always drive their wide ass cars that can't go any higher than 35 mph.
2) When they change lanes it takes them forever.
3) They smell like medicine, if not shit.
4) They tell pointless stories that have nothing to do with anything.
5) They walk as if they own everything.
6) They curse at you for taking too long.
7) They spit.
8) They are veiny.
9) They can't park.
10) They can't drive.
11) They fart all the time and don't even know it.
12) Their farts smell like dust rolled in shit.
13) They leave hair in the food they make.
14) They could run you over with their car and not know your there.
15) They think corduroy pants are the shiznet.
16) They send you socks that sing for Christmas.
17) Their breath smells like prune juice mixed with Viagra.
18) You can't tell if their dead or sleeping.
19) They always have 2 shopping carts with 25 items in each one at Walmart.
20) They always walk in the middle of a hallway, never to the left/right.
21) They back out of the parking lot either at high speeds or slow as shit.
22) They always have coins. Never dollars or credit cards. Always pennies!
23) They strike up conversations with people that don't care.
24) They talk down to people as if they are the slow ones.
25) Ugh, they walk out the bathroom with their dress tucked into their underwear.
26) They always begin conversations with "Back in my day....."
27) They carry a coupon for everything.
28) They shake a lot, it creeps me out.
29) They still can't see with bifocals.
30) They want you to fight them to prove they still got it.
31) They get drunk from Rum Cake.
32) They leak.
33) They aways have a million cats.
34) They find ways of making your life a living hell.
35) They never think they're crazy. Even if they eat the crayons.
36) They drive on the wrong side of the road.
37) They stare at you.
38) They cover their entire house with moth balls.
39) They cover every furniture with plastic.
40) They eat dinner at 2 in the afternoon.
41) They get addicted to the dumbest medicines that have no cool side effect.
42) They can't stop watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune everyday.
43) They like telling you what to do.
44) They always undress you with their eyes (or that's just to me)
45) They embarrass you by saying racial things about people while out in public.
46) They buy you the cheapest ugliest piece of shit and think it's cute.
47) They feel dead to the touch.
48) They think everybody is going to hell.
49) They have 50 year old candy in every room to eat.
50) They voted for President Bush because his name was easy to spell.

All these are true for old people except my grandparents. They are the sanest people I know.