The Sick Fucking Bastard Is Back!

Oh it feels so fucking good to curse again on this blog. So how can I start the year off Sick Fucking Bastard style.........I got it!

I forgot which sick friend told me this story and I don't remember it all that well. And it's not a question you would bring into a conversation, but I'll tell the story how I remember it. This couple who really enjoyed freaky sex tried something new. So what they did is that they inserted food in her vagina and he would, you know, eat it. Well apparently she got sick and she got infected. She went to the doctor to get it checked out and the doctor found maggots inside her just eating the rotting food. I forgot what happened next but I'm sure they got it cleaned out.

So how was everybody's New Years? I had so many fucking mixed drinks. I need to stop waking up in weird places. Apparently I crashed at this apartment and nobody was there. I checked myself to see if I was missing an organ. I'm still sticking to the fact that I'm not an alcoholic, just a lover of fine wines and liver fuckerupers.

My Penis

I rather say penis instead of dick because saying penis to somebody makes them feel more insulted than being called a dick. But I digress. I don't know if you girls name your vaginas, but we name our cock. I say vagina because it sounds dirtier. But I digress. I for one name my cock and balls separately. My left nut I call "Nutter" and my right nut I call "Butter". Please tell me when this post starts going too far. And in between Nutter Butter we have Mufasa. I got the name after watching Lion King one day. I named it as a kid and it stuck with me. I could only imagine what Mufasa was capable of when he grew. The fun times Mufasa and I had together.

Last night was a long night and you how I roll, a bottle of Crown Royal with a side of PCP. I'm starting to think I really have a problem with drinking. You can squeeze the booze out of my liver to make an irishmen drunk. I think I still have a hangover. I'm a little dizzy and everything is around me is a little blurry. It's like I'm drunk on the inside but very sober on the outside. Don't ask me the science behind that. My eyes are on fire!

I think my friends are a bad influence on me. I know I fucked their lives up. Let me tell you how fucked up we are. For one of our friends we hired a prostitute blind date. We of course got her tested so she was clean but it didn't last. She was high class, like 40 bucks or something. That's just the beginning of the fucked up things we do to each other. Oh so many trips to the hospital.

I'll try to get to everybodies blog before I pass out. Is everybodies a word? Or is it everybody's or everybodyies or ya'll or yallies?