She Was Kidding

And a bought a 12 pack of water for nothing.

Funny how that conversation came up.

So what's everybody doing this weekend? I'm going to get extra drunk this weekend. I call it a "Die From Alcohol Poisoning Weekend". I'm going to drink until I can't feel my face. I'm going to get so wasted that I'll marry my right hand for those lonely nights it kept me company. I still don't have a drinking problem. Normally I would do it every night but I just, you know, it's no need to explain it. I'm a substance user not a substance abuser. If I know I have a problem then that means I've accepted it which I have. I believe cutting off both my hands would cure me, or being resuscitated by the paramedics 7 nights in a row. They would give up on the 8th time and leave me for dead. Yeah, that would teach me a lesson.

Well goodbye.

Golden Shower

What do you say to a girl that tells you she wants you to give her a golden shower?

a.) Drink some water
b.) Tell her no
c.) Ask if she wants dirty sanchez afterwards

My friend that is a girl wants our relationship to go to the next level. In most cases, my girlfriends just ask for sex when they want to go to the next level, not the whole "piss on me" thing. I don't even consider her a girlfriend.

I don't know, I don't think I'm the mood for freakiness this summer. Then again, I don't know if she was kidding. I don't want to offend her by pissing on her or not pissing on her. I think I'm getting mixed signals, one helluva mixed signal! I really don't want to give her a golden shower because I feel that it's wrong and degrading to women, plus she's probably been pissed on all her life and I don't wanna kiss that. Can I ever find a normal person! Maybe I'm the crazy person that attracts crazier people.

Well, I'll keep you guys updated. So for the forecast calls for clear skies tonight but tomorrow we may have some showers.

As for Father's Day, my mom didn't want me to take him to get a lapdance especially on Sunday. Other than that, his day rocked. Sometimes you need that motherly advice to put you in the right direction, but I think this advice mom shouldn't know about. Once I ask her if I should give a girl a golden shower or not, she'll probably want to know what a golden shower is, then I would have to disconnect the call.