On A Side Note...

July 4th? Celebrate what? I had fun but we all felt that we were missing somebody. I got a letter from my friend last month. I was waiting around this time to post it. He's coming home in a couple of weeks. For a letter that should be a happy one, he made it kind of unsettling.

Well here we are again. I'm writing this letter to keep you updated on my "goings" and wanting to go to the beach. All this sand and no beach! It feels like I'm being tricked. F.Y.I.- Camels do smell like shit in real life. I knew it would smell bad but it's really fucking awful!

Now that I got the humor out of the way, it's time to be serious. This is my last letter I'm sending you guys. I'm not dead and I'm not going to die, not here and not now. You always wonder if you'll be next to die. It feels like peer pressure you can never escape. Will you die today? Will you die tomorrow? Will you make it home alive? Then when you're left dying on the side of the road you wonder what you should've done that day that would've made you live. I should've waited. I should've never went back. I should've walked faster. I should've never talked to them. I should've listened.

You can't trust anybody out here. You don't know if they'll shake your hands in front of you or stab you in the back behind you. Don't get me wrong, most of the people here are great. I don't know how they can stand the heat, but they are mostly great people.

I wish I knew why I am actually here. You come to realize that this is a job, and it's a job you applied for, and a job that you have to be great at doing. I wouldn't take this experience back if I could. I hate it, I hate it with some much passion and anger but I'm glad I did it.

For this will be my last 50:

1. No more sand storms
2. No more restless nights
3. No more nightmares
4. No more racism
5. No more hate
6. No more love
7. No more sorries
8. No more tomorrows
9. No more dry throats
10. No more rashes
11. No more bad days
12. No more late night masturbation
13. No more worries
14. No more lies
15. No more wake ups
16. No more shouting
17. No more crying
18. No more wish you were here's
19. No more hurting
20. No more devils
21. No more sun
22. No more water
23. No more fatigue
24. No more letters
25. No more helping
26. No more praying
27. No more trying
28. No more healing
29. No more feeling
30. No more fighting
31. No more dealing
32. No more games
33. No more rage
34. No more
35. No more
36. No more
37. No more
38. I can't take this anymore
39. I feel like I've lost
40. I feel like I have no soul
41. I feel
42. I feel
43. I feel
44. I feel
45. I feel like nothing
46. I feel like their isn't much left here to do
47. I feel like I am fighting for nothing
48. I feel like I won't be cared for when I come home
49. It's over? Will it ever be over?
50. NO MORE WAR!

It's getting late and I'm really tired right now. Next time you hear these words (glad to be here) will be when I come home. I'm coming home guys! I'm coming home.