Luck of a Penny

Walking down the street, Ted finds a penny on top of a stack of newspapers. As Ted bends over to pick it up, a drive-by happens to be in the area killing the shopkeeper instantly. Ted is shocked but continues his walk down the street. He sees the car that did the driveby and they see him and kidnap him. They are now in a high speed police chase with Ted in the trunk of the car. All of a sudden a loud thud hit the car and the trunk popped open. Ted sees that an anvil has dropped out of the sky and has crushed everything in front of the truck. The police catch up to the accident and takes Ted downtown to the station. They question him and lets him free 10 minutes later. No more than 30 seconds after Ted left the station, a mad gunmen shoots and kills dozens of cops and blowing himself up inside the station. Ted shocked at the day he is having but continues his walk down the street. And as soon as he turns the corner, he runs into Natalie Portman and they both fall. Natalie is of course hot while Ted has horse-like facial features hit with a brick. They hit it off and become lovers until he realizes that Natalie Portman is not really Natalie Portman. "It's" a celeb lookalike, a male Natalie Portman celeb lookalike. Shocked at this he runs out of the bedroom running into a fat old man who happens to be choking on a whale bone. Ted unclogs the fat old mans mouth and tells him his story of the lucky penny. The fat old man gives Ted a reward for saving his life. He gives Ted $4 Billion dollars with one catch. Ted would have to giveaway his lucky penny. Ted declines but thanks the old man for the offer. The fat old man now angry about this pulls a knife on Ted and then out of nowhere, the male Natalie Portman celeb lookalike falls on top of the fat man killing him instantly. Ted starts to run away until he is stopped by a burgler. He tells Ted to give him all his money. Ted gives the burgler his wallet. The burgler tells Ted to hand over the penny around your neck. And as Ted was handing over the penny, a woman yelled police and the guy shot the lady and Ted hit the guy, took his wallet back and ran. Then all of a sudden, Ted tripped over a stack of newspaper dropping and losing the penny.

As soon as he got back up he was shot in the leg, he limped to a nearby car that just happened to be a gettaway car. The robbers forced him inside the car. They were driving at high speeds until a large piece of metal fell on the car breaking Ted's legs off. The police picked him up and took him to the hospital where they questioned him. He was set free 10 days later. No more than 30 seconds later, he was ambushed by the male Natalie Portman celeb lookalike. The he/she shot at the cops killing a dozen or so and threw a grenade inside the hospital. The he/she and Ted end up in a motel. The male Natalie Portman celeb lookalike tells Ted to give him all his money or else he would kill him. Then out of nowhere, a fat old man runs inside the room with a gun in one hand and swinging a bat in the other. He hits the he/she over the head. Ted can't help but see that the fat old man looks familiar. They talk and the fat old man tells him that his twin brother was killed by the transvestite so he was out for revenge. Ted gets shot in the arm by the fat old man. Ted wonders why in the fuck did he shoot him. And then he realized the fat old man was choking and he let go of the trigger. Ted tries to help him but Ted realizes that he has no legs and his arm is hanging on by one vein. He rips his arm off hits the guy on the back. The old man thanks Ted for saving his life and offers him a reward with one catch. As soon as the fat old man said "catch", Ted grabbed the gun and told him to "Shut the fuck up or I'll blow your fucking heart out." The old man shocked by this, has a heartattack and dies falling on top of Ted. Ted now regretting ever picking up that damn penny sees the he/she waking up. He pushes the old man in front of the door with his one arm blocking the he/she. Ted flings himself down the stairs to get to safety. As soon as he stepped outside a robber confronted him and told him to give him all his money. Ted looks at him and laughs. The robber puzzeled by this shouts louder. Ted now goes a little crazy. He shoots the robber in the head. He sees a lady shouting police and shoots her too. He tries to crawl away but has to stop because a stack of newspapers are in the way. He stops and has a cigarette. When he is done with it, he flicks it behind him starting a fire. With no legs and one arm, Ted is tired and decides to throw himself into the fire. Then out of nowhere, the real Natalie Portman stops him and tells him that she read his story in the paper and she would like to get to know Ted. But out of nowhere, Ted is ran over by a car.

THE END.