Threesomes Make Me Emotional

An update to the Clingy post.

Bettina wrote something on this post that made me think a lot about things. Here's what she wrote:

I actually think your problem is you commit too fast and then when you realise you never wanted to be in that relationship in the first place, you have to hurt someone. I don't think committing to someone out of peer pressure sounds like a great start into a relationship.

You are so freakin right. You do things that you know is wrong but you do it anyways. As for a reply, its not really a commitment meaning it's an agreement we made but I'm not committed to it. I call her my girlfriend only when she's around. Geez, I'm like the worst boyfriend she never had. But in all seriousness, I think that I get in these short term relationships because of the title of "girlfriend". But I end up not giving much or expecting much. I know it's not fair to her to do this to her, but that's just me. I noticed I've done this a lot to girls. We were doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing for the longest, it's just sticking that title of more than just a friend now caused the friendship to be a little strained.

I thought about it, and I'm going to give it a second chance. It was great having a girl as a friend relationship without attachments and not the girlfriend kind of thing. We're going to have a talk and go back to where we were before, and if one thing leads to another then it'll happen when or IF it happens. Maybe she doesn't even want to be a friend anymore, which I'd like that too. It's always awkward to go back to being friends again.

Shit, that's the most emotion I've ever showed on a post. Even more emotional about the short story I wrote about the drunk parents and the orphaned kids. This won't happen again. I'm tough! I have a heart of rotting flesh.

You know, I guess I should hold off on calling the number of another girl I got this weekend.....yeah, I think it wouldn't be right. Unless she is interested in a threesome.......yeah, I shouldn't bring it up.

I didn't have a title for this post but that last paragraph gave me an idea!

Threesomes Make Me Emotional

I'll bring up the threesome idea out of nowhere. Here's how I'll bring it up.

Me: "Honey, what did you put in the meat loaf? It's bangin!"

Her: "Nothing special, just a little more pepper."

Me: "No, it's more than pepper, it's a hot threesome with another girl that will make this even hotter, so how was your day?"

If I ask them both and they both deny me then'll I'll guess it'll be a onesome. Righty never lets me down.

I called BM and left a message on what she thought about our relationship. I'm kind of curious on how she thinks our relationship was and is now. She moved! I just thought of it. After we broke up she moved! Did I make her move? Have I destroyed all my ex girlfriend's lives? That'll explain psycho chick trying to kill me and all, but I think she was just bi polar crazy anyways. But really, I need to think about this a little more. I think this is more than a recent thing. I've destroyed lives! Destroying lives and I didn't even know about it, I guess I'm really a Sick Fucking Bastard. Guess who's been a bad boy?

Now that's fucked up. I hate thinking. See what happens! I should've just stopped at threesomes and masturbation like I always do.

Penis Monologues #5

Dear Editor:

My Mom Caught Me Masturbating

Nothing can be more embarrassing then having your mom catch you masturbating when you're a teenager. I remember it like it was yesterday. I got the new issue of Playboy from a friend at school and I couldn't wait to get home.

It was time, and I was home. My dad was at work and my mom was at my little brother's soccer practice so I would have the house to myself. So I whipped it out and massaged the weasel. It was great, and at the time of the point of no return, my mom opened my door. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. As it was coming out, my mom and I were just staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. When I realized what the fuck was going on, I covered myself and my freaking mom sat beside me and gave me the sex talk. Out of all the times to have this conversation! I was half naked with a playboy in one hand and my dick in the other and my mom giving me the sex talk. Then when she was done, she walked out the room and closed the door. I didn't know what to say or do. I wanted to run away.

I knew dinner would be awkward. My dad asked me how my day was. I looked at mom at through the corner of my eye just to not make direct contact and said "OK". Eventually as the months went on, I was able to look my mother in her eyes again. We never mentioned again.

It took me awhile to get the nerve to masturbate. My mom would always knock on my door before she entered my room and asked if I was decent as she slowly opened the door and knocked.

I'm In Love!

The Batman movie kicked so much fucking ass! I felt like robbing a bank and setting a building on fire but the banks are closed and I didn't have any matches. I highly recommend the movie. It was better than masturbation!

You know, I think I'm a little too loose on my blog. Maybe tomorrow I'll show my dick. And on that note, I hope you guys have a kick ass weekend, or about 2 hours of it.

She Was Kidding

And a bought a 12 pack of water for nothing.

Funny how that conversation came up.

So what's everybody doing this weekend? I'm going to get extra drunk this weekend. I call it a "Die From Alcohol Poisoning Weekend". I'm going to drink until I can't feel my face. I'm going to get so wasted that I'll marry my right hand for those lonely nights it kept me company. I still don't have a drinking problem. Normally I would do it every night but I just, you know, it's no need to explain it. I'm a substance user not a substance abuser. If I know I have a problem then that means I've accepted it which I have. I believe cutting off both my hands would cure me, or being resuscitated by the paramedics 7 nights in a row. They would give up on the 8th time and leave me for dead. Yeah, that would teach me a lesson.

Well goodbye.

Free Ballin

I feel so free. I feel like doing flips. Doing the whole 40 days and 40 nights thing, I guess this is the closest to masturbation I'm gonna get.

Oh yeah, I kicked my friend out for pissing me off with his collection of porn.

The Thanksgiver

Every teenage guy has had their "porn stash". We all got into this conversation of how we would try and hide our porn from our parents.

1)Under the bed
2)Under or on top of a loose floor/roof board
3)Underneath the carpet
4)Slashing the bed and sticking the porn inside

I didn't care. I kept my door locked at all times. Then one day I noticed my door was screwed off its hinges but thats a different story. I didn't care if my parents saw my porn. I'm a guy, it's not like they didn't expect that to happen. It all started with the J.C. Penny catalogs. Then it worked itself to my moms fashion mags. And then I found my brother's porn stash, mags and videos, SCHWING! Cue the music....



No more trying to catch scrambled soft core porn on HBO and Showtime while my parents were asleep. No more looking at "Camel Toes". How could I hate girls as a little boy if they grew up to look so fucking hot! The days of my first porno. I really didn't know all about sex until I watched it. The things she was doing, the way she worked it. I wanted to marry her.

I could get on the topic of masturbation but that will take a few pages. I'm guessing it decreases with age and who your with. No more doing the Han Solo or Beating it until it cries. I've grown out of the masturbation thing. Now that I think about it, I did do "something" last week so I guess I can't quit.

Before I go deeper into my jacking off habits, I'm gonna stop, and do something by myself for a few minutes.......