Prepaid Legal

Prepaid legal is the shit! Im sure it won't be my last offense.

Who Got VD on VD?

What kind of cops have checkpoints on Valentine's Day? It was my friend and his girlfriend and my girlfriend and this guy we gave a ride for exchange for weed. The car reeked of pot and I knew for sure I was so going to jail. Luckily we just started smoking and the guy was the obvious pothead, Im just a closted pothead where Im totally baked but always have that look so its hard to tell. The guy had a pipe with him too. I was shocked and appalled. You think you know hitchhikers. If we all had only made it home, we all would've been smoking crack together. Well they arrested the guy and almost took us all in. Geez, I know Im guilty for the weed, but drugs? I take prescription nowadays YO! He just gave me a ticket. Fucking pigs, I hate them all. We are the hippies and the cops are "the man" trying to bring our high down. Well, guess it's better than going to jail. It's not the summons that pisses me off, it's the checkpoint on V-Day. I've never been stopped at a checkpoint on V-Day. Now if I was stopped tonight and got caught for weed, I'd feel much better.

Oh yeah so back to the story. For VD, I was planning on giving my girlfriend pot as a gift. I know what girls like. But in my defense, she asked for it so I felt obligated to smoke some with her. But the cops confiscated the weed from our friend and ruined VD. So I had to go to the guy whose weed cost more money than everybody else. He blames the economy for the inflation but thats besides the point.

So how was your VD?

The Bobby Brown

I was talking to my friend on the phone about pot for a half hour. Then we started talking about the nicknames of pot like Doobie, MJ, Tree, Nug and more. But then he called it the Bobby Brown. I never heard of the Bobby Brown. I asked him to put it in a sentence for me.

I was having sex with my ho and she wanted to relax. She asked me what I had and I told her I had some Bobby Brown. She said, what's a Bobby Brown? Yo ho, a Bobby Brown is joint that would fuck you all up! Highly recommended to be fucked.

So I put him on a 3 way call with Chris asking if he knew what a Bobby Brown was. He told me it's when you have a crack stroke. At this point I was just crying. What the fuck is a crack stroke I asked. Apparently a crack stroke is when you do so much crack, you jaw starts dropping made famous by Bobby Brown.

I spent about 2 hours talking about pot and crack and Bobby Brown. And that was my Sunday.

Goodnight!

Food, Sex & A Little Cannablism

Our neighbors invited us over for dinner tomorrow. I guess she'll have to put the gangbangs off a bit until after we leave then. Or we could be involved in the orgy. I'd be honored.

Her husband scares me still. I hear he killed 20 people last year. I don't even bother saying "hey" to him anymore when I see him. I feel the less he sees me the less idea he has of turning my body parts to lamps.

I think so highly of my neighbors. I think the husband is a killer and the wife is a hooker. I can only imagine what they think of us:

I've been thinking. Maybe they are inviting us over to kill us because we know they are crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I'm the one who sniffed the markers and gasoline way too much, hmmmm.....
But I'm looking forward to eating or being eaten. Do note that I'm high in cholesterol and have no nutritious value at all, except in my dick, ha ha.

But what do I wear at a cannibal's dinner? Do I salt myself? Marinate my body in butter? I'm new at cannibal etiquette. I'm sure it'll be a blast! I'll just alert the police when I leave so they can knock the door down after 20 minutes and arrest them. Knowing my luck, I'd drop a crack pipe and 50 bags of pot.

What a post. If tomorrow's dinner is anything like that then it's gonna freakin' rock!