How To Mend A Broken Heart?

Throw her lifeless body over the bridge.

But seriously, I find that if the relationship isn't fucked up near the end of the relationship then you have to fuck it up so the break up will be smooth. My logic may be fucked up, and I might be headed towards divorce court before I hit the altar, but that's me.

I don't think I ever had a broken heart. Relationships get my mind off the things I don't want to think about, so when it ends, I have nothing else to do but think about the things I don't want to think about. Kind of like doing cocaine, maybe not really like cocaine. Maybe a little like swallowing a lot of pills and washing it down with tequila then realizing that you forgot to tell your girlfriend that you're breaking up with her, but it's too late so you try to drive to see her to tell her but you're too messed up and you get in a car accident and near death and you try to call her on your cell but there's no signal, but she so happens to drive by you and sees you laying out of your car near death and she hears you say something so she comes closer to you in tears asking what you said, and you tell her in a raspy blood guzzling voice, "The relationship isn't working out", and you die. So it'll be something like that.