It's November

Got back from my trip late last night. Not as bad as I expected it to be. It was planned, it came, it went and now it's over. It was just camping. It gave me some time to think about a lot of things with nothing was going on but a few voices and total nature silence.

I had time to ponder about a few things about my life. Having so many friends and feeling life is getting better mentally, I still feel hollowed out inside. I broke it off with my girlfriend and the other one when I came back. I'm just tired of this and everything. Feeling used and not wanted. I am mentally abusing myself. It's probably just the holidays, but I'm just not feeling "life" right now. Their's too many things going on in my life and a lot of important things I'm putting on the back burner.

I just need to reevaluate a few things right now.

Get The Hell Off The Road!

I fucking hate people driving! Does anybody pull over to the next lane if somebody is right on your tail? This fucking idiot was in the fast lane going slower than shit and refused to change lanes. Then the fucker changed lanes a few miles later! Why! Why couldn't he just change it earlier!? FUCK!

For the longest I've been thinking about this invention. I call it the FUCK YOU, which I'm still willing to negotiate on the name. But let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:

Now I would have this scrolling on my windshield so that the person on the other side can see it. I'd speak through this machine and it would scroll exactly what I say like some common phrases I use everyday:

• Get the fuck out of my way!
• Move, you decrepit old fuck!
• I want to kill you very badly
• You're lucky you're not a pedestrian right now
• If shooting a driver wasn't illegal

But that would be better for me so the driver can no exactly what I'm saying when I'm giving them the finger and giving them death threats. This way I can put my actions into words and not into bullets or knives. Sometimes I feel I'm not getting my point across. Then one day I'll be having a really bad day, and some asshole will fucking tick me off and I'll end up blacking out and waking up covered in blood holding a decapitated head of a senior citizen. Somedays I scare myself with my thoughts. If I ever become a serial killer, beware. I'd kill everybody. (evil laugh) But I'm more of a kill myself kind of guy.

And on that note I'm leaving to get on the plane tonight so I'll be gone for a few days to see my brother. I need some fucking time off before I go crazy. Sorry I can't post on Halloween but do know that I'll be living it up this weekend. Have a Happy Halloween. And feel free to throw eggs at trick/treaters.

Shopping List

1. Toothpaste
2. Sunglasses
3. Bread
4. Weed
5. Deodorant
6. Pepto Bismal
7. Drinks
8. Handcuffs
9. Razor Blades
10. Bullets
11. Tape
12. Garbage Bags
13. Map
14. Gun
15. Knife
16. Flashlight
17. Mags
18. Soap
19. Glycerin
20. Baking Soda

I'm planning a weekend with my brother and his friends in a few weeks. Never can be too careful.

*21. Tracking device attached to my body if I'm left in the middle of the woods choking on my blood, so my friends will be able to find me.

My brother and I have been kind of distance lately. I talked to him yesterday for awhile and he wanted me to come along with his friends "camping in the middle of nowhere" as he called it. So what kind of friends can crazy psychotic person have? I just get this weird feeling about the whole thing. Just imagine me but a little more crazy with dangerous things. What's the worse that can happen, death? Bring it

It's supposed to be Halloween weekend. I'm leaving Thursday night and I should be there Friday morning and leave Sunday morning and arrive back in one piece or "in one piece" Sunday night. I'm like really freakin out. With the whole restraining order thing that happened and was dropped, he's been kind of on edge. And put Halloween in the mix. A part of me can't wait, but another part of me wants to keep one eye open that weekend. But it's my brother, what's the worst that can happen? It's my brother, what's the worst that will happen?