Sad Day

Marilyn Manson did a song with Lady Gaga. I now have officially lost all hope in goth.

Hangovers Are Still A Bitch

I got drunk on my birthday on Friday. I did it to celebrate not drinking. Being that it was my birthday the temptation was everywhere. The hangover sucked though. The alcohol was like a one night stand ex that you woke up next to that morning regretting what you just did. But it was worth it. Now I'm alcohol free. I'll confess the drinking at my meeting. I don't feel the urge to drink now. Anyway the puking made me lose the taste for a lot of things right now. I just kept telling myself just one drink, and then just one more drink, and here I am. Oh well, I lasted longer than I expected. No more big events this year that may tempt to drink until New Years. By then I think I'll be fully recovered.

Theirs Only 2 Days Left!!!!!!!

Another birthyear for the bastard that he's still on this earth. Here's to another shittastic year!

Its J4

Is it ok to drink while you're a recovering alcoholic if you drink in moderation? I can't have fun tonight seeing everybody drinking except me. Everybody picked me to be the designated driver. I never thought I'd see the day that I would be the dd? What hell am I in? I'll put roofies in all their drinks and see how much fun they'll have tomorrow. But I'm not mad. This will be the ultimate test. So far this withdrawal is not as bad. I lost the urge to kill myself, it just moved to my friends. And all this money saved is practically making me a millionaire. You never know how much of an alcoholic you are until you realize how much money you save. Well gotta go and be sober free!

Just Wondering

Me and my friends are thinking. Michael Jackson was I think $400 million in debt, faked his death to escape is creditors. I'm sure he could afford the secrecy all the way down to the hospital. Just wondering, still can't believe it.

In other news, I'll get to updating whats going on later.

Wow

This is one of those "Where were you" moments. I was at work. I got a text message and I ignored it. Then everybody started calling me. Its just some people you expect to live forever. June 25, 2009 will be a day we will all remember. Still, wow. I can't believe it. I wasn't the biggest Michael Jackson fan, but you have to respect all that he did over the years. I give him much respect. Rest in peace Michael Jackson.

don't know what you got til its gone

feeling down and out and I really need a drink. it hurts so bad to be sober and depressed. thats what i needed to forget the bad thoughts. im tired of being a failure. a worthless waste of space. is this what life is supposed to be like? pain and suffering. i watched the bridge today. i seem to watch that on my bad days. the guy you see from beginning to the end is instilled in my mind. it was like he was just contemplating if he should do it or not. pacing back and forth. if you seen the movie then you know what he decided to do. i have to say, i have no will power. i bought some alcohol last week and one of my friends must've taken it, the bastard. i bought the liquor but decided not to sip it. so it just stood in my fridge cold and lonely and waiting for some companionship. whoever took my alcohol, fuck you, and thank you for taking it. you owe me $15 bucks.

days are cloudy and turbulent weeks are ahead. im out.

Why?

I met an old friend a few days ago that I haven't seen since she dropped out of high school. Yeah, cream of the crop. She was a butterface back then, but NOW, WOW! She's sooooo freakin' hot now and with a GED! As soon as I saw her I wanted to bang......um see her. We talked and exchanged numbers. But Im in a relationship, still, with the same girl I've been dating for awhile.

Last night I told my girlfriend that I have feelings for another girl because I like to keep her in the loop of things, and because she found her phone number in my pocket so I had to tell her anyways. Jeez, is it so wrong to have another girls phone number without jumping to conclusions? I haven't seen her in awhile and I wanna catch up. Why should I have to explain every single thing I do?

She wants to go with me to meet her on Friday. I'll be glad to take her with me, in theory. She's probably going to do something to fuck it up. Or it may turn out pretty good. Or maybe she'll turn bisexual and I'll be in a threesome. Or maybe I'll just smoke some pot. So if she wants to cause a scene, Im gonna make it worth it. I can be all sorts of crazy. Life was so much better when I was drunk and couldn't remember it.

Happy D-Day JB

R.I.P.

Haunting in death as in you were in life.

Kicking & Screaming

It's official, I'm an alcoholic. I had a little too much alcohol one night last month and sort of passed out in a bad way and ended up going to the hospital. Apparently I had a mix of pills and alcohol in my system and it didn't react well. When my parents found out what happened, they weren't too happy and immediately came here. They were floored when they heard I had to get my stomach pumped. They didn't know it was that bad, hell, I never new it was that bad. When I finally got out of the hospital, my family was waiting for me and took me back to my apartment. All my friends were waiting at my door. I knew what was next. After denying I have a problem and cursing from everybody, I eventually gave in. But I knew at some point somebody was going to step in. My mom had a look in her eyes that I haven't seen in a long time so I knew this was hurting her.

So now I'm in a support group, yet again. So far, I'm about 4 weeks sober, woo hoo! And it's fucking hell. Quitting alcohol is a cold hard bitch. It's a lot harder than it looks. I have the shakes. The first day of AA was hard, but I did admit I have a problem, so we'll see how it goes. Almost ready for step 2!

I think I'm on the right track now, finally. But it's barely been a few weeks so I hope I stay focused. My friday nights have really sucked since I started AA. What else is their in life without alcohol. It's like I need something to hold in my right hand to compensate for it. What can my right hand hold to relieve the stress of everyday life? I guess I have to pace back and forth on this.

But in all seriousness, my meds are a work in progress. I'm learning to focus my anger and depression away from the meds and the alcohol into something more productive and less dangerous, so I picked up boxing. Kind of like a natural medicine. A person I met at AA told me that's what he does when he gets the urge. So far it's a great way to vent. I have another thing to vent about. Some of my friends told my parents how bad some of my days have been which really pissed me off, at first. I kind of distanced myself from some of them for now until I cool down, but I know they did it to help me. So I'm not mad at them personally, just how it happened, which they know that and they understand. I'm just not ready to forget.

Geez, I gotta leave on a good note. I'll get back to you on that

Ticket #2

I got a speeding ticket today. Just add it to the other ticket I have to fight in court. Maybe they'll give me a deal now. Get 1 ticket, get 1 free. This prepaid legal is starting to get expensive now. But I have to think about how much it would cost me without it. Or I could just stop getting into trouble, or drive faster. But why should I get a ticket for speeding when everybody else is speeding too? I remember one time I was speeding (surprised?)and I just saw a cop around the corner & I saw he had his radar gun pointing right at me so I took the exit and went into a side road. By the time he got to the road, I was gone. Ah, running from the cops, sweeeeeet. But they should really up the speed limit like 20 mph. I cruise @ 80 mph.

Sideburns

A few years ago I was trimming my sideburns but one side was shorter than the other so I trimmed it but I kept messing up so I trimmed again until eventually I didn't have anymore. I couldn't go a few days looking like that so I went to get a haircut instead, but then when I looked in the mirror it still didn't look right. So I asked the barber to cut shorter and even looked worse than before so I just told him to shave it all off. Big mistake. I looked like I just got out of chemo. So it was hats and sunglasses for a little over week until my hair started growing back.

*sigh* April Fools

I really wasn't feeling it this year. Am I growing out of pranks? My friends expected the worst from me this April Fools but I just wasn't feeling it. Actually, I wasn't feeling it on April Fools day. The point of April Fools is to trick the person but when the person least expects it, that's why you have to get them after it's over so they never expect it. And that's what I did! After April Fools.

A few scary text messages and some blood capsules and a bloody knife was more than enough to scare the shit out of my friends. But really, what I have a mood swing that severe that quick out of nowhere? It was classic. I put the ass in asshole. But would you expect any less?

Banned From McDonald's

Why in the fuck would you take a list of like 20 orders to a drive thru and hold up the damn line then fucking pull into the damn parking lot and eat. Couldn't you get your freakin' big mac ass out of the rent-a-van and go inside and order the damn food instead? And he had the nerve to complain about the $1 tea. I wanted to throw a brick at his van so bad. Why didn't the employee just tell the guy to pull up so everybody else can get their orders? Why did I have to look like the asshole honking the horn for him to get the hell out of the way?

And this isn't the last time McDonald's fucked me over. They kept on screwing up my order. I asked for no mayo and lettuce. Then I get my order and it's covered in mayo and lettuce. Normally I hate people like me but if I ask for no mayo & lettuce I really mean it because they freakin soak it. They did it two times back to back. My friends tend to not go with me on fast food runs. I seem to bring the worst out of me. Why should I have to scrape the mayo with the lettuce everytime I get an order, NO MORE! I want a happy meal damn it!

Update: The guy might've been handicapped, oops. But in my defense, he had teenagers in the van that all came out at the order window and went inside so couldn't they get the food while he parked? I don't know, I still stand by my honking.

Say It Ain't So Vince!

Vince the Shamwow guy was arrested for punching a hooker! Here's the story:

ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi was arrested on felony battery charges in Miami last month following a violent encounter with a hooker, according to The Smoking Gun:

Shlomi told cops he paid [Sasha] Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit...notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face.... After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the [hotel] lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse.

I guess she didn't like his nuts.