Here's a picture of me about a couple of years ago
Its been 2 years since I started talking about my life here on this blog. It's been an eventful couple of years here. I met a lot of great people who were with me through my ups and down. I might not say it but it does mean a lot to me. Sometimes one simple comment can break me out of a slump.
I guess I seemed angry when I first started blogging. The anger turned into sadness and then depression. I had nobody to call my own. Shutting myself away from others was who I was. Depression made it's way into humor. Humor has always been my way of getting people off the subject of "my feelings". As long as I told a joke then people would just forget about my depression. Years of doing that just made me used to it. But anger is depressions twin and I battled them both together on and off. Happiness eventually made its way back. Met and kept a girlfriend that didn't try to hurt me physically or mentally. I had to look in the mirror to believe I was actually smiling at my life. And for awhile, I thought I could do it, but depression forced itself back in again last year, but I'm glad my girlfriend is trying her best to bring my smile back.
Now as I look back on my life, I sense things aren't any better. I met a person today that put some prospective on my life. A person that I see a few times a week and talk for a couple of minutes but never anything serious. I try to keep my depression to myself to make sure nobody knows but somehow I think he sensed it. He told me that his life was on the wrong path. He joined the church of Satan and worshipped him. He would constantly cut his wrist. He's been to jail countless amount of times for theft. He told me that he told his family that he was moving to a new job but in reality he was planning on killing himself. As he stood on the bridge prepared to jump he asked what else is left for him to do now? One voice told him to die while the other told him he has a new purpose of living. He listened to the voice of life and ever since he's devoted his life to religion. Somehow in a weird way I feel like he's some kind of guardian angel or something. Whenever I'm down, I see him again eventually like today. He told me that he'll pray for me today.
I don't want to know my future. I fear that I already know my outcome which is just fueling the depression. If I don't change path soon, I won't see myself in 2008. I know my friends are making sure that doesn't happen. But I feel optimistic. I can sense the cloudy skies are clearing. As life starts crumbling down on me, I'm smiling because I know sometime soon I'll be at peace once again.
Here's me last night. Sorry for the sad post. Here's to many more years, please.
