What Not To Do In A Scary Movie

Scary movies have long been watched and followed the same way. The main things that happen that you know when the character is going to die is:

1. Having sex. You will immediately get whacked if you have sex in a scary movie.


2. Investigating sounds. You hear something that sounds like somebody is in the house. Why the fuck are you gonna check it out? Call the cops and get the fuck outta there.


3. Screaming. Just shut the fuck up. You're already trying to escape, why alert the killer where you are?


4. Being non white. It's like some scary movies were a little racist. If you aren't white then that just increases your chances of getting killed.


5. "I'll be back". No you won't. You'll be dead as soon as you walk out the door.


6. Answering the phone. Just gives the killer time to sneak up behind you and stab you in the back.


7. Being alone. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.


8. Drinking. Drunks always get killed. If I was in a scary movie I'd be the first one killed.


9. Whores and Bad Asses. They talk the big talk and people usually can't wait for them to get killed. Example: House of Wax with Paris Hilton. As soon as she got killed I got my only entertainment from the movie and turned it off, of course repeating it a few times.


10. Opening the Door. If you answer the front door then the killer will never be there. It's a trick to distract you while they sneak into the house. The back door was never answered. Usually if the character goes out the back door then the killer is waiting out their for them.

Prom Night

I just watched Prom Night. If you haven't seen it then skip this post...........................................Ok, so the chick had her whole family killed by a stalker then he escapes and kills all her friends but one. She has to be the worst friend ever.

Reminds me of Jeepers Creepers. You always expect the good guy to win and go off in the sunset. But not in Jeepers Creepers. The monster ripped his body apart at the end.

It's stuff like that you never expect, sure in Prom Night she stayed alive, but because of her everybody's dead. I mean really, couldn't the killer just kidnap her like the good ol' days? Freddy Krueger would just kill her in her dreams. Jason would just slam the axe in her face. What happened to those days? A simple axe in the face and the job would be done. Now we have to deal with killers who take their time in movies. They want to tease you by getting close to the victim. Their were no stars in movies because the killer killed the character before you ever got to know them. Those were the days.

It's A Cold World

I just stood there watching as my friend stabbed him 13 times and I did nothing. Then when he started to behead him, I felt sick to my stomach. The sound of the bones cracking as he slid the hacksaw back and forth against his bleeding neck was more than I could take. I wondered to myself, "How far is he willing to go to hide the murder?" I eventually came back to my senses when I was helping my friend clean up the blood and drag his dead lifeless body in the middle of nowhere. Burning the fingers and the toes to make sure the body can't be identified was when I realized their was no coming back from this. Then he decided to just torch the entire body. As the body burned in the crisp early morning hours of 3, my "buddy" threw the head into the river in hopes that it would never be found again.

A little ad lib but somewhat of a version of a thrill kill of Jean Pierre Orlewicz as told by Alexander Letkemann. The trial is fucking crazy!