The Sick Fucking Bastard Is Back!

Oh it feels so fucking good to curse again on this blog. So how can I start the year off Sick Fucking Bastard style.........I got it!

I forgot which sick friend told me this story and I don't remember it all that well. And it's not a question you would bring into a conversation, but I'll tell the story how I remember it. This couple who really enjoyed freaky sex tried something new. So what they did is that they inserted food in her vagina and he would, you know, eat it. Well apparently she got sick and she got infected. She went to the doctor to get it checked out and the doctor found maggots inside her just eating the rotting food. I forgot what happened next but I'm sure they got it cleaned out.

So how was everybody's New Years? I had so many fucking mixed drinks. I need to stop waking up in weird places. Apparently I crashed at this apartment and nobody was there. I checked myself to see if I was missing an organ. I'm still sticking to the fact that I'm not an alcoholic, just a lover of fine wines and liver fuckerupers.

The Indoorsman

I'm feeling a little better today. I'm watching Mr. Samuel L "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" Jackson in Snakes On A Plane with BM, who has been on the phone forever. So I'm waiting.

I feel a little dizzy today when I stand up so I've been on the couch most of the day. I'm coughing nonstop and my nose is still running and the sneezing isn't too bad.

Chicken soup and Hot Chocolate is all I've been eating and drinking today. I also found out that mixing Vodka with Hot Chocolate kind upsets your stomach when your sick hence my discoloration in the face. I know, I'm an idiot, but I'm the sick bastard, what do you expect?

So Give me another couple of days and I'll be back to my grumpy old self again.

Ignoring The Doctor

I couldn't stand being home much longer so I had to go back out. I was feeling decent this morning but I guess I was wrong. Now I'm right back to where I was yesterday. It comes in burst. I feel ok for awhile then I start sneezing and my nose starts running and then I'm stuck in bed for a couple of hours. BM told me this morning that I should stay in bed but I told her I'm good. She'll be here any time now to shove the "I told you so" in my face.

Everybody around me is getting sick now. I think I'm the walking plague. Well I'm spending the entire weekend indoors, bummer. I promise I'll stay home now.