thoughts

I've been going through this awhile now. I chose to keep it out of my posts because it happens for like maybe a half hour then I'm back to normal, somewhat. I keep getting these ideas of death. I see a knife I just imagine just slitting my wrist right there. I have this vision of just jumping off a big building. The fall would just give me my brief moment of happiness. I start thinking about all the negative things in my life and how much they outweigh all the good. I know very seriously that if I was in a really serious accident that I may live or die in, then I would not fight to stay alive. It's just when I have time to myself I just keep thinking and thinking and over thinking until I snap out of it and snap back into reality and go on with the rest of my day. This is not a cry for help so don't worry about me. I usually have a way of just keeping my depression on the inside but somedays my friends and coworkers can immediately point out something is going on, especially my friends since they know I have a history of it. I decided to write about it now so I can just get everything out of my mind and into words. I do feel a little better about things now.