How To Mend A Broken Heart?

Throw her lifeless body over the bridge.

But seriously, I find that if the relationship isn't fucked up near the end of the relationship then you have to fuck it up so the break up will be smooth. My logic may be fucked up, and I might be headed towards divorce court before I hit the altar, but that's me.

I don't think I ever had a broken heart. Relationships get my mind off the things I don't want to think about, so when it ends, I have nothing else to do but think about the things I don't want to think about. Kind of like doing cocaine, maybe not really like cocaine. Maybe a little like swallowing a lot of pills and washing it down with tequila then realizing that you forgot to tell your girlfriend that you're breaking up with her, but it's too late so you try to drive to see her to tell her but you're too messed up and you get in a car accident and near death and you try to call her on your cell but there's no signal, but she so happens to drive by you and sees you laying out of your car near death and she hears you say something so she comes closer to you in tears asking what you said, and you tell her in a raspy blood guzzling voice, "The relationship isn't working out", and you die. So it'll be something like that.

The Girl of My Dreams

I found the girl of my dreams! She cooks and clean. She wants sex just as much as I do and she wants to give it whenever I ask. And she's only $10 an hour. Kind of like a marriage. I'm never getting married. I won't be able to wake up and smell the morning breath of my significant other in my face. I can't stand for her "letting herself go". It's like since we're married, I could give a fuck about how unattractive I look. I can't go to my kid's soccer match with all the soccer dads talking about how miserable our lives are. I want to get genital herpes at 82 years old. I want to die holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a boob of a girl at hooters in the other. My other brother looks so miserable with his wife. He doesn't notice it but I see it. My mom and dad are happily married, but if they didn't have any kids they would've been living the single life by now. Marriage is a trap door with a broken lock. Once your in, you're stuck. I'm like, I like you but I don't want to see you in the morning. Then theirs the "I Love You's". What's the point of saying it. If we're together, isn't that enough. Need the relationship be based on words? But I digress. The woman of my dreams is a prostitute. Pay her for her services and smiles. Not looking for something permanent and would leave before you even wake up in the morning. Isn't marriage the same thing? The only difference is that in marriage, she never leaves.

I'd end up married with 10 kids by the time I hit 30. All I keep saying is that I should've wore that condom. Kids asking me for money to the zoo, "I should've wore that condom". Need money for college, "I should've wore that condom". The prostitute I had sex with is pregnant with twins, "I should've wore that condom".

Meaningless

People, are you really working towards a goal in life? Do we put on our business suit or new dress to a life that you just don't like? Or are you just putting on your death suit? You will realize that your life has up to now been a complete fucking waste. Bad relationships and bad decisions caused you to think about all the errors of your life. Here's your chance to correct that fuck up and give your life a little more substance. I have the one answer to fix all of this! But I won't tell ya because you know, yeah, give it a second, that's it. Now go and live your life, you sick bastards!

P.S.
ditto

It's Been A Long Time Baby

Sorry for the drop off. The break up was smooth and quick. Her boyfriend broke up with her and I left her at the restaurant crying. I'm sure I'll see her trying to destroy my life like so many others had in my past and now my future.

I started thinking about things over the past few days. Kind of one of those life changing things. Life is short, especially when you try to kill yourself, so why not make the most of it. As I try to figure that out, I'll continue to speak my mine. Perhaps knock a hooker up so she can abort my bastard child and elope and move to Sweden and have an affair with a 80 year woman at her husband's funeral while banging her daughter. You only have one life, and life is short, so just fuck it over as much as possible. Goodnight!

sorry

It's Friday

It's Friday and I'm breaking up with the girl. BM's advice is getting to me. Plus the fact that she blew me off to be with her boyfriend. How dare she! So I'm going to make an unscheduled visit at dinner Saturday and shit all over her day. Sorry dude boyfriend, but she's a slut that needs to be stopped. So either two things will happen: 1) He'll kick my ass for sleeping with his girlfriend 2) He'll do the opposite. He looks kind of strong from a distance so I'm going for option number 2.

It's A Cold World

I just stood there watching as my friend stabbed him 13 times and I did nothing. Then when he started to behead him, I felt sick to my stomach. The sound of the bones cracking as he slid the hacksaw back and forth against his bleeding neck was more than I could take. I wondered to myself, "How far is he willing to go to hide the murder?" I eventually came back to my senses when I was helping my friend clean up the blood and drag his dead lifeless body in the middle of nowhere. Burning the fingers and the toes to make sure the body can't be identified was when I realized their was no coming back from this. Then he decided to just torch the entire body. As the body burned in the crisp early morning hours of 3, my "buddy" threw the head into the river in hopes that it would never be found again.

A little ad lib but somewhat of a version of a thrill kill of Jean Pierre Orlewicz as told by Alexander Letkemann. The trial is fucking crazy!

Smell

I want to smell like a beach or a new car. A smell that you can't seem to get rid of kind of like b.o.

Thin Ice

I found the girl of my dreams (again) but she is taken (again). I'm the guy that I hate seeing or in this case, not seeing with my girlfriend. This relationship already feels like we're walking on thin ice. Trying to keep it secret and on the down low is tough but extremely hot.

Harlet

Have you ever done something that you know you shouldn't be doing? Something that you and somebody else feels is right but you both know it's wrong?

Fuck Unhappiness

Unloved & Unhappiness

One of our members from our group committed suicide last weekend. Her sister told one of her friends in the group and she told a few people. I eventually heard it from somebody yesterday. I really didn't talk to her much but I thought she was making progress. All it takes is one thing to push you over the edge. Makes you kind of wonder if a suicide support group can't help you then what can? This makes things much worse now. I really didn't need the news this weekend.

Slasher Fridays - {Bootleg}

I don't know. We are watching a movie with no title and no cover art no nothing. It looks too real to be fake but too real to be real. It's unimaginable horror. I took a sneak peek today. It has no opening credits and the sound is weird. Its definetly something you shouldn't watch by yourself. If I'm disturbed it must be good.

Pre April Fools!

No point in pranking people on April Fools Day. Thats why you have to get them the day before, and thats when my brother comes in. First I was worried he had something planned for me so I was on guard. I feared that he would be inside my apartment waiting for me when I got home. I would've hit him with a bat if I had to, but luckily he was right where I wanted him to be. Since he was recently arrested I wanted to play a little prank involving cops. It was kind of hard to get some people to go along with it. I wanted his caveman ex girlfriend to be in on it but she changed her number (typical for many of our ex's), so I wasn't able to get her. I had to call a friend of a friend of a friend of his to get this prank going. So yada yada, a couple of guys showed up at my brother's place in uniforms to arrest him. He was already tipped off about it so it failed but he called me to congratulate me on trying. I know he's going to read this and I know that he's probably going to do something fucked up maybe tomorrow, maybe next week and maybe even months from now but I know he has something planned.

So on to my friends. This year is going to be unforgettable. I just finished putting the finishing touches on it. The fumes are getting to me so I'm going to have to crack a window.

My Penis

I rather say penis instead of dick because saying penis to somebody makes them feel more insulted than being called a dick. But I digress. I don't know if you girls name your vaginas, but we name our cock. I say vagina because it sounds dirtier. But I digress. I for one name my cock and balls separately. My left nut I call "Nutter" and my right nut I call "Butter". Please tell me when this post starts going too far. And in between Nutter Butter we have Mufasa. I got the name after watching Lion King one day. I named it as a kid and it stuck with me. I could only imagine what Mufasa was capable of when he grew. The fun times Mufasa and I had together.

Last night was a long night and you how I roll, a bottle of Crown Royal with a side of PCP. I'm starting to think I really have a problem with drinking. You can squeeze the booze out of my liver to make an irishmen drunk. I think I still have a hangover. I'm a little dizzy and everything is around me is a little blurry. It's like I'm drunk on the inside but very sober on the outside. Don't ask me the science behind that. My eyes are on fire!

I think my friends are a bad influence on me. I know I fucked their lives up. Let me tell you how fucked up we are. For one of our friends we hired a prostitute blind date. We of course got her tested so she was clean but it didn't last. She was high class, like 40 bucks or something. That's just the beginning of the fucked up things we do to each other. Oh so many trips to the hospital.

I'll try to get to everybodies blog before I pass out. Is everybodies a word? Or is it everybody's or everybodyies or ya'll or yallies?