The Soap Taster

I think I have a problem. Besides drinking and promiscuous sex, I think I have a foul mouth. Like look at the title "You Sick Fucking Bastard", it kind of speaks for itself. The many times I've been popped in the mouth by my grandparents for cursing under my breath. I'm really a disrespectful son of a bitch, but I don't mean it. I guess I'm a cursexalcoholic (cur-sex-al-co-hol-ic).

Coming this December, the entire month will be curse word free, sex free and alcohol free month. Not to say I won't participate in this during this time, I just won't talk about it, as well as death. I'm all deathed out right now. So no more depression talk for December. So probably expect "Merry Christmas" to be my only post for December. Posting without talking about sex and drinking and cursing on New Years Eve is going to be hard, but I will do it. I'll have to come up with some code words instead of going out and saying it.

Marriage

Not interested. The ring of prison. You're stuck for life until your spouse puts you on some life insurance and puts arsenic in your coffee, yeah, thats the life for me. Tied down to these kids I don't even know are mine because my wife and I split up and she came back to me pregnant. Waking up to the same face day after day after day. Smelling the same morning breath. Having my wife not care anymore about how she looks. Coming home from work to a cold dinner in a dark room with a depressed wife and a suicidal kid, like father like son. Marriage is not the life for me. Give me a girlfriend with no strings attached.

What Not To Do In A Scary Movie

Scary movies have long been watched and followed the same way. The main things that happen that you know when the character is going to die is:

1. Having sex. You will immediately get whacked if you have sex in a scary movie.


2. Investigating sounds. You hear something that sounds like somebody is in the house. Why the fuck are you gonna check it out? Call the cops and get the fuck outta there.


3. Screaming. Just shut the fuck up. You're already trying to escape, why alert the killer where you are?


4. Being non white. It's like some scary movies were a little racist. If you aren't white then that just increases your chances of getting killed.


5. "I'll be back". No you won't. You'll be dead as soon as you walk out the door.


6. Answering the phone. Just gives the killer time to sneak up behind you and stab you in the back.


7. Being alone. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.


8. Drinking. Drunks always get killed. If I was in a scary movie I'd be the first one killed.


9. Whores and Bad Asses. They talk the big talk and people usually can't wait for them to get killed. Example: House of Wax with Paris Hilton. As soon as she got killed I got my only entertainment from the movie and turned it off, of course repeating it a few times.


10. Opening the Door. If you answer the front door then the killer will never be there. It's a trick to distract you while they sneak into the house. The back door was never answered. Usually if the character goes out the back door then the killer is waiting out their for them.

Pick Her Up

I got three things on my mind: you, me, naked.

House of Kink

I'm thinking of upgrading my girl thats a friend to my girlfriend. But once I label her that I'll end up breaking up with her. Since I've been a little on the down side she decided to give me a special night. I don't know what she has planned but I have my hopes! I guess depression has its perks.

The Challenge

If I could recite the alphabet backwards without messing up then I could drink all I want without paying for a year. And if I fail then I'll have to pay for everybody's first drink. As you can tell by the first pictures I took if I won or lost.

They thought I would have that memorized by now out of fear of being pulled over. I do have it memorized backwards but the problem is remembering when you're drunk. I even know the penny trick. Everybody felt sorry for me so they decided to give me a break and pay for my drinks. I wish they would've told me earlier, I would've drunk more. I didn't even get to the point of throwing up drunk. I'm so disappointed in myself. But I got laid, so why complain.

Giving Out Some Goooooood VD!

Somewhere right this second, somebody is waking up in a tub of ice missing their heart. And do you know why? Because it's Valentine's Day!

I'm keeping the blog a little dark this week and next week I'll change it back. V-Day is upon us again. I have a big day set today that's why I'm writing this at about 1 in the morning. Getting ready to celebrate the government made holiday like the other holiday seasons day made by the government to force people to spend money day. I personally hate the gift giving part of VD. Whenever you break up with the person it's like money down the drain. Some of my ex's deserved the gifts plus more but some of you, you know who you are, bitches, you deserved nothing. So with my current girlfriend I have to think of something to get her. We haven't known each other long and I know alcohol is something she really doesn't need being at the meeetings and all. Maybe I'll go simple. Sometimes the smallest thing can mean so much. Hell, I just want the sex and I'll be set for VD, in more ways than one, hehe.

So if I don't get a chance to get to everybody's blog sometime today I wish you all a Happy Government Made Valentine's Day Holiday Like The Other Holiday Seasons Day Made By The Government To Force People To Spend Money Day!

Food, Sex & A Little Cannablism

Our neighbors invited us over for dinner tomorrow. I guess she'll have to put the gangbangs off a bit until after we leave then. Or we could be involved in the orgy. I'd be honored.

Her husband scares me still. I hear he killed 20 people last year. I don't even bother saying "hey" to him anymore when I see him. I feel the less he sees me the less idea he has of turning my body parts to lamps.

I think so highly of my neighbors. I think the husband is a killer and the wife is a hooker. I can only imagine what they think of us:

I've been thinking. Maybe they are inviting us over to kill us because we know they are crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I'm the one who sniffed the markers and gasoline way too much, hmmmm.....
But I'm looking forward to eating or being eaten. Do note that I'm high in cholesterol and have no nutritious value at all, except in my dick, ha ha.

But what do I wear at a cannibal's dinner? Do I salt myself? Marinate my body in butter? I'm new at cannibal etiquette. I'm sure it'll be a blast! I'll just alert the police when I leave so they can knock the door down after 20 minutes and arrest them. Knowing my luck, I'd drop a crack pipe and 50 bags of pot.

What a post. If tomorrow's dinner is anything like that then it's gonna freakin' rock!